Five minutes to make the library and not be late for Cadets. I hope nobody's got there first.

Anthrophil: The Talekeeper's Dream – volume four in a series I've discovered late, but loved from page one. Being maybe the first girl in school to read this new update is deeply exciting.

I've kept my enthusiasm quiet, it's got a niche following, and I feel distant enough from most people already without being known as a weirdo. Especially in the Cadet Corps, which I joined to look better on uni applications next year, but don't enjoy. In Cadets, conformity is definitely important – being an individual, or different, is discouraged.

Another girl is hovering. My insides tighten – not unpleasantly. Alison: scruffy, wildly intelligent, unashamedly individual. Everything I'm not. My occasional partner in English.

I've long admired Alison – wanted her respect, her affection even. I love her sharp insights into whatever we're studying, and the way her eyes behind her glasses light up with honest excitement at good writing; the way she doesn't care what anyone thinks of her; the way her thick hair constantly escapes her messy plait; her barely-concealed fanfic-writing habit; the way she usually takes my inadequate contributions in English more seriously than they deserve. She's the perfect example of "being yourself", and that takes courage.

Even so. She's in my way now.

Am I allowed to enjoy touching her, if it's mainly to push her out of my way?

I head for where I know the book is, reach out to take it. Too slowly. My hand closes not over the book but over Alison's. Her skin is surprisingly soft and warm. I don't breathe.

"Sorry, Petra." Her voice is low. Serious. "I need this." No surprise she is a fan of the series.

I keep my hand over hers as long as possible. "Me too." My conviction surprises me more than her. But I let her take it.

She peers at me intently. "Favourite character?"

"Canthë." I look into her lovely eyes as they widen. Realise she is testing me. The stubborn young guard's been a minor character up till now, but I have high hopes that this is the book where she becomes a main player. She is the character that speaks to me in my lonely, difficult, confused, isolated difference. She's my hope of being seen. "OK, she's not a main character, yet...but..." Alison's silent stare disconcerts me. "Umm. Main character: Mirtha." The dreamy, mysterious Talekeeper herself, Mirtha has always reminded me a bit of Alison. Or the other way round. I'm hoping there's something developing between Mirtha and Canthë.

Alison's beautiful eyes, behind her glasses, are suddenly full of surprised admiration. My heart doesn't just skip, it leaps for joy.

She reaches out and touches a hand to my arm. "You and I, Petra...we see. We understand." I feel her fingers linger as she withdraws her hand. "I'll finish this soon, promise. Tell me when you've read it too. We should talk."