Content warning

*This chapter contains eating disorder, if you experience this please read with caution

I can't believe Marcus and Maxine are...... dating...

Damn, I sound like Squeaker, stammering and what shit.

I'm staring at my best friend ogling over his redheaded mistress as she vainly looks at herself in that little mirror thing chicks use.. Shoot what did Lizzie call it... Man she has one too, with Winnie the Pooh on the back of it. Damn, I'm not going to know what that thing is -

"Max, can I use your compact mirror?" Alexis waves her hand in her way, making Maxine grumble but hands it to her.

That's it, a compact mirror... Fuck, I can't believe it's in my damn vocabulary.

Alexis takes it and shows it to Hollis, who looks at himself and slumps his shoulders. Alexis whispers to him and he gives a half smile to her.

Well, here we are again, Monday morning. Finally we have a fucking day off after a long, vicious weekend beating UNC with a held-in breath. I was definitely holding mine the entire time.

We have always been rivals from the beginning of time, sometimes for show... sometimes for shit talk on social media. Online smack has been awfully quiet since Saturday, which is nice but now we have to worry about all the other fucking schools like Kansas State, Mizzou, Texas Tech, Georgia Tech, Nebraska, and let's not forget Harvard, the big shit talkers but always getting the refs to call stupid stuff. Sophomore year, Marcus got ejected because he gently tapped one of them in the chest... the guy fell flat on his back, arms and legs fanned out like Lizzie's starfish.

Give me fucking break.

Rolling my eyes, my sight gets caught by the last woman I want to see here..... Who's walking with some colleagues of hers out the hotel. The fact she fucking stays here sickens me but I'm doing my way and she's doing her way.

Gabrielle actually tried to ask me a question during the post-game interview time. I briefly did, just mainly wearing my corn dog shirt for Shorty. Before she could ask a question, Marcus said no further questions. Someone asked if he agrees all the way to hopefully play for the Detroit Pistons because it's his hometown. Their scouts were there last night and, yes, they were talking but Marcus hopes to play for the Boston Celtics because of a particular redhead and their future, which to me seems pretty bright.

Playfully pressing my lips, they publicly smooch while Jordy and I both look at each other with playfully agape mouths. Jordy palms his hands over his heart space. I was hoping Hollis would join in but he is too busy having a side conversation with Alexis that kind of looks serious the way he is arching his brow and she is softly touching his arm.

"So, where we goin'?" I tease, as Maxine sizes me up with her eyes.

'We-" She points to Marcus and her. "-are going to Chipotle, and you both are going somewhere else, Tiny Dick." She oozes with love, trying to pretend our little moment last Friday didn't matter.

I told Lizzie about it, expecting to earn at least ten good behavior chart stars for my kind-hearted move. She gave me one... so I put three on hers.

"Oh, comeee onn! We are all family here." Jordy puffs his chest a bit.

Maxine furrows her brows at the both of us, clearly not impressed with us crashing her lunch date. Marcus whispers in her ear, she scoffs, and shifts her eyes with green laser beams at Jordy and I. "You can come but have to sit far away from us."

"Damn... I'm remembering this when Lizzie comes." I arrogantly grin at her. "Your behavior chart is getting wiped out, Max."

Maxine's mouth opens slightly but she shuts it at the announcement to avoid looking too astonished. "We will compromise." She presses her lips at me.

"So, Chipotle?" Jordy perks like a golden retriever that he is.

"Chipotle it is," Marcus concludes, while Maxine presses her lips at him.

She folds her arms and adjusts her posture at Marcus' entourage in the hotel lobby.

"I second that," Jordy chimes.

"I could really go for a power bowl," Hollis adds, rubbing his stomach. It gurgles loudly, like he hasn't eaten real food all day and if I am honest here... He's been on this juice fast and, from what I've seen, needs real, actual food.

"Court me in." I arrogantly grin

"I didn't say all of you were invited!" Maxine clips, adjusting her purse on her forearm.

Alexis softly taps her arm to be nice and she scoffs, grabbing Marcus' hand. He's smiling like a Cheshire cat because it's official now.

You heard me.

It's official.

The group of us exit out of the hotel being greeted with cool winter Indianapolis air as we make our way down the street to lunch. Times like this, I wish Lizzie was here. It's been tugging at my soul that she wasn't able to come with Alexis but this is her last day. Honestly, even though Hollis will be bummed, I'm glad she is leaving so she can be back with the Corn Dog Expertise.

The Corn Dog Expertise that has won over my family's hearts, as I knew she would.

Knowing that Lizzie spent all Saturday and Sunday, Aunt Lisa and Tubby really warms my chest. I wish I was there to spend time with them like she did but I think this time was just needed for Lizzie to get the individualized parental attention she hasn't had in like four years.

Sunday, I had so many people from my old neighborhood and church friends tell me how they just love her. I was slightly weary about her meeting Leon the drummer from church. He has some charm that could steal Lizzie right away. He was lucky I wasn't there.

Aunt Lisa showed off Lizzie like she was her own. Uncle Steve bragged about her future more than mine. I'm sure Lizzie is bubbled over with being spoiled and loved for the weekend without me doing it.

Lizzie already has been sending ideas of what she wants to do already in Indianapolis. The museums, places to eat, Pinterest places to take photos. It's honestly the most she texts me all day today because she has a big test coming up on Wednesday.

"Yo, the highlight reels of me are on fire," Jordy boasts, scrolling through his phone.

Secretively, I made one for him because, honestly between Marcus and I, Jordy is the underdog. Jordy gets to play but the TV only focuses on popularity, which I think it's stupid.

"Word, let me see." I smirk as Jordy holds up his phone, showing the exact video clip I made on Tik Tok that already was almost half million views of Jordy's epic shot. I went simple, just the replay and a caption, 'Swish.'

"Five hundred thousand views." He clasps his hand over his face in disbelief.

"Big baller." Marcus grins big at Jordy.

"Jordy, you were classy," Maxine says, as if she's swallowing glass for giving him a compliment.

"Thanks, best friend." He wraps his arm around her neck playfully.

"Ugh, get off me!" Maxine scoffs, while Marcus laughs at her disgust.

As she flails her arms as I open the door to Chipotle and we all walk in. An unfamiliar hip hop song roams Chipotle, being welcoming with the lovely onion, garlic, paprika, and all the good seasonings that make this place a chef's kiss above all fast-food chain southwest grill places. I'm sorry for all who like Moe's... or Qdoba. Or California Tortilla.

Getting all of our food from the graciousness of Maxine's dad's black card, we all settle down as my attention happens to be drawn at Alexis and Hollis. They're sitting alone across by a window. Hollis is picking over his food while Alexis is bubbly holding steak stabbed in her fork.

I look down at my half-eaten bowl with all the chicken eaten that I would probably steal from the Little Cotton Candy Storm Maker. I wonder what she is up to right now.

Placing my fork down on my napkin, I pick up my phone and thumb over the screen at her furrowing her eyebrows at me. It's a reminder to keep myself in order. I press facetime, hoping she picks up, and a smile pulls on my face when her phone says connected.

Here she is, looking like she has been in a war with her hair flying in random directions. Her glasses are shoved up to her face and she sends me furrowed brows but a smile.

"Hey Baby," I schmooze, taking a bite of my food and making sure my fingers get flashed into the screen shot.

Her cheeks glow pink like the highlighter she's got, okay teething on, in between her teeth. Maybe she should consider not using that ugly shade. "Hi Jaylan, you do know I'm studying."

"Oh really... I thought you were talking to me," I toss back playfully.

She grunts adorably with a half-smile, puts her highlighter down, and adjusts her glasses on the bridge of her nose. "How was your day?" Her voice sounds sweeter than sugar, almost making my teeth hurt.

"It was good, kinda dry on Artichoke Day," I tease because she refuses to celebrate it because 'it's yucky.'

She ain't even try it.

"Jaylannn," she exasperates, which I love.

"You excited for Alexis to come back?"

She shrugs and looks down on her paper because she knows she can't get away with things when she comes back. "Yeah, it was nice for everyone to be away."

"I'm sure. How is that cotton candy maker goin' for you?" I shoot her wink.

She snorts and covers her mouth, bouncing her shoulders and trying to control her giggles. "Well.. I try making the blue stuff but it got a little messy, so I'm going to try again tonight."

She's understating that. The picture she sent me looked like either the machine exploded on her or she swam in it.

"You going to bring some when you come here?" I lick my lower lip and she crinkles her nose in a cute way.

"I will," she nods.

"You will... Look at you, I know you are excited." I rub my lips together because I'm excited. "Did you start packing?"

Her lips quiver from trying not to laugh but she couldn't help it and starts belly laughing. She turns the camera around, showing her bag beginning to be packed.

"Whatchu got in there?" I tease.

She flips around the camera and puts a finger to those soft lips I miss. Fuck... I miss those soft lips. She goes over to her bag, flips the camera, and opens it. A couple of tops and a pair of jeans are sitting in it but a flash of color in the background catches my eyes. "Hey, bring that red dress that's in your closet."

"Oh, Jaylan that makes my..... That makes my mangoes really big in it. Like almost falling out... I accidentally shrunk it in the laundry," she whispers because she knows I don't have my air pods in and she can probably see I'm not alone.

I'm hanging on every word but want to be the only doing that, so I dig through my sweatshirt pocket. My fingers find my air pods when I glance up to see Alexis shaking her head at Hollis, who is fisting his hair with both hands. His skin is a sickly gray and he looks like he is going to throw up.

Uh oh.

I put my air pods in and connect so I can hear Lizzie again. She is in her over the top, colored-coded closet. I'm talking gradient shades of red, orange, pretty much OCD-level organized... but that's my girlfriend. I'm not surprised if she may have organized the house while I've been gone. 

After Lizzie left my aunt and uncle's house, Aunt Lisa texted me a picture of my room with a message, 'Big improvement.' All my bikini girl posters were gone, tossed in the trash with an evidence picture, my bed was neatly made, and what little clothes were in my closet looked Lizzie-organized.

The Clutter Destroyer grabs my attention when she pulls down the red dress I had my eyes set on. It's satin, silky, and just tight. Knowing it's going to give little to the imagination when she wears it for the team dinner after we win March Madness shifts definite movement between my legs.

"This one?" She holds up against her body.

"Oh yeah." I smirk and she does too. "And those sparkly shoes under your bed"

"Oh, those my Quinceañera heels. I don't think I can wear those," she says shyly.

"Bring 'em," I encourage.

She blushes and goes underneath her bed with her camera to her second home, pulls them out, and tosses them into the bag.

"So, you don't mind the dress?" she says curiously.

"Try it on for me, so I can see," I tease.

"Jaylannnn," she drags, with a smile blushing up automatically.

"Lizzieeeee," I tease.

She hitches her breath quickly and taps a few fingers on her lower lip. Our eyes roam each other's faces, almost the same darkening stares when we both get lost in each other since the day I left.

"Do you really want to see it?" She giggles with a hint of eagerness.

"Only if you want to, babe." I toss a chip in my mouth.

She sinks her teeth in her lower lip, takes her phone, and balances it on something so I can see horizontally. Woah, is she about to change in front of me in the middle of fucking Chipotle? I craddle up my phone, as my sight laser focuses on her as she slips off her shirt, exposing this light blue sports bra with all of her mangoes spilling out.

FUCK ME.

Shit.

I hold up the phone closer to my face and she giggles as she slips on the dress and her tiny ass shorts down. The dress takes my fucking breath away, as it's just how I imagine it would look. A slit rises on the right side so my hand can crawl up there and even grasp her thigh. Her mangoes look so round and fun. The color highlights her honey brown skin.

She turns to the side, observing herself in her body mirror over her shoulder and looking back at her conga drum. I'm now drooling and it has nothing to do with my lunch.

That ass is out of this world.

"Does it make my conga drum look big?" she genuinely asks, looking back.

I bite my fist and she giggles at my reaction. Adding to my torment, she shakes her ass, making the cobra awake at his best friend.

"If I say yes, will you still wear it?"

"Mmm-hmm," she teasingly hums and sinks her teeth in her lip. She turns and leaps on her bed piled with her giraffe, big teddy bear and now Tigger and my cut out piled in her bed.

"I'll wear it." Her voice becomes like caramelized candy, just how sexy it sounds makes me close my eyes for a moment of composure.

"I can't wait," I rasp and open my eyes.

"Do you have anything to match it, Jaylan?" She furrows her brows at me.

"Of course I dooooo," I advertise and she gives me a Jaylan look, not buying it.

"Does this mean I have to go shopping for you?" Her eyes brighten and I chuckle softly.

"Depends Giggles, I'm pretty particular," I reply but what I don't tell her is my size isn't really in the standard racks.

She mumbles something in Spanish and I arch my brow. "Wowwww, do I need to add a star?" I tease.

"Jaylan!" She fusses.

Cracking a smile, my attention draws up, seeing Hollis shaking his leg under their table and Alexis is now looking like she doesn't know what else to say. She's frowning with slumped shoulders... oh shit.

"No, fuck this, Lexi! Why now, are you kidding me1?" he raises his voice and squeezes both hands into tight fists.

Marcus, Maxine, and I pull our attention in the direction of Hollis squeaking his chair. The screech echoes through the quiet, midday Chipotle.

Lizzie arches her brow at me and I give her a one minute sign. "Wait St-"

Hollis gets up and Alexis reaches for him but he walks right into the bathroom, probably to do something I've been trying to stop him from doing.

"Lizzie, I'll call you back okay?"

"Are you okay, Jaylan? Is everything okay?" Lizzie's voice fills with concern.

"Yeah I'm fine... Just checking on Hollis... It's okay, I'll call you back," I assure her as Alexis tries to stop him but he pushes her off and goes right to the bathroom.

"Okay, well... We fit together like puzzle pieces," Lizzie stammers out and I crack a smile.

It fades while looking at Alexis combing her hands through her hair. She sits back at their table, lowering her head and typing on her phone. Her reactions draw Maxine's attention, who pries Marcus off her. She walks over to Alexis, whose eyes well up in tears.

"We fit together like puzzle pieces... 'Bye, Lizzie." I smile, observing her face once more. She looks angelic and innocent as always.

"'Bye, Jaylan," she softly says with a half-smile.

The call ends.. I love her too.

I put my phone in my pocket,  get up, and head right to the bathroom, where I'm welcomed with the sound of gagging, coughing, and hurling. "Hollis...... Stephen."

"Fuck............. Go away, Jaylan." With a few coughs, he tosses the monkey.

"Definitely not, come on, Hollis." I knock on the stall door, trying not to have my own stomach churn.

He throws up again and I sigh as I listen to him painfully dry heaving up everything he just ate. "Hollis, come on.. You were doing so good... Remember, I am healing... I am healthy... My body is a gift," I remind him of the affirmation during Eaters Anonymous meetings. "Do you need me to call-"

He sighs as I hear a thud of his head hit against the stall door where my hand rests. I cringe, slowly sitting down with my back against the stall as I hear him sniffle. "Why does this always happen to me?" he groans out, then dry heaves again.

I crinkle my nose at the sound and think about how Lizzie is so passionate about taking care of people when they are sick. Yeah, I can't do vomit.

"What happened?" I curiously ask, holding my swirling stomach.

"Every girl," he rasps.

Quietness takes over the bathroom and he sighs sorrowfully. The only sounds are his rugged breaths to calm down but he vomits again.

Ever since Hollis was fourteen, he's wanted to look the best, be the best. In every sport, academically, with his body, and with women, he held himself to overly high standards. His idols were Fitness men, who didn't really give the best example on body image for men.

You have to have the biggest arms or the perfect colored tone of olive skin. He struggled at NYU, where the culture there was toxic, unrealistic, and dark. The amount of hazing Hollis faced pushed him to the point where he was hospitalized to look godly perfectly but paid a price with his mental health. Coach T actually recruited him after we came back from March Madness, found him in the locker room after their loss, and helped him get back on his feet.

But it seems like Hollis' demons are coming back and whatever Alexis did has just triggered them.

"Hollis, that's not true," I begin.

"It is!" He slams his hand into the door, sending vibrations through the bathroom. "EVERY fucking girl I've been with always seem to not like who I am."

I rub the back of my neck because times like this I wish I had Lizzie's rainbow and deep analogy words like the flash cards like she studies the medications for school. "How do you know that?" I leave him room to answer.

As far as from what I've seen with Alexis and Stephen, she is giving her all. She's giving everything that she couldn't with Derek and that says a lot. To be honest, I think he see the real Alexis Clark more than Derek Thompson wishes he could have seen before being a dumb ass.

"I'm not good enough for her, she even said it," he rasps heavily.

"Hollis," I reply gently. "I'm sure that's not what she said... "

"She fucking comes all the way here to tell me something like this. She could have told me at home." His head bangs against the stall door.

I don't like how his words come out. My heart tense up as he sighs sorrowfully. "She fucking broke up with me, Jaylan."

"She... what?" My eyes widen and I turn my face near the crack to see him. His shoulders slump and his curly hair hangs down over his forehead. His hands are shaking where they clutch his head and tears are coming down his cheeks like a faucet.

"She broke up with me... She said she felt she was losing herself again..... I thought I was doing everything right for her... I took it one step at a time.... I told her I would be there for her job in the summer but she still said no and wants to be friends." He tips his head up and bitterly laughs.

"The fact she wants to be friends... Yeah, fuck that shit," he barks.

He isn't wrong, the dude has been laying his life down for her and even pushing harder in his eaters anonymous group but when shit hits the fan like this, he is bound to relapse. "I won't lie man.. You definitely did, I've seen how you really pushed through."

All I can do is blink. I'm beyond shocked for him, for both of them. Hollis saw her as his future, even a future he didn't mind waiting longer for in the short-term.

"I don't get it... It's not like I was going to say no to her dreams. I know how much she loves to travel and see the world. It's her passion and heart, why did she feel like I was getting in the way?" His voice cracked. "I love her, Jay."

I don't have the words to say how rough this is.

"Hollis..." I swallow hard at the dryness in my mouth. "I honestly don't know what to say but all I can say is I'm here for you... You know this.. I have your back..."

He laughs a bit, like all of this is all a dream but unfortunately reality is about to hit him like a nightmare when Alexis goes back to UMD single. I hear him get up and I move with my butt numb to the ground. A low groan leaves me as I get up. Lizze thinks that sound is the funniest thing in the world.

Hollis opens the door with bloodshot red eyes and a bit of vomit on the corner of his mouth. He goes to the sink, quietly washes his hands, and splashes water in his face. He looks in the mirror with tears welling in his eyes and splashes water in his face again.

I wash my hands too and dry them off. He swings open the door, with Alexis standing there looking out of place. Hollis ignores her, brushing past and walking ahead.

"Stephen, wait!" Alexis calls after him.

They begin to quietly bicker back and forth and I cringe, looking over at Marcus and Maxine. Both are laser focusing on the dumpster fire about to be set ablaze. Jordy is still munching away on his food, eyes down on his phone and in his own world, looking at probably youtube videos of Fortnite.

I walk over to them when a terrible world escapes out of Hollis' mouth. "It was a bitchy move, Alexis, because that's who you are. A bitch," he snaps quietly.

"You asshole!" Alexis points at him but he moves her finger out of his face.

Alexis gets in his way but he moves the other way. He walks out of Chipotle, abandoning his food and with her hot on his trail. I tap onto Jordy's shoulder and motion my head. Jordy looks up to see Alexis and Hollis throwing their hands in the air and fussing.

"Okay, okay." Maxine sighs and looks a lot less surprised than me, Marcus, and now Jordy. "Marcus, just let me... Just let's separate them," she says calmly.

Marcus unsurely looks at her if he could buy it but she taps his hand to trust her. She gets up, quickly walks out to Alexis and moves her away. With the door open, I hear her screaming at Hollis with tears in her eyes.

"What's going on?" Jordy asks, gathering his things and sending Hollis a look of concern.

"I'll explain later," I mumble under my breath.

We walk out and Hollis has smoke steaming out of his ears, clenching his fists while Maxine and Alexis walk farther away. "Yeah, walk away! Walk away like you are good at, fucking up relationships like you fucked up your sister's!"

Low fucking blow.

Shit I better move him away before Alexis snaps him in half or worse Maxine.  "Hollis" I reach for him but he snaps his body away.

"Hollis." Marcus shakes his hand towards his neck.

"FUCK YOU!" Alexis screams as Maxine keeps a hold on her arms.

Hollis is about to say something but Marcus covers his mouth and we turn the other direction. A few feet away, Hollis shoves his mouth free. "Man, fuck her... fuck this shit..." he fumes.

"I know you are angry right now but don't end things on a sour note," I add.

"I don't care anymore. She'll probably go fuck Derek again..." his voice spews venom.

We freeze in our group and he shakes his head, combing his fingers in his brown curls.

"I'm sorry, what?" Jordy freezes

"Nothing, I said nothing, I'm not saying anything more..." He says over and over to cover up what he just dropped to all of us.

Why would Alexis even think about texting Derek? The last time they actually had any contact was the night we won our regular season game against Michigan. Alexis made it clear she didn't want any contact with him again, with a cup of red punch in his face that night.

"There is no way she would have done that," Marcus assures him.

"He texted her.. That's all I need to know," he clips.

My heart sinks at that news, not Derek texting her but the idea he'd go through her messages.

"Yo, that is not... Did you look at her text messages? How are you still alive!" Marcus blinks.

"It doesn't matter," he brushes us off and begins to walk back to the hotel.

"It does matter. I thought y'all trust each other, there is no way-"  Marcus tries to defend Alexis at this point but Hollis is not having it.

"I don't want to talk about her anymore," he says coldly, sending each of us a heated glare.

"Come on, don't be like that," Marcus offers. "We're with you, Hollis."

"Wasted a whole three months with her, just to end like that quickly..." He puts his head down.

Silence fills around us as we walk back to the hotel. The heaviness of Hollis' situation just hits all of us. Even Jordy's shoulders slump because he feels when everyone feels. In the short-term, I'm worried about how this will affect my teammate when he's under the biggest pressure of the season to perform.

In the bigger picture, I'm worried for my friend.

"Just give each other room to breathe, at least. Maybe talk before she leaves tomorrow?" I suggest.

"Nah, I'm good," he clips coldly, as if something switched in him. With absolutely no emotion on his face, like the old Hollis, jaded and closed off, he adds, "I'm done."

As we enter the lobby, Alexis and Maxine are already in the elevator. Alexis holds her face in her hands and her shoulders violently shake.

"Jordy, you still want to go to that bar tonight?" Hollis' eyes travel to a few girls passing our way, waving at all of us.

"I... I-I don't know," Jordy stammers because he knows that's not a good idea.

I don't think that's a good idea either, considering I want all my teammates ALIVE 'till the end and not ended by Maxine's fury.

"Come on Jordy." Hollis scoffs quietly. "Didn't you say you wanted to see that one girl with bra-"

"Tattoos... How about we get a tattoo?" I cut Hollis off.

"Yeah, let's get tattoos," Marcus chimes in, throwing me a relieved look.

It's always a good day to have a tattoo, right?

🏀🏀🏀🏀

Sounds of electric buzzing and light chatter fill the space as we all surround Hollis, who gets a tattoo on his back of a tree and half birds flying away. It symbolizes growth.

I'm so glad I thought this tonight for Hollis, because it took all of us to talk him out of just numbing his pain with some random girl. Now, it's his choice but the best thing I could do is to save him for even more of a heartache for him feeling bad afterwards when his heart is still with Alexis.

Having a heartbreak during March Madness absolutely sucks. I know personally because Gabrielle did it to me the first year I was able to go. It was partially my fault for sleeping around with Ava but I did it just for the feeling of wanting to numb away the aches I get. Hell, even in the last two March Madness tournaments, Ava was all up in my head with her toxic ass pulling shit, fogging my mind up. But this year... It's clear skies and sunshine with Lizzie.

"This was a fucking good idea,"  Hollis says, muffled down in relaxation, as his shoulders finally relax.

"It looks good," I assure him, snapping a picture on his phone and showing him the black ink.

"I'm next." Marcus laughs.

"What are you getting?" Jordy asks, as he focuses on looking at the book. Like always, he's indecisive and I might end up picking one for him.

"Not sure." He smugly grins.

"Don't lie. Get Big Red wide on your neck because she chokes you there." Xavier laughs.

Holding back my laughter, I swipe my hand across my neck as Marcus sideeyes him. "Alright... It's looking good, Yankee." Eric, our personal artist that we adopted an hour ago because we fell in love with his art and story.

Flashbacks of when I got my tattoo replay in my mind, with Lizzie blocking her face with her hands as she was scared to see the needle touch my skin or maybe seeing my abs... It was probably my abs, now I think about it. Maybe I should ask her what I should get again?

Before I reach my phone in my pocket, my attention is drawn to the semicolon tattoo. I avoided putting this on my skin for the longest time but... It's meaning is a part of me. 

"Hey Jordy, let me see that real quick?" I ask and he hands me the book.

My eyes scan the simplicity of it and this tattoo has so much meaning but again, all my tattoos are my personal journal. The semicolon represents not only a reminder for me but for my mom.  It's message of affirmation and solidarity against suicide and depression, what my mom lost too and I don't want to lose too.

It's definitely a story I would like to share with Lizzie, maybe when we get back home. I need to take her somewhere peaceful just to share that because, well... I feel like she does deserve to know, considering I can't hide that part of why my mom died.

I twist my lips and tap the book twist. "I know what I'm getting."

"Really... I have no clue what I want." Jordy frowns.

"All done," Eric says, wiping off Hollis' back.

He shows the mirror on him and a smile pulls on his lips, the first smile I've seen all night.

"Alright, who is next?" Eric says, as he cleans up his station and he scans the room.

"Me." Marcus beams and throws his shirt off. His torso is already inked up with tattoos more than me.

Eric continues to clean his tools as Marcus sits comfortably in his chair with his hands behind his head. Hollis looks in the mirror at his muscular back, overly checking his body and I notice his chest heaves.

"It looks good man," I assure him, handing over his phone and showing him.

"Thanks, I really like the choice," his voice lowers.

"Better than gettin' buck wild, right?" I chuckle

His shoulder slump. "I guess, it just sucks right now," he mutters quietly.

"It does but that's why you have the court, to let it all out."

"But, what will happen when we're all done, Cap?" He looks over his shoulder at me, offering a small glimpse of the pain in his eyes. "It's pretty much clouding my head."

"Then we will find something together to work it out," I promise him, patting his shoulder but avoiding his sore skin.

He shakes his head a few times, then runs his hands through his hair. "I don't get how you do it man, have it all together."

"Honestly, working through all my shit is not easy," I admit because even though I feel completely different, and for the better, than I did a couple months ago, I am still a work in progress.

"But you have a wonderful woman to help you," he says quietly, bowing his head.

And I'm blessed to have her, honestly. If Lizzie didn't come into my life at the moment she did, I don't know where my mind or heart would still be. Lizzie's right, she is the perfect puzzle piece and we go together perfectly.

Everyday she inspires me to be better and break away from the life I falsely built up. I was just a projection for others not to see the real me.

"I do but from what I've learned so far that's not her job to make me feel good," I offer quietly. "l have to feel it myself."

He takes a slow, deep breath and exhales loudly. "I wish it was easy."

"Me too but we are in this together. You know that." My eyes shift around the crowded room, since the whole team is here. "All of us."

"I know I just..." He pauses with a small sniffle. "It's still fresh and I still love her... I don't think that's ever going to go away... I did apologize for what I said but she left me on read. I guess I deserve that," he mutters, dragging his hands through his hair again.

"It takes time. Give it time."

His shoulders slump and I pat his shoulder again. "From here on out, Hollis, it's about self-improvement because that's your biggest priority. And I'm here for you, man."

A small flash of gratitude cuts through the heavy sadness in his eyes. "Thanks, Jaylan. You are a true brother I never had."

"No matter the difference and no matter the issue."

His smile fades and what I didn't expect next is a hug but I'm happy to take it. Patting my hands carefully around his sensitive skin, I pull back and assure him, "Self-improvement. The rest will fall into place, you'll see."

He sighs heavily, slumping his shoulders.

I know he may not see it now but I believe he will get there soon, one day at a time. Like me until recently, he probably doesn't see it but I believe it now.

Men make up 15% of cases including anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge-eating disorder, recent research shows. A recent study says 22% of young men turn to dangerous means to bulk up muscle with disordered eating behaviors.

If you are in a crisis and need help immediately, text "NEDA" to 741741 to be connected with a trained volunteer at. Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message to individuals who are struggling with mental health, including eating disorders, and are experiencing crisis situations.

Edited and Spiced by still_just_me

Please check out It's Just Phone Sex on this month featured list on Wattpad! Super exciting and please show much love!

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Sorry guys I didn't see that coming when I was writing lol! But second chance at romance is everyone favorite right? Lexi and Stephen's Book should be out by no later than September!

More to come! *evil laugh*