Feeling You

I was woken up by a soft caress, where light fingertips trailed down from the top of my shoulder to the base of my arm. The feeling created warm, tingling sensation in my skin as it continued repeatedly.

"Good morning, beautiful." A soft whisper blew pass my ear, leaving goose bumps behind my neck.

I turn around the bed, rolling over to face the person in question. "Good morning to you too." I replied with a light smile.

"What do you want for breakfast today?" he asked as he slowly pulled me by my waist, bringing me closer to him.

I paused for a moment, trying to look like I was debating on something. "Uhm... I think eggs and bacon would do the trick." I said nonchalantly.

"When did you start choosing eggs and bacon for breakfast?" he asked a hint of smile in his voice.

"I don't know... I feel like being generous today and have you cooked something different than the usual pancake and maple syrup." I said lightly, cupping his face in my hands and smile.

"I'll take your word for it... No backing down this time or any pleas to cook you your pancakes." He said sternly, but chuckled after as he slowly eases out and away from me. I felt the edge of the bed sunk low as he sat there for a moment. "I'll start the bath for you before making breakfast. You can rest for a few minutes until the tub is full." He added before he stood up from the bed.

When I heard a soft creek of a door in the direction of the bathroom, after which running water followed, I stretched myself in bed and nested in my pillow for a few minutes until sleep took over me again.

"Your bath is ready." His voice woke me up, followed by his light touch in my back, since I was lying face down.

I twisted myself to face him, slowly rolling into a sitting position at the edge of the bed and let out a huge yawn, covering my mouth as I do so. "Thank you." I said to him softly with a smile.

"Do you want me to help you with anything else?" he asked pointedly, yet his voice has a teasing edge to it.

"I'm good. You can start cooking that breakfast. I'll be hungry after that bath." I replied, smirking.

After I heard the light click of the door as his footsteps fade, I stood up and paced myself towards the bathroom. When I reach the door, I grab for the door knob and turned it. Entering the bathroom, I took small strides towards the direction of the tub. In a few steps, my knee hit the marble edge. I kneeled down and put my hand on the water, feeling its warmth that reaches to my elbow. I took my clothes off after a few seconds, leaving them on a pile beside the tub. I stood up when I was already completely naked and slowly deep my toes, one after the other, inside the tub until I was completely submerge with warm water.

I lay down there for a few short moments, letting the warmness of the water saturates me. I, then, turned off the still running water using my foot. I didn't notice that I took a nap when a soft creek of a door woke me up.

"If you stay there a moment longer, you would have wrinkled up like an old lady."

Soft, cool hands lightly touched my wrist that was place at the edges of the tub. Slowly, he helps me stand up and get out of the water, and wraps me around a dry towel.

"Sorry. The warm water got to me." I admitted sheepishly as I let him help me dry myself.

He lead me back to the bedroom, his arms lightly wrapped around my waist as his other arm holds my hand, guiding me.

"I'm fine... You don't need to be clingy." I stated when we reached by the closet, slightly annoyed by his presence.

"Sorry..." he apologized softly as he let go of me. "I'll be in the kitchen, setting the table. Call me if you need anything." He added his voice slightly faint as his footsteps gets further and further away from me.

I stood there for a moment, letting out a sigh. Though I don't feel any aversion on him for being so cautious around me, it sometimes gets annoying that he couldn't trust me to do these things for myself. I grab some casual clothes - a jean and a shirt - and crunched down to grab my walking shoes, after I got a sock on the drawer in my left. When I felt that I may look decent enough to go out for a walk, I slowly paced myself towards the kitchen. Before I could reach its threshold, I could already smell the freshly cooked eggs and the crispy, newly fried bacon that lingered in the air. Though I prefer pancakes for breakfast, there is nothing more natural for a breakfast meal than bacon and eggs.

"That smells good." I remarked as I reach the threshold leading to the kitchen.

"Take a seat. Breakfast is almost ready." He said as he walked towards me, guiding me to my seat.

After a few minutes of waiting, I took small sips of orange juice that he had given me as he lightly sets the plate in front of me and for himself. We started to eat together right after he settled down and talked about nonessential things. When we finish, he gathered up the plate and stood up, walking towards the sink. A sudden loud bark startled me as my leg came in contact with something furry.

"Hey, Max. Good morning." I cooed, pushing the chair back and patted his head. I slowly scratch his ear and trailed down to his chin, which I knew he loves from the sound of his tapping feet.

"You like that? You like that, do you?" I asked in a playful challenge as I continued petting him.

"Are you going out today?" he asked, reeling me back. I heard a sudden sound of running water, understanding that he was doing the dishes.

"Uhm..." I replied in agreement, nodding my head, yet my attention still focus on the dog.

"Do you want me to ask Mrs. Smith to accompany you?" he asked.

"No. I think I'm going to be fine. Besides, Max is with me." I replied him, turning my head in his direction and back to the dog. "Isn't that right, Max? You'll look after me today, right?" I added, asking playfully as I cooed to the dog and caress its fur. In reply, Max barked two times, which made me smile and chuckle.

After that, he remained quiet and didn't press on the matter as he usually does, and continues to wash the dishes. After a few silent moments, with only the sound of running water, I excused myself and head towards the living room with Max trailing behind me. As I settled down on the huge couch, I felt something jump beside me then a nose lightly brush my arm up as a head lean in and rests on my thigh.

"Do you want to go to the park today, Max? I think that park would be nice today." I said softly as I caress the top of his head.

As I sat in the silent room, where you could almost hear a pin drop, I feel a sudden pang of darkness around me; though, it slowly subsides as I continue to caress the fluffy fur beneath my finger tips, the feeling still lingered at the back of my head. Then, to prove myself I wasn't alone, soft, warm, firm arms slowly wrapped me in an embrace from behind. I let out a satisfied sigh as I lean in and smell a familiar scent of sweet dried leaves in autumn.

"Are you thinking about being in the dark again?" His deep, velvet voice whispered in my ear, which sends a tingling sensation from my neck down.

I close my eyes and nodded since I couldn't find my words to say yes. Then, I heard him let out a dissatisfied sigh as he let me go.

"You should tell me these things. I thought we had an agreement." he said and pause for a moment, his voice slightly rising into a higher octave. "If you feel, even the slightest bit of something like that again, you're going to tell me, okay?" he asked, his voice a little softer.

"I didn't really... It wasn't like that... I understand." I stutter, unsure of my words, as I replied.

I heard him let out a frustrated sigh, yet he didn't say anything after that. The room fell silent for a moment until he spoke again to excuse himself to shower and change for work. After he was done and ready to head out, he kisses me lightly in the forehead as goodbye. When I heard a soft slam in the main door, I was finally alone - with the dog - in the house. I stayed there for awhile, listening to some old music as I tried cleaning the house as much as I can. When I finally felt that I didn't make any progress to make the house presentable, I grab my coat in the closet by the main door and called for Max.

For the ten years I have lived in this neighborhood, I had already memorized the street that leads to the park, the nearest grocery store, and my favorite coffee shop. I got a tight grip on Max's leash as we walk on towards the park, as promised. Strolling along the sidewalk, I could feel the warm breeze as summer slowly draws near. The smell of spring is in the air where a sweet scent of flowers in bloom lingers. I can hear a few birds chirping in the trees, which was whooshing silently from a small passing wind. Then, as I reach a few blocks away from the house, I heard a sprinkler go off as a sweet laughter of children playing rise over the sound of nature. I felt a sudden contentment with these little things as I have my usual morning walks. Little details in everyday life that surrounds us which people slowly forgot to stop and appreciate.

Then, a raising sound of laughter, loud conversations, and soft guitar strumming that a person always plays whenever I visited the park, rose as I slowly reach our destination. I allowed Max to pull and guide me towards the park, but held a tight grip on the leash. We slowly walk in a small pace as I smelled fresh water nearby; the small lake in the park was located in the center, surrounded by plain green grass with daffodils. When Max stops walking, I knew we reached our usual spot, which was located under a huge oak tree just a few meters from the small lake. I took off my coat and placed it on the ground, since I forgot to grab a blanket on the way out.

For a while, I just sat there, listening to everything around me; from the sound of a nearby children playing and running around, to the sound of Max's soft breaths beside me. I close my eyes, feeling the wind blew my face from time to time. I didn't know how long I sat there like a statue until a sweet, high pitched voice spoke to me in close proximity.

"What is your dog's name?" the little girl asked, her tone filled with curiosity as she slowly step towards my right side where Max was resting silently.

"His name is Max." I answered her with a smile.

"What about you? What is your name?" she asked, her voice close to me now as I hear her sit down comfortably, grunting as she does so.

"I'm Dianne. How about you? What's your name?" I said softly and asked with a smile.

"I'm Sophie. I'm 7. I think your dog is really cool... I ask my dad to get me one, but he said I wasn't old enough to take care of it. Then, I asked him if I can get one when I'm older, but he said he would see if I wanted to get one then, he'll get me a dog. But, I couldn't wait that long, maybe I wouldn't want it then..." Her high pitched voice softens as she told me her story.

"Well... How about you show your dad that you're dedicated to get a dog and do something responsible so that he'll let you have a dog now." I replied, humoring her.

"Really?" she asked enthusiastically, her voice raising a higher octave. "If I help mom wash the dishes and clean my room, would he get me a dog?" she added excitedly.

"Maybe... You should tell him that... If you do your chores and homework, maybe he'll consider that you're responsible enough to get a dog." I said, smiling at her innocence.

"Okay... I'll go tell dad about that..." she said giddy with joy as she stood up. "Thank you, Ms. Dianne. It was nice meeting you and Max." she added as she stood up and then run away from me.

I smiled towards the direction of her light footsteps, running at top speed. My smiling face still lingered for a moment even though I couldn't anymore hear her footsteps. Feeling quite contented somehow, I stood up and grabbed my coat, whisking it in the air to get the dirt out. I got Max's leash as he stood up, ready to go. I hang the coat in my other arm as the other held on the leash, and we started to walk again. As I continued to walk, listening to my soundings, I was caught off guard when I heard a person call for me. The voice sounded familiar but I couldn't point my finger to who it belong.

"Hey, Dianne. How's it going? You're by yourself today?" a raspy woman's voice asked, her tone sounded worried.

"I'm fine, thank you. I'm with Max here." I answered with a smile, looking down towards Max for a moment and back at her.

"Do you know who I am?" she asked, her voice low, like she was embarrassed to ask this question.

I lightly laugh at her words since it was true. "I don't, I'm sorry." I confessed with a weak smile.

"It's okay... It's Jean, you know, the girl who owns the coffee shop right around the corner..." she said, her voice lightly joking.

"Oh, Jean... How you've been? Sorry, I couldn't visit much these days after my... Uhm... surgery." I slightly hesitated at the end, not really comfortable talking about it.

"I'm fine, and it's alright..." she said softly, trailing off. There was a slight pause of awkward silence between us, which she covered by clearing her throat and changing the subject. "Do you have somewhere else to be? We could catch up and have a coffee." she offered.

"I could go if it's for free... I didn't have much with me." I said shyly, my voice has a teasing edge to it.

"Sure. It's on the house." She replied without a second thought. "Uhm... here..." she paused for a moment and grabbed hold of my arm that has a coat, and got it. And then, she looped her arms around mine.

"So, how's your husband doing?" she asked as reached the threshold of the shop, a wind chime clings as she opened the door.

"He's fine. But, he's slightly off the edge these days... you know, from the surgery..." I answered, feeling slightly vulnerable when I remember our disagreement this morning. I step inside the shop, feeling the cool air of the air condition.

"Yeah, Neil saw him last week in the grocery store. He said that Ethan looks better with an apron ..." she said and chuckled, trying to lighten up the mood with a joke.

"Yea, I could only imagine..." I agreed, smirking at her words.

Jean stops mid-chuckled. "I'm sorry, Dianne. I don't mean it like that... I'm sorry." She said her voice almost a whisper, feeling embarrassed by her words.

"No. It's okay. I'm not offended by it..." I replied, startled at her sudden apology.

"You're a really strong person, Dianne. Even after you've been through a lot, after they've taken away the one thing that makes you who you are... I wouldn't know how to move on forwards after that..." She said sadly, and trailed off.

"I'm not that strong, really. I have Ethan with me. He is what made me strong throughout these days." I stated with a small smile, but drop it as I continued on. "I'll be lying to myself if I say that I'm not miserable... Of course, I am. I've lost my sight. There is nothing but darkness in front of me. I couldn't anymore take pictures and do the one thing I love to do." I paused, taking in a huge breath. "Plus, I wouldn't anymore see his smiling face." I added softly.

My heart felt like it has been squeezed hard as I've admitted this out loud. I never admit it out loud to people and smile for them, telling them a white lie that I'm okay. But, I'm not. I got into an accident, causing me to lose my sight, the one part of my body that I need so much to make a living. As a photographer, you sight is your instrument in this craft. Without it, I'm no longer capable of taking such beautiful photos. I've lost that ability as I've lost my sight.

I wanted to cry, but I wouldn't want to give anymore hints to the people around me any reason to sympathize for my lost. It would only make me feel worst than I'm already feeling. So, I give Jean the best I'm-okay-smile I could conjure. I excused myself after we drank coffee, wanting the confines of my home. She offered to walk me back, but I decline her offer. I wanted to be alone as of the moment, not trusting myself that I might not breakdown in front of her.

I felt quite accomplished as I close the main door of my house. Then, relief washes over me as I paced towards the living room and crushed down the couch, letting my tears fall freely. Max nudges me, moaning sadly at the back of his throat, as I continued to cry. I didn't realize I fell asleep until a familiar warm hand caresses my cheeks, his thumb wiping away my dry tears.

"Please don't cry..." he whispered, his voice soft and sad.

I slowly sit up in the couch and opened my arms wide, wanting his embrace. He sat down beside me and put my arms around his neck, pulling me in his lap. I willingly went along with him, and tucked my head beneath his chin, on his chest. I let out a contented sigh as he tightens his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him. We stayed like that for awhile, not moving away from each other's embrace.

"Can you tell me why you are crying?" he finally asked, breaking the silence.

I let out a huge breath and clear my throat. "I met Jean today." I answered my voice hoarse from crying and sleep.

He stayed silent and waited for me to continue. "We talked about me and the accident..." I continued, trailing off as I chocked on the last word.

He reached up his left hands and put it under my chin, tilting my head up. I can feel his gaze on my face. I close my eyes, feeling a pang of sadness that I wouldn't anymore see those clear, brown eyes. He cupped my face with his hands, cradling it like a fragile figurine. With his thumb, he traces the contours of my lips as his warm breath slowly washed through me, feeling his face inches from mine. Then, he lightly nuzzles his nose with mine, making me hold my breath at his proximity. Slowly, with my eyes still close, he kissed each of my eyelids, his soft, warm lips making me sigh is contempt.

"Please don't cry anymore. I don't like seeing you cry." He said softly, his voice almost a whisper.

"I'm fine. I'm just feeling sentimental... that's all..." I said, wiping my running nosing with the back of my hand in an unlady-like manner.

He chuckles at my actions and kissed my cheek, where a trail of tears still lingers. "Oh, I love you... You just know how to make things lighter than it is..." He stated, still chuckling.

"I'm sorry about the water works." I said shyly and let out a huff of air, then smiled at him. I reached for his face, cupped them with my hands, pulling them towards mine. "I know I may cry a hundred times or feel sad about this... But, knowing that you are here, feeling you this close to me, I don't need my eyes to know that I have something special in front of me." I stated confidently, still smiling.

Suddenly, he wrapped me again in his embrace, pulling me closer to him. Then, his soft, warm lips crush into mine, slightly startling me. I give in after a few seconds, receiving his kiss willingly with my lips. I close my eye and felt the weight on this moment. After a few more moments, he slowly pulled away yet stayed in close proximity with my face, placing his forehead in mine, his warm ragged breath caressing my face.

"I love you Dianne. Even if I know you wouldn't see the world the same way, my eyes would be your guide, your vision, as I watch over you for the rest of my life. I'll see the whole world for you and describe them to you in perfect detail." He started, feeling a faint smile on his lips. "For instance, right now, I'm looking at the most beautiful creature in the world." He continues, his voice becoming rough and ragged, yet filled with so much love and confidence.

I smiled at his words, pushing slightly away and opened my close eyes. For just a moment, I saw a small glint of light, his glowing, smiling face just inches from mine. Then, I knew, I didn't need eyes to see that this man is in love with me as I love him.