"Hey loser! You, yes you. I'm talking to you."

I hit the pause button immediately. What the hell? Why would anyone be this rude?

Of course people on the internet are rude all the time. It's an inconvenient truth about digital life. So, I'm not surprised by that.

But then a podcast host behaving this way is a little strange. I mean, aren't podcasts supposed to be motivational? At least that's what netizens made me believe a few months back. And that's why I even started listening to them since the beginning of quarantine and lockdown (two new words that I added to my vocabulary this year) — thanks to Covid-19.

Oh! Also, thanks to the coronavirus, for completely turning my life topsy-turvy. Everything has changed in ways that I never thought of before.

For example, how I went from holding a respectable position at an airline to becoming jobless within just a few weeks. And now, all I have are a lot of piling bills, a few savings and a track record of being unemployed for the past 9 months.

Almost equivalent to having a full-term baby. Yikes! At least, I'm not pregnant. Must be thankful for that.

Anyway, coming back to the topic of podcasts, I have to admit this. Whoever is hosting the 'Shush! & Listen' podcast has a very good voice. A well-modulated, robust voice. I mean, this is my first time listening to an episode of his and all I heard so far were just a few impolite words but those were enough to judge his charming voice. Maybe this is why I even feel like hitting that play button once again.

And guess what? I do it shamelessly.

"I see what you did there. You stopped and you wanted to skip my episode because I was addressing you in the most 'appropriate' manner."

Huh? The audacity!

"Admit it, you are a loser. You know that. You think that. You believe that. It's just that you are not ready to accept that openly. Am I right, loser?"

No, no! You are absolutely wrong, rude dude! I mean, yes, I'm disappointed with myself in some ways. But calling me a "loser" is a little too much. It's heartbreaking.

Sigh.

"Now, the funnier part is that you used to be just a mediocre loser before 2020 but this year helped you unleash the mega loser in you." He says that and starts laughing.

What a sadistic weirdo blessed with a mesmerizing voice! What pleasure does he get out of hurting already-wounded souls like me?

"Okay, okay I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laughed so much. But honestly, when I think of all the ways that you failed this year, I can't help but laugh. I mean, when quarantine started, you first told yourself that this is perhaps nothing. You wanted to believe maybe the whole virus thing was blown out of proportion. So, that last day you walked out of work you were actually feeling happy about getting some extra off days after a long time. But then came your worst nightmare. You woke up one morning and the media was in frenzy. You realized it wasn't just an ordinary case but a year of pandemic."

I pause it one more time. Honestly, is this even worth listening to? I mean, what good is it going to bring for me listening to an unknown idiot's words about how I spent my 2020? Don't I know it already?

Perhaps I should close this podcast app and read up something on how to ace a job interview because I have to face one in a while and I'm truly terrified about it. Not that I'm very interested in joining as a call center operator for a random offshore company but then times are hard and it looks like the airport might not get opened anytime soon. So, I can't go on living in my memories of flying and making inflight passenger announcements. If it requires me to sit on a boring chair all day and listen to customer complaints, I have to do it because a girl's gotta eat, you know?

While thinking of my interview, I accidentally hit the play button and the rude dude speaks again. His voice is as smooth as ever. I wonder whether I'm getting hypnotized by it at this point.

"So, yeah once you perceived the fact that the lockdown will be lengthened and this was no ordinary situation that we are dealing with, you decided to accept it because you had no other choice. And you made some plans — big ones, good ones. Now, that's where the fun part begins. But before I go there, let me just tell you this. Trigger Warning."

Okay, what? Trigger warning? This is—umm, absolutely crazy! Is this podcast something like those weird games online that lead you to self-harm? Like those cyberbullying games with suicidal challenges?

Oh my! I should have guessed this the moment I read the episode's title, "Play at your own risk". This is all my fault. And now that I'm into the podcast already and I'm not able to stop listening, will I do something to myself — that too at a potential workplace? This is bad. Oh God!

I pluck up my courage and resume the podcast episode because I'm super inquisitive about what he's going to say.

"Yes, trigger warning because I'm about to talk about some traumatic experiences of your life in 2020. Harsh and pathetic truths about how you spent the lockdown days, more like a year in review. I issued the warning because what I'm about to say might actually make you cry. So, if you don't want anyone seeing you being a chicken, perhaps you just hide in a bathroom or somewhere secluded as you listen to this next part."

Alright, this is definitely not what I thought. But then again, it's a little scary because of the caution about crying. I mean, I'm a very talented crybaby. I can just break into tears anywhere anytime for the minutest reasons. So, maybe I should take his warning a little seriously if I'm going to continue listening. Because I don't want to create a negative impression about me in this company.

Since there are a few more candidates to walk into the interview room before me, I decide to go to the washroom and play the podcast. Listening to a spellbinding voice to kill time is not so bad, right? Obviously it would be better than having to witness this receptionist girl flirt with a maskless guy right in front of my eyes.

So cringe!

I mean, how stupid could he be to stand there without a mask during these times? What's the point in wearing a fancy tie and carrying an expensive iPhone if you don't have the brains to use a mask? Zero responsibility as a citizen. And to see a woman flirt with him despite that is even worse. For God's sake, she might get infected. Doesn't she realize the threat? This is why the whole thing looks cringe.

I think judging people based on their safety measures is one of the few cool things that happened because of Covid. I mean, it's funny, right? Before 2020 we used to judge people based on various factors like looks, money and fame. But right now, it's so different.

All you have to do is to check whether people are wearing masks, sanitizing themselves and maintaining social distance. If a person fails to do at least one of those, you can avoid them and even scold them openly for that. It's actually allowed in the society now.

What a time to live, right!

Anyway, I walk up to the receptionist and ask, "Hi. Where about is the restroom?"

Yes, you heard me right. Euphemism. I used the word 'restroom' because it sounds more posh than the others. I mean, I could've asked for 'toilet', 'bathroom' or 'washroom' but it wouldn't give off the same vibes. Now that I said that, the receptionist girl probably takes me more seriously. I'm sure she thinks I'm from a modern and wealthy background. It's important to create an image at a potential workplace, you see?

Oh and don't forget to throw in a fake accent too when you speak. That would be the perfect cherry on the cake. We Sri Lankans do that all the time. We do it shamelessly to our own local languages at times and it always works. Or at least I believe so.

Right now, I think all those TV series I binge-watched and the Peppa Pig episodes my niece watched in quarantine are coming in handy. Because I just sounded like a British woman and no wonder the maskless idiot is giving me a strange look. I'm sure it's the look of respect even though it looks stupid when it comes from him.

The receptionist gives me the directions to the washroom and as I walk away, I hear them both giggle. They are probably discussing about how cool I am. See, that's what normal people think of me. Only the podcast dude calls me a loser. Mr. Rude!

Once I enter the washroom area, I hit the play button.

"So yeah, as I was telling you before, you made huge plans of a lot of things. You thought this would be the perfect time to focus on completing everything that you've always wanted to do. You promised yourself that you will use your free time wisely and step out of 2020 as a new person. I mean, we have to give it you for all those plans! You are a legend."

With that he claps. This is strange. He gave a warning earlier and now he is being very nice. How is this going to make me cry? I mean, after listening to that, I only feel proud of myself for making plans to study Mandarin and exercise daily in 2020. It was so cool of me to even think that!

He continues, "But then what happened?" And I ask myself the same question. Suddenly, it doesn't feel so good.

"You started off well. You had all the energy and time in the world. Yet, your plans remained as plans and did not advance to become anything more. You did not develop that new skill. You did not learn that new language. You did not workout regularly. You did not eat healthy. You did not start that dream business. Simply put, you did not do any of those things that you planned to do. Instead here's what you did. You overslept. You overate. You got obsessed with the internet and TV. You complained. And you felt jealous of those friends and acquaintances who were at least trying to do something in this pandemic. That's all. Nothing else."

I pause and I realize that my eyes have become teary already. He was right indeed with his warning. This is sad and embarrassing! I made a lot of plans but I did not accomplish any of it. Maybe I'm just a loser. Not even a whole year of free time could make me do anything worth speaking about. I wasted it all doing nothing.

With tears in my eyes, I continue to listen to the sadist's podcast. Let me see, what more he has to say to break me completely.

"You have started reading, watching and listening to anything online because you are so used to consuming content from the internet. It doesn't even have to make sense anymore. I mean, look at you even now. You are probably seated or lying on the bed somewhere listening to me speak. Listening to a man who you have never met tell you how miserable your little life is. Isn't it truly pathetic? Whether you admit it or not, it is! And guess what? Today is the 31st of December, 2020 — the last day of this year, and tomorrow, you will be entering 2021. And you are still nothing but a loser. Now, how does that make you feel?"

"Terrible!" I tell myself as I press pause. I don't want to listen to this anymore. I feel so bad about myself that I don't even think I will speak well at the interview. It was such a wrong move to listen to this now. Mood killer!

I wonder how this piece of crap got so many downloads and why this guy has so many subscribers. I mean, there's nothing good about his show other than his voice. So toxic and negative. Maybe I should give a low rating and write a bad review for this. What a psychopath! He made me cry before an interview. Unimaginably cruel for no reason at all. Moron!

I keep typing on my phone as I return back to the lobby. The moment I sit, I get called into the interview room. So, I walk in there before publishing my negative review.

Never mind. It can wait. I will definitely post it after the interview.

"Hi," I say to the interviewer who is wearing a mask as well as glasses. Responsible citizen.

"Hello! Please take a seat and tell me about yourself," he replies.

Okay, so that question definitely involves telling my name. And I'm totally not comfortable with that. Ugh! How I wish I could escape this part.

Anyway, there's nothing to worry. It's going to be yet another awkward moment. So, I should just calm down. And then answer the damn question, right? No need to fuss. It's not worth it.

At least that's what I tell myself every time this happens. Phew!

"My name is Rona," I start, knowing full well what is about to come next.

Before I could continue, he starts laughing and asks, "Like the rona, you mean?"

Great. Just what I need at this moment.

Honestly, I have never been bullied so much in my life like during this year. I mean, people actually liked my name before 2020. The only comment I used to receive before all this pandemic nonsense was about how different and stylish my name was. But now, the moment I say it, everyone goes like, "oOh LiKe tHe rOnA?"

Yeah, dumbo. Of course my name sounds like the pesky Corona virus but what can I do about it? It's not like my parents knew this would happen 24 years after their daughter's birth, right? In fact, nobody knew. It all just happened in the blink of an eye and now, I have to suffer with my cringe name and my joblessness. And no wonder, people online are calling me a "loser". Ugh!

"Haha yeah. It means 'shining light', I reply. Okay, what's wrong with me? Why the hell would I tell an interviewer the meaning of my name? I'm acting this way because of that podcast's pressure, isn't it?

"Or a deadly virus," says the guy and laughs for his own joke again. Poor thing. Must have become a comedian. Seems to have a passion for cracking jokes.

I fake smile and continue to answer a few more interview questions. Some of the questions sound very tricky, as if they are asked purposely to strike me off. The dude doesn't sound very friendly either. This is why I have been silently mouthing the word, "idiot" so many times under my mask while speaking to him.

Good thing is that he cannot see anything.

Now, that's the best part about wearing a mask. Nobody gets a hint about your reactions unless you tell it out loudly. I mean, you could smile, frown, yawn, make faces or even cry and none of them will find out. Okay, maybe not crying. Because of course your eyes will get teary and expose you.

But muttering under my breath and yawning are super cool benefits. Especially yawning because I do it all the time. Like, even right now. This dude probably thinks it's a huge breath when I yawn. So, it's all okay. He is not going to think that I'm sleepy or lazy. He will assume that I'm super healthy with my breathing. Awesome, right?

Anyway, I guess, I'm handling the interview in an okay manner. At least, so far so good.

Maybe I will go home with this job.

Or maybe I won't.

Because he asks, "So, why should we hire you?" and my mind goes blank for a moment.

I absolutely hate this question. It makes me nervous every single time. I mean, what am I even supposed to say? Errr-you-should-hire-me-because-you-are-hiring? That would be the only sensible thing to say. But no, interviewers expect all these fancy answers. So, now I have no choice but to become a monkey and praise my own tail.

"Well..umm..uh..I'm a good communicator and I have great discipline. I'm also great with people and I believe that I'm well-qualified. So, I guess that's why you should hire me. I'm a perfect fit for the role," I reply awkwardly. To be honest, nobody would want to hire me for the way I stammered while answering that question. I sounded so stupid. Like a dork. Argh!

"Here's the thing, Rona. There are more than fifteen people waiting outside to ace this interview. And I'm pretty sure all of them share the strengths that you just mentioned. So, what exactly makes you different from them? That's what I want to know." He says that rather roughly.

Maybe this will be yet another blow from 2020. I don't think I will get this job. Like the podcast guy said, I'm nothing but a loser.

"Uh—" I start and he stops me.

"Never mind. Leave that. Tell me this. What has been your biggest achievement this year? Maybe that will help me understand your capabilities better," he says.

Again, I become tongue-tied for a few seconds. Luckily, before I could say anything, he asks, "Hold on. I will have to run to the other side for a quick Zoom meeting. Can you wait for sometime?"

I nod and he leaves the interview room. Good. That gives me more time to think of an answer. Maybe I can Google something.

I type on Google and before I click on any of the search results, I open the podcast app to post my negative review. Just before I do it, I scroll through others' review statements. To my surprise, I find only positive ones. I feel confused looking at all those "thank you", "you made my day" and "I needed this today" reviews.

Why would anyone thank a man for calling them a 'loser'? This is weird!

I decide to listen to the rest of it just so that I could find out what's so special about it. I plug my headphones in, hit the play button and the mesmerizing voice speaks again.

"Yeah, how does that make you feel? Entering 2021 in this state? Do you accept the fact that you are a loser now? Well, if your answer is 'yes', let me just tell you this."

He pauses and then says, "This year wasn't great for any of us. For heaven's sake, it is a pandemic. This is new for all of us. None of us were prepared. So, it's okay. You are not alone. I guess we all feel like losers in some way or the other. But thing is guys, 2020 isn't the year for you to make comparisons and worry about not witnessing big wins and gains. It is the year to make a gratitude list. It is the year to be thankful for everything that you have in life."

Woah. Interesting.

"I mean, this year has been tough. But here you are listening to me speak right now and that only means one thing. You are still alive. You have pulled through 2020. And that my friend — is your biggest achievement. Because this year was all about survival."

Damn. Is this podcast god-sent to help me answer the difficult interview question? Whatever it is, I'm liking it now.

"Now, I'm sorry for addressing you as a 'loser' earlier. That was very rude of me and I was wrong. But you were also wrong. I mean, it is only because you believed that too did you stay back and listen to my episode up to this point. Had you thought of yourself as a 'winner', you would've left at the beginning itself. Anyway, now that you are here and because in some corner of your heart, you feel that you are a 'loser', you need to hear this other part from me. The most important part."

Wow. There's more coming from the mesmerizing voice. Bring it on, baby!

"I know a lot of us hate this year because it has been hellish and there have been too many losses. Some of us lost our jobs. Some of us forgot our skills and we felt crippled to do what we did best. Some of us had to go through terrible breakups. Some of us felt chained in our homes and experienced loneliness. And worse, some of us truly lost our friends and family members to the virus."

I sigh because the podcast is getting depressing again.

"But here's the thing guys. Most of those things I just mentioned were totally out of our control. We couldn't have done anything to avoid it even if we had known beforehand. Maybe you believe this too and I guess, your regrets aren't about this."

Yeah. Agreed.

"Probably you are worried about not doing things enough and about wasting a lot of time. Let me just tell you this. So what if you couldn't achieve all of your plans this year? The fact that you are breathing right now says that you have a whole day, a whole month, a whole year and a whole life ahead of you to accomplish it all. Forget about the time that's passed. Let's learn to control what we can. Because remember, you survived for a purpose. So, be thankful for that and get things moving!"

My eyes get teary again. Except that this time it's out of happiness and gratitude. As I wipe my tears, the interviewer comes back. I quickly put away the headphones and get ready to answer his last question.

"So, Rona, where were we?" he asks.

"My greatest achievement this year," I say with a smile (under my mask of course!)

"Oh yeah! Tell me about it," he replies.

"My biggest achievement this year has been my survival—" Before I could continue, he adds with a scoff, "But that's what every other candidate has got too, isn't it? How does that make you special?"

"True enough. We all have achieved it and that's what makes all of us worthy. And it would be the only reason why one of us might get the job and the rest of us would walk out with hope because we know there's always a better option out there. Maybe my survival is no big deal for you but it is for me. It is what makes me unique and special. And it is what will drive me to do more. Thank you for meeting up with me. I look forward to hearing from you," I say and leave the interview room.

As I walk out, I plug my headphones in and play the last bit of the podcast.

"So, that's about it. Thanks for joining me today. I hope my words made you feel better. If they did, drop a review or tweet to me. Until I talk to you next time, here's a goodbye from me. And finally, I'm not going to wish you with a typical "Happy New Year" because we truly don't know what the next one is going to bring. But this is what I'd like to tell you though—"

There's a pause. And then his mesmerizing voice says,

"Survive 2021!"

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Hello reader 😀👋🏾 So, basically this short story has been a pep talk that I have been giving myself 😂🤭
Hope you liked it 😁 Let me know your comments ♥️✨

Survive 2021 🤘🏾