(Unedited)
(FYI- Seth is biologically female but identifies and is often considered and referred to as non-binary)

we can't always be what we want to be

I cried as I sat on the uneven cement of the back alley. I purposely sat behind the garbage bin so that no one would see me, ignoring the horrific smell that poured out of them.
The wire fence look like a grey sheet in front of me, blurred from the tears in my eyes.
The water that formed made my eyes hurt, making me cry exponentially more.

I just sat there and cried for a while. My phone in my pocket was silent, my messages failing to send to my fr-
...
My ex-friends.

The alley grew darker. A cold chill snuck up my spine. I snapped my head up. I looked around until my eyes landed on the figure that was miraculously balanced on a small ledge of brick on one of the building walls, the fire escape to the building almost completely obscuring their dark figure. Despite the dark that hid their face, their gleaming smile shined in what seemed like pitch black.

I glared at them from the other wall, as they stood a good 20 feet off the ground. My tears were stalling out due to my rage that was bubbling up inside me and the nervousness that started to carve a pit in my stomach.

A faint light illuminated from just below my eyesight. I only dared to glance down at my hands which had a very intense shifting color.
The magic flowed in a levitated liquid manner, the color changing in and out of rich and dark blues, purples and maybe some pinks or reds every now and then.

"You better have a damn good reason for being here"
I hissed.

The figure tisked, their head ducking a bit and their smile closing as they laughed a bit.

"Aww, how rude. I'm hurt. Is that any way to greet your bestest friend?"
The.... creature asked rhetorically, their smirk resonating in their voice to the point I wouldn't have to look to know they were smiling again.

"You are not my friend! You're a monster!" I screamed, taking a half step forward defensively.

The being frowned, then jumped down, their cape flying up behind them, then slowly falling to the ground as they landed. Now in front of me, they stepped forward. I felt as if I was frozen when they reached out to me and their fingers grazed my drying cheeks. My magic flickered out. I felt uncomfortably pleasant tingles travel down my jaw.

Now closer, I could see their features. Green hair that fell almost over their left eye, though the right side of their head was closely shaved. Lips covered in green lipstick that matched their hair color. Their eyes were a silver that matched the metal band they wore around their neck and the silver accents on the black-red cape and hat they wore.
The hat itself was a brown and looked similar to that of something a cowboy or cowgirl might wear, with a feather in it once again matching their hair color.

"Oh but darling, you forget, you are too."
They cooed.

I had a second that my mind blanked and my body became ridged.

"You made me this way!" I yelled, wrenching my head out of their hold, and punching them in the stomach with a magic covered fist.
With a grunt, they went flying back and landed against the wall opposing the one behind me.

They peeled off the wall, almost falling to the ground, but catching themselves in a kneeling position. Slowly, they got up.

"Well, you've gotten more powerful, I'll give you that. But your power and your color does not mean you're a caster, sweetheart."
They stated, looking at their nails leisurely as if their worlds held no wait.
"You know, I was rather surprised you took the deal. It was almost admirable fr-"

"Shut up!" I hollered, my magic spiking and tears starting again.
"I had no choice, you know I did!"

"Did you?"
They asked, stalking closer, but staying careful to stay out of reach.

I tried to push down the memories. I did. But nevertheless, they came full blast.

~•~

I was walking alone along the forest edge, watching the students play. The field was lush green grass and was sunlit, contrasting the dead dry leave and shadowed forest. I looked down at my feet. My toes were just inches short of the green grass that was taunting me with it's gentle dancing in the wind.

My eyes locked on a group of seven people, three male and four female. They, unlike the other groups, simply say under a tree rather than run around like the rest of the student body.

I watched fondly as they laughed and conversed. I allowed myself to drift over to the trees just behind them. I listened for their words, but I was just out of ear shot. I decided to climb the tree so I could see them clearer.

I was intrigued when one of the guy's eyes began to glow and he raised his arms with now had a dark blue shifting around them. A creature, a blue colt pranced around the group. It quickly dispersed in a wispy blue smoke that left the rest of the group cheering.

I felt my own jaw drop in surprise.

I walked closer. One of the girls hopped onto her feet. She closed her eyes and a purple hue glowed around her arms. A creature formed below her, a purple serpent of sorts. She giggled when the animal disappeared and the others were left awestruck.

I leaned closer from my spot in the trees. Another one of the girls raised her hands which were alit with a light blue. My curiosity peaked. I have the powers too, and my powers looks like theirs! Can I make animals?

I shut my eyes and raised my hands. I concentrated as hard as I could to condense my magic into a form, thinking of a bird. I heard a chirp. I opened my eyes to see a silver bird in front of me. I grinned. In my glee, I lost my balance and toppled. Everything seemed to be in slow motion as I fell off the branch, then time caught back up to me as a scream was torn from my throat.

I landed with a thud on the ground, the shock rattling in my skull, my back and limbs ached and my vision swam.

Next thing I knew, the kids leaning over me.

"Oh my gosh, are you okay?"
The girl with blonde hair and green eyes asked.

One of the guys, one with black hair and brown eyes with sharp features leaned over now as well.
"Were you in the trees?"

I sat up and blinked. The silver bird landed next to me and tweeted.

The kids screamed. An adult came over.

My fear spiked. What was happening? Why are they scared? I'm just like them! I have the same powers!

The bird chirped, but the sweet tone shifted into a growl. I looked over to see a black canine, dripping with something that looked like black oil. I screamed at it myself, falling back to land on my arms. The monster grew in size, making things worse. The canine started coughed. It hacked up a blob of black which landed on the ground in front of it, and quickly grew into another canine.

This was not supposed to happen!

The adult stepped forward and ushered the students behind her.

"Begone demon!"
She yelled.

There was a blinding light, then a searing pain in my chest and head. My skin felt as if it was on fire. I looked down and through the light, I saw my arms and legs burning, deteriorating and smoke rising.
The black canines howled in agony as they began to collapse in on themselves.

I got up and ran. The pain in my head stopped, but my chest still aches of heartbreak.
I just ran and cried.

I eventually found a clearing in the forest. The sun was setting, making the forest appear darker than ever. And more lonely.
My arms and legs still stung and faint smoke rose from them, carrying the noxious smell of  burning flesh with it.

Suddenly, as the sun completely set, a heard footsteps. I whipped around.

"W-who's there?" I asked tentatively.

To my surprise, a figure walked into sight. They had their head ducked to the point that their facial features were hidden by their hat, which had a green feather in it.

"You know," they spoke, their voice quite feminine. "That was very bold of you to approach the casters."
They looked up, their silver eyes boring into mind.
"Bold but stupid."

"I-i ju-just wanted t-to be like them." I cried, my chest growing heavy and my throat closing off from the distraught.

"I can help you."
The figure spoke.

I looked up and wiped my eyes.
"R-really?"

"Of course darling."
They looked up, their silver eyes meeting mine.
"Just imagine! All the power, all the fame when you became the most powerful caster of all time. You'd never be left in the dark, never alone."

In fairytale fashion, a silver glowing scroll presented itself to me. It told me of how they would help me, if I promised to sacrifice one of the casters. If I did this, then they would help me harness a caster's power.

I looked up at the being.

"Deal?"

"Deal."
I said affirmatively.

They grinned and grabbed the feather from their hat and handed it to me. They told me to sign in my blood, binding me to the contract. I didn't see how this could be a negative. I would get the powers, I didn't know any of them so it wouldn't be hard for me to abduct one. I would be respected. I could raise to the most powerful being and everyone would be my friend! I'd never have to be alone again!
I slit my hand, hissing in pain quietly, before signing my name in cursive lettering.

She smiled.

"I will go for now. I will meet you again soon.  Nice to make your acquaintance Jilaiya"

~•~

I looked at the girl who was sitting alone.
A small yellow bird flapped around in front of her. My powers had gotten significantly more powerful and under control. She was in the forest, alone.
Time to do this.

I tried to approach her as quietly as possible.
I landed my foot wrong and snapped a spare branch. The girl instantly jumped to her feet and turned to face me, the bird dispersing.

"Who are you?" She growled, yellow starting to gather around her left hand.

I just grinned. I was so close to getting what I want.

"Your worst nightmare"
I smirked.
I lifted my hands and silver magic started swirling around me. The girl gasped and her eyes widened. She summoned a bubbles around herself. Easy. I summoned a black blob on the ground. Her face was one of puzzlement.

The blob pulsates for a few seconds. She glared and formed a bow and arrow with her magic. She released the arrow, aiming for me. I smiled as the black blob transformed into a canine. A towering wolf-based creature with no visible eyes and was about my size.

The arrow struck it in the shoulder. It let out a howl of pain momentarily, but when the arrow was absorbed by black, it started snarling. I summoned two more canines.

Two of them circled the girl. Black tendrils reached out and attached themselves to the bubble of magic she had around herself. She screamed at the action.

The canines stalked closer and closer as her bubble closed in on her. Her face showed her strain to keep her defensive magic. Suddenly she let her bubble shatter and yelled, jumping at me a glowing sword in her hand.

I smiled and clapped my hands. The canine that had been waiting at my side jumped and struck her from the side, bitting down on her neck. It thrashed her around violently until her struggles stopped and her chocked screams ceased.

I dismissed two do the canines but kept the third to carry the girl. Now all I have to do is find Seth.

~•~

I checked my phone again for the time.
11:14
I checked the message from Ashton. He said to meet here at 11:15, that it was important.
Where were they?

"I can't believe you!"

I heard behind me. I turned and saw Ashton his sister Ariana, Silvia, Jacklyn, and Triston before me.

Ariana looked terrified, Silvia looked as if she might cry, Jacklyn looked pissed, Triston horrified and Ashton looked as if he'd kill me. He was holding something in his hands. It was-

I gasped.

My diary.

"Hey, I've been missing that, where did you find it?" I asked, trying to seem nonchalant about the horror that set in my stomach.

"That doesn't matter you bi-"

"We read it, Julia. If we should even call you that. Perhaps we should call you Jilaiya. Seems much more fitting."
Silvia hissed.

"You did what!?" I screamed.
As scared as I was, I was also pissed.
"That's personal information! You have no right to read that!" I yelled.

"And you have no right to drain us of our powers!" Jacklyn exclaimed.

"Guys maybe we should just cal-"

"Shut up Ariana!" Ashton yelled.

"Hey, don't treat your sister like that!" I yelled, taking a step forward.

"Stay back you demon!" Ashton screamed at me.

'demon'
That was my trigger word. He was in for it.

I jumped at him and pinned him to the ground. The book went flying out of his hands as we both clawed at each other.

I was torn off of him by someone else, who was holding my hands behind my back. Given the strength, I could tell it was Triston.

"Julia, stop it! Where are your senses!?"
He hollered over my screaming.

Ariana walked over and picked up the book. She opened to a random page.

"First day. I can't wait. I already made the sacrifice and got enrolled in the school. My plan is in action."

She flipped to another page.

"Today I met some people. I don't remember their names really, just the one guy's name is Triston. They seemed nice. Shame that."

She flipped a couple pages.

"Today I started draining their powers. It made them all tired and loopy. It was amusing, to say the least. Hopefully the payoff will outweigh the cons of  dealing with practically drunk teens though."

She flipped again.

"Today I killed for the first time. Sarah Bisher. I can't let that happen again. The others almost found out."

She looked up and just sobbed.

"You killed her!? You were behind Sarah's death!"
Jacklyn fumed.

"I didn't mean to, okay?" I cried, ducking my head. My legs collapsed beneath me, Triston letting me go.
"It was an accident. I had just become good friends with you guys and I felt bad so I didn't drain you guys and instead chose a new target. I wasn't able to restrain my powers and it ended up not just draining part of her powers, but killing her entirely."
I sobbed.
"I swear I didn't mean to! I jus-"

"Just what!" Silvia screamed.
"You just didn't care! You're just weak! You're just heartless!"

Everyone was screaming or crying at this point, if not both. My heart felt ripped open, my stomach felt twisted, my limbs weak, my vision blurred and a pounding headache coming on.

"Guys, please forgive me I-"

"Forgive you? How can we forgive a demon like you!?" Ashton said.

Silvia turned away.

Jacklyn just glared at me.

Ariana ducked her head, unable to look at me.

I turned to Triston with desperate eyes.

"I'm sorry, Julia. B-but I can't just forgive you for what you did. A-and this is hard because-"
His voice started to break.
"- I-I had a crush on you. I w-was planning to confess. B-but knowing you drained our powers, that you killed someone, t-that you're not even a caster. I just... it's too much. I'm sorry." He cried, turning his back to me.

Ashton glared at me.

"Go now and never come back. Before I decided to kill you or get an Elite."

I just continued sobbing.
"A-Ashton please, I ca-"

"You can do nothing to fix what you did.
Go now."
He said, summoning a purple rapier in his hand.

I scrambled to my feet. Triston glanced to me again. Then I turn and ran for my life.

~•~

I was crying. I sunk down to my knees and hid my face in my hands.

"Oh Jilaiya."

Seth said, almost sounding like there was compassion in their voice. I just cried. Seth sat next to me and I flinched when they rested a hand on my cheek. I stopped crying out of shock. I looked into their silver eyes.

I don't know what came over me. I hated Seth. They made me like this, they made my life the mess it is and they're the reason I'm so messed up. But in the moment, they were all I knew. I collapsed onto Seth, grabbing their shirt in my fists and crying into their shoulder.

They wrapped their arms around me.
"Shh. Shh. It'll be okay. I'm here and I'll protect you, okay? But you have to promise not to run away again."

I nodded.

"Jilaiya?"

"I-I pr-promise." I said through my silent sobs.

"Good." Seth whispered as they played with my hair.