I love Uncle Steve.

"Hurry up boy, I want to see the court so I can show Big Mike!" he demands, drawing his eyebrows together.

Flashing an arrogant grin, I hold my phone while my other hand laces up my Nike Airs for tonight's game against Mizzou. I promised Uncle Steve I would show him the basketball court so he can remember his glory years again.

I want to make him proud of me.

From the jump, it has never been easy for the both of us to connect. I was still hurting and grieving while he was still hurting and grieving too over mom. We never knew how to communicate with each other and our emotions so it led a rough path between us.

But the one thing about Uncle Steve is that he fought for our relationship and fought to be in my life no matter how much I ran from him to know the real me. I don't think I could ever be grateful for how he has never given up on me. There were times I thought he would throw in the towel and just give up but his unconditional love is what kept me going.

I don't know what I would do without him and never want to disappoint Uncle Steve again. He means so much to me and I owe him everything.

Uncle Steve huffs like a bull, fogging up his camera screen. I chuckle again softly.

"Alright, alright," I huff, sitting up.

Jordy scoots over, all up in my space with a big ass smile. "HIIII, UNCLE STEVE!" he beams to the side of me.

Uncle Steve places his hand on his forehead, playfully shaking his head at Jordy waving at him. For the record, Uncle Steve loves Jordy like his own. Because Jordy's dad is in the military Jordy never really had a true connection with his father like his brother Andrew did. Uncle Steve's motivation was never to replace Jordy's dad but to be an additional figure in his life to put on the right path.

"Yooooo Pops!" Marcus sticks his head into the other side of my screen. Uncle Steve's act of not wanting to be bothered by the two pulls his lips into a smile. "About to beat your record Unc" Marcus gloats.

Uncle Steve presses his lips as Jordy gets more into the camera. Hollis pops over my shoulder and waves happily at Uncle Steve. "Would y'all move? This is my conversation." I suck my teeth playfully.

"Only childhood syndrome is not a good look," Marcus teased. I roll my eyes and Aunt Lisa shakes her head at me.

A smile pulls on my face thinking of Candy Burglar mimicking Aunt Lisa and correcting me. I wish she could have been at the house tonight to meet everyone.

"Jaylan, be nice," Aunt Lisa scolds.

Jordy and Marcus both look at me with a huge smile and I playfully roll my eyes. Getting up from the bench, I head out to the locker room and walk down the tunnel. After this phone call, I want to warm up by practicing some free throws.

"AYEEEEEE!!" Big Mike howls in my ear, almost making my airpod fall out.

"Damn, could you be any louder?" I scold and Aunt Lisa gets in the camera and arches her brow at me.

Sheepishly smiling, she points at me, almost like Lizzie would. "Jaylan just because you are six foot seven doesn't mean I can't knock you down to your knee caps and put soap in your mouth," Aunt Lisa threatens.

My jaw drops and laughter erupts of how bold she just roasted me.

"Jaylan, I got big money on you. Gonna need you to do, like, five rebounds and those true shooting percentages," Big Mike boasts and Aunt Lisa clenches her jaw.

"Michael Eugene, you better not be gambling." She huffs.

Cackling, I shake my head, pushing open the gymnasium doors and watching all the production for tonight's game. A few Mizzou players are out, reporters... a certain reporter... and some photographers.

"Who is all coming over?" I ask, as my attention draws back to my phone.

Aunt Lisa flips the camera around, showing all this mouth watering display of food. She must have whipped it up in her kitchen earlier today since spring break is about to start for Baltimore County Public schools.

"Jahday, Leon, Malik, the whole team basically," Big Mike lists off with a bragging smile.

"Leon from Church?" I grumble about that player.

"Yes, is there a problem?" Aunt Lisa says from a distance.

With no hesitation, I order, "Keep him away from Lizzie."

"Jaylan, don't be ridiculous." Aunt Lisa scoffs.

Of course Aunt Lisa would see no fault in Leon because he even has all the church ladies swooning from his smooth talker voice and charm. Mom fell for that too.

Faintly smiling remembering Leon holding the door for mom at church, I notice Uncle Steve rattles the camera around while walking, making me a bit motion sick. "Could you hold the camera straight?"

"Can you handle the ball tonight properly?" Uncle Steve claps back.

Everybody laughs, including me. Warmth spread across my chest the fact that my childhood friends and forever brothers will watch Marcus, Jordy, and I tonight playing ball. It will definitely be like old times and I can't wait to play with him again.

Tonight, Aunt Lisa and Uncle Steve invited everybody over for a party just to watch the game and work on brackets. Well, technically they will watch Uncle Steve's bracket control because he has a whole ass white board of his March Madness predictions. Lizzie said it gave her a headache to look at, with all his scribbles and scratches with smelly, old markers that needed to be thrown out.

She sent me a few videos of Uncle Steve in his element. I'm surprised he hasn't broken his old chair by jumping on it or flipping it over. Her last picture showed him passed out with potato chip crumbs on his stomach.

I love Uncle Steve.

I can see why Mom always teased him.

Faintly smiling, I watch him walk around the house, wobbling the phone and running his mouth. I couldn't help but laugh at him. "You ready to see it now?" I brag.

"Wait, wait. Let me just..." He focuses his eyes in, with his glasses falling down the bridge of his nose.

I hit the button to take a photo of it, to keep up my memories of embarrassing him on Instagram. The confused look on his face fits perfectly with his white socks all the way up his calves at Christmas or while playing ball at the YMCA. I got like almost half million likes for that.

"I got to screenshot it!" he says excitedly.

Chuckling, I grin at Uncle Steve looking very close to the camera, like Edna from the Incredibles. His nostrils are close up and I can see he needs to blow his nose... and trim it.

"You know how to screenshot it?" I say with an arrogant smirk.

"Do you know how to screenshot it," he mimics my voice and I cackle, throwing my head back.

I adjust my airpod in my left ear and flip the camera around for him to get the full experience of the basketball court for tonight's game. The bright lights, the shiny gymnasium floor with the March Madness logo at center court are more than ready for the game. And all the news reporters around talking for pre game interviews and highlights buzz conversations through the otherwise quiet area. I shift my camera quickly so he didn't see Gabrielle.

The hole from Aunt Lisa and Uncle Steve not being here has increased over the past couple of days. It's been bothering me more and more, as the day is coming up that I'm dreading. They belong to be sitting in stands, cheering me just like Gummy Bear Bandit.

"Did you screenshot it?" I tease.

"Jay, be nice," Aunt Lisa corrects.

He mumbles to Aunt Lisa, "What is that button again?" making me cackle almost like they're actually here.

"Honey, did I do it?" Uncle Steve asked in a way Lizzie said would be cute.

Aunt Lisa softly laughs at his technology skills, which I could tell aren't working because in the background Big Mike is getting a big frustrated.

"Here," Big Mike offers, cackling too.

He takes the photo and flips the screen around back at my face. Aunt Lisa and Uncle Steve both get into the screen. "Well, I'll let you warm up because we all know you need it," Uncle Steve says jokingly.

Aunt Lisa bumps his shoulder and smiles at me sweetly. "We will catch you after the game, big winner."

"Thanks Aunt Lisa." I clear my throat.

My chest warms up at their words but also tugs deeply of the homesickness that's been stirring more up in me.

"Don't forget to say hi to Marquis tonight," Uncle Steve reminds me.

"Oh, so you can get a Mizzou shirt?" I tease and Uncle Steve sucks his teeth at me. He furrows his bushy eyebrows at me, making me cackle harder.

"Jayyyy," Aunt Lisa warns, not hiding the smile in her voice.

"Alright, alright." I laugh softly.

"We love you," she says, giving me another warm smile.

"I love you too," I softly say.

Uncle Steve gives me another smile and mouths, 'Don't miss up my bracket.' I crack a smile and end the call. I search through my warm up playlist and place my phone back in my pocket. Mob Ties never fails to warm me up. I turn it all the way up and walk over the basketball rack, when my eyes catch sight of her again fixing her hair and adjusting her hand on the microphone.

Slanting my eyes, I clasp the ball, turn my back, and start dribbling. The rest of the guys come out and begin to practice.

Since I encountered Gabrielle earlier this week, I felt like I've seen her in too many coincidental times since then. Where we eat, where we practice, where we workout, she is there. All just to get my attention but honestly I'm completely closed off by her and her cunning ways. We may have been in love... If I want to call it that way but I don't have those strong emotions for her any longer.

Dribbling the ball, I make a shot but the ball slowly goes around the rim before sliding into the basket.

My history with Gabrielle is complicated. It's more complicated than it is with Ava. Gabrielle was my friend first and when our emotions got involved, it got messy..... Real messy.

Our eyes capture but I quickly avert away, drawing my attention to the basketball hoop.

High school for any in teen love can either make or break you and we both broke each other. I wanted Gabrielle to be my savior and she couldn't save me. She wanted to save me but from finding my true self. Gabrielle and I were bad for each other and we both knew it but we pushed ourselves to try to make it work.

Looking back, I now know that Gabrielle was my crutch. She knew it and abused it. She would use words to mislead me into believing she truly cared for me when she only cared for herself. She made empty promises and could never keep them, which fucked me up because PJ would do that to me all the time. She knew so much about me and held it against me, way deeper than Ava would.

Too wrapped up in our high school relationship, I didn't see how empty and superficial it was until we finally called it off in my sophomore year... or so I'd thought. I still want it called off. She kept having this idea that she could have her cake and eat it too but I'm not going to be a second after thought because her NFL fiancé falls through. When I look back at what Gabrielle and I had it is nothing compared to the intimate deep level I have with Lizzie.

Gabrielle made my life feel like it was a project, a charity case, a personal improvement project, which Lizzie does not. Lizzie cherishes everything about me and takes me for who I am, giving me the space and motivation to want to change and grow myself. She also acknowledges not just my progress but also the effort as I try to move forwards.

Avoiding Gabrielle's gaze, I take another ball of the basketball rack, doing some drills and footwork.

Warming up has always been a dive in to help me set my mind straight, besides Sudoku. I've found myself doing two pages a day lately instead of one.

The more we have gotten closer to playing the final game, the deeper I miss my mom. You know there are thousands of self-help blogs and books that talk about when women lose their mother but none for men. How to help you get through losing the one nurturer you had in life when she becomes gone like the wind if needed for any person in that situation.

This morning was pretty rough. I didn't want to get out of bed but the one thing that helped was one of Lizzie's special antidote letters.

When you miss your mom.

When you miss your mom, think about your little peanut-sized head in the baseball cap, how happy, and free you felt.

It's okay to miss her but just know she is always with you, cheering you on and so proud of you Jaylan. I don't think she could ever be disappointed in her son doing what he is best at. She has raised a very well-mannered man who cares so deeply about the people he loves. Nothing happens for nothing and I know she would want you to push through with everything you face because you can do it.

My vision blurs as I remember how my hands shook at Lizzie's letter, at how much she thinks the best of me just the way my mom did. The letter had cutout baseballs surrounding it, each with encouraging words around it like Leader, Kind, Amazing, and even Stinky.

Smiling at the ball, I clasp it and make another shot. Taylor rebounds it, tossing it back to me.

I wish I could say one day it is easier, that you wake up feeling whole again, but I can't. I couldn't even get out of bed because the weight of grief lingered so deeply in my heart. My body feels like piles of wood planks press on top of me, compressing me down.

I just wish I could call her just to ask how she is doing.

Taking a deep breath, I dribble the basketball again, watching it bounce.

Missing my mom is something I feel every moment of every day, even when I'm happy and content. Life always seems like I'm permanently wearing sunglasses, never the same brightness it was before. I guess all these emotions are rising because Mom's birthday is coming up this monday and it's just another hurtful memory that she is not here.

Her birthday is the first day of spring, Lizzie's favorite holiday, ironically. I haven't told Lizzie yet because I don't want her to stop what she is doing for me all the time. I have to learn how to channel when I feel this way.

A shadow appears behind me and I turn, looking down a bit at the one person who never truly understood the grief I was dealing with when I was young. Gabrielle always tried to push me to believe I didn't need to grieve and I should move on, but the only people who do that have never experienced the heartache of a parent that is still alive.

Glaring at her, I turn but she moves with a smile spread across her face. She tilts her head slightly, letting her high ponytail sway in the air. She clasps onto her microphone and folds her arms.

"Still listening to Dr. Dre before the game?" She laughs.

Ignoring her, I continue to dribble the basketball and cleanly make another shot.

"So, are we just avoiding each other still?" Gabrielle's eyes travel up and down me and she presses her lips with a smirk.

Ignoring her, I take another ball from the rack.

"Jaylan," she repeats my name, drawing my attention to look at her arching her brow.

She softens her eyes at me but I keep my gaze on her neutral. "What?"

"Can't we just talk and be civil?' she pushes.

"No, we can't talk and be civil," I reply dryly. "You are engaged."

She lets out a quiet huff. "Just because I'm engaged doesn't mean we can't have a civil conversation, Jaylan." She rolls her eyes. "That doesn't make sense."

"Nah, I'm good," my response is casual, nicer than the version running through my head. The old me would have told her to fuck off but since she not worth my time or energy, this will do.

"Oh, so you're good because you have a girlfriend now?" I can feel her eyes on the back of my head and I'm trying my best to ignore them.

A low grunt leaves me as I heave the ball in a high arc. "Is that a problem?"

Her voice is cool, almost chilly, but I see right through her games. "No, I just find it funny because when you were with Ava, it didn't stop -"

"You don't know shit." Internally, I'm starting to get angry but project my best indifference. "And I wasn't with Ava."

"Jaylan, you both were practically engaged half your college career -" she starts with criticism.

As much as I hate to admit she is right but what I had with Ava was just to get over my bitterness towards her. Ava and I were nothing more than superficial because we both kept our walls up for us to know the real us towards each other. At best, Ava and I used each other for selfish, physical release only.

"Do you need something because I'm trying to practice?" I clip.

Gabrielle can't find an excuse to have a reason to talk to me so she presses her lips at me again. "Well, if you want to be civil, I'll be at Ricky's tonight. And my room is four oh five, we can catch up on how you've been doing with PJ." she taunts.

"Get the fuck away from me," I bark quietly.

Her head tips slightly to the side, a small sparkle appearing in her eyes. "Oh, you don't do anything with PJ anymore?"

Anger boils throughout my body as she lets out a soft smirk. "Guess you really did change, huh... For the NBA."

She couldn't be more wrong and that should be enough for me, but she's holding the right knife to get under my skin by bringing up PJ. Clenching my jaw, she lets out a sly smirk.

"Get the fuck away from me," I warn her.

"Good luck tonight, Jaylan" She brushes past me, trailing her nails down my arm, but I snap my body away from her so quickly that my feet stumble a step.

As she swishes her hips away, I slam my hand into the basketball. With a hard push, I toss it right into the hoop. It falls straight down, hitting the floor and loudly echoing through the gymnasium.

Seeing Gabrielle gives me all the more reasons why we are no longer compatible and are not good for each other. Just like Ava and PJ, they like to bring up my past to hold me down and won't let me grow to be the person I was meant to be.

And tonight, I'm going to prove them all wrong.

🏀🏀🏀🏀

"AND OHHH right up the middle for Marcus Greene!" The announcer shouts loudly as Marcus dunks right into the hoop cleanly, hanging, and drops down with the biggest smile on his face. Photographers and the black camera zoom around us, getting the angle and the recap of Marcus playing on the jumbotron. The crowd goes nuts as we finally are catching up to Mizzou. We're down by two now, still going back and forth.

"Carson Barker rebounds the ball from Mizzou taking down court... Xavier Blackston on coverage... Carson steps right, moves over down the court!" the announcer shouts, as Xavier and Hollis try to keep up.

Carson spins around them and does a simple layup. Booming cheers and howls hit my chest as I breath ragged. Jordy rebounds the ball and begins to scope out his next play. I give him the nod and I go to the opposite side like a ghost making myself invisible by the half court line.

"Jordy Cross rebounds the ball, takes it down to mid court... passes to Jaylan Parker," the announcer enthusiastically says to the crowd.

Music blares through the arena as the crowd yells 'De-fense' for the favored team like always. With full speed, I dribble down the court. Expensive sneakers squeak on the gymnasium floor as I continue sprinting towards Grayson Matthews' intense hazel eyes. Sweat trickles down my face and his. Entering the ball screen, his feet plant right where I want him.

"You ready?" I cockily smirk.

"Clock dwindling, Parker," he gloats.

I cockily breathe, chuckle, and cut to his left side, easily moving around him and plant my feet right behind the three-point arc. With a quick jump and flick of my hands, I make my clear shot.

Swish.

The sound of the clean shot with the buzzer goes off with a roar of cheers from the stadium howling and cheering.

"AND THE TERPS DO IT AGAIN! They are truly upsetting the March Madness brackets this year!" The announcer shouts.

Maryland 92, Mizzou 91

I know Uncle Steve is proudly wilding out right now, probably broke his Lazy boy seat. We are a breath away from securing a spot in the Final Four. Smirking, I think of the sight of the living with his popcorn spilled all over the place.

My breath is taken out of me as my brothers clasp on to me with excitement.

"YEAH BOY, YEAH!" Marcus hoots.

As I'm shaken around, my eyes catch sight of Coach T, who smiles brightening up the room. I told him the ghost screen would work. I'm really glad he trusts me because he wanted to make a simple three pointer but the defense was all over me tonight.

We line up to show good sportsmanship, slapping our hands and saying good game with the Mizzou players' heads hung low. When I end I go over to Marquis Wilder, a high school buddy of mine, I hug him tight because it just stunned me because I haven't seen him in so long.

"Good game, man." Marquis daps me and pulls me in.

"Yeah, you still got some fire under your feet." I chuckle and he laughs, shaking his head.

"It was good seeing you, we gotta ball this summer when I get home... I miss Big Mike!" Marquis chuckles, folding his arms. Jordy comes over, wrapping his arms around both of necks and bringing us together. Right then a photographer catches it and Marquis and I both groan.

"For real Jordy," Marquis grumbles.

I chuckle, separating us all and Marquis could only smile. "Man, Skeleton, you really picked up your skills with holding your boney arms up." He laughs and Jordy sucks his teeth.

"If it wasn't for King Kong, I wouldn't have these babies." Jordy kisses the barely-there bicep on his right arm.

We all laugh and I look down.

"Man, I miss you both. Well, I'll catch you around this summer for street ball before y'all all get famous on me," Marquis offers.

"No matter the difference," I remind him.

"No matter the issue." Marquis smiles back at Jordy and I.

He flings up his hand, showing the Hebrew sign of brotherhood, the sight of which spreads warmth across my chest. Jordy happily waves goodbye and we head back to the locker room. When we enter, loud chatter and laughter continue just as strong as the post-game smells as we all get ready to head home.

I go to my locker and pull out my phone, immediately checking to see that Cavity Queen has texted me. A smile pulls on my face when I see she sent me a few messages.

Giggles🧸: Thank you for wearing the scrabble socks. They look cute on you! I hope they fit on you okay, they only had 2XL not 3.

Giggles🧸: [gif]

The gif of a cartoon dinosaur dancing with tap shoes invokes a soft laugh out of me. My chest warms up the thought of how anything she does makes me feel loved and appreciated, which makes me fall in love with her more.

She got jokes.

"Look at you, smilin' at your phone and shit," Marcus teases.

I suck my teeth but my smile remains smeared on my face as I watch Lizzie continue to type. I can hear her giggles through my phone as I scroll down to her second message.

Giggles🧸: I can't wait to talk to you tonight, I really miss you <3 You did so good tonight and I'm glad you didn't push that guy to the ground like he did to you.

Now her preschool sugary voice tugs my heart but the next one two messages warms my heart

Giggles🧸: [photo] this

Giggles🧸: that [photo] please say this.

Smirking, I rest my body against the locker admiring my beautiful girlfriend's handwriting signs for the Final Four. I reply back with a smirk.

'Number Eleven, Winning looks good on you.'

Both cursive samples are neatly written in red permanent marker with multiple hearts.

Me: That

The fact that the simplest acts she uses to express her adoration for me, like making a sign, warms my chest.. If I think back of all the women I was with causally, I don't think they would have been supportive like the way Lizzie supports me. I know her eyebrows are furrowing so hard but it's my job and I love it.... I love her.

And I don't think that will ever change.

Time to go have a virtual date with my daily dose of sunshine.

Lifting my head up as I walk outside the locker room, my ears fill with the guys' light chatter. My eyes catch sight of Gabrielle waiting by the white stone wall. She flashes an apologetic smile but she only earns a flat one from me.

She thinks this is a game and I'm not playing any more.

She does this shit to toy with my mind, her way of putting herself in my head. It's almost like she completely forgot her gaslighting me earlier, to think I would just let it slide and numb it like I've always done. But I will no longer let anyone have my dark past linger and threaten over my head

"HEY Gabrielle." Jordy waves happily.

She laughs softly, waving back at him and slowly approaches so I maneuver away from them. I know we need to sit down and talk but I don't want anyone seeing us, especially Maxine because she already has it in her mind I'll try and dog Lizzie.

The truth is, I'm all in for Lizzie and I don't want anyone to get in my path.

Gabrielle and I exchange looks one more time as Jordy blabbers on about his percentages, which were really good tonight. He is probably doing it so he can get an ESPN interview but I'm not mad at him. The walk from the locker room to the exit door felt long and my skin crawled with irritation that Gabrielle is lingering around.

"You did good, Jordy," she compliments him softly, remaining in eye contact with me.

"Thanks, well are you still going to Ricky's place tonight? Oh, is your roommate coming?" He beams brightly.

Even though I wanted Jordy to stay away from Gabrielle, I'm not going to dictate his life. Recently, Jordy has been branching out and being more confident, which I love to see in him because he has always depended on me to lead the charge in any outing we go to because girls flock to me. But this is his time to shine and I don't want to steal that away from him. I just want him to be careful.

Gabrielle plasters a quick smile and her nostrils flare softly, looking at me but I shift my eyes down at my phone. Checking the time, I want to make sure I'm ready for our date.

"Erica is, are you coming Jaylan?'' She extends an unwanted invitation, craning her neck a bit at me.

Jordy looks over at me for an answer when thankfully Hollis comes over and wraps his arm around my neck. "I'll go. This guy has plans with his woman." He beats my pecs.

Thank you, Hollis.

"Like, all the time," Jordy whines playfully like a toddler, not helping the situation.

Gabrielle snootily smiles and flickers her eyes up and down. "Well, after maybe you could come," she pushes.

I hold back a laugh. "Nah, I'm good."

"Oh, Jaylan come on, you can't hold what I said to heart early," she defends.

"I said I'm good" My voice booms. Hollis looks at me as I tighten my grip on my phone.

Giving her one last glance to stab her in the heart, like she did with me when she introduced me to Omar right before a game during my sophomore year, I shake my head. "I've moved on to someone better for me and you should too."

Gabrielle's eyes flicker down and silence takes over with all of us. My phone breaks the silence and I look down at Lizzie's text, which pulls my lips into a smile.

Giggles🧸: Of course you would [gif]

The tension that is radiating in my chest with coming in front of my past loosens at the funny Raven Symone gif wearing a Cleopatra hat predicting the future.

Lizzie always knows when to cut in at the most hardest situations. Turning my back on Gabrielle's manipulative, suggestive attempts, I shoot Lizzie a quick response.

Me: See you soon Raspberry lover.

Edited and spiced by still_just_me 

Please be sure to check out It's Just Phone Sex! It currently on Wattpad's Featured list! I love my girl Juneau! Her book is well deserved to be read and her writing style is just ahmazing!

-----

First Ava

Now Gabrielle 

*Face palm*

Toxicity not cute and it will never be cute. 

The pressure cooker is cooking and i'm ready!

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