Silence

I sit at my computer, looking to see the homework I haven't yet

Completed.

My music has gone off thanks to the internet's slow decisions.

I am sitting in

Silence.

I think about the crap that has gone on for the past few

Weeks.

And I think about if I can get out of it.

I am sitting in

Silence.

I open up the texts and read them, slowly, carefully,

Painfully.

I think about the willpower it took to be a part of that.

I am sitting in

Silence.

My cat comes scurrying into the study.

I look at him and wonder,

"I wish I could be him, he doesn't have to go through this."

I am sitting in

Silence.

I think and think until my head starts to hurt, about what they are trying to do to me.

As I think my eyes start to water, water running down my face.

I am such a disgrace.

I am sitting in

Silence.

Do I look fine to them? Is this what they want? What makes them think this is okay?

"This is not ok" I think to myself. But what can I do?

There is nothing to do.

I am sitting in

Silence.

My face now consumed with the streams from my eyes. I try to hold it in but i just

Can't.

Sitting and thinking about this. The emotions flow out as

I am sitting, crying in

Silence.   

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     okay this was a writing assignment for PE.  YES PE.  long story short i hurt my ribs so i  can't really participate in gym rn soooo my teacher told me to write whatever as long as it was about 500 words. here we go.... oh and just so you know this half of this chapter is the first time i've been on in like a year lol okay ready...LINK START! (sao reference XD)

     How is it that feelings are so real? I know they're what make us who we are. But when one feels something, they really feel it. You know? That probably doesn't make sense, especially coming from the mouth of an emotional teenage girl like myself.

     But to me, emotions are so much more than just feeling happy, or feeling sad. To me, emotions are everything. For example, when I'm happy, the whole world is one huge bucket of smiles with those cheap christmas lights twisted and twirled around every high beam on the ceiling available. There seems to be something preventing me from letting my mouth fold into a frown. My eyes are squinted at the ends. I feel so much more than happiness. Every light in the room brightens just a little bit. Everything seems to fall into place, as it should.

     Until, I feel something else.

     When I am sad, something vastly different happens to me. The lights dim around me making me focus what's right in front of me. The reals in my head turn back to all the terrible things I have seen about the world today. The diversity, the outrageous arguments that seem to break out every other day, the horrible dramatic people that have wormed their way into my life. When I cry I feel the lights around me start to fill up with tears. I feel so much more than sadness. No matter how strong the glass, in the end, they all shatter with a pop. As if saying, we can't take this, you're on your own.

     But as I start to calm down things change a little bit.

     As my tears dry, so do the broken pieces of glass around me. The steady streams start to turn into drips, dyed black from the makeup from where they came. My eyes open wider to see the world I'm facing. I see nothing but glass everywhere. My mouth opens for me to speak but I lack the words to say. I instead exhale with a deep sigh. I take time to collect myself once again. The glass picks itself up and reattaches to the other pieces. Leaving the lights on but still a little dim. Tranquility fills the room. The colors fade almost to black and white. no more harsh yellow light. Just cream. Not harsh, nor bright, just warm. Welcoming. The bags on my eyes start to get heavier and heavier. Slowly but surely they close. Leaving me alone, with just my thoughts.

     The cool part is, feelings are always with us. Even if we are doing absolutely, positively nothing. We still can feel calm, stressed, anything. We don't always have to really feel our feelings. We might see a wave of stress coming on, or excitement just around the corner. I know this all sounds really overdone. And why trust me right? It's my imagination, wandering. Putting visuals into feelings. It's something I like to do. But don't listen to me, I'm just an emotional teenage girl.

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