Growing up in a toxic home was well... How should I put this? Awful.

I learned things I shouldn't have learned I had felt dark feelings I was never suppose to feel. When I was eight I learned that if I just killed them all I would be free. When I was twelve I thought killing myself would set me free. For years I have thought about ways to earn my own freedom to the point I became obesssed with it. And then I thought that education would set me free etc.

But on the flip side I didn't know a damn thing about love bonds and friendships. My views on at least friendships were very simplistic and naive. I just thought people become your friends by simply talking to them and I could never do that. My family taught me to simply fear people and in a time where there were cases of child abduction it was a perfect time to make as someone without friends as possible. Especially when they hated the idea of having friends. I could never allow them to visit or to play and I was always in a constant time schedule. So I had no choice but to be left alone or whatnot.