I miss Carbo Queen.

Cracking a smile, I let out a ragged breath as we just finished another passing drill with added cardio workout.

"We can do this all night!" Coach T blasts the whistle that I swear haunts me in my dreams already.

We all groan, lining up in an X on the court. We're practicing passing the ball because Coach T did not like our ball handling playing against Michigan State but they are out of the picture.

I can't believe we are here... And still in motion, we're getting back to what hurt us last year. It feels so unreal, like this time came up quickly. It's emotional at that considering it's our senior year for most of us and Shawn's first year playing. The hardest part is being an example, considering I was no shape or form being captain-worthy last year, better yet still this year, but Coach T says he sees a difference.

When we stepped off the bus Thursday morning, Coach T immediately found us a place for extra practice at the YMCA from an old buddy so we could get some extra practices in.

To say he's lost his damn mind is an understatement.

He has taken Lizzie's behavior chart to a new level. It's laminated so it can't 'accidentally' get ripped up or water spilled on it. The stickers are little basketballs, which Coach T keeps in his pants pockets so none of us cheat. It's not easy like the way I can get away with things with her but he's got us working hard not to hear that damn piercing sound. Maybe I have to have her try to lighten him up a bit using that toddler voice.

His heart is soft for Lizzie and so is mine.

Smiling, I rest my hands on my knees, sweat dripping from my face. I wipe the sweat on my practice jersey, knowing good and well I hear my little nurse scolding me about drinking electrolytes and eating protein bars when we all know she don't be eating healthy like that. I mean, she gagged eating a raspberry and shivered up like a prune when I suggested trying my western omelet at IHOP covered with extra vegetables just to see her cringe.

Damn, I miss her.

I look down, take a deep breath, and shut my eyes, trapping the dripping sweat coming down my face.

It's now officially a week since I've seen Lizzie and honestly wish I could see her sooner. She still doesn't know I bought her ticket and the reaction I am going to get is going to be priceless.

I can see her mouth drop down just like when she saw me naked. She thought I didn't see her checking out my butt, sorry conga drum, in the shower. It's alright, she can look because it's all her's.

Holding back my smile because Coach is eyeing me, I draw my attention at the ball, swiftly passing around the court around us. At this point, we are playing a game just to get Coach T off our back.

Glancing at the empty seat next to Alexis, who's typing away on her laptop and listening to her airpods, the churn in my stomach returns again. I had the same feeling on Monday Night, just the feeling of her being not here.

I'm so glad I opened that letter of when you feel alone. The envelope exploded on me, with glitter getting in my eyes. Her beautiful handwriting and overload of hearts warmed my whole body in her expression of love for me. The fact she knew what to say at the right moment really hit me and I don't think I could be ever more thankful.

I don't think I've ever been this, well... Love sick, if you want to call it being without someone. Not even with Gabrielle did these feelings come up. I mean, granted we were kids but her absence didn't affect me as much as it does with Lizzie.

Lizzie's joy and happiness is a privilege and honor to be around. And not that I had taken advantage of that, I just don't think I appreciated it enough. But since being here, the little things she has done makes me feel like she is right by my side.

Like this morning, the physical therapy team approached me during warmups and our joint practice with UMBC, our sister college. Doc McStuffins somehow obtained the contact number and talked to the PT team here last Friday to make sure I'm doing my PT exercises too.

I'm listening to her because I want this surprise she keeps raving about. I got her a surprise too...and I can't wait till it's delivered to my house and the reaction on her face.

Slowly shrinking the devil horns that Lizzie swears appear on top of my head at my mischievous ways, I keep my attention on the pickup game in front of me.

When we arrived last Thursday morning, I thought I could get away with being an ass and tease her about forgetting the first aid kit, which I placed right on my dresser in the hotel room. When I'm out of the hotel, it's in my bag, which was strictly instructed that it goes everywhere I go... I may or may not have teased her of me leaving it at a gas station bathroom. I wasn't thinking and she bawled her eyes out, which made me feel like a true ass because it was the wrong time to tease her, considering our time apart... I hate seeing her cry and not being able to hold on to her.

I definitely VEMO'd her money for a big ass bag of gummy bears for that and she threatened to send all the orange ones in a baggy up to Indiana for being mean knowing good and well I'll eat them all. However, I made up for it more and cuddled with the octo... I mean Olivia on our facetime and she teased, saying Papi is so mean and stared at me in awe, like it was the most adorable thing in the whole world.

Fuck, that word has so much weight.

An orange flash draws my attention and I catch the ball quickly, like Spiderman. I toss it right back to Marcus, who's not paying attention and drops the ball right down.

"AGAIN!" Coach T blasts the whistle.

We all press our lips at him and grumble, which Marcus smiles at, dribbling the ball and pases it quickly to Jordy, who stumbles but catches it and snaps it smoothly to Xavier.

With narrow attention, I think about the day after my fuck up moment. I made sure Lizzie got some coffee on her morning clinical but with my added twist of a nickname Boobzilla.

Breathing a chuckle at not only for the nickname but Jordy puffing up his chest behind Coach T's back, who's holding a basketball and ranting to Taylor about, "It's switch and pivot. It's not chemistry."

Lizzie would beg to differ.

The little sticker star giver cleaned the house Friday and it was definitely a good show. Watching her shake her ass while vacuuming or  dancing in my kitchen, and cleaning my floors was a sight to see. I drew the line when she started cleaning the refrigerator, throwing away the vegetables, so I of course spoke through the Ring. Lizzie jumped so high, she almost touched the ceiling and spilled the mop bucket all over the floor. Well, she called Coach T not to put a sticker by my name for that.

I actually saved the footage on my ring and it was good to laugh this morning.

Straightening my smile, Coach hands me the ball and blows the whistle in my face. "Can't you hear, Parker?"

Grumbling, I pass the ball to Hollis, who is completely distracted looking at Alexis. The ball almost knocks him in the head but he catches it. Given what I assume happened at the team breakfast before we left, I'm checking up on him after meals. Beneath his tough exterior, he's a very sensitive guy who's fallen over himself in loves with Alexis. I'm happy for them but his condition is all about proper management.

Lizzie would've thought that would've been funny, like everything funny like Saturday when she showed how my car is completely a candy store. She's put so much candy on the passenger seat that I can barely see it. Or how she took all my sweatshirts left in my closet and did a fashion show... pantless asking what ones I thought looked better on her.

Don't get me started on how I have the spank bank chart all drafted up. She already has stars on it for the things that have been added up in the past. Just the sound of my hand connecting to her as-

"PARKER, GET OUT OF LALA LAND!" Coach T points at me and I chuckle, smiling and knowing the only land I would like to be again is the mango island.

Fuck... I can't get hard at practice.

She had me so fucking hard from wearing that beautiful nightie last night, with her hair half curled and her big ol' glasses. Navy blue is my favorite on her skin but black is a close second. She made a new fantasy in my mind, where I spread her out underneath me and run my hands over the shiny, black silk until it's off her. My hand cramped up so bad this morning in the shower. I just would love to stick my face in between her legs and take a dip.

I can't and I will not let the imagination of her squirming, panting, and grasping the sheets out of my mind. It's honestly motivation to see it again that's why I've been pushing through the games, just knowing the sooner the better it will be to see Lizzie again to pick up where we left off. No matter how much in the past I would want to rush and think about myself... It's about her, how to make her feel.

I'm glad I got a sticker that night for cuddling up with the octo- Olivia because knowing Lizzie and her little games... It never disappoints.

My chest warms when my eyes see Maxine and the basketball bullies coming to sit down next to Alexisi, whose eyes soften. She gets up, hugging Maxine like they haven't seen each other in seven days.

Man, Raspberry Lover should be here too.

My heart sinks down to my feet, knowing Lizzie is all by herself right now. I'm sure she is bouncing on the beds, leaving all the lights on, eating junk food, dancing pantless, and breaking all the rules while her friendship guardians are away.

I got a couple of trustworthy buddies to keep an eye on her, especially after she stood up to Ava. It was bold but I love it. I just don't want her to be in a vulnerable place but Lizzie assured me that her teal-headed friend has her back and is spending the night. Plus, this is the weekend she will be going to Aunt Lisa and Uncle Steve's house.

I miss all of them.

Sighing, my attention goes back to Coach. "One last drill and we are done... As you know, we are blessed to be here, especially here... And I know you all have been through a lot and everybody has their own goals and vision to be here... but the question is how bad do you want it..."

He pauses and scans the court. "Duke nearly took what matters the most to all of you... Dignity but you fight for it... and right now I want to practice rebounding because all you outside of basketball fight for what matters and I want to see it on the court"! Coach blows the whistle.

His words sink deep into me on a lot of things I've fought for... I'm still fighting for... Which is just a freedom to just be me, live my own life, with my own decisions.

"I saw some slip ups with Michigan, remember the use of proper box out techniques to maintain the inside position for the rebound, as well as the aggressive pursuit of the ball......"

"Offense by the center." Coach points to Taylor, Xavier, Jordy, and Hollis.

"Defense here." He points to the middle. "Now don't take this too far.... Marcus." Coach shifts his eyes to him because he can be a bit aggressive when it comes to fighting for what he wants... That's why he is still fighting for Ginger Demon.

Coach T lifts up his hand with the ball and my attention draws right on it like Marcus right now. Defense especially gets low, like Shawn who is crouched down in his stance. The kid is a beast and I couldn't ask for anyone better to be the best asset to the team.

"GET TOUGH, GREENE!" Marcus' annoying Boston accent girlfriend cheers.

I roll my eyes and he couldn't help but have his personal cheerleader cheer for him and get in some extra practices on defense.

Coach blows the whistle and immediately the ball is in the air, Jordy surprisingly grabs it as I tip it, Everyone surrounds him but he turns to the rebound line.

"Clear thinking Jordy!" Coach T reminds him. Marcus is all in his sauce and Jordy starts to shrink up, something he tries his best not to do but he shifts to his right and meets Shawn right into his face. In his gut reaction, Jordy hunches over and freezes.

"You got it Jordy! Side step to the left!" Coach T encourages.

Jordy's shrunk over posture reminds me a bit of Lizzie when she talks about her parents getting a divorce. Jordy actually was a bit frustrated when his mom told him she is getting married. He didn't really take that too well, considering his parents have been having this on and off thing going on. I actually don't think it's fair but again with everything that has happened with Andrew... It's, well, been hard on him.

"Pass the ball, Jordy!" I maneuver around Shawn and Jordy passes the ball to me.

With an extension of my arms, I make the shot right in. Swish.

Coach motions us over to the three point line as we wipe the sweat and our chest heave from the intense battle of fighting for the ball.

"The hardest battle you are ever going to have to fight is the battle to just be you.... Good work tonight... I'm proud of you guys... Showers and hit the bus!" Coach blows the final whistle.

Stillness surrounds all of us, filled with heavy rugged breath as we look at each other and turn away.

When Coach encourages us it's sometimes hard to let it sink in not because he yells or the damn whistle but it's because we have hard to accept positive things pushed to us. I mean, until Bubble Guppie, I didn't really have anyone speak positive to me except Aunt Lisa and Uncle Steve and Coach T.

I guess I really didn't appreciate that either until I came here.

Collecting the balls on the rack, most of pretty much all my so-called brothers vanished. Chuckling, I think about how last year I would get so roasted about doing the smallest act of kindness and humility. My family has always taught me to humble myself in ways no other one will. I think about how my mom and I would do trash pick up in our community on Saturdays and how her heart couldn't get anymore bigger for serving as a nurse and for the community. 

I wish I could be like her more... just giving unconditional love and compassion to those who don't deserve it.

The sight of my hand reminds me I haven't sent Lizzie a hand selfie since before practice, so I wrap it around a ball and snap a picture.

Me: Look fits perfectly like your conga drum

Me: [ Picture ]

These are just another way to tease her but each paused glimpse at my fingers takes me back to when they were inside her. The feeling I don't ever want to forget.

I sigh deeply, pushing the cart back into the closet and shutting the door when Marcus leans against it, leaping my feet up a bit. He lets out a huge, cheesy ass smile, holding up a basketball I must have missed.

"Are you coming out with us tonight?" Marcus opens the storage door and places the ball on the rack.

"Where y'all going?"

"Maxine wants to go out to the bar around the college." He chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck.

"To show you off right."

He sucks his teeth but flashes a smile. "I mean, I am worthy of showing off" He flexes his bicep.

"Right." I playfully press my lips.

"You comin?"

I sigh, looking at my phone and seeing a familiar name across my screen with a message but behind my screen is a beautiful Gummy Bear Extraordinaire.

Faintly smiling, I shake my head. "Nah, I'll pass." I chuckle, gathering my Under Armor bag.

"Whatttttttt? You never miss a good time." Marcus holds his hand over his heart space.

"I'd rather talk to Lizzie, honestly." I shrug.

Marcus' lips pull up to a full smile at me and I suck my teeth. "I know that sound," he teases.

"What sound?" I arch my brow.

"Sound of love," he mocks in a valley girl voice. Knowing he is completely supportive of my stance with Lizzie, I shake my head.

It is love and I've been thinking a lot about how to tell her when she gets here. I can only imagine her pinterest pin on that topic.

"And you know what the sound of love is?" I deadpan and Marcus flash a smile.

"I know a thang or two," he boasts, puffing up his chest.

"Right right."

He takes the pole to lift the net up. "So, is this serious, King Kong?"

Flashing my teeth, I look down and breathe a chuckle at my infamous nickname that still does not make sense because that giant ape died in the movie. "King Kong," I recite with a chuckle.

"Answer the question, chump," Marcus clips.

"Yeah, it's serious," I admit proudly.

"Dang... so, like I said, are you in love?"

With zero hesitation, I admit, "I am."

Marcus stumbles back, holding his heart space and locking his legs like there's an earthquake. "I'm playin, I mean I knew but I wasn't goin' to say anything."

"You think it's too early?" I rub the back of my neck.

He gives me a big, genuine smile. "I meannn, you can't really put a timeline on love. If you know, you know."

I never thought I could ever have the capacity to love someone because Uncle Steve said to love you have to love yourself first.  But loving yourself means allowing others to see the real you, like Lizzie. I know loving someone so soon sounds foolish but... I have never been so sure about Lizzie.

"Yeah, I just never thought I'd find love." I laugh, breathing a chuckle

"Me neither but here we are," Marcus says, pushing open the door. We get three steps out before Ginger Demon narrows her eyes at us from where she's waiting.

"Are done having girl time, let's go!" Maxine scolds.

I shift my eyes over at Marcus and he just grins, his eyes filling with so much love for Maxine. I just hope Maxine realizes it's more than what's been on the table for so long.

My phone vibrates again and I notice the same familiar name. I twist my lips as we walk onto the bus and I read the message.

Rashad: Hey man, good game on with Michigan, definitely saw Issac's blindspot... hope all is well. I miss you guys.

I miss you guys? Is he for real?

I reread the message again but it still sounds like, well, bullshit to me. I mean, yes, it's good to finally hear from him but he left on a bad note. But, also without him, I have seen a tremendous change of just no cliques on the team. I mean, even Taylor Xavier and Shawn have grouped together. Miles and Issac always followed Rashad like lost dogs but now we have all come together.

What do I even say to that? You know, after what he has done and said to me, I have no words to respond. Even though Uncle Steve always has the right things to say, there's nothing better than a mother's advice.

I sigh, sitting next to Jordy, who is looking out the window with slumped shoulders as the bus begins to move. The sight of him makes my heart sink. He looks over at me and gives me a faint smile and I give one back, just because we have the understanding that reality hits when all our adrenaline goes away.

"You good?" I ask quietly.

His eyes well up and he shakes his head no, looking out the window. I pat his back softly and sit back in my seat, watching his shoulders shake slightly. The nose in the bus is above normal, which is a good thing because Jordy is crying.

Man, I hate when he cries... but like Pukey Cupcake says, it's good to let out a cry. As I watch Jordy unravel, my phone vibrates in my hand and it's my ring. I arch my brow, swiping the app open to see a familiar raven haired pixie fairy at my doorstep and her teal-headed nursing buddie.

Should I?

"Gummy Bear Bandit, why are you out at ten at night at my house?" I deepen my voice, speaking into my phone. I pull back to see her reaction. The shape of an O on her lips makes me softly cackle.

"Jaylannn, you made me spill my drink!" She holds up an empty Wendy's cup and her teal-headed friend laughs loudly in the background.

I smirk, seeing that Lizzie has all the big ass bear, the giraffe, two bags from Wendys, a blue nursing bag for school and a sleepover bag in her hands. What are these two about to do?

I can't wait to talk to her later.

🏀🏀🏀🏀

"Lizzie, forreal?" I suck my teeth as she giggles uncontrollably laying in our bed with my cut out, her raggedy giraffe, and the big teddy bear I got her for Valentine's Day.

"What? I like sleeping with these," she teases, sinking her teeth in her lower lip and laying against the headboard of our bed.

"You are cappin, Squeaker." I laugh, as my shoulders move up and down. I honestly can't tell if she's teasing me with the cutout in bed or really sleeping with it but damn, we look good.

"I am not capping," she squeaks.

Grinning wide at her saying the cool aave, my eyes glue to her natural, makeup-free face, just how I like it. She has such a natural beauty I can't explain it, especially when she blushes.

"What are you smiling about?" She crinkles her nose and holds her giraffe stuffed animal to her chest, blocking the beautiful mountain view.

I wave her behavior chart and she gasps, letting out the sweet giggles into the hotel room like she is actually here. I shift my eyes to see Jordy with his beats on, playing on his switch laser focus. Jordy has always been a gamer since his brother died; it helps him cope and process things out. Our hotel room lights were dim with only the lamps because we decided to stay back while everyone went out tonight.

I hope Jordy will be okay. I understand where he is at honestly.

"So Elizabeth Maria Lucero, what was the highlight of your day?" I smirk as she furrows her brows at her full name as I adjust myself against the headboard.

She dips her chin down and smiles. I love when she does that. My attention is drawn when she pushes some strands out of her face. 

"Well, after Lexi left, I got some ice cream because, well, I was sad and I watched the planes in your car nearby at the Thomas A Dixon, Junior Aircraft Observation Area. I watched her plane take off and even maybe... Well, to Mexico," she says softly, almost like a whisper.

"Don't be afraid to admit that," I encourage her.

She tilts her head on her shoulder and I let out an assuring warming smile.

My heart burns how her voice becomes shameless to admit how she misses home. I know she misses home, especially with everything that happened before I left. She hasn't talked about it much but I know she will open up when she is ready.

"What's your favorite part of taking off or landing?" I ask, trying to soothe over the topic.

She snuggles up to her giraffe and her lips pull up into a soft smile. "I like landing because of the feeling of just you finally made it so high in the sky."

"I like landing too." I smile softly.

"Do you like the window seat because I have to have the window seat," she justifies and I let out an arrogant smirk. I would let her have the window seat just so she can ogle over and take her Pinterest photos. "I like the window but... I would let you sit there."

She holds the giraffe tighter and her eyes stay glued to my face like I said something admirable. "I like sitting in the back too," Lizzie continues.

I rest my arm behind my head and hold my phone with my free hand. "How come?"

"You can seee everything, and plus it's close to the bathroom and the flight attendants if you need anything."

She would sit by them and probably even offer to help out if she could. I let off a soft chuckle. "What was your flight here like to America?"

She sinks her teeth into her lower lip a bit. "Scary. It was my first time all by myself."

My eyes soften on her because I could only imagine how she felt coming to a new country all by herself, without her family. I'm sure that shit gets to her all the time and I really honestly want to know how to help her process that sometimes. "What did you think about landing in Maryland?"

"Interesting. Baltimore has so many lights but it was so beautiful." she giggles.

I completely agree and it's a beautiful sight to see in the air coming in and seeing the Raven's stadium, or Camden Yards... seeing the harbor glow at night. "Do you have photos of it?"

"I do." She beams, placing the screen on pause.

She hums and I breathe a chuckle, looking over at Jordy with his body turned, facing the curtains, and laying down. My heart sinks deeper knowing he has lingering thoughts in his mind of just why his brother was taken. He'll be up until midnight.

Giggles🧸: [Photo]

Giggles🧸: [Photo]

Giggles🧸: [Photo] ;)

Even though the breathtaking views of seeing the aerial shots of Baltimore, my breath is completely taken away by Lizzie's selfie in my room. Posing seated in her new pajama set I'm already a huge fan of, I mean I always am, who am I kidding. A white koala decorated mini tank stretches across her breasts and her shorts are literally swallowed up by her ass. Her mouth-watering, honey complexion thighs I would love wrapped around my should-

"Jaylan." Lizzie knocks me out of my trance by the cobra awakening to his best friend.

I squeeze my eyes closed, remembering Jordy is ignoring me but still here. Lizzie calls my name again, followed by a giggle. "What?" I blink a few times.

"You like my photo?" She beams.

"Of course, I added it to my collection," I assure her.

She grumbles with her lips trembling and I grin big. "So, Doc, what else today?" I heighten my voice.

She tugs her giraffe to her chest. "Well, I had my clinical simulation lab. We practice leading a code blue... Which I'm really nervous because it's a lot of responsibility but I really want to be good at it since I think I want to really be a critical care nurse anyway." She shyly hides behind her giraffe.

"I think you will be a great critical care nurse," I assure her confidence.

She blushes and sinks her teeth in her lower lip. "What about your day... What did you do today?"

"Let's see, I went to a really yummy Acai bar place this morning and had an acai bowl.. I think you would love the raspberry dazzle."

She grunts with the biggest smirk  and I chuckle. "Andddd we practiced today, did some homework, and practiced some more."

"Don't forget your Statistics quiz is next Monday," she reminds me with one eyebrow tilted up.

"Yes, tutor," I tease.

Quitness takes over with faint snoring from Jordy, making Lizzie smile softly. I give up a one second sign, go out of facetime, and type Lizzie a message because a thought comes across my mind.

Me: What can I do for Jordy on Cereal Day tomorrow?

A soft gasp makes me breathe and chuckle and I go back into facetime. Lizzie's head is down as she's probably writing a whole days' worth of plans.

"Jaylan, is he around?" she whispers and I cackle and nod my head. "Okay... You can do so much."

I don't even need to look at Jordy to know he's out. "Lizzie, he is dead asleep. You are good."

"You can take him to this place downtown called Milk Bar by your hotel. They are celebrating it like the one in DC," she continues to whisper in a cute way.

"Okay," I whisper back and she giggles, sinking her teeth in.

"And make sure you make cereal necklaces and brush up your facts about cereal. I have notecards in that ziplock bag of fun I have in your bag."

Oh yeah, she definitely does, a full month's worth of days to celebrate, which I'm curious about how she's going to celebrate Bubble Bath Day with me while I'm here.

"You got it, Doc." I yawn and she giggles with a yawn too.

She shimmies in the bed, pulling up the covers over her body. I mimic her and she giggles probably because of my large body, she stays roasting. I grab up Olivia like she's holding her giraffe and she sinks her teeth in her lower lip again.

"I miss you, Doc," I admit with a pain in my chest because I'd taken one of her monkey hugs if it meant she slept next to me tonight.

"I miss you too." She hums, shutting her eyes with her eyelashes fluttering.

"Three weeks left," I tell her.

"Three weeks left."

And it still feels so far away.

Edited and spiced by still_just_me