I always have to check my daughter and how she's doing.  Always.  

She's 15 by now and should know at least how to take care of the house and chores.  She doesn't.  She doesn't mind helping out with some household chores here and then, but usually she just sits downstairs, doing whatever on her electronics.  Chatting with friends, doing homework, drawing, anything that I believe could be possible.  Sometimes I do wish she could start using her privileges more wisely since she is now in high school and must learn as much as possible when she has that chance to.  She's in a stable situation now, but there is more she can do if she just puts her mind into it.  

I guess this is partially my fault, as a mother.  I give her so many things.  Most of them she doesn't use half the time.  Her keyboard for piano practice, you don't know how many times I'd had to tell her to practice at least once a week.  And I don't even listen half the time.  I wish she wasn't so secretive or sensitive of how she plays.  I have gotten frustrated over this again and again, and she just responds with the same thing. 

"I'll do it later."

There, is the sentence that scares.  That sentence, is not what I consider normal for every teenager to say.  At least, not my girl.  I have said what every concerned parent would say to their child, less time on games, and more time of doing something good for your future.  It might be early, but at least I'm not letting it be too late.  

Today was a bit of a hassle, cause to my lunch date with one of my friends, I was interrupted by another shenanigan of my daughter's irresponsibility.  I bought her a mini fridge for her birthday, since she mentioned she could use it for food and drinks.  Especially for little sleepovers like the one she had this weekend.  However, I noticed the ice cream bars in there were melting like crazy and were all mushed.  She claimed she made ice in there once, so why wasn't she concerned about the the fridge when I showed her the ice creams?  It's like I said before, she is too lazy and involved in things I don't know about.  I got mad, and rambled at her about it.  Of course, she got anxious and nervous as usual, which I don't know why.  It's constant whenever I confront her about anything, when she can easily admit she did it, and will do better next time.  

She also has a history of breaking items and messing them up.  Especially by her computer, which she leaves crumbs of her chips everywhere and must be vacuumed constantly.  Her style of living it seems to definitely not correlate with mine.  I can't stand her messiness sometimes and just get frustrated all over again.  This why things that I willingly give to her seem to be wasted, as they break or become worse in her care.  

I want her to use these things for their intended purpose.  I want her to use these items for her imagination and go far.  I want her to realize that these objects can be used beyond their intended use as well.  I want her to see what she needs to do in order to take care of these objects, and realize why I want her to.  

She can use them to her advantage, she can use them for anything.  I don't want her to just leave it there.  As I said before, she never seems to care what I get her.  It doesn't effect her.  It never makes her happy.  Not once.  Is it because I've been getting her all the wrong things she doesn't like?  Is it because she doesn't care anymore?  Is it because she wants somethings of more value?

Or... does she feel like she doesn't need them?

I know a lot of things I ask her about is about her welfare in the future, but there's always that thought that maybe nothing makes my daughter feel happy.  They'll make her life easier, yet again that's not what is happiness.

This isn't the first time I thought this.  I've asked my daughter constantly if she's doing okay and needs anything.  Her response is always "No."  I have given her the most I've can for the past years- is it enough for her?  Does she want to become independent?

No, that's not it.  She's still clinging on to me at times.  She still needs me.  Sometimes she needs me sometimes for other things that kids her age can do.  Whenever I ask about her friends, she looks down, as if she is nervous what to say.  She usually says her relationship with them is normal, and I believe her.  But she never seems to want to hang out with others, unless it's a really close friend of hers.  She always seems scared to go out there, where the others are. 

Maybe, she feels too young for them.

Embarrassed of herself and not happy with herself.  The objects I give her remind her how useless she is without them.  The sight of me makes her realize how useless she would be without me.  And she tries to ignore it, never for anyone to see it.  She goes alone, only using her most trusted devices that has almost everything in it until night.  Perhaps she feels she doesn't deserve these items, knowing my situation and how other kids live.  

Maybe, she never uses them, because she is scared that she only knows how to break them.  

(okayy, so I didn't edit this at all, and this was to like rough draft ideas and do a writing idea to kinda get into the hang of it again.  Sorry about this trash!! ^^)