Does anyone want a little brother?

Mine is for sale, fifty cents actually. He has been for sale for awhile but I haven't really found any good offers yet.

Glancing at my computer screen, Mateo is writing something down on his cell membrane biology project. He has supplies sprawled on the kitchen table, knowingly Mamá will have a meltdown if she sees a spec of glue on the kitchen table. My eyes scope the new improvements around him, how differently it looks from new light grey granite counters.

Mateo himself looks different. I'm still grasping the fact he has facial hair, not a lot but still...

The feeling in my heart palpitates at the thought of what changes have been going on since Papá is no longer there and Señor Ricardo is in his place. Biting the inside of my cheek, I wonder how Papá is handling his new arrangements in Santa Catarina at his new house.

Knocking me out my thoughts, the sound of a permanent black marker tip screeches as he crosses something out.

"Mateo, that looks sloppy. Do you want an A or not?" I critique.

He has Señor Torres and if he anything like when I had him Mateo better take this serious or he won't be playing fútbol this Friday.

Giving him a stern big sister gaze, he presses his lips, waving his hand and blocking my view from trying to inspect what he is doing.

It's a lot harder not to bring order and correction when you are 1,928.2 miles away.

Slumping my shoulders, I pull up my knees in my computer chair, spinning back and forth.

I miss home.

Particularly moments like this hit my homesickness hard. When Mateo, Isabela, and I would do homework together and sneak a pack of Duvalin and Gansitos best thinking snacks ever until Mamá replaced them with bananas and oranges because she was worried about the amount of sugar we would consume.

I knew Mateo didn't want to just randomly call me at seven this evening for nothing. Just like Big Bird knows not to call me Wednesdays, the same goes for my siblings.

But, in the kindness and unconditional, lov-

"Mateo!"

His clay that is supposed to be used for his ribosomes sits across his faded mustache.

Slanting my eyes at Big Bird's soon to be best friend, Mateo's lips pull into the biggest smile as he continues to make a shape of a mitochondria. He rolls it to a tiny sausage-like form and sticks the green piece in his nose like it's a booger.

"Mateo!" I whine with each syllable in his name.

His cackles fill my bedroom as I furrow my brows at him for not paying attention. Very typical Mateo doesn't like following directions. He was a poor student for me when we used to play school when we were younger. He got a lot of reports sent home afterwards for disrupting learning with his flatulence and burping. He was expelled when he cut Conor's fur while he was learning.

Glancing over at Conor's forever birthmark, my eyes shift back over to my laptop screen of Mateo still not working on his project but instead playing with the leftover clay I knew would be in good use for emergencies like this.

Those were the good ol' days.

The fuzzy warm memory pulls my heart on how much we have grown up over time. More than the distance separates us, even with video calls. I wish we could get back to where we were before Papá had his myocardial infarction.

"Hey watch it, I worked hard on that!" I scold him, as he roughly turns my perfect A-plus animal cell over in his hands. It took me forever to do the layers. It's slowly peeling because Thurston Sanchez thought it would be funny to pull and pick at it.

"Oh come on, Lizzie! Can I just use yours?" he pleads, poking out his lower lip with his hands clasp.

He used to do that all the time when he wanted to sneak out to play Fútbol instead of doing his homework. I ended up doing it because I didn't really have much to do on a Friday night anyway.

But this isn't working on me now!

I turn my nose crossing my arms and he groans. "That's not how asking how to help with homework works."

"Pedo (fart)" he grumbles.

"Calling me names won't help you get your work done" I chide.

Another reason why Big Bird would love Mateo with all the crazy names like Gummy Bear Bandit or Raspberry lover. Cringing at the gritty tarty memory of that night, I remain my pretend teacher face as Mateo is tossing the extra clay in his hand. I really don't need Jaylan learning any bad words or naughty things to say because he would just abuse it like the behavior chart system. Which reminds me I need to find a better system because the charts aren't giving him fear.

Classic Mateo has waited until the last minute to do his Biology project because Fútbol is more important. However, I'm honored he asked for help because, well, I haven't talked to him for ages and Biology is my jam.

I'm shocked that Jaylan texted me earlier asking how I was doing during my lunch break earlier, almost making me choke on a crumb from my cookies and cream milkshake Olivia and Fredrick's Papi got me. I teased him about it, taking a photo of me sucking my straw and texted him 'Gracias Papi,' only for him to send me a drum emoji and hand shaking emoji.

Oh, Papi.

Sinking my teeth in my lower lip thinking about how cute he looked in his thinking cap, Mateo bangs his hand to break my thoughts. Drawing my eyebrows together, Mateo smiles big and continues to work on his project.

Despite his little brother tendencies, it's really nice to hear from him. I really really miss him more than he will ever know or would like to know. We haven't really talked since after our parents signed their divorce parents a couple of weeks ago. Mateo has been focused and driven pushing through in his senior year so it's expected we don't talk much.

I know I probably say this all the time but I truly miss my family. It's been getting more real and in my face since Jaylan has been gone. I didn't really feel homesick when I was with Jaylan but now that he isn't here that's all I can ever think about is home.

Everyone in nursing class was talking about their plans today for spring break, about how they are going home or going to the beach. All I could think about is what would it be like to go home for a day, just to-

"¡Qué asco! Mateo! (How Disgusting)" Isabela frets, her voice echoing in the kitchen.

Mateo evilly laughing as Isabela gasps for air from his disgusting flatulence. I for sure hear it again and even though I can't smell, just the memory of his awful, rotten smell of onion mixed with wet gym socks, horrid stink bum smell that comes out of his body crinkles my nose..

I miss them so much.

"So, can you recite what ribosome is for?" Mateo taunts, smashing the clay instead of forming another part for his project.

"Mateo, I'm not going to repeat myself." I huff softly.

"Mateo, I'm not going to repeat myself." He heightens his voice, trying to sound like me. Just like Jolly Giant, I do not sound that squeaky.

"JA! That sounds just like her." Isabela laughs, making me smack my hand to my forehead.

Siblings.

Mateo morphs his face to look like a bulldog, sticking out his jaw, making him have an overbite, and causing our dog Bonnie to bark in the background.

On the surface, Mateo has definitely sprouted up like Big Dinosaur and even beefed up his muscles. I'm pretty sure it's all the vegetables I gave him because before him I had to sit at the table until all my food was gone and my dog Bonnie didn't like yucky food as much as I didn't.

Cringing at how I once took a bite of zucchini, I avert my eyes at Mateo wrongly placing where the cell membrane goes. My eye twitches and Mateo snickers in mischief. "Mateooo, take it seriously."

"Sereno moreno Mamá (Chill out)," he dismisses, placing his clay model of the mitochondria in the right place.

But inside his brotherly surface, Mateo is heavy hearted and doesn't like to communicate. Even though he doesn't show his emotions about how the divorce affected him, he definitely displays it in futbol. Isabela said he rammed the ball right into this other guy's jaw and broke it. I think she was exaggerating but I know he channels his anger through playing so maybe his aggression should through that.

"And make sure you put extra hot glue," I remind.

He flickers his eyes up at me and looks down, squeezing the glue gun roughly. "So, are you going to answer Señor Ricardo yet?" he asks.

I twist my lips and look down at my old notes from Biology, fiddling with the worn ends of the pages. I know what Señor Ricardo wants to ask but I'm not ready at all.

I mean, can't he just wait?

Our family has already been through enough with our parents being divorce. I mean, it hasn't been three weeks and I feel like it's just inappropriate to be doing that when we are still trying to accept what has happened.

"What does he want to ask?" I pretend not to know.

Mateo presses his lips at me and shakes his head. "Honestly Lizzie, you are the last person left to ask and he really wants to talk to you. It's not like he is a bad person. Isabela can be, well, dramatic." He whispers at the end.

"I HEARD THAT!" I hear my little sister screaming from the kitchen.

Bouncing my shoulders, I dip down my chin knowing that the pressure is more on me to speak to him but I'm just not ready or want to even know what to say. I hardly talked to Mamá and just, well... Everything is just really hard to process.

"I'll talk to him eventually," I softly say.

"When Mamá walks down the aisle," he deadpans while squishing up small little balls of clay for the vesicles.

"Lizzie take your time, there is nothing to rush about," Isabela reassures, pushing herself into the camera.

Faintly smiling at her assistance, Mateo gives me an arch brow convicting my spirit to do what is right. I'll try to reach out to Señor Ricardo sometime.

"Do you mind?" Mateo growls.

Shaking my head, I smile at both of them how much they have grown over time. Mateo's hair has gotten fuller and all slick and gelled back to look cool. Isabela's hair looks longer than mine, pulled up into a moppy mess on top of her head. To me they still look like my chubby little siblings. Their cheeks were more squishable than mine.

I miss them.

I miss my family being whole.

I know it's been over a couple weeks, which is not hard to believe but how do you get over something like that?I feel like the build up was more painful than on the day it actually happened. As much as I try to move on here, I think it has become harder because I'm not there with them to start this new life with my siblings to walk through this together.

Tears well up in my tears and I sniffle quietly, but they dissolve when my siblings slip right into their argue-tease mode.

"Oh, stop acting like you don't love me." Isabela huffs. "You know you're going to miss me when you're gone."

"Doubtful," he grumbles jokingly.

Even though he is joking, his answer hitches my breath remembering that the time is almost coming and I still need a bit of direction on where he is going to be so I can really begin to research. Even though spring break is around the corner, I have been doubling up my shifts at the hospital and Cinco because I need the money to move out. I deeply sigh and his hazel eyes focus on the screen and his shoulders slump because he knows what I'm about to ask.

"Mateo, have you decided on where you are going to go?" I inquire.

He nods eagerly which edges me on my computer seat leaning on my elbows to hear what decision he is going to make.

"Uhhhhh I really was thinking about the University of Florida. Warm weather, beautiful women, and just my scene, the party scene," he vouches with a naughty smile.

"Mateo," I warn him, shaking my head. "Going to college is not about going to parties. It is a lot of hard work, studying."

"Sorry, I can't be a nerd like you," he says, tossing up the round, clay ball that's supposed to be the cell membrane.

"For starters, I'm not a nerd," I correct him. "I just like science and education"

Isabela and Mateo both look at each other tag teaming me like always and smiles at the camera.

"Nerd," Mateo and Isabela say together and I grunt but a smile pulls on my face.

Folding my arms, drawing my eyebrows together, I observe Isabela, whose eyes soften, probably feeling the lonely feeling of me not being there for so long.

"Are you sure it's Florida?" I quiz.

"Lizzie, I already told you that you don't have to move where I am," he reminds me, but he doesn't have the experience that I have gone through.

"But-"

"Good, because we didn't want to live around you anyway," Isabela teases, squishing the clay ball in his hands.

"ISABELA!" Mateo and I say together.

She throws her head back in laughter and bumps his shoulder to taunt. She has to be careful because I'm not there and Mateo will sit on her for hours. One time, Isabela may or may not have watched Halloweentown one too many times and cut a piece of hair from Mateo because we wanted to save our city and, uhh, he sat on us until Mamá got home.

"Have you heard anything about your green card?" Mateo says, as he plops the cell membrane on the 3D Display.

I shake my head no at the reminder again.

It's honestly been putting a damper on my mood, more than everything else that's been going on. But Maxine's dad said not to worry and he is working on hearing back what's taking so long. Even Jaylan's neighbor offered help while I was helping him walk his dog. Since Jaylan forgot he had that commitment, I did it this morning. Mr. Conyers said if I don't hear anything, let him know because he works in the U.S. Department of Immigration.

"It will come, don't lose hope," he encourages, as he writes on his project.

"Gracias, Mateo."

Silence fills my room as all the emotions I'm feeling about home stirs in my stomach. Mateo must have known through the computer screen because my vision becomes increasingly blurry, almost hard to see.

"Papá called and told me he'll be in Yucatán a little longer and he is coming to see my game." Mateo says quietly, as I notice Señor Ricardo comes in from the backyard with some garden tools. The glare of the sunset looks so beautiful behind Mateo, with hues of orange and dark blue. I can only imagine what Cerro de la Silla looks like. Señor Ricardo greets Mateo and he glances at the screen at me with a faint smile. I dip my chin down, avoiding eye contact and he walks out of the kitchen.

"He isn't bad, you know." Mateo draws my attention back to the screen.

I softly shrug and twist my ips, fiddling still with the edges of a sheet of notebook paper. I clear my throat from some bumble bees that fly up, trying to sting my tongue.

"Is Papá okay?"

"He is fine, I guess. You know him," he tosses back.

I shake my head no, not following what he is trying to say. "What do you mean?"

"Just the same Papá, just doing his thing," he concludes vaguely, like he's not wanting to open up a can of worms.

"Well, at least he is coming to your game."

"Yeah, for once. He hasn't been coming lately because, well, the school has a new smoking ban, and you know how you can't live without a cigarette," Mateo says dryly.

I gulp down more bees and my stomach churns. "He.. he is trying to quit."

"Lizzie, you and I both know he can't live without it." Mateo's fist tightens around the black permanent marker.

Looking away to swipe my eyes, I look back down at my colorful notes that are now dampened by tears. I have to remember that I'm not the only one who has been hurt by Papá's smoking addiction, everyone has repercussions of it that affected us today.

Mateo taps the end of the black permanent marker and continues working on his project. In the midst of silence on my end, I hear Isabela giggling on the phone with one of her friends, something I am really glad she is able to experience back at home and something I didn't. I overheard her brag that she is trying to leave too this fall to stay with me to finish out her senior year. Mateo arches his brown and leans in the computer screen.

"Does Isabela still have the idea she is staying with you?" he whispers.

Sighing, I rest my elbows on my computer desk, place my face in my hands, and rub my temples. Mateo laughs softly, shaking his head knowing exactly what I'm thinking. He knows Mamá would never let that fly, considering she is sixteen years old and Isabela and I would kill each other.

Isabela has already been researching how to finish school here and not be home, sending me homes, high schools, and private schools all in California, which is out of the question. I told her a nice townhome in Baltimore would be just perfect for us and maybe a big whale but I do have to ask Mamá first, she is very overprotective of Isabela.

"What does she even want to do with her life?" Mateo grunts quietly.

"A LOT!" Isabela shouts, holding her phone against her ear.

Giggling at my siblings' petty little arguments, I cover one hand over my mouth. From outside my door, I hear Lexi's door open and close shut, which is another item on my list of stressful uncertainties.

How do you support a friend who is hurting when you are mad at them?

A part of me is glad Lexi is home and another part of me wishes she wasn't. I know with her flight being cancelled put a damper on her mood. I honestly feel like it was maybe the universe telling her to make amends with Stephen. However, last night she was crying a whole lot and I snuck in her bed to cuddle because she was so sad.

I know Lexi deserves love because she is a good, kind person who did not deserve what happened between her and Derek. She deserves the world but chasing away Hollis' love from fear or just feeling like she doesn't deserve it leaves both their hearts broken.

I wish I knew what to say, like Big Coloring Book or Maxine.

Jaylan always knows what to say. Max... always has the best threats.

"So, who is this big tough guy kissing you on the cheek?" Mateo arches his brow.

Sheepishly grinning, just because Mateo is my younger brother doesn't mean he is younger with his fist or words.

"It's her Novioooo!" Isabela teases.

Grunting, I furrow my brows at her big loud mouth because I haven't even told my parents just yet.

"Novio?"

"His name is Jalen," she mispronounces.

I huff and correct her at the end, "It's JAYLAN."

Isabela rolls her eyes at me as she opens up a Duvalin. My mouth begins to water at the heavenly combination of hazelnut and vanilla and the best part is the tiny spoon. I actually collected them and made a sculpture until Mateo thought it was a Jenga game and the rest was history.

"Jaylan, hmm..." Mateo brings back the subject.

"Back to the project, Mateo," I order.

"Don't drop the subject," Isabela eggs on, placing her hand on Mateo's shoulder leaning into the screen.

Mateo swats her like a fly, "Don't you have places to be?" he grunts at her.

"Oh, stop Mateo." Isabela rolls her eyes.

I place both my hands on the side of my face and Mateo laughs. "Where did you meet him? He looks like he could squish you."

He isn't wrong, Jaylan can really do some big damage when he plays around. That's why I don't play tag anything. He could ruin my Nursing career in a flash with one wrong stomp from those giant feet.

My teeth sink into my lower lip for a moment. "I tutored him."

"And puked on him," Isabela adds.

"ISABELA!" I growl.

Mateo's mouth smiles wide open at the most embarrassing moment of my life but my life changing moment at that. I wonder what happened to that sweatshirt anyway, I looked high and low and it's nowhere to be found. Jaylan probably stuffed it away in my neatly packed, organized way in his duffle bag.

Twisting my lips, I snuggle into his camouflage sweatshirt. It's actually my favorite one because the pockets can fit a Twizzlers package just perfectly.

"Are we going to meet him at graduation?" Mateo wiggles his eyebrows.

"Yes." I grit my teeth.

"Oh, I'm bringing the most EMBARRASSING photos ever," he teases.

"Oooh, you should bring the one of Lizzie in the bathtub," Isabella chimes. "Those cute, bare baby cheeks."

As they both begin debating which photo is my most embarrassing, I could help but smile at the warming feeling arising of Jaylan meeting my siblings soon. I can only imagine the chaos brought upon me of the outrageous things Jaylan could get them into.

"Oh my God, remember when Lizzie got her head stuck in the stairs' banister because thought she was small enough?" Mateo cackles loudly echo through my room again and he is definitely not working on his project.

My lips pull up in a smile listening to the memories when I hear my door crack up open. Lexi's glossy eyes draw my attention and drops my heart.

"Mateo, is your project almost done?" I frown at my screen.

"Yes, you butthead." He smiles really big.

Furrowing my brows, I hear Lexi snicker and I look back at her and smile. "Mateo, let me know what you got on the project, okay?"

"He'll probably get a D, he didn't even write his paper," Isabela mocks.

"Isabela!" we say in unison.

She giggles, blowing a kiss into the screen. "Te amo, Lizzie."

"Te amo," Mateo adds.

"Te amo." I let out a soft smile.

I hate saying goodbye, the moment where their faces fade to a black screen that reflects only mine full of disappointment. My heart slowly thumps as I could feel my throat close knowing they are going back to their own lives in Mexico and I'm here.

That's the hardest part.

My vision blurs up and I swipe my eye. I swallow softly and turn, looking at Lexi still at the doorway. Silence swirls around us and I frown at how broken she looks, with slumping shoulders and her hands holding over her elbows.

I swallow my pride and pat the bed on the side of me. I push Jaylan's cut off my bed and she giggles softly, making me giggle too. She slowly walks over and sniffles with a soft hiccup.

She lays on my bed and, when her face hits on Conor's back, she begins to violently shake. The squeak of her voice pains my heart, breaking down the anger and bitterness towards her for going behind my back.

I softly rub up and down her back as her soft howls echo in my room. "I'm so stupid," she strains her voice.

"I'm so so stupid," she repeats.

My head shakes. "Lexi."

"Nooo, I should have listened to you Lizzie, I should have... I..." she could barely get out any words. My bed dips as I get off it to get my tissue box at my computer desk because I was crying earlier while looking through old family photos. I'm surprised I still have some left in the box.

I turn around and notice Lexi sitting at the edge of her bed wiping her eyes and I hand her the tissue box. She softly says Thank you and I sit back down neck to her crossing my legs. I take a tissue and dab her eyes and she pushes some curls out of her face.

"Lizzie, I know... I know I should have been honest with you and I'm sorry," she breathes.

My breath hitches because I honestly wasn't expecting an upfront apology. "I forgive you, Lexi."

"I didn't want to break u..up with him... I didn't... I thought maybe we could talk it out," her voice strains and lower lip quivers.

"What did he say?"

"Well like I said, he was happy for me and he supports me but I just felt like there was a condition he wanted out of it and I just didn't think it was fair."

"Condition?"

"Like he's just expecting me to do it for a short period of time but traveling is my life... It is my life... I don't want to be set back with knowing I have to do it on limited conditions."

I nod, letting her know I understand because Nursing is my life and I know if... Big Dinosaur made me feel that way, it would have definitely been a conversation we would have to talk about.

"I know that's not Stephen's heart but.. He also has insecurities about it..." she admits softly, closing her eyes.

"But doesn't he trust you?"

Her shoulders slump and she shakes her head. "I thought he did... The night I came there, we were spending time with each other. When I went got ready for Maxine's game... He looked through my phone... He saw some old messages from Derek, which I didn't tell you guys about. He has been talking to me. I haven't responded but Stephen started to believe what he wanted to believe."

Frowning at her confession, all of the bitterness I've held onto turns into compassion for Lexi because Stephen broke a violation of trust. It's one thing if you ask to look through someone's phone and discuss an ambiguous message but doing it secretively just indicates you don't trust them.

"Does Max know about that?" I ask uneasily.

Lexi laughs and shakes her head "Absolutely not, I may have had her there but I did want the guys to make it to the next game without any limbs torn off."

We both laugh because Maxine would have shipped Stephen right back to campus in a UPS Box. I dip my chin down a bit. "I... Lexi... I was a bit mad. You told me you were going to wait."

Her smile fades. "I know, Lizzie. And I don't ever, like ever, want you to believe or think I don't value your opinion." She holds my wrist, squeezing like she wants me to believe her.

As much as I think I know what's best for Lexi, it's ultimately her decision to make and I respect that. I will always value Lexi's life choices. They don't have to make sense to me but I think, right now more than ever, she just needs extra support more than ever.

Her eyes soften at me and I lean over, wrapping my arms around her. "I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," Lexi says softly, her hands patting my back.

My eyes squeeze closed for one more hug, and I pull back. "I'm working on communicating better."

"And you are doing great now. I'm proud of you," Lexi praises.

"Would you like to have a box of wine and do a walking tour of Paris?" I suggest.

"Absolutely!" Lexi beams, jumping up off the bed.

I giggle as she runs out and I grab Roger with me. I look at my phone to see Big Dinosaur has texted me. I sink my teeth, go over to grab my phone, and check the message. I read it and furrow my brows but can't help but smile.

Mi Novio 🦕💖: I miss your big butt! And we are at the halfway point to our confetti kiss. I miss you to the moon and back. Goodnight and kiss my cutout for me ;)

The warmth that his words fill me with chips at the sadness that sits in my heart after talking to my brother and sister. He somehow sent me words that I feel like I needed, without me realizing it.

I love you too, Jaylan.

Edited and spiced by still_just_me

Please be sure to check out It's Just Phone Sex and I Hate Football Player Series. Her stories a great summer reads for vacation and leisure time being out of school!  It's Just Phone Sex is currently on Wattpad's Featured List so be sure to add to reading list!

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Homesickness is a cycle.

Grief is a cycle.

Remember that.

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Lexi we are here for you girl.

Sometimes if we know a relationship not what we need right now it's okay to take a step back remember that loves <3

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More to come!