*warings*
- suicidal thoughts and/or actions
- overdosing
-hospital environment
-use of profanity
- (and for those sensitive to it) kissing

The first thing i found was my conscious. The bed I laid on felt weird.

'Where am I?' I questioned myself. 'Am I dead finally?'

I tried to move and that's when the pain shot through me. I was definitely alive, that was for sure. I tried to scream due to the pain, but it came out more as a whine. The pain dulled. I wanted to open my eyes but my body deemed it impossible. Hands wrapped around mine. Muffled sounds came to my ears- a constant beeping and a weak but excited, no, relived voices.

The two sounds slowly became clear, hitting my ears at a deafening volume. The beeping would've driven my insane had it not been for the voice that I heard sticking out among the others. Colin, from my right.

I grabbed his hand as firmly as I could muster at the time, which was probably pretty close to just gently curling my fingered around his. I turned my head to him, the pain finally dull enough allow me to move. I slowly opened my eyes. In the moment, he was just as handsome as I remeber, despite the tear lines, bags under his eyes and slightly ruffled hair.

"Karla. My god." He lifted a hand to caress my cheek. The warmth from his hand was enough to make me want to cuddle with him. But I was restrained my my fatigue, pain and the presence of others in the room.
"I-I can't even. Yo-you're okay. It's alright. I-it's all g-g-going to b...it's going t-to b-b-b" he choked on his words and drew his hand away from my face to cover his own.

"Karla. Karla honey . You're alive! We all thought you w-were..." my mom cried as she inserted herself between Colin and I. My father stood with a hand on her shoulder. He had no viable tears and said nothing, but seems to show a hint of emotion behind those blue eyes.

"Karla better?" Caren, my little four year old sister asked from somewhere below the edge of my bed.
I watched as Jack, Ivy and Daney came up behind Colin, who I could barely see over my parents. I tried to say his name, but struggled to get my first syllables out.

"C-c-ca-cal"
I stopped myself. Everyone was staring at me with some sort of anticipation. I continued to press on.
"C-col-Colin-lin. Colin." I said, sounding it out like a baby first learning to read.
My parents slightly backed up and Colin was immediately at my side, taking my hand in his.

All the sudden more people came in. There was more talking. The beeping was drowned out. It made my head pound. I couldn't help the tears that's slipped from my shut eyes. I felt Colin tense a bit.

"Hey, everyone shut up." Colin hollered, careful not to be too much louder than those in conversation.

Everyone fell into a silence. I opened my eyes then slowly pushed myself up, ignoring the pain. Some machines attached to me that I had not noticed before made me uncomfortable and limited my movement further. The people in addition to my family and friends included three doctors and another lady.

One of the doctors, easily pinpointable as the oldest of the three, spoke up. She hard dark skin, chocolate-colored eyes and her black hair.

"I think Karla needs some time." She said.

"But she's my daughter! I need to be in here wit-"

"Please Mrs.Henry. Please do understand that we know you love your daughter but you have to leave. Just until she gets her bearings. Y-"

"You have no right to deny me to-"

"M-Mom." I mumbled. Somehow over her screaming, she heard me and turned to me. She pushed Colin aside yet again and put a hand on my head.

"What is it you need honey?"

"M-m-Mom."

"Yes, I'm here Karla."

"P-pls l-lev." I said, unable to form the correct sounds and words.

She was taken aback for a moment before  she scoffed quietly and silently leaving, my father and two of the nurses following closely behind. My friends all looked at eachother, then attempted to leave as the doctors had suggested.

"W-wait" I mumbled.

I didn't want them to leave. Not yet.
They al turned on their heels back to face me. I lifted a hand as much as I could to try to call them over. Daney turned to the remaining nurse and blonde-haired lady.

"Can we have some alone time? Just us?"

"I don't think-" she cut herself off with a silence.
"I-I suppose. You can have some time if she wants you here."

They turned to me for my verdict. I nodded slowly. The nurse did something to the machine, flipping it off. The beeping stopped, putting me a bit more at ease. She quickly disconnected me from anything unnecessary, which was all but one thing. She flashed a weary smile then left, the other lady behind her.

As soon as the door closed, Colin's lips were on mine. He had a hand on each side of my head as he kissed my passionately. He eventually pulled away. My eyes flashed to the others. Daney looked as if she might explode, Jack grinned and Ivy just looked appalled and maybe even slightly disgusted.

"Never do anything like this again," Colin said firmly, squeezing my hand, demanding my attention. I looked him in the eyes shamefully.

I can't believe it. I had actually tried to overdose. I remembered how it had gone down. My dad had yelled at me again after I had had a shitty week of school. I cried for a good while before realizing I had the ability to make it all stop if I really wanted. I just needed a way to. I snuck downstairs and creaked open the medical cabinet. I found a medicine that said it could be lethal if overdosed. I had emptied the whole thing. I only took ten minutes it felt for it all to fall apart. Then everything had faded to black. It had almost worked. I started crying, bringing my knees to my chest and ducking my head.

"Colin, why did you yell at her you fuck!" Daney yelled, instantly at my side and trying to take his hand away form mine. In retaliation, I gripped his hand harder, to show I wanted the physical contact. It made me fee slightly safer to have contact with someone.

"I-I'm s-s-so sorry." I choked out. I raised my head, allowing them to see my already slightly reddened eyes. I was truly sorry. Not just for trying to commit suicide, but for how I treated all of them. I had bullied Jack, fought Ivy, taken Daney's boyfriend because I thought he was cute and I had blackmailed Colin. And at the time of each event they hadn't known my reasons. How could they care at all about a worthless piece of shit like me?

Colin carefully settled next to me and wrapped his arms around me, careful of where I was still attached to machinery. Ivy sat at my feet, leaving Jack standing and Daney crouched at my other side.

" I understand if you want to leave me. I just drag you all down" I cried, gasping for breath slightly now.

"Darling, please. We all love you." Ivy sassed.

"Despite you being a total bitch sometimes. But aren't we all?" Jack asked rhetorically with a grin that supported his joking tone.

"And we could never leave you." Daney exclaimed.

Colin leaned over and kissed my forehead.

"Especially me." He mumbled, the sound resonating in his chest enough for me to feel.

"I love you all so much!" I cried as a warm feeling came pouring over me.

A little while later, they had to leave, for reasons I was unaware of. I allowed myself to sleep. One might be worried in this situation they may never wake up again, but for me- I knew I wouldn't. Not as long as I had a reason to live for. I wouldn't attempt suicide again. It was too unfair to them. And to me I realized, for once not minding the self-centered thought as I dozed off.