[Tales of a ✨Background Bitch✨]

Summary: A short look into a day in the life of Danny, and his brief observations of the world around him.. As told by Danny himself.
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You see a lot of shit when you're a Background Bitch.

For example, my roommates, Salem and Leon, are arguing. Salem asked Leon to get something from the top shelf, but instead of just doing it, Leon points out that Salem ALSO has magic and can get it himself just fine. And Salem refuses to acknowledge that, his main point being that he is "Short and cute and *you're* closer to the shelf so just grab the thing I asked you to to grab please!!!"

I stare blankly at the two as they pointlessly argue. I feel a headache coming on as I walk past them and climb onto the counter. I prop myself on my knees and grab onto the cabinet for support as I get the object of all this chaos. I lightly set it on the counter, and slowly- *slowly* get down. Simple. I, a normal unawakened Human man, has accomplished what two bickering mages couldn't within only a minute. I am clearly overpowered.

"Dudes."
I say simply, putting my hand between them to interrupt. They both stop for a moment to look at me, and I place the... What even is this? Is it edible? No clue. But whatever it is, I place it in Salem's hand, and then exit. I open the fridge, grab the ketchup, and silently leave.

I like to think there is some omnipotent presence laughing in a tired stupor over the concept of some normal ass guy cryptically slipping of the kitchen with ketchup after singlehandedly stopping what could have been a bloody battle between two overpowered and dramatic mages in the same kitchen.

Kyon waves to me briefly as I pass by him. He's drinking coffee with what I *hope* is almond milk, at the table. I throw up a peace sign and then saunter off into my room. Saunter? Is that even the right word? Probably not, but it feels right. Gives some nice pizazz. ~Saunter~.

"Hello Relish. How was Nascar?'"
You ask, pulling up a chair by the terrarium I had set up for my lizard. I think Relish is a gecko of some kind, though I'm not sure. I grab it's feed from the drawer as I set the ketchup to the side. The tiny green lizard scutters around on cypress mulch I had set out within as a substrate. It moves in circles like a happy dog.
"Ah, I see, I see."
I nod my head intentively as I lift the screen cover, and place the feed inside the food dish.

I'm going to be honest, I have no idea whats in the feed, but its what Gwen had recommended when I asked her what kind of things Relish would need. It seems to work just fine(plus it appears to like said feed), and a recent trip to the Vet told me it was A-Okay for Relish to eat it so... Alls well that ends well.

I place the screen cover back on and watch silently as Relish scurries to the food dish and eats. I think "This is the pinnacle of entertainment" as I open the ketchup bottle and take a swig. "Like a Barbarian" as Gwen might tell me.

It's funny that people look in absolute disgust as I drink ketchup from the bottle. Absolutely hilarious. Even funnier that it's my one defining trait as a human being and everyone just accepts it after being around me enough.

-

Class drones on as usual, Mr. Venus going on some kind of tangent about Of Mice And Men and the deep philosophical meaning of the story. I sit there and pretend as if I didn't read the story for the assignment, not understand the message at all, and wept grown man tears as the one dude killed his Autistic Coded buddy. Barely remembering that said Autistic Coded Buddy had killed a woman in cold blood, of course.

I decide to tune out Mr. Venus' passionate report on the story, and look around the classroom instead. My eyes find their way to observe Kiara. She has this class too, huh?

I wonder briefly where all those scars came from. They scatter across her arms almost randomly, and I wonder if the one on her lip had hurt when she got it. It seems to have been long healed and faded now, but I can imagine the discomfort one would face after receiving something like that. I would end up licking my lips and the wound so much it would never have time to heal.

I watch as she picks at the hairties on her wrist, brows furrowing as she zeroes in on the pastel green one, which has likely seen better days. Given the way it hangs on by the literal thread and not even the elastic for about an inch. Her blunt nails pick at it absentmindedly, almost strumming it rhythmically. Interesting.

I turn my attention elsewhere once more, and catch myself caught in the gaze of some doe eyed classmate I don't know the name of. He appears to be blanking out, though we are caught in this accidental eye contact battle. I wonder if this is how the player of Pokemon games feel as they come upon a trainer they've never fought before in the field.

I end up trying to keep my eyes open in a silent staring contest. I feel my eyes begin to water and then... He blinks. I finally allow myself to blink and give my left hand a slight victory tug. I won, fuck yeah. Good game, sucka. Meet your new accidental staring contest champion, me. The ketchup man. ✨

-

At around lunchtime, Salem had dragged me out to behind the school where he showed me a Vernal Pond. He rambles on about the tadpoles and fairy shrimp currently swimming around in the water. I'm not fully understanding what he's saying, but I nod along like I'm listening as I crouch down and observe the pond.

"Very cool."
I say calmly as I lightly touch one of the orange leaves in the pond. The slight force allows it to move forward.
"Very cool indeed! Hey, did you know..."
The redhead continues to ramble on. I wonder briefly if he'll be studying vernal ponds once he's graduated and successfully become a Marine Biologists. I wonder if I'll be able to pay attention to any thesis he may publish later down the line.

Salem is crouched next to me, his weight being supported by his feet- to which he is rocking back and forth to the tempo of his speech patterns. If he rocks any more, he might just fall into the pond. I hope he doesn't, he would be crushed if he ended up hurting any tadpoles.

-

I've never had much interest in magic, but among the optional classes I could take to accomplish all the credits I need to graduate, Magic Science Engineering seemed interesting enough. It was specifically a class of how Magic and Science could mix, and how many modern day Magic Tools can be made and channeled, even without an awakened Mage or someone of supernatural origin.

"Now! Ricardo's Theory suggests that everything has magic in it, and theoretically, if we break something down to a certain degree- what will happen?"
The teacher asks, looking among the folks in class. "Marilyn, yes."
The teacher calls on this Lamb Ginjinka who's raised their hand.
"We could tap into its magic components and trigger a magic reaction. However, we would need some sort of conductor to do it safely."
They answer, apparently having memorized the work from the night before.

I know 'cause I memorized it too. I read it cover to cover and stayed up into the late hours of the night reading it out to Relish like some over complicated bed time story.

"Correct! Now, we are working on an experiment now. Like we can make electricity with a Potato, we will be triggering a magical reaction with a papaya!"

Ah yes, the Papaya. Scientifically proven to have a high content of Magic components. Much like Acai, or Rosemary. Wonderful.

-

After school, Gwen had asked me if I could come with her and Pisces to dinner. I was going to say no, but they told me Percy was paying so I just couldn't pass up the opportunity for free food. My wallet has been spared from my lack of cooking ability today. Perhaps there is a God.

I think I blanked out as we entered the Majesty and ordered. Percy whined about how high the prices were, and I kind of just dissociated as I read the menu. The waiter comes up and asks us what we want and its this- oh, its Luna.

"What do you recommend?"
I ask her as the rest of my party discusses amongst themselves. Luna thinks for a moment and grins. "The cinnamon sticks."
She answers confidently. I nod, and just order that. Cinnamon sticks are fine. I also ask for apple juice 'cause... That's all I can think of that pairs decently with cinnamon.

Do I need to expand my pallet? Probably, but not tonight.

I watch as Gwen mercilessly orders the House Special, to which I can see Percy mouth 'WHY' at. Pisces, in the meanwhile, tells me about this piece they're painting based around one of the cryptic legends of the school. What they imagine Arakuna's catacombs might be like. I nod, listening with great interest.

Yes, my friend's sibling. Tell me about this burnt sienna that you're mixing with ultramarine blue. And about shading and lighting. Absolutely lovely.

-

Gwen and I wave goodbye to Pisces and Percy and then I walk her to her Dorm.
"Thanks man. Don't get murdered, okay?"
She laughs as she waves me off.

I inhale the night air deeply as I walk, hands in my pocket. The School Garden catches my eye, it being the middle point between the three dorm complexes. I stop by the gate for a minute, and crouch down to look at the flower. If I recall correctly, its an Astrial Ao.

They have high magic contents, from what I read, but are incredibly difficult to dissect. I think there was some kind of a study I read where an Awakened Scientist's magic was sealed during a dissection. So... I guess it has the opposite effect if you do it wrong. Instead of more magic, it just... Takes it away.

My fingers brush against the soft blue petals. It's innocent enough, but if someone wanted to, they could weapons it right here on campus. Theres a huge population of Magic Students within Arakuna, it would be catastrophic.

I sigh as I stand up.
"Alright, thats enough thinking tonight."
I mutter, walking back to the dorms. I do a bit of studying, just enough to get me by for the next day. I feed Relish, and then... I allow sleep to take me.

Hm.

~Fin~

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Author's Context: This story features characters from my Arakuna RP, and specifically follows a supporting character, Danny.

I wrote this story while surviving on very little sleep, and the name of the story very clearly reflects the unhinged state of my mind. However, it's funny so I'm keeping it. ✨