Oh shit!

We all crowd around the hoop and my heart is accelerating. Sweat trickles down my face, blinding my view as ragged breaths surround me.

Fuck fuck...

A loud gasp erupts from the crowd as Shawn savagely blocks the game-winning shot with his large hand. The ball flies in the air, Marcus secures it, and dribbles full-speed down the court. Step for step, I match his speed as we close in on one lone defender. He passes to me and I shoot, dibble down, and alley-oop it right in.

Flashing cameras blind me as relief bursts through in my chest. The crowd roars with cheers busting through my ear drums as I gallop in, bumping into Marcus shoulders.

Maryland 100, Baylor 99

A victorious smile spreads across my face as the tension in my chest relaxes. We all crowd around Shawn, who is smiling from ear to ear. Xavier noogies his head and Jordy picks Shawn up and spins him around. After back and forth with offense to defense, finally Baylor got tired out and we pushed through. I have to admit that I was a little scared and doubted myself because we have been on a winning streak and once you lose, you are out and going home.

"Yeah!" Jordy cheers loudly, running around with his arms spread wide like a maniac airplane.

Laughing at Jordy, Xavier and Taylor fold their arms in front of live national TV cameras, boasting because we've just been ruining the March Madness brackets.

"And yet another upset the Maryland Terps pulled off again! And they are now entering the Final Four," a nearby TV reporter says.

In a rush of foot traffic and white flashes, reporters, videographers, and photographers take over the gymnasium floor.

We line up and connect hands with each Baylor player, with their heads hung down low and our chins lifted. I know the feeling after pushing so hard and just coming up short like that.

"Good game, man," Jeremiah says at the end.

We share a brotherly hug and pat each other on the back. "You definitely almost broke my ankle," I joke.

He cracks a smile and nods. "I'll see you at dinner, right?" He lets out a soft smile.

"Yeah." I nod and swallow hard "I'll meet you guys in the lobby at nine."

He lets out another warm smile. "Alright." He nods and jogs off with his team, who look at me and look back at him confused on why he's congratulating me.

The past couple of days have been interesting, to say the least, after meeting with Nathan on Monday. Seeing him is still a shock to me, after all these years that t was right here and right now. I told Uncle Steve about it right away and he was just as shocked as I was, then encouraged me to speak with Nathan.

I glance up at the floor seats to see Nathan waving at me and I wave back. He lets out a soft smile and I give in return. Turning my back, I head back to the locker room with my team with a huge smile on my face but my chest is still heavy at the thought about Nathan.

Nathan was almost my step dad... a father figure my mom always wanted PJ to be but he could never do that. PJ honestly made it hard for Nathan. PJ started to manipulate Mom by taking me out more and trying to be the MAN in the house, which confused her on PJ's intentions. This continued until the last Thanksgiving we spent with him, when she broke it off because PJ lied to her about getting back together.

Fucking asshole.

I don't know how I'm going to feel about tonight, sitting down with the only other person who got a chance to know my mom besides Uncle Steve.

What should I ask?

What should I say?

Should I even do this?

Fuck, I wish my mom would tell me how to do all this

Sighing deeply as we walk back down the hall to the locker room, my eyes catch sight of Gabrielle again talking to a Baylor player. She turns to look at me but I avert my gaze. Her presence is actually getting worse and I wish she would go home already. I feel like I can't even go out anymore with the guys to just drink and kick it without her somehow showing up.

I told the guys to cut their social media to a minimum just because I know she's been watching us like a crystal ball like the other wicked witch of the State of Maryland. Although, I heard Ava hurt ankle so she might not be coming, which is good because no Ava means no drama when I get to be with Lizzie for the first time in a month and a half.

Thankfully Big Red has made her presence known during those times so Gabrielle doesn't approach us. I don't know what to do with the situation honestly. I know I need to tell Lizzie but something seems off with her earlier when I talk to her around lunch time. She had that glossy look in her eyes like she had been crying. I don't like being pushy especially when everything is still new with her family situation but I know I need to help her through it since we left off still fresh from Hershey Park.

Pushing the door into the locker room it is loud and blazing Rick Ross' husky voice blasting. I laugh, shaking my head because I know it's Jordy with his busted five below speaker.

"The boss, boss-boss-the boss Boss-boss-the boss, boss-boss-the boss, The boss, boss-boss-the boss!" Jordy loudly says, with Marcus hyping him up by video taping him who is dancing with his final four hat backwards. The guys crowd around him, joining in. I do too just because with everything swirling around me, I'm trying to stay in reality. It has been hard but I'm pushing through.

With all smiles, we disperse after and go to our lockers to gather our belongings.

"Final Four Baby!" Xavier shouts with happiness.

Just thinking last year, our heads hung down low and quietness communicated our sadness. This year is different and this year is our year. My phone dings and my lips pull up into a smile.

Giggles🧸: Winner Winner chicken dinner! I'm proud of you!

Giggles🧸: [Photo]

Why does she look sexy in every fucking these she does? In the photo, she is kissing a chicken nugget that looks like she got from Chick Fil A.

She kills me.

I can't believe I will be seeing Lizzie next week.

This whole month flew by and I guess it's because we keep pushing through despite life's situations around us. My eyes lock with Hollis when he grabs his Adidas bag and his shoulders slump. The situation between him and Alexis truly sucks. What's wild to me is that I really honored and respected their relationship in the beginning because they were coo coo for coco puffs for each other but that only lives a little while and that's scary.

Hollis waves and says goodbye quietly as he walks out of the locker room. I hope he makes good choices tonight especially now the press is in our faces more than usual.

Unfortunately, I had to knock down a comment earlier about the photo of Lizzie and I, which still blows my mind that's still circulating. Closing my eyes, I still remember the smug look on the reporter's face, like he'd discovered some dirty secret.

I'd told the reporter the simple truth, "It's not what it looks like. Just a cyber bullying incident that still hasn't been taken care of because the school has not taken it seriously."

Hours later, the short conversation still burns into me like I'm still having it. I'm still pissed about it and my post-game shower only slightly relaxes me.

"Are you coming out with us tonight?" Marcus pats my back roughly as we gather our bags and head out.

"Uhh, no. Actually, I'm going out tonight with a complicated issue," I admit quietly.

Marcus arches his brow at me. "A complicated issue?"

"Yeah, it's family stuff." I rub my neck as I walk out the door he pushes open.

He shoots me a wary look. "It's not anything to do with PJ, right?"

"No, no, no... Shit." I shake my head quickly. "No, nothing like that. Uhh, it's actually kind of weird to explain, honestly."

"Do tell... I mean, if you want. It's a long walk back to the hotel." He laughs, as we walk through the back part to get outside.

A half-smile pulls on my face and I look down for a second. "I ran into my mom's ex-boyfriend."

"Is that a good thing?" Marcus questions, as he walks out the door first and I do after.

The lukewarm night air feels so good on my body after sweating up a storm in there. I could stay out here for hours. I know for a fact when I get back, Jordy has the air condition on full blast in the hotel room like it's Antarctica. I swear snow was falling inside our room this morning.

"I'm still trying to figure that out, I mean he wasn't a bad guy," I admit.

Nathan treated me like his own son and invested in me when I didn't get it from PJ. I will never forget when he took Mom and I to the B&O canal and we just had a full family fun day. That was the first glimpse I experienced of having a full family unit and what that could be like before, once again, PJ stripped that away from me.

"Does this happen to have anything to do with Baylor's point guard?" Marcus puts two and two together.

"It has everything to do with Baylor's point guard," I admit.

Marcus freezes his feet like the earth shook and puts his hand over his heart space. I draw my eyebrows together and he gasps. "Noooo, is that your half brother?"

I cackle, throwing my head back and shake my head. "You're worse than Squeaker watching those soap operas."

Lizzie tried to get me to watch this Spanish speaking only show called Amor La something 33 last night after we celebrated National Scribble Day. Can't believe that actually came out of my thought process or saying that to Marcus.

The show is so dramatic but it's funny because the way the actors and actresses gasp is just how Lizzie gasps. It's extra heightened and is drawn from the chest. However, I'm really surprised she watches that shit with all the mature scenes of them ripping their clothes off and shit.

I mean, hey, I would love it if Lizzie is influenced by that. I'm all for knocking shit over, hoisting her up on the dresser, and taking her right then and there. Fuck, to see her face in the mirror as I slam my hips into her, hearing her ass clap and her mo-

Marcus cackles, breaking my train of thought and I clear my throat.

"Aye, I can get down with Days of Our Lives no shame, but for real is that your brother?" he recites.

"No, he isn't but he's wild though, huh?" I laugh and he does too.

I look up at the sky and how clear it looks tonight. It would be wild if he did end up being my step brother. To think if they had more kids what life would be like.

"It's so wild that, out of all places, he would be here right now at this moment," he agrees.

"Right, I've been asking myself that this whole week," I admit, shifting my eyes down to the sidewalk cracks we step past.

Marcus' concern hits my ear with his words, "How are you holding up?"

"I mean I'm better but I always go through the cycle of grief everyday." I end with a deep sigh.

"I know what you mean," he agrees.

"I think the best thing for both of us is just to push through it, you know, how we've been doing."

"It's just hard, yo." He takes in a deep breath, then sighs it out. "Sometimes I wish I just lived a normal and simple life like everyone else, like well... Rashad"

His name is like acid burning my stomach. "Rashad's life isn't simple and you know that."

"That's true, but he sure makes everyone believe his life is normal."

"And that's what made him crack the first time he ever felt any pressure," I admit through clenched teeth.

Marcus is quiet for a few steps, then presses, "You think you two will ever get back to where you were?"

"Honestly I don't know," I admit quietly. "I mean it sucks how everything went down and he has reached out to me but I don't trust him."

"And you have every right to not to," he offers quietly.

Rashad has reached out to me as well this week, just congratulating me or telling me about my stats that I already know. I'm not sure what his motive is anymore and I just have to stand guard with him. "I'll probably talk to him when I get back."

"You are way better than me, because when he talked shit about your mom, I would have fucked his ass up." Marcus chuckles but he isn't lying.

Marcus has more of a hotter hand than his red-headed mistress and me combined. He is working on his temper though and I can see him push through with issues going on back at home.

Marcus has always been a quiet guy since I've known him but the traumatic events of his sperm donor putting his hands on his mom, anger within him, accumulating over time and resulting in him getting into a lot of fights at school to take his anger out.

But Marcus has learned to channel all his anger on the court and that's why he has been our best defensive player, time and time during the regular season and now.

I exhale sharply. "Believe me, I wanted to but he would have just used that against me like he always does."

"I don't see why y'all fell apart anyway."

"I think he let jealousy eat inside him," I offer with a shrug of my shoulders.

"You think so?"

"I mean come on, he was the center of attention last year with Devon and Brandon... But when Devon got hurt and Brandon kind of gave up, everyone looked up to him. He just couldn't lead because he only cared about his own status. I mean I couldn't either but Coach thought otherwise."

His comment brought me back to the night when we had to play Duke in last year's semi finals. Coach saw more in me and gave me the opportunity to grow so I stepped up with the opportunity. Granted, I didn't know how to lead a team but Coach saw the future me more than I did that night, even with our heads hung long after the nail biting win.

Marcus looks at me for a moment, hesitating before asking, "You think he regrets it though?"

"I don't know, but I hope he gets the help he needs."

"Yeah, me too."

"So, you going out with Big Red?" I grin at the shift in subject.

"I am but we aren't going out with everybody else." He rubs the back of his neck.

"Where y'all going?"

"Some boujee ass restaurant she wants to try," he replies with a tight smile.

I smile looking down as I press the elevator button. "What boujee ass restaurant are you going to?"

"Something with seafood," he groans quietly because we're pretty sure Indianapolis seafood isn't the same as Maryland's and Marcus isn't really a black-tie kind of dude. "But I want her to feel special tonight, she's actually been having a bad day."

Playfully, I touch my heart space and he sucks his teeth. "What's going on with Big Red?"

"Stuff at home with that asshole," he grumbles.

I fall silent at his admission because it's a serious problem that has no good end solution.

Marcus sighs and rubs his neck like he's unsure if he should tell me. "Is it getting worse?"

I pretend like I don't know but I do know it's getting worse because Aunt Lisa called me this morning, wanting me to check in on Maxine this morning. Apparently, after Noelle went home, she talked to another lawyer besides her dad in the works for getting Noelle back when she graduates.

I followed through with Aunt Lisa's words and checked on her from a distance when I went to go for a run in the hotel gym. I observed Maxine, who was curled up in the lobby lounge, writing in a little journal. Her Black hoodie was tied up and she sat with slumping shoulders as she wrote.

"I really don't know, honestly." He shifts his weight from one foot to the other. He won't really tell me, which is hard. "It's like pulling teeth with her to open up."

I honestly know where she is coming from because everytime she opens up about her past, people run away,which makes you closed off about it. Luckily for her, there isn't anything that could scare Marcus away from her, no matter what has been done to her or what she has done.

"You just have to give her time." I suggest.

"When I'm eighty?"

We both laugh and I shake my head pressing the elevator door button.

"Patience, Marcus. Patience," I tease, as the elevator door opens.

He leans his head back against the elevator wall and shoots me a smirk. "Guess you are going to go talk to your woman?"

"Of Course." I point and wink as the elevator door shuts on him.

Time to go take some photos for my hand fetish queen.

🏀🏀🏀🏀

The facetime rings in the bathroom while I brush my beard, making sure it looks completely well-groomed. A smile pulls across my face as I see it's Boobzilla. I swipe across and it begins to connect. My stomach swirls a bit because it's the first time I haven't seen her face all day because the little nurse is studying her life away for midterms.

A smile pulls on my face as I see Squeaker, her face blushing pink probably because of the photo I sent her, with my towel around my waist. Lizzie is currently cuddled up with a pile full of stuffed animals, her hair wildly plopped on top of her head, and her big, old glasses that I love the staple of now.

"Squeaker." I smile and she dips her chin down.

"Hi, Jaylan," she sounds so sweet, like sugar. I just want a taste again.

The sight of her in my room, in my bed, stirs deep within me, even though she's munching on some popcorn.

"Why do you sound so sweet?" I softly chuckle.

She furrows her brows at me and tugs up Roger close to her. "Do you want me to sound sour?" she teases.

An arrogant grin spreads across my lips. "Of course."

"You did so good tonight," her voice drips like honey.

I don't know why her voice sounds so admiring today but I'll take it. "Thank you."

She observes my face and scans her eyes at the top of my black v neck shirt laced around my neck with my gold chain. She arches her brow and I cackle, flashing my fresh cinnamon breath she is addicted to. "Where are you going?" she inquires.

"I'm going to dinner with Nathan." I smirk and her eyes spread wide.

"Dressed like that?" she squeaks.

I cackle, throwing my head back at how overprotective she is becoming. I love it.

"You packed it, Squeaker." I wink.

She furrows her eyebrows at me, scanning her eyes again and making me feel like her doe eyes are radiating through my phone screen. I observe how light brown they are again like earlier.

I hope she is okay

"You look handsome." She covers her mouth after, with a piece of popcorn falling down and rolling over her chest. Cracking a smile, I send another wink and I sigh softly, and she observes my face. "How do you feel about it?"

She relaxes her eyes on me while I scratch my head trying to process it myself that I'm actually going through it. When I told Lizzie last night, she was so excited for me, about how it was just a piece to a new beginning for me. Warmth spread across my chest at how open she was listening to the stories I shared with her about him.

Now though, I admit, "I feel awkward."

"It makes sense but just think of it like you are picking up where you left off." She crunches down on another caramelized popcorn. Smiling at her response, a hint of sadness appears in her eyes again like she wants to get something off her mind.

"I miss you."

"I miss you too," I remind and she lets out a soft smile.

I walk out the bathroom and grab my wallet off the dresser to see a sticky note from Jordy saying 'don't wait up for him has a date with destiny at the bar with unsolicited doodles of two stick figures having sex. Chuckling, I stick the note in my pocket, turn off the lamps, and leave the hotel room.

"I'm so excited to hear your big dinosaur feet stomp." She giggles and I arch my brow.

"Lizzie, I still got room on that chart."

She furrows her eyebrows at me and I flash her a smile. Little does she know the chart actually ripped in half after our last virtual date night and, well, I threw it away. I guess I have to make a new one.

Damn, I sound like her.

Pressing the elevator button, she takes a sip of her lemonade. "Did you eat dinner?" I observe.

"Yes Papi, you saw my text earlier." She giggles while taking another sip of her lemonade.

The elevator door opens and I get in. Her honey filled giggles echo through the whole elevator, pressing the ground button. One word alone makes the cobra stir in my pants and I furrow my eyebrows at her.

"Stop teasing me." I pretend to not hear her.

She sinks her teeth in her lower lip with sparkling eyes looking at me through her eyelashes. "Yes, Papi," she says with a rich sugary voice, causing me to groan inwardly.

"Elizabeth."

"Que?"

"I'm going to spank your conga drum when I see you," I warn, pointing my finger at her.

She shrugs up her right shoulder shyly, trying to act like she could do no wrong, which she can't if I can really be honest here. "Jaylannn."

"Lizziee..."

Silence fills the elevator as she studies my face and touches the screen. I could see her eyes get slightly watery and it tugs at my heart to see her like this. "I can't wait to kiss you, baby."

Her cheeks light up like a strawberry and she dips her chin down. "I can't wait to kiss you too."

Gaping my mouth open playfully, she giggles again as the elevator door opens. The lobby is a bit dead, considering it is almost ten at night here and my eyes begin to wander, looking for Jeremiah and Nathan.

Lizzie hums softly, drawing my attention back to her and I smile. "I have some good news."

"What's the good news, Doc?" I walk to the lobby sitting area and flop down onto a nearby chair. She giggles again and clears her throat.

"My parents are coming for Graduation," she softly squeaks at the end.

"Whaaat? Baby, that's great!"

She lets out a smile even though a flash of sadness tries to creep in this good moment for her. I know it took a lot of courage for her to push down her pain to ask them to come but I know this means a lot to her parents.

I can only imagine how she is feeling though, especially with her parents getting a divorce and just even introducing me to her family. I know we had a brief conversation about her Mom meeting some new guy that's been a family friend for awhile. She told me how awkward it is considering it was her dad's friend and old coworker, but she still mostly stays quiet about her family..

"My Papà told me this morning, and it still feels unreal because I didn't think he would have enough money," she admits.

"How do you feel about that?"

"I don't know Jaylan, I'm happy but it just feels... good but also bad." She twists her lips, sticking a single popcorn in her mouth.

Breathing a chuckle, I thumb over my screen. I wish I could just be there to comfort her and have her open up about it more, I just don't want to push her when she's not ready.

"I know they are going to be really happy for you when they see you," I say softly.

"I'm going to be happy when I see them, I.. just hope it goes well."

"I can't wait to meet them."

I really can't wait to meet both of them. I will admit I am a bit nervous, considering the language barrier, but hopefully I'm able to talk to Lizzie's dad about future plans.

"I hope they like you," she teases.

My eyes catch sight of Nathan and Jeremiah coming out the elevator. Nathan waves and I wave back, then stand up walking towards them.

"How could they not?" I flash a cocky smile.

She grunts and sighs dreamily. "I miss you so much."

Her voice soothes my nerves away, like always. "Me too, babe."

"Well... I'll let you go, have fun tonight and just be you Jaylan," she reminds.

"Thanks, babe." I smile, and she crinkles her nose because of the word. I'm about to press the red button to end but she blurts out, "You knock my socks off."

I love you too, Lizzie.

I throw my head back and cackle, making her face get bright red again. "You knock off my socks too even while I'm sleeping in them..." I end with a sly grin.

Lizzie grunts but blows a kiss and I catch it, making her squeak and cover her mouth. I give my final wink and we hang up. My eyes capture Nathan and Jeremiah waiting by the front entrance now.

"Ahhh he's got the heart eyes, I know that all too familiar," Nathan teases as I approach.

I smile, looking down at my shoes, and we walk outside the cool Indianapolis night air. The building reflects in the night sky as we begin to walk down the street heading towards the local restaurants downtown. Sticking my hands in my pockets, silence fills around us except for the cars passing by us quickly. I look up to the sky as it's clouded over but small stars peek through.

"So, since we lost, you are paying right?" Jeremiah jokes, opening the conversation immediately.

Cracking a wider smile, I look down at my feet and back up. "I mean I can," I joke.

"Oh, thank God. I'm on my last dollar after my bracket busted." Nathan holds his heart space.

Jeremiah sucks his teeth and playfully pushes his shoulder. The bond between those two from when I saw them Monday made my heart pull for that. I know Nathan had always talked about Mom bringing him when I was younger but his mom was really that much open to the idea that Nathan was moving on from her. Nathan always talked about how he wanted us to all go hiking or have at least one trip to Hershey Park together. Sadly, it never happened after Thanksgiving but it always leaves me wondering about the what ifs.

"Jaylan, what are you in the mood for?" Nathan claps his hands together.

"Uhh.... I'm cool with anything actually." I shrug.

"How does Yard House sound?" He suggests a nearby steakhouse.

"I can go for some good steak." Jeremiah pats his belly.

"I'm okay with that," I try to correct my shaky voice.

Nathan smiles observing my face like he's taking in for lost time. It almost makes me wonder how he feels about even seeing me again, if it stirs an emotion like it does for me when any hint of reminder with my mom. I know his heart was broken when she broke it off with him but I can only imagine the thought of knowing it was the last time he would ever see her again alive.

My hands feel so clammy right now and I honestly wish Lizzie was here with me in this experience to ease this feeling of nerves building in me. Our eyes meet the restaurant's bright blue neon blue and white 3D signs with a small line outside. Voices carry loudly as they continue to watch a Chicago Bulls game on all the big screen TVs.

"Yas! I'm so glad this is on!" Jeremiah breaks the silence again.

"Who are you rooting for?" Nathan asks me.

"I'm going to have to go with the Grizzlies tonight," I vouch.

Jeremiah presses his lips and it makes me breath a chuckle. He folds his arms and looks at the TV as we stand in line, waiting to get to the hostess booth.

"Jaylan, have you been playing basketball for awhile? I thought for years that you were going to the MLB." He chuckles, probably remembering my poor coordination to hit the baseball.

I will never forget when Mom, Nathan, and I had a small picnic in Federal Hill. It was a bright and sunny day in the spring and reminds me of a cheesy ass Hallmark movie Lizzie made me watch a couple nights ago. The laughter, smiles and the feeling of family.

"I stopped actually when I was twelve." I scratch my head, stepping forward as the line moves.

"How did you get into basketbal-"

"Welcome to Yard House, how many people are in your party tonight?" The bubbly, coily-haired hostess smiles brightly at Nathan, Jeremiah, and me.

"Three," Nathan answers back.

She bushes some coily curls out of her face nervously as Jeremiah ogles over her. "Okay, so, you don't have to wait for a table. One just got cleaned, come follow m-me." she stammers.

Jeremiah smiles, walking beside her as we make our way into this big, rustic restaurant. The noise level rises as the TV blars loudly on a commercial break. Seasonings fill my nose, making a rumble in my stomach because the last time I ate was at lunch. I tried this green power smoothie cleanse with Hollis that would make Raspberry Lover gag at first sight.

"Your waiter will be right out with you."

Smirking, we stop at some booths closest to the bar, as Jeremiah and Nathan sit across from me. Although Jeremiah's eyes lock with a woman at the bar flirtatiously waving at all three of us, my eyes shift down to the menu stack.

"I'll let you two be while I work my magic." Jeremiah beams, walking right to the bar sitting right next to her and beginning to engage in conversation.

Nathan chuckles, shaking his head and smiles at me again. The smile isn't awkward, it's just almost like a small glimpse of hope.

"So what were you saying, Jay... Is that okay? Can I still call you that?"

Warmth spreads across my chest and I nod. "It's fine, Uncle Steve got me into basketball, actually."

"I figure Steve would," Nathan laughs, sitting slightly back in his seat.

"He did. It helped me though," I admit quietly. "It saved me."

He nods as he makes eye contact with the waiter, who's at the next table. He throws up two fingers and the waiter nods, must have already known when we needed a beer.

"Your Uncle Steve is a good man," Nathan notes proudly.

"He sure is." My face breaks out into a smile and my shoulders relax.

The waiter comes by, drops off our beers on the table, and takes our order. Our small chat solely focuses on the game and every time I make a note about Lonzo Ball needing help, Nathan chuckles. Jeremiah sneaks away with his bar girl, quickly leaving just Nathan and I to have dinner with each other. Even though we haven't said much, a lot feels like we're making up for some lost time. Nothing about Nathan has changed; he still has that goofy ass laugh Mom used to rag on and he has an odd fascination over collecting quarters with all the different states behind them.

Nathan works at UTZ potato chip company as a social media and branding representative for all their social media accounts. Just to think, he was driving a tractor trailer across the country and moving up in the business is admirable. I know Mom would have been proud and still used him to get her favorite flavor bag of chips. It was sour cream and onion, just like the Chip and Dip Day observer.

Time flies by and I didn't want it to end but here we are, right at close to midnight. Walking back, we're still quiet when Nathan takes a deep breath and lets out a hearty sigh.

"Tender moment confession time." He laughs and I do too. "You know I watched you declare for the draft awhile back and I was hoping to run into you here."

His confession did hitch my breath and I look down at my shoes. "I never stopped thinking about you, Jaylan."

He draws my attention back at him. His eyes are glazed over and I swallow. "Me neither," I softly say.

"I don't know if you hear it enough but your Mom would be proud of you, Jaylan."

"Thanks," I say, sticking my hands in my pockets.

"I know hearing that is harder than said and done but it's true, Jaylan," he assures.

One of the questions that's been burning in my mind since I saw him slips out, "So what did you do after, well... Mom died?"

Nathan drops his eyes down and walks quietly for a moment. The street lights cast highlights and shadows over his face but I see the emotion that pools in his eyes. "Well... uhh, I went back to Pennsylvania. I was heart-broken and took the engagement ring I'd gotten for her with me, if you remember."

My mouth dries because of course I remember. He asked me for permission first. We picked the ring out together after going to chucky cheese and he told me about how he felt about Mom. I will never forget his words and it's actually something I feel about Lizzie today.

'Jaylan, your mom is the one for me. She has shown me unconditional love beyond measure, despite my past and in just the little time I've met her, she feels like home to me. You know your mom deserves the world and I'm wanting to give that, not only her but you. If you trust me, I won't let you down. I promise.'

I wet my lips and nod, and he continues in a sad voice, "I tried actually seeing if you could come hang out with me sometime but Steve said PJ was taking care of you. I contacted him, actually. He said you were his son, I was interfering, and it wasn't my place."

I wish he would have interfered because he deserved that place, not PJ.

The weight of my sperm donor's interference closes my eyes and flares my nostrils for a few breaths. "Of course he would say that."

"I know your mom wanted you and PJ to get along and I didn't want to come between that," he says quietly.

"I wish you did," I admit bitterly.

Nathan pauses for a moment, probably because of my sharp tone, then asks, "Are you still in contact with him? Is he still involved in your life?"

My eyes lift and meet the concern in his. "Not really, we had a falling out when I was twelve and Uncle Steve and Aunt Lisa gained custody of me."

"And you have been with them ever since?"

"Yeah." I nod a few times.

"I'm glad you are choosing the right path, Jaylan." His closest hand meets my shoulder. "It's what your mother would have wanted."

"Thank you," I offer quietly.

"I keep a picture of Evie at home, in my office," he admits. "I've kept it for a long time, just because it was a reminder of what true love felt like."

My throat chokes itself with dryness, but I still croak out, "C...c-could you send that to me?"

He nods a few times. "Of course, Jaylan. You know, your mom came right to my mind on the first day of spring and it's crazy how we saw each other."

"Right."

"It's just the little things that remind me she is always with us," he says quietly. "It's not often but I visit her whenever I'm in Baltimore, just so you know. I still miss her every day, Jay."

Hot tears rise up in my eyes as Lizzie's organized birthday celebration flashes through my eyes. The realization that other people care about Mom and remember her cuts through the isolation part of grief that weighs me down. I close them for a few uneven breaths, then open them and see the same emotion in Nathan's eyes.

"Thank you," I croak out and clear my throat. As we arrive at the lobby Nathan pauses by the front desk and I look back at him.

"Any time, Jaylan. Is it... okay if I give you a hug?"

I nod my head and Nathan closes his arms around me. His embrace feels like Mom's, warm yet strong and comforting, and it just sends me over the edge. Hot tears rise up and I just cry in his arms. He says nothing, just gently pats and rubs my back, letting my tears flow. I don't have the words to express how much I appreciate that but thankfully he doesn't seem to need them.

The way people come into your life when you need them, it's wonderful and can happen in so many ways.  

Edited and spiced by still_just_me 

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Happy Juneteenth!!!!!