That feeling, when you hurt so much. It feels like you're drowning and at the same time, you're watching other people having fun. All you can do is stare at them with jealousy, wonder about how wonderful it must be.

How great it is not to have any worries.

How amazing it would be to just forget everything.

How splendid it would be to just... have fun.

When the emotions take over, you just don't want people to fret over you and cause such a commotion. You don't want people to notice that maybe perhaps, you are feeling this way.

Maybe you're embarrassed or just plain irritated, you don't want them to know. You just want to shut them out.

But, sometimes, there's this overwhelming yearning to reach out. Just for that one person to notice. Just someone to notice that you're struggling. You just want to scream out loud that you are not actually okay. That you're not actually fine.

And then, it frustrates you. How you have two yearnings that contradict each other. It just annoys you so much. Why am I feeling this way? Which do I really want? For people to just think I'm 'fine' and continue on normally? Or for someone to actually notice me?

Yes. There are people who feel this way. And it's real. It's all real.

The struggle is real.

And it fucking hurts