It's the last day of the fest and I'm still smiling like an idiot. Don't blame me over it. She was all around me all the time either by her presence or in my thoughts. Was that bad to think about her this way. I don't know. I'm not in my correct senses from the time I saw her on the inauguration.

“Sanky” I think Dilip called me for the third time in a row when I finally registered his voice. “Hmm” I tediously turned my neck to move my gaze from Ragini who was talking to her nerd friend and they were laughing might be cracking a genius joke.

“We got to arrange for camp fire for the night” he said and I nodded my head walking behind him and again my eyes moved to look at her. What is she doing to me?

We arranged the campfire and enjoyed playing different games along with our seniors who were extremely happy with our performance.

When I glanced at Ragini I found the change in her expression. Was it because she was exhausted with that heavy sari and due to the traditional attire for the second day I failed to understand. Previous day's saree was a bit light but what she wore on the last day was a heavy Silk Saree. Though she looked immensely gorgeous in this one too but it was extremely heavy.

From when did I started noticing the girl's attire. Mahn I'm doomed. I brushed my thoughts and concentrated on the games. Somehow I was not able to think anything other than her. She was not exhausted but something bothered her. I immediately wanted to move and ask her what's bothering her but stopped myself looking at the surrounding.

She was not with her nerd friend but with Ashika. This girl seriously she is toxic to Ragini and I realized it very well. And may be she is the reason why Ragini was in that state. Did she insult Ragini or spoke rudely? Ragini is not a girl who will give a damn to such things but still something she has told to Ragini which made her sad suddenly.

The program finally ended. Though our department head suggested us to stay till the morning in that bhut bangla who really wants to die out of heart attack isn't it. So everyone gave their own reasons and moved from there. As the hostel was at a walk-able distance we boys walked together.

Ragini called her cousin to pick her and till the time he arrived I decided to stay with her. No doubt our university is a huge universe of Bhuts and it scared the hell out of me I could not leave her alone.

She was silent and that silence killed me. “Ragini” before I could continue the thunderous sound of the bike engine made my heart jump to the sky and I was startled. I controlled my thumping heart and opened my eyes. Ragini moved to the bike and sat behind the rider.

“Thanks dude” her cousin uttered and accelerated the engine again making the thunderous sound. Was he ghost rider?

Sanky you lost your brain dude. No I was about to lose my life just a moment ago due to heart attack. And I would have been the youngest guy who died of heart attack and instead of crying my friends would have been muffling their laughter thinking how I died.

Damn my phone rang at the same time jerking me. I cursed looking at the screen and received the call. “Sanky where are you?” I heard Dilip's voice. 'Dude I'm trying not to pee looking at this scary route to the hostel' I thought in my mind.

“I...I'm on my way” I said and tried not to shiver. I remembered all the good gods of the world and walked towards the hostel. As I closed the door of the room I took a deep breath to relax all my senses. I looked at the bed Dilip was already sleeping. Phew I walked to the bed and lied on it.

I was restless. I wanted to know what happened to Ragini. I looked at my phone and typed a message. But that message did not went out of my outbox. A warning message popped up :LOW LOW LOW BALANCE. My cellphone company leaves no chance to insult my financial status.

I know. I have used the loan balance also. Tomorrow first thing I have to recharge my phone. I really tried hard to get the sleep as all the time Ragini's that face flashed and made it impossible to have a peaceful sleep.

***.***

I tried. It was not that I did not but somehow the time moved fast and I also did not get time to talk to her. She was silent all the time. I texted her but she did not reply. When I asked her in the practicals she used to say her phone screen isn't working.

All were in the class that day and we (I mean the smart heads. Not me actually) were discussing till what practicals we should conduct in the list put up by the management. The heartless management will put up a list of 20 practicals for a semester and imagine the plight of students like me. We hardly can complete 10 practicals for the whole year.

Cruel people. As per the discussion few days ago and thanks to Ragini that we had completed 15(Yes me too.) practicals. But suddenly our head of the department said that he wants us to complete at least 18 practicals. I tell you that dracula has no regard to the human life.

And that's what we were currently discussing (Not me). “Yaar it is impossible to do three more practicals in such short time. I know Ragini will complete 20 also in the given time but what about us?” Dilip said and I agree on this point. I wondered why was even Ragini bothered about completing the practicals.

“It's not just about me Dilip. If I complete the practicals and you people wont then surely those practicals will be included in the semester exam and how will you people manage to do it when you haven't even done it once?” she asked surprising everyone.

Other than that girl I think nobody was serious about the discussion there. And perhaps she need not worry at all for the issue. But she was worried. And I wondered why?

Ajay was playing with the record book and it landed on the back head of Ragini by mistake. Poor soul he is gonna die in her hands. Because Ragini hates if someone touches her head also and this was khair Ajay rest in peace.

I witnessed the calm Ragini's nose flaring up as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath to cool her anger. But it did not work. Ajay was standing like a small baby and all were looking at him worried. And to be frank I did not wanted Ragini to be behind the bars for his murder also.

She closed her fist and I just feared that she is going to him but she held her record book and stormed off from there. How can she control her anger to this extent and now bechara Ajay. I know he likes being around Ragini and I don't get jealous of him because he is like a small kid in our class who if has ever opened up to a girl then it is Ragini. But now he was the one who was going to tolerate her wrath.

“What the hell did you do dude?” I flung my hand across his shoulder. “I'm dead” he cried like a small kid and I nodded my head feeling pity on him. And then unexpectedly my gaze fell on Ashish who was worried looking at the direction Ragini went.

My phone buzzed disturbing me and took it out from my pocket. “Hey moron did you forgot today is graduation day?” I heard Saima's voice. She is my classmate from the previous college and she calls me moron all the time. Can't disagree with her. I am a moron anyways. I patted on my forehead and ran towards the bus stop. I knew Ragini will be going to the same function.

But as I reached she had gone. I thought I will meet her at the party only and boarded the next bus.

****.****

She did not speak while she was sitting with her old classmates and the ceremony was going on. She looked at her phone for the 10th time and placed it back in her bag not performing any action of reply.

She was pale and I hated that state of hers to the core. In the party she was busy with her old classmates and I couldn't reach her as my classmates were just taking me away.

She left the party early and I wanted to follow her but could not.

****.****

The days are just moving and it was not pleasant that the distance between me and Ragini was just growing. She not at all talked to anyone. Not even to Ajay. She used to come early to college and used to spend her time in library and evening without even informing used to go home.

And one day I heard her talking to someone in the lab. All had gone home and I was the one who was assigned the job of locking the labs that day.

“Stop interfering in my matters will you?” she spoke rudely. “I won't unless you tell me what's wrong?” I know this voice. It was Ashish.

“Why should I tell you? You have a big working brain. Go and get answer by yourself and one more time if you cross my path it will be worse” she warned him.

“Ragini please. Don't do this with me. Please” I heard his cracking voice and I was not understanding  what was happening.

“Don't you dare to touch me. When you did not think before you texted Ashi all that you think I should give you a chance? If it wasn't her then I would have been in this trap for forever. Thank god she saved me” she said in a cracking voice. And it squeezed my heart.

She walked out from there wiping her face and Ashish stood there blank and broken. I looked at him then ran behind Ragini.

“Ragini” I placed my hand on her shoulder and she turned and hugged me immediately. And burst into a bitter cry. And I was feeling her pain though she did not say a word.

“You were right Sanky. He is a jerk” she said in a cracking voice. And I rubbed her back gulping the sore lump which formed in my throat.

Yes he was a jerk but if it was told by Ashi then I doubt the proofs. After a lot of consoling finally Ragini opened up and narrated what happened.

At a point when she said she loved and trusted Ashish my heart broke into number of pieces and it pierced me and made me bleed within. And I could not express how it felt in front of her. She was a mess and I did not wanted to create more mess in her life.

“I trusted him Sanky. I...” she hiccuped and I couldn't see her that way. “I know I have told this many a times that he is a jerk and don't ask me why I told that but Ashi has one motive in her life that is to ruin every little thing which makes you happy. And I would never advise you to trust her. And then it is your own decision” I said looking into her eyes and honestly I cannot lie to her just for the sake of separating them. No I can't.

She looked at me confused. “You want me to listen to him?” she asked and I sure knew if I tell her no she will do exactly same because she trusts me so much.

But am I so selfish to break her trust? No for the fact it will hurt her I did not wanted to be selfish for the first time in my life. I did not wanted to misguide her though it meant she will be with me for forever.

“I don't know. Do what you want to do Ragini. Don't listen to anyone but your heart and trust me it will not disappoint you” I brought that very difficult smile on my face looking at her.

She was not sure. May be she needed time. But I did not wanted to influence her decisions so I stayed quite.

***.***

It was 1 o clock in the night and I have been dialing her number for the time I forgot the count. The line was still busy. I threw the phone on the table and lied on the bed.

“You got the line?” asked Dilip and I just nodded my head. “Ashish's room light is still burning so unless that goes off I don't think you will get the line” he said and I glared him.

“For heaven's sake I speak truth sometimes only Mr. Best friend” he shrugged his shoulder and I threw the cushion at him.

***.***

I walked to Ragini in the classroom furiously. “For one damn minute couldn't you keep your boy friend on hold? I wanted to wish you on your birthday” I dragged her holding her hand. She bit her tongue and looked at me apologetically.

“I was so damn sleepy Sanky and did not see the screen properly” she said and I took a deep breath to cool myself. Even if I try hard I can't get angry on her.

She was back to normal self. Smiled and laughed more and looked happier than ever. What else I needed in my life other than to see her smile and that smile reaching her eyes. “Fine don't do this next time” I walked to my desk and sat on it.

How has life changed over past few months I wonder. Ragini and Ashish were official couple of our college and everyone went awestruck looking at them.

But that jerk did not deserve Ragini for sure but she was happy and to me nothing mattered.

****.****

I smiled at her childish selfies on the facebook. She was smiling and again that smile brought a life inside me. Ragini the girl whom I ever really loved.

“Hey” I replied to her message on the messenger. “What took you so long half crack” her reply made me chuckle.

“Was compiling your favorite program genius” I replied her and she popped that question “Bubble sort?” and I nodded my head looking at it.

“Yup exactly” I replied. “Okay Chikni Chameli. I got to log out from the work. Text you once I reach home” she replied and I replied “Okay” to her.

Life doesn't give us everything in the same platter. And I did not knew I will be facing this in my life so soon.

I met Ajay on the way when I was returning home. We talked and remembered all the moments of past.

“So how is life going on? Where are others? I mean only Ragini talks to me nowadays” I said sipping the coffee.

The night outside was sparkling with the stars. And it looked so intimidating I felt that cool breeze just making me feel new.

“All are busy in their own life. And yeah Ragini isn't that's why she gets time to talk to everyone” he said and I looked at him while his expression changed.

“Hey dude I know she was special for you and her settling with Ashish sure has broken many hearts than I can even count” I joked and he just smiled sadly.

“You never understood why I felt drawn to her. Did you?” he looked into my eyes. “She reminds me of my mom” he spoke with a cracking voice.

“I lost my mother when I was very young and my father married another woman who never considered me as her child. She did not even considered me as a human being” he said looking down.

“When I first met Ragini she I don't know how she reminded me of my mother. I have never seen my mom but may be if she was alive she would have been like Ragini. Caring and loving” he stretched his lips controlling his emotions.

“She used to make me feel like I'm her kid Sanky seriously I have not seen a girl who is so compassionate towards someone whom she knows hardly” his eyes glistened and I nodded my head agreeing to him.

“But I became the reason for her misery” he dropped his head and I looked at him confused. “What do you mean?” I asked him. “She didn't tell you?” he looked up at me. “Regarding?” I asked him. “No.. nothing” he said getting up and I held his hand stopping him.

“Please Sanky don't ask me. If she hasn't told you this may be she doesn't want you to know about it” he said and my heart dropped from its cage.

I let him go and my phone buzzed and I saw Ragini's text. “Give me your number” I texted her not even seeing what she messaged. “What happened?” she asked and I was in no mood to waste time.

“If ever the friendship we had mattered to you give me your number” I texted and she sent me her number and I immediately dialed her number.

“Hello” I heard her voice after an age it felt. “Where are you? I want to see you right now” I said without wasting time.

“Sanskar” she whined. “Please Ragini. I feel like I will die now” I said as I did not had anything else to say. She told me her address and I drew my bike in that direction.

***.***

I banged on the calling bell continuously until the door opened. I looked at Ragini who was standing holding the door. I pounced to hug her immediately.

“What is wrong with you?” she asked dazed. And I sobbed and sobbed holding her.

“Tell me what is wrong with you? I met Ajay. He said he is responsible for your misery. And damn girl you were pretending all happy from how many days. What happened? What are you hiding from me?” I asked her without taking breath.

“Sanky will you calm down first?” she made me sit. I was shivering. I just wiped my face which was brimmed with sweat.

“Will you tell me now?” I asked her after gulping the water she offered. “But it ain't important” she said casually. “I don't care. Something has happened in your life and it was bad that's what matters to me” I said determined and she smiled through her glassy eyes.

“It was just the break up and that idiot Ajay is making a big issue out of it. I told him it was ought to happen” she said and got up from her place and I couldn't grasp what she spoke.

“I and Ashish broke up. And it was mutual. But I don't know Ajay feels it is because of him” she said. Though she was facing her back to me I know how she felt. She was controlling her pain.

“Was it that casual for you why didn't you share it with me?” I approached her. She stood not turning. And when she turned after the pause her face was painful.

“Ragini” I cupped her face. “It wasn't casual Sanky. It wasn't. I went through hell lot of pain. But” she hiccuped. “But I did not wanted to make you sad” she said in a cracking voice which broke my soul.

“Shhhh” I dragged her and placed her head on my chest and she let out all her held emotions.

She narrated how her talking with Ajay infuriated Ashish who was always taunting her of cheating him. She tried a lot to explain him but he never listened to her or gave her a chance. She laughed at her childishness when she gave him a chance listening to her heart and he was blinded by assumptions of his own mind.

“I told he was a jerk” I made her chuckle. She looked at me and I could see her red nose and fluffy eyes. She surely was missing me badly.

“Ragini” “Hm” she hummed when we sat at the bench at the veranda gazing the stars. “What is your definition of right guy?” I asked and she looked at me.

“I don't have a definition Sanky. I just know for me there is no right guy” she said again staring back at the stars.

“What if I ask you to make me your right guy? I know I'm an asshole who never values emotions. Who never feels for anyone but will you accept me the way I am?” I looked into her eyes.

“You were never an asshole to me and you valued my emotions at least. You felt for me always. You felt my pain always Sanskar” she cupped my face with her one hand.

“You are a right guy but not for me” she said closing her eyes and letting that tear drop.

I kissed her tear and placed my lips on hers.

“I want to be the right guy only for you” I smiled and she hugged me tightly like she did not wanted to let me go and even I did not wanted to let her go.

Ever.

Iss pal mai  hu  ya tum bhi ho
Ya dono hoke bhi na hai