Of course, he would pick the sign option I had where the W is crooked.

"Oh dear," I mumble, glancing at the nearby wall clock.

I'm late...

I'm very late.

And it is for an important date.

Giggling, I swiftly shuffle my notes back into my folder. I glance at the clock in the study room at the library, where I have been the past three hours. I want to keep working on the project because, thankfully, Spencer started sending his ideas and finally contributing to the project. I do miss working with Spencer, but he hasn't been the same. Like yesterday, I offered him some gummy bears but all he did was say he'll pass, opened his own bag, and ate it in front of me.

I really want to remain friends with him but Lexi says sometimes that's hard for guys to just be friends if feelings are involved. I didn't think Spencer liked me like that.

Sighing, I snap my blue glitter box pencil case down and place it in my bookbag.

As much as I would want all of us to work together, this is just going to have to do. Sadly, Carly has not contributed anything and when we turn this in, I'm only putting the three of us on it because she deserves no credit for this group project. I know it's not a kind thing to do but it's not kind either of not helping out.

Shaking my head, I put my folder in my pocket bag and roll up the poster neatly.

April fourth couldn't be any more sooner and it just seems so far away.

Tonight is Jaylan and I's fancy virtual date. I'm really excited because Jaylan and I have never really had a date-date, where we go to a fancy dinner, we eat chocolate mouse first, and he feeds it to me kind of date. The kind of date where he pulls out the chair for me and where we can see the skyline of DC. The date where we talk about how much we love each other....

I really want to tell him

Twisting my lips, I shut off the light in the study room and close the door behind me, looking at the dim lighting in the library as the night sky glistens in the open windows. Still students linger around, nose deep in their textbooks and write down notes.

Hustling down for midterms, I still feel like I'm not ready for Professor Khan's and the Nursing exam midterm. Even though I have been nursing this A this half semester, anything can happen and I want to keep my A because I've earned it.

Sighing deeply, I walk out of the automatic doors of the library. It is completely night time, surrounding me in darkness, which makes me sad that I spent half of my Saturday inside four walls but it's worth it in the end. It's worth it to see my family when I walk across the stage.

I miss them.

My homesickness has lingered for the past couple of days since I talked to Mateo. He got a C on his animal cell project because he forgot to put the Golgi apparatus, even after I told him three thousand times.

The muscles in my smile relax as I remember the conversation with Mamá this morning. I finally told her about graduation. She was very happy to see me and we talked for a while but the heaviness in my heart didn't allow me to enjoy our conversation. I think part of the heaviness was when my eyes caught sight of Señor Ricardo coming in, shirtless and getting coffee in the background, so I ended the call early. Mamá is coming and I told her I just want her to come and hope she understood what I meant.

I still haven't messaged or called Señor Ricardo. It's not like he has a deadline to talk to me and I just would prefer to wait until after graduation and the NCLEX. I know it's selfish of me but Mamá and Papá have already put me through enough with the divorce while in college.

Slumping my shoulders, I open Jaylan's back passenger door and neatly place my things in there and close it. Walking around the car, I catch sight of a few guys walking with Rashad, looking all smiles and laughter. He gives me a head nod and I look away, getting into Jaylan's car.

"S'up, Lizzie?" His voice booms from a distance.

I glance back over to see Rashad talking to the guys and whispering. I softly wave and look back at Jaylan's driver window.

After encountering Rashad the first time, he has been in the library at the same time I've been there or when I'm leaving. I assume it's just a coincidence, considering it is midterms and the library is a free place. My eyes travel to watch him near me.

"Nothing stops you from studying," Rashad's voice draws my attention, making me turn around to notice he is with a group of guys of all different sizes. Still, compared to them, I'm like a tiny mouse.

"You know me," I say above a whisper.

I softly swallow and give a faint smile, looking at Rashad and all the rest of his friends. Thinking this is all we'll say, I nod and let off a faint smile.

"It's good to see you. Hey, did you and Alexis want to come to a party tonight? We are celebrating the big win," he suggests, his eyes scanning my body and shooting heat waves that make the butterflies tuck under their beds. Most of the guys are staring at me, prompting me to avert my eyes away.

"N...No no, we have plans," I stammer.

Clearing my throat, my hands clam up, making Jaylan's keys slip out of my hand. I bend for it and so does Rashad. I softly squeak, leaping back because I didn't want my hair caught in his zipper. That's the last thing I need.

"Oh. well too bad. Would love to catch up," he tosses out casually.

I nod softly and look over my shoulder through Jaylan's reflection window "Maybe when Jaylan comes back." I look back over to him.

Rashad flashes a smile and rubs his jaw. "Right. Well, I won't take up your time."

I rock on my heels with my hands behind my back, letting the keys jiggle. Rashad and a few of the guys walk backwards and he waves. I wave back and gulp again.

I watch as they continue to walk down the hill slowly. I'm not too sure why I feel this way but I know Big Dinosaur would have roared so loud at him the whole earth would have shook from his big, stomping feet.

I'm not sure why, but Rashad makes me feel uncomfortable. All of the sudden, his presence reminds me of bananas still not eaten in days, just rotting away.

Spinning quickly in my crocs, I open the door to get into the car and start the engine. The sound of the roar would excite Papá and Mateo because they are really big into sports cars, especially Papa. I know he would love Jaylan's car, especially because of the exhaust every time I accelerate just slightly.

It's too fast for me... I need more of a minivan to haul all my stuffed animals.

I smile as I look at Conor buckled in and a bit scared as I back out of the parking space a little too fast. It brings back a memory of how I would sit in Papá's car with my stuffed animal in my lap when we would go on drives so he could get out of the house to smoke.

Mamá would fuss at him and so much he just took me and we would just drive so far. He would have all the windows down so the smoke wouldn't get in my face or Mateo's. Conor and I have been through a lot and he's been the best companion buddy, with tears and heartache, even in sickness. That's why I gave him to Isabela because her asthma was so bad when we were younger. She fell in love with him and wouldn't give him back, until, well... I took him in my carry on for college.

Jaylan's fancy car alerts me that a call is coming through and it's Papá. I perk up in my seat as I press accept.

"Que Pedo!!!!"  Papá exclaims with his raspy voice.

"Que Pedo Papá," I beam, with a smile across my face.

"Lo siento hija, ¡he estado trabajando mucho! (I'm sorry daughter, I have been working a lot!)" he apologizes.

"Está bien Papá, ¿pescaste algún pez grande?(It's okay Papá, did you catch any big fish?)" I beam.

"Boquinete," he boasts. Boquiente is a delicacy in Yucatan. Fishing in general is huge down in the Gulf of Mexico and  Papá enjoys it as much as he makes money from how much he catches. He is probably enjoying the extended vacation so he doesn't have to go back to reality.

My mouth begins to water from thinking about how when  Papá would go fishing he would make the best dishes from the fish he caught. My favorite was Tikin Xic wrapped in banana leaves and grilled. He would make salad and rice to go with it with Mamá while cooking and dancing in the kitchen.

Those were the good old days.

"Oh, I would love to have some Tikin Xic." My smile fades.

"Bueno, cuando vuelvas a casa este verano, ¡podemos ir a pescar! (Well, when you come home this summer, we can go fishing!)" he says tenderly.

I softly hum, thinking about what it would be like to fish with Papa over the summer, just a chance to spend time with each other again would be so good for both of us. I'm sure he would love the company.

The mental image of Big Dinosaur fishing makes me giggle and my cheeks warm up while thinking how he would wear a tank showing all his delicious arms, his skin glistening in the sun, his hat sitting backwards, and drinking beer with Papá. He would probably also make fun of my fish assorted fishing bucket hat and measure how much taller the pole is than my body.

Oh, that would be so nice.

"Me gustaria mucho Papá (I would love that so much Papá)" I softly say, making a turn down on my street.

"¿Alguna noticia sobre inmigración? (any news on immigration?)" he sighs, the sound crackling through Jaylan's car.

"todavía está procesando (It's still processing)." My chest heaves.

I was for sure I would hear something by Friday but nothing, just grey noise. It's actually starting to make me nervous and I have yet to tell Jaylan. I don't understand why it's taking so long. I have an American job, I'm in school for my profession, so what's with the delay?

I sigh and shake my head as I refresh to see if the email got lost in my junk mail but see nothing.

"Solo sigue siendo paciente hija (Just keep being patient, daughter)," he comforts, making my chest warm at his fatherly voice. I miss hearing it in person.

" Papá... I just want to remind you that my graduation is coming up.... And I really would like for you to come if you can."

With no hesitation, he replies calmly, "I wouldn't miss it for the world Elizabeth"

My eyes blur as I catch sight of a familiar blonde, jogging in paint splattered leggings. Her ponytail sways in the wind so perfectly and every step meets the concrete perfectly.

"Gracias Papá" I mumble, my eyes tracking Ava.

"Elizabeth...Me preguntaba si podrías enviarme algo de dinero, si puedes. Yo... me estoy quedando sin fondos hasta que mi dinero venga de la pesca.  (I was wondering if you could send me some money, if you can? I... I'm running low on funds until my money comes from fishing)."

Chewing on my lower lip, I know I should not lend  Papá money because it often doesn't go to bills or gas like he says it does.

"Umm...Let me check my bank account this evening and I'll let you know," I mumble quietly, the weight of his request sinking into my stomach.

"Gracias Lizzie," he breathes out.

"De nada Papá."

"Well, I have to go because I just arrived at Mateo's school for the game... Wow, check that out. Hugo Delgado is here!" Papá sounds surprised but my mood sours even at the long-distance reminder.

"Oh, nice." I softly grit my teeth, glancing still at Ava jogging down the street.

"Yeah, he's definitely grown up... You should talk to him, Lizzie."

Reality hits me like a ton of bricks because  Papá has no clue about Jaylan. "Papà..." I whine.

He laughs and I picture him smiling showing off his dimples. "It's a joke."

Nerves tingles in my fingers as I grip the wheel waiting in line at the four way stop. "Papà, there's something I have to tell you."

"What's that, Elizabeth?" he says.

"I met som-"

A gasp escapes from my lips as a bad, bad, bad driver almost nearly runs Ava right over, causing her to jump sideways, then stumble in the middle of the street. She tips over, rolling her ankle, and landing face down. The angle of her fall and twist in her ankle makes my nose cringe.

Her face grimaces as she shakes her fist at the driver while holding her ankle. Oh my, her knee is bleeding very badly.

Papá's voice echoes quietly through my distracted thoughts, "Elizabeth? Everything okay?"

"Si, Papà. I'll tell you another time, okay?" I rush out, slowing down my already-turtle speed through campus.

"Alright?" He laughs.

"Te Amo," I assure him, gripping the wheel tightly.

"Te Amo."

He hangs up and I hesitate, glancing at her still in the middle of the road struggling to get up and failing, wincing. I glance at the time because I'm already behind in getting ready for my date with Jaylan in an hour. I nibble on my lip as the butterflies push my tummy forward to help.

The nursing instinct in me to render need pushes me to act.

Ava's eyes water from a distance as she mumbles something. Her shoulders slump and her head hangs low. Maneuvering over to the curb. I place Jaylan's hazard lights on, grab his car keys, and stick them in his camouflage sweatshirt. This is my favorite out of all. I've worn it for two days now.

I've taken so many of Jaylan's shirts but this is one of my favorites. Like all of them, it's fluffy, comfortable, and warm.

I open the car door and shut it softly. A quick glance around, making sure the scene is safe, is the first thing to do before assessing a patient. Even as a nurse, I'm no help if I am a street pancake.

And second... "Are you okay?" I softly say.

Her head snaps up and her eyes focus up on me. They pool in pain as she clenches her jaw at me. "Great, I'm sure you are enjoying this sight right now. Go ahead, take a picture," she taunts.

"I asked if you are okay," I repeat myself louder and clearer, as if the butterflies put a microphone to my voice box.

"I'm fine," she huffs, trying to get up but is weighed down by the pain.

"Here, let me help you," I say, squatting down to her.

"No thanks." She grimaces, holding her ankle.

"Let me help you," I assert. "You're injured and the longer you sit in the street, the more dangerous it will be."

She hesitates and looks down at her now swelling ankle and bleeding knee. She huffs and brushes a few messy blonde strands out of her face.

"You don't have to." She breathes quietly, grounds her heel, and winces in pain.

With my hands around her elbow, I assist her up off the concrete and, one hobbling jump from her at a time, get her to Jaylan's car and open the door for her. She sighs discontentedly and gets in. I close the door and twist my lips. I scan around to see if she dropped anything but see nothing on the ground.

I walk around the other side and get in, being welcomed with her light strawberry scented shampoo.

And silence... heavy silence fills the car as I slowly pull off.

"Where do you live?" I cut through the silent tension like a thick piece of dry chocolate cake.

"Yale Avenue,'' she softly says, with a sniffle.

Nodding at her statement, I keep driving, tightly gripping the wheel. Her presence alone irritates my skin like a rash but the compassion in my nursing heart lathers over my skin, soothing it away. Despite her tearing me down and wanting to rip Jaylan and I apart, I want to show her that she will not have the upper hand any longer to bully me or Jaylan.

Her time is up and I will do it by killing her with kindness, whether she deserves it or not.

Turning down the U-shaped fraternity row street, many students are out and about, grilling, talking, and just enjoying the night spring warm air. Music blares after the basketball teams' big wins. People cheer when sighting Jaylan's car and, just to encourage it, I blow the horn.

Ava scoffs slightly and grumbles about me being a show off, which lets a smirk spread across my lips.

Turning down Yale Ave, the homes look prestigious and polished, something I imagine is seen in California Beverly Hills. You think HGTV decorated the Victorian-style homes' manicured exteriors by how perfect they look.

"You can drop me off here," she mumbles halfway down the street, pointing to the curb.

I blink a few times at the fraternity house nearby. "Where is your house?"

She flips up a dismissive hand. "You can drop me off here."

Ignoring her, I keep driving and she grunts when I recognize her familiar silver Mercedes in the driveway. I pull in and she unbuckles her seatbelt quickly to get out. I turn off the car and unbuckle mine.

Ava huffs and gets out but winces out loud. "My ankle," she whimpers.

Another step in nursing is intervention and care.

I quickly move around to help. She pushes me away but I offer my arm to help her get to her townhome, helping her up the driveway. This whole place looks completely different where we live. I would have thought I was in a cookie cutter neighborhood with how revamped this whole area on Yale Ave is. Maxine has said unkind things about this place but this area is so nice. My eyes marvel at the garden Ava has, with pretty tulips peaking out in between evergreen bushes.

"Okay, I'm good." She yanks away from me and jiggles the keys but drops them. I bend down and pick them, which she snatches away.

Timidly still waiting, she pushes open the door and heavily picks up her right leg. I assist her inside and she glares at me but bites her tongue. I step foot in her home and its white, chic living room. It is something you see on Pinterest with Audrey Hepburn photos on her wall and white fur carpet. It looks like nothing has been touched and the floors are pristine clean.

She probably has cleaners to clean it for her. Ava hobbles over to her sofa, sits down, and props her leg right up.

I place my hands behind my back and step back closer to the door. "Do you have a first kit?"

"What do you not understand? I don't want your help! Please get out!" she barks.

In a calm voice, I repeat, "I asked you if you had a first aid kit."

"I speak English and you don't so, so clearly you don't understand me." Her eyes narrow into a glare.

I stomp my foot, the smack echoing in her living room and she sits up with her leg still bleeding. We glare at each other in a silent showdown you would see on Amor En La Calle 33, fighting for one man's love when one woman knows she's lost but will still do anything she can to win him back.

She laughs harshly and motions her eyes up and down. "I don't see what he sees you, he can barely speak English himself," she grumbles.

"Where is your first aid kit, Ava?" I demand.

Ava sits quietly observing me with slanted eyes. She points to her front door but my feet remain glued to her crystalline white tile floor.

"Since you're so desperate to play nurse, it's in the kitchen above the refrigerator."

"I'm not desperate and I am a nurse," I clip and slant my eyes.

She points to the left side and I look at her up and down. I heard her mumble don't steal anything, making my blood boil. Her hostility reminds me of Inez in my junior year of high school, when she kept picking on me for helping clean the sewing machines for Señora  Anita because she had carpal tunnel and cleaning sewing machines is very tedious.

One day, when I finished helping Señora Anita, I heard a piercing scream from the other room. With trauma from Mamá screaming from Papá collapsing, I rush to the next room and see Inez's hand bleeding from a jar she dropped. She was freaking out, screaming loudly from all the blood.

I immediately rendered aid to her, making sure there wasn't glass and even called her Mom because she had to go to the hospital for stitches. Even though Inez didn't deserve help, I couldn't just not do it because, well, I would want someone to do it for me if I was injured. In nursing, you don't get to pick and choose your patients. Despite how difficult they can be, at the end of the day, you cared for them to the best of your abilities.

My eyes roam around the prestigious kitchen, with white granite and black stools like no one had eaten in here. I found the first aid kit. Great, now I have to get it.

I grab a stool and push her chair to stand to get it. I lean in and look at the refrigerator covered with papers and magnets. My eyes catch sight of a photo of Ava and her family. They look so happy and well-loving.

She must love her family too.

Feeling eyes on me, I grab the first aid kit box and step down off the stool. I grab a paper towel and wet it with water to clean up her knee. I walk back in the living room where Ava is typing fast on her phone and I clear my throat.

She looks up and arches her brow at me. I walk over and sit right next to her.

Her right ankle is red, inflamed, and definitely sprained. I glance at her and glance down, assessing her leg. I open up her first aid kit box and look over the neatly organized unused bandages and supplies. I take the damp paper towel to her leg and she winces, biting her lower lip and looking away. Her knee cut is also pretty deep and I'm pretty sure she is going to have a scar from this. I take the antiseptic and put some on the 4x4 gauze pad, clean around her wound, and apply some Neosporin.

The whole time I silently work, I feel her eyes watching everything I am doing, cleaning up her wound, almost showing her through my silent actions that her words and what she did to me does have a process of healing. I place the fresh, non-stick, 4x4 gauze on her knee and tape on all four sides.

"I don't get you," Ava breaks the silence.

"You don't have to get me," I say, as I begin wrapping her ankle now using an ace wrap.

"You literally could have just laughed at me and drove around but you helped," she observes, looking at my technique as I make sure she has enough pressure on the sprain without applying too much.

"Just because you were mean to me doesn't mean I need to be mean to you. And in life I don't pick and choose my patients," I note.

She swiftly averts her eyes as she looks down at her ankle as I'm almost finished. "Right."

"It's called fixing each other's crown instead of snatching it away," I say, finishing her wrap.

She shrinks her ankle back and I take a pillow from her sofa and place it under her foot. I stand up and walk to the door without saying a word but my crocs have another idea and spin around, facing her again. "For someone who has everything, you could live a happier life and stop destroying others. I tried to... to... to find the words to say to you when I had a chance but I couldn't because you're not worth saying anything anymore."

She laughs and slants her eyes at me "You don't know anything about me for you to say that."

"Then stop portraying yourself that your life is happy when it's completely hell." The words slip so smoothly but I squeak quietly because I've just said a bad word again.

"And you think your life is peaches and roses because you are in nursing school and dating a drug dealer, good job." She laughs like she has the upper hand.

"If you took the time to get to know Jaylan, you would know that's not him. What he's been through ruined his childhood and for you to bring up a mistake proves you only care about yourself!" I snap

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" she demands, fisting the sofa.

"Gladly and Ava, here's a little advice. Don't mess with my man and delete those photos if you don't want people to know you dated a drug dealer in your perfect life," I boldly say, locking my eyes on hers so she knows I am serious.

She clenches her jaw and roughly points to the door. I glare at her one last time and swing open her door and slam it as hard as I could, rattling whatever in her house and hear some glass breaking at that.

My hands tremble when they release the door handle but the butterflies are shouting in victory cry because I stood up to her. The fact she brought up Jaylan as if he's some kind of bad person proves she never cared for him. She never loved him but just wanted him to elevate her status and that's selfish.

And because of her now I'm very late for my date.

━━━━━━━✿━━━━━━

Scrambling down in my seat and lighting Jaylan and I candle, I fix my hair and rub my lip gloss together. My heart is fluttering for some reason, almost like it was the first time I was alone with Jaylan. I sink my teeth in my lower lip, swipe my finger across my phone screen, and it connects to facetime. A smile pulls on my face as it reads connecting.

I wiggle in my seat and sit forward as Jaylan's face appears with a big tired smile on his face. His beard is well groomed and he looks so clean and put together like always, despite his normal Nike or Under armor relaxed clothes. He has on a Black V-neck shirt with his gold chain highlighting his beautiful brown skin. He even has on his diamond earrings I like, glistening in the poor lighting of his hotel room. My eyes continue to study his face as his eyes burn a hole in my clothes.

"Ahhh, shoot let me see," Jaylan glees, leaning forward on his elbows.

I dip my chin down and scoot out my chair and fix my phone so it can give him a nice full view of my outfit. I step back from the table and sink my teeth in my lower lip. He licks his lips and twirls his finger for me to spin around. I giggle and spin around feeling like he actually did it, making me feel so beautiful and free. I turn and sit back down in my seat.

My cheeks warm up as he licks his lips at me, making the butterflies begin to roast their marshmallows in my tummy.

I have retrieved back my two-piece, ruby red top and skirt out of Lexi's closet because she said she needed to wear it sometime but has yet to find an event. But I have an event tonight and I know Novio would like this, how much it shows of my belly ring and makes my conga drum look really good.

"You look so beautiful, Lizzie. Is this what took so long?" He arches his brow.

I sheepishly grin, shrugging up my shoulder and recollecting the last three hours, from my encounter with Ava and crying to Lexi about not being able to curl my hair right. Thankfully, she was able to help me before she went out on her bumble date, Jacob......

Yeah... that... He seemed nice I think, considering he was a little too friendly with hugging me too.

I don't think Clifford the Big Red Dog would have liked that, considering Jacob kind of smashes one of my mangoes with his broad chest.

Or like how Rashad encountered me this evening, inviting me to a party.

"What's with the face?" Jaylan slurps up a spaghetti noodle.

"HEY!' I furrow my brow at him as he grins big, getting a little sauce on his lip...

Boy, does he look so kissable right now. I really really want to kiss him.

Leaning on the table with my elbows, I continue to study his features, memorizing every tired wrinkle under his eyes.  Poor Clifford.

"Don't hey me. I'm hungry and you got me starving." He slurps another noodle, this time through pursed lips.

"Jaylan, you act like you haven't eaten in three years." I giggle, opening my spaghetti container from Carrabba's Italian Grill.

"Babe, when you play for two hours and ten minutes non-stop... I'm hungry." He twirls the biggest mound of spaghetti around his fork and stuffs it all into his mouth, leaving a few stray ones dangling over his lips.

"Big baby," I mumble, with a grin.

He arches his brow and slurps a noddle, holding up his half-ripped, stained behavior chart for me. I shake my head at the horrible integrity. It's so bad, it's going down in history.

"That's a star," he happily boasts, licking his one finger and making me warm between my legs. Shaking my head, I press my thighs lightly.

"Jaylannnn." I furrow my brows.

He smiles big as usual and winks at me, probably drawing a crooked star on it. "Lizzieee," he teases.

I slurp up my spaghetti, the final flick getting some sauce on my nose and he lets out a hearty laugh. I crinkle my nose and wipe it.

"I miss you Squeaker, I can't wait to see you," he admits.

"I can't wait to see you too."

"You in the midst of packing?"

I actually finished packing but also feel like I'm missing some more things, like we have some days in April to celebrate and also I need one more lingerie set... Maybe Lexi and I can go sometime this week.

"I'm still working on it," I squeak and he laughs while still eating his food.

"What did you pack for me?" He winks at me again.

My whole face warms up like a nice warm piece of slice of chocolate cake right out of the oven. I literally want to melt in the chair right now. "I didn't pack anything for you," I tease.

He playfully purses his lips and mouths 'okay.' I giggle and bite a big meatball to plead the fifth. "Well, if you did pack me something, I can't wait to see it."

"You are too stinky." I giggle.

He cracks a smile but it fades a bit and I tilt my head a bit. "Who was the guy you and Jordy took a photo with?" I spark a conversation as I bite into my meatball again.

Jaylan's eyes light up with recognition. "Oh, that's Marquis, I used to play with him in high school."

"I saw that he had a brotherhood tattoo just like you," I remember his matched Jaylan and Jordy's 'brotherhood' ones.

He cracks a smile, plays with his dinner a bit, and looks up at me "Yeah, we definitely are pretty close, actually. Everyone who played basketball with Jordy and I were over Aunt Lisa's and Uncle Steve's house tonight."

"I would love to meet them some day, Jaylan," I answer honestly because his friends seem like extended family.

"Me too, Giggles," he agrees with a smile. "Probably after I come home, Aunt Lisa's going to throw a huge party."

"OOO I would love to help her plan!" I exclaim.

"She would love that, you should text her," he suggests, his smile widening.

"I have ideas already," I say, which I really do, the big basketball balloons, Maryland colors, a photobooth in case Jaylan gets a trophy...... I wonder if Cutout Jaylan will be in shape to attend? He's still got a big crease in him, he might slump over if I stand him up.

"Lizzie." Jaylan's laugh cuts through my plans.

"What?" I crinkle my nose.

"Just daydreaming away on how you use your Party City membership?" He jokes.

"You'll appreciate it one day." I turn my nose up and he lets out a hearty laugh, which I love to hear.

"Man, I miss you, babe. I can't wait to kiss you," he velvets his voice, making my cheeks warm up and not because of this hot, spicy meatball.

"Jaylan..."

"I miss your soft lips so much," he says, sounding a little sad.

"Well... you can with our confetti kiss." I avoid his hot gaze by dropping mine to my plate.

He lets out a soft chuckle. I look up slightly and see him pick up his food, looking down like something is on his mind. He has that look like he wants to tell me something but doesn't want me to feel bothered by it. He rolls his lower lip and then chews on it. I quickly avert my eyes as he takes another big forkful of spaghetti, swirling it around, and takes a silly bite, with strings of noodles hanging out his mouth.

"Did you get to show Uncle Steve the gym like you promised?"

He laughs and nods "Yeah, he was so starstruck. It took him like ten minutes to figure out how to screenshot."

Bouncing my shoulders, I giggle at Uncle Steve reminding me so much of how Abuelo and  Papá handle technology. It makes me think they would all get along together. I would really love that.

He slump his shoulders and clenches on to his fork. He swirls a bit of his spaghetti, this time just looking at it, and sighs softly. "Lizzie, I'm sorry." He drops his fork and looks up at me with wells in his eyes.

"Jaylan, what's wrong?" I say, watching a tear stream down his eyes.

His gold chain bracelet jiggles as he wipes the corner of his eyes. "I'm sorry Lizzie, I di-"

"Don't be sorry," I softly say, as my heart tugs at seeing tears down his face.

"I just really miss my mom today and just things have been getting under my skin" he rasps, as he sniffles a bit.

My heart weighs down like a balancing scale. Grief never gets easy nor does it go away. I know Jaylan has a hard time with it and I just want him to know it's okay to grieve. Showing emotion doesn't make him any less or anything more.

His eyes are lighting up and tears form in them. He sniffles, holding it back and looks down at the table.

Being apart hurts me because I wish I could be there in his room. We cuddle up and he cries into me. Times like this make long distance hard.

"It's okay Jaylan to miss her. This is a big time for you," I softly say, studying his face while he dabs a napkin to his eyes.

"I just didn't want to bring it up on our date." He clears his throat, sniffling quietly.

"Jaylan, speaking it out helps instead of holding it in." I note softly.

Jaylan clears his throat loudly and gazes away from the camera. I could feel the tears form in my eyes, feeling his heart ache of the absence of Miss. Evelyn. Jaylan deserves support and encouragement through this entire time and to know that he is not alone. He covers his face and violently shakes his shoulders as he lets out a harsh cry.

If only I could rub his back.

"It okay Jaylan" A whisper escapes from my lips as he painfully sighs in his hands. What felt like seconds was minutes of just letting him cry over the phone. Silence falls between us, except for his cries muffled in his hands.

"Jaylan, can you look at me?"

He slowly pulls down his hands from his face and he looks so helpless with his lips pulling down. His eyes are so light brown they are transparent.

"We can get through this," I encourage him.

"We can get through this," he repeats, sighing softly.

I know Jaylan probably thinks crying isn't tough but crying makes you the toughest person ever because it allows you to feel and navigate through emotions. Jaylan takes a deep breath and I take one for him. He lets out the heartiest smile with his eyes pooling with tears. "You are my sunshine, you know that?"

Dipping my chin at his warm words that made the butterflies in my tummy flutter around, singing they love him, and I bite the inside of my cheek hoping they don't blab that out. I wish I could just hold his big paws and rub his back. Silence takes over our phone call and Jaylan continues to keep a strong gaze on me, making me avert my eyes.

"Jaylann."

'It's true, babe."

The butterflies fly right into my cheeks, all ten billion of them, making me grab my lemonade and take a sip of it. He laughs huskily, making one of them slip out.

"I'm under your spell." The butterflies fly out my mouth, causing Jaylan to throw his head back and cackle hard.

Maxine would agree... Everything she said is scary and right about how Jaylan says magical words right to his bedroom. Jaylan holds his tummy like I've said something so comical and wipes the corner of his eyes. "You kill me..."

Furrowing my brows, he gives me an air kiss, making me dip my chin down. "I read another letter today of yours." He settles down his giggles.

"You did?'

Sadness softens his voice, "Yeah, when you miss your mom."

A half-smile pulls on my face and I know I'm blushing big time. "Was...was it okay?"

"It's always okay Lizzie, you always know the right things to say."

I'm glad he thinks so because, in each letter, I was just trying to think of what I'd want to hear, and leave out what I wouldn't want to hear, in those situations.

"Did you like the baseballs?" I ask softly because I wasn't sure if they were too sensitive, which is why I wrote the single words on them... words that he is to me.

"I love them."

"Those words are true, you know." His smile fades but I lean on the table. "Those words are true because thats who you are Jaylan"

He nods and looks down at his empty black container of food. "It's hard to believe sometimes."

"You will see it."

He rubs the back of his neck, making me think he's holding back, and taps the table. "I would like to."

"Me too."

After a long pause, his eyes lift up and show me the pain he's holding in. "You know my mom's birthday is Monday."

My mouth drops open. "The first day of spring!"

He breathes a chuckle and nods.

"Oh Jaylannn, there's so much we can do Monday! Well... as much as we can for her birthday... How old would she... she have been?" I try to remain confident but I place my hands above my mouth because I feel like I went a little overboard.

"Forty-six," his voice cracks.

She was so young.

"Jaylan," I softly say.

"Yeah?" he rasps again.

"It's going to be a good day," I promise.

And if I can make it memorable if he is far away... It's totally worth it because this Jaylan, my Jaylan, that Ava never got to see, shows me the most cherishable qualities ever... vulnerability, openness, and trust.

Edited and spiced by still_just_me

Y'all if you haven't already, please check out It's Just Phone Sex with Juneau and Damian! I love these two so much and I know you all will too. It currently on Wattpad's Featured List this month so be sure to read soon!

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Our girl Lizzie sips tea. 

Pressure cooker still cooking and if April fourth does come any sooner again.. lol