Content Warning:

*If you have experienced a lost of a parent recently, please read with discretion*

*Mention of Suicidal actions

For me, grief is in two parts, the first is the loss and the second is remaking of life.

Slumping my shoulders, I put weight on the shopping cart and slowly enter Party City.

I miss my mom a little extra today.

Ever since opening up to Lizzie the first time about her, everything and anything triggers me now. 

I think it started Sunday night, when we crashed Lizzie's little girl's dinner. There was no way they were eating all that damn food. Even though we had a really good dinner, a moment of us all sitting around the table did something to my heart. Realizing how family is what you make it hits hard when the part of your family you want can't be there.

On Monday evening, Taylor invited me to his recognition for sobriety night. After his hidden addiction problem, his parents and Coach have worked so hard to get him back in a better place through our time playing basketball.

I'm thankful I didn't sell him anything while I did my dirty work for PJ because he actually once overdosed in his car at a random parking lot at Safeway.

He took losing the championships pretty hard last year like the rest of us. That triggered me last year big time because all I could think about was my mom overdosing on the painkillers, she took to end her life.

But thankfully Taylor pulled through, got the help he needed, and the bond with his parents, especially with his mom, is unshakeable. Seeing them reminds me so much of what I miss with my mom and I.

The tightness in my chest hasn't relieved itself since then.

I rub at the dull pain while watching my miniature nurse talk to a Party City associate, pointing out the balloon colors she wants for today. I'm surprised she wasn't greeted by her first name when we walked in.

Warmth tries to spread across my chest as I look down at the photo of my mom and I on my phone.

Have you ever just wondered why you go through things and wonder what lesson it would teach you later on?

What was the purpose?

I thumb over my mom's face, feeling only the coldness of my screen.

What was the meaning?

Swiping another photo of us at Hershey Park, with a chocolate stain on the side of Mom's lips.

How am I supposed to overcome the loss of my mom?

Swiping again, I see Mom's graduation photo, posing with her best friend Ms. Alyssa... I wonder how she is doing and her crazy ass son TJ.

Smiling, I think about how TJ and I would play Super Smash Mario Brothers with his dad while Mom and Ms. Alyssa studied. It's crazy to think how even his dad invested in me and still not PJ.

I sigh, swiping another photo of Mom and I at trash pick up with Nathan. Man, we look like a true happy family. That day, Nathan took us to a cool spot in Virginia called the B&O Canal. We rode bikes that day and had a picnic by the river.

I definitely want to take Lizzie there someday, even if I have to buy her a kid's bike for those short legs. Hopefully we'll go this summer, although knowing her she probably would want it planned four weeks in advance considering it's literally thirty minutes away.

Cracking a faint smile, my heart palpitates, now understanding what pains Lizzie on top of her home sickness. I never really realized how much I deserved a family until Lizzie opened that up, with hers falling apart right in front of her.

"Jaylan, do you want a basketball in the assortment?" Lizzie catches my attention with her hand on her hip and I let out a smirk.

"Of course." I send a wink, as pink streaks spread across her face.

That never gets old.

Smiling, I look down and glance at another photo of PJ, Mom, and I at the Christmas program at church when I was ten. She really wanted it to work out. She wanted us to be a family so bad... So did I.

I sigh wearily at how that was the last Christmas I spent with her.

After losing a parent, these are constant questions you ask yourself at night, wondering the big why?

Why me?

After ten years of losing my mom, I'm still wondering why.

Why did she miss out on graduation, when she talked about it so much?

Why did she push me so hard to pass that math test?

I'm not sure why she thought I was strong and capable of handling shit on my own.

I was fucking eleven.

I tighten the grip of the grocery cart a bit, pushing and following the Corn is a Vegetable Lover. She throws red paper plates into the cart, almost hitting me in the face. Until Lizzie, I didn't know Party City had shopping carts.

I laugh, shaking my head at her enjoying her happy place. Even though she is taking care of me, I know she is dealing with uncertainties too.

I take a deep breath, shifting my eyes towards the colorfully organized paper products Lizzie is surveying while shaking her ass to a JLO. I groan and stand in front of her as a guy peeks down our aisle, his eyes only on her.

Today is not the day to piss me off.

Fuck, I got to get myself out this mood. This is supposed to be a happy day.

I slant my eyes at the guy, who averts his eyes at my glare. I shift my eyes back at Lizzie, who's clueless while still wiggling her ass and bobbing her head. She must have felt my presence and she turns around and arches her brow at how close I am to her.

"What do you think, black or yellow utensils?" She sinks her teeth in her lower lip, holding up a packet of each color.

"You pick."

"Jaylan, it's your party"  She furrows her cute little brows.

I playfully touch her face and she turns it, placing the yellow utensils in the grocery cart.

I really appreciate the Bubble Blowing Girl so much because if she wasn't here... I don't know what I'd be doing right now to numb this aching feeling right now.

It's really hard to get over a parent's death no matter how much you try. It almost ruins the happy moments in your life.

It honestly makes me so angry that she left me in the most selfish way the way she did. It still doesn't make any sense to me why she thought I was more than okay to take this on my own. I didn't have the support system the way she thought I did or how PJ would man up like she hoped he would.

All she did was left me angry, hurt, confused, and alone to grieve and do life on my own.

Sometimes I feel guilty for being mad at her. Since I could remember, she battled with depression and feeling unworthy for so long. I remember when I was in third grade, she actually had to get clinically seen because she would not get out of bed. Uncle Steve tried, Grams tried, even Pops. It baffles me how because Grams and Pops were good parents, stable parents, loving parents... something I've always wanted but never was able to get.

Leaning on the grey grocery cart, my chest tightens while remembering and hating the fact I was the one who found her laying on the sofa and-

A flash of red catches my sight into the grey cart, focusing on the Tiny Balloon Expert happily bouncing down the aisles of Party City.

"Oops." Lizzie giggles, wearing the most warming smile releasing a bit of the tightness on my chest.

Lizzie beams down the aisle more with happiness to the casual store pop music playlist which I'm pretty sure they have Taylor Swift on a loop. My eyes scan around the 'Congratulations, Graduate' party decorations in Maryland, Howard, and Bowie State's college colors around the display area.

Lizzie marvels while looking around at all the decorations, probably formulating a big plan of a graduation party in the works. She playfully finds a graduate sash and puts it on, posing at me with her arms out dangling sideways and releasing a smile on my face. 

I wish I could feel anything inside right now instead of this gloomily, dark ambience. But I know that happiness in Lizzie is reserved and she reserves it because she doesn't want to relive her past traumas either but she makes every effort to push forward. A motivation I need and she is teaching me to have. Because the emotion I'm feeling is inevitable right now today.

Catching up to Party City's Reward Member, I sigh heavily.

I can't believe I'll be declaring for the NBA draft today, hence the main reason why we are at Party City. I really don't understand this store but It's Lizzie's playground ,literally. I never thought I would be declaring for the NBA, if anything I thought would be the MLB with my mom all bright and happy for the Baltimore Orioles. That was her dream just so she can have the dugout seats so she could scream and yell that's my baby.

Man, I miss her.

Little things like this don't really hit me until I realize she is not there. You'd be surprised what you need your mom for, even as an egocentric man like myself. I wish she was here more than ever right now, especially as time is dwindling down before I head to Indiana next Tuesday. If I could just hear tell me how proud she is of me, it would mean the world to me but it's just a mere dream.

I could barely sleep last night as the creepy feeling of grief snuck up on me at night after Lizzie and I's spontaneous trip, well, my spontaneous trip to Chills in Virginia. I knew I should had her spend the night considering how late we got back but she had clinicals in the morning.

Despite her fuss and guss we had a good time last night and  I just wanted to hear her preschool scolding voice slightly more this week before I leave. It's actually starting to effect me a lot more than I thought would to see the Potatoes Are Also Vegetables Too Advocator.

I guess we got to take it one day at a time.

"Need help?" I rasp out at Lizzie.

She turns and doe eyes at me but turns back and waves her hand to get something farther above her height.

Her fitted, light brown, long-sleeve tee shirt rises up, narrowing my focus on her belly ring shining so brightly.

Duty calls.

Her heated gaze melts my arm off as I stretch up to get her red utensils. What is this girl planning? I arch my brow and she sinks her teeth in her lower lip. 

"Thank you," she says, shyly looking at my hands.

I grin, knowing that's another thing about me that oddly makes her wet.

I think the innocent act is up, especially how she was kissing up on me last night on the way back so much that I found a park and ride, parked in the farther spot, and had her straddle me, kissing all over me. Now, if it's like I hope it will be a few months later.. It'll be a different story. It's definitely on my to do list with Lizzie.

She is extra kissy lately.

"Lizzie, what more do we need?" I ask, taking an inventory of the cart of all the streamers, paper products, random gag gifts?

She furrows her brows, placing a black table cloth in the cart. "Don't be fussy with me, when you didn't plan accordingly."

I couldn't help but laugh because she went through this whole speech about how days like this are important and she can't have her boyfriend look any old type of way while declaring he will be in the draft. I'm literally saying today, 'I'll be declaring the draft.' What is that, six words? And she wants a balloon backdrop, photo op, and dinner.

I'm beyond touched at her making this a big deal. It's just bittersweet because I think Mom would have done the same thing and it's messing with my head.

It does warm my heart to think she is doing the same thing Mom would do. She furrows her brows at me and I pull a smile at her as she turns the corner of the store. For a tiny person, she sure is easy to lose.

"Jaylan, look!"

Lizzie pops out with these big ass, gag neon green glasses covering her whole face. "What do you need that for?"

She takes off the glasses and puts her hands on her hip, giving me a Jaylan look. "Jaylan, it's for Sunglasses Day this year," she grumbles, handing a red pair to me and I smirk because she probably has plans with me.

How could I have not guessed.

"You ready, Giggles?" I check my phone for the time, knowing we have exactly two hours before I make my announcement and her to frantically decorate my living room.

Lizzie eyes widen and I mimic her with my hand over my chest.

"Wait!" Just one more thing!" Her tiny feet scurry into another aisle. I inwardly groan but smile at what she could possibly need in this store since we legit went down every aisle, with her explaining the importance of last minute planning.

The more I get to know my Miniature Nurse and her wits, my heart continues to see light into the dark space.

My smile pulls up as I see her down the candy aisle, collecting small candies in a clear plastic bag. "Don't you have enough candy?" I tease.

"Jaylan, do you want to have game night or not?"

I arch my brow at the selection of candy she is picking right now. Bubble gum, Skittles, Laffy Taffy, Peach Rings, Jolly Ranchers, Ring Pops, Push Pops?

Jesus God, what is she got all this planned for? I'm not trying to have her puke this all up either.

But, if it's a game...

"Ay, get the sour twist." I point with an arrogant grin.

She giggles and sinks her teeth in her lower lip, Grabbing those too, she places it in the cart.

So, playing games is her keyword for she wants to get her freak on. I can dig that. I wonder if she is into roleplay... would love to play Naughty Nurse Lizzie and patient for sure.

I arrogantly grin as we walk up to the counter at all the stuff we acclimated in this store. I sigh again as I glance over at a child and their mom coming in all happily together. I notice Lizzie averts her attention too as she pulls her wallet out her purse and flutters her eyelashes down. 

I know we haven't got to talk much more about her situation back at home but I know what she is feeling. I am really worried about her because she hasn't been herself since, well, the day after Valentine's Day. She tries to burst through her joy like the sun but the clouds of life keep trying to cover it.

I don't care what anybody says but you need family to get you through during college, no matter how much we feel like we don't need our family but we do. I know Lizzie is struggling more, I can tell every time when she looks at her phone with her pout lips as she types on. 

Or like Sunday night, she excused herself from the beginning of us playing Headbands for a phone call from I guess her mom, went to the bathroom, and had that sugary brown glistening look in her eyes afterwards. I just want to be there for her, just as much as she's been there for me... like this at this moment.

"Let's go NBA declarer, soon to be NBA draftee," Lizzie teases, with a warm smile as she hops on the back of the end of the cart.

Following the Gummy Bear Bandit's command, we make our way out the store finally. "Jaylan, thanks for inviting me to help you today." She leans farther into the cart, giving me a full view of those fun bags I just want to stick my face in.

"Thank you for being available," I toss back and she flickers her eyes at me.

"Are you okay?"

As if she could read my mind, I sigh deeply as I press the car remote to start my car. "I'll be alright, Giggles."

"Can I drive?" She beams, smiling and showing a full smile, dimples and all.

Suddenly my throat begins to tighten, making it hard to swallow. "Sure."

Lizzie hops off the cart in happiness, bouncing to me, taking the keys out my hand, and earning a tap on her ass. She giggles and skips to my car, leaving me to pull these bags in the trunk. It feels like cotton balls are getting stuff in my mouth again. 

Placing the grocery bags in the car, my car begins to rattle and I arch my brow at what my girlfriend's choice of music that will be inside when I get in. I softly chuckle but the tightness in my chest aches. The sun tingles my skin, warming me up as I push the cart into the rest of them.

I look up to the sky, sighing at how brightly it is. I almost feel like my mom trying to talk to me, through the warmth on my right arm covered in tattoos. I clear my throat and get into a full blown club as Lizzie's singing back and forth swaying her body to Turn Me On by Kevin Lyttle. My front seat pulled up all the way to the steering wheel. Let me get this on Insta right now.

I swipe open the app, press on My Story, and hold my phone right to My Island Girl.

"I turn you on Lizzie?" I grin arrogantly.

She leaps and turns, furrowing her eyebrows at me with my phone right in her face. She waves her hand in the camera and I chuckle softly, saving the video and posting it. Before she puts the car in reverse, I lean over and plant a soft, warm kiss, which melts perfectly to mine with the flavor cherry she has on.

Applying pressure to her lips, I clamp my hand on the back of her neck which is blazing hot. It's almost as hot last night when we were kissing in the car. I pull on her lower lip and she squeaks, making me chuckle in her mouth and she pulls away from me. She blushes again and puts the car in reverse meaning, I can't distract her driving until we get back to my house.

I place my hand on her thigh, she shuts her legs, and I arch my brow because my hand is now stuck in between them. "Jaylannn."

"Lizzieee."

Silence takes over the vehicle and I avert my attention out the window, looking at the clear clouds, fluffy and just pure white. They're moving slowly but are not covering the sun. My eyes well up as I flicker them down, looking at the door panel as my vision becomes blurry.

Unexpectedly, Lizzie clasps my hand, and thumbs my tattoos on my finger. The cloudiness of my vision makes the roads hard to see and I shut my eyes, exhaling out. Warmth shots through my veins when Lizzie kisses my hand and I croak out, "Lizzie, I miss her."

"I know Jaylan," she says quietly, keeping her eyes on the traffic around us.

Taking Lizzie's hand, I knock it on my chest as my upper chest burns just admitting that much.

"I didn't think it would hurt this bad," I rasp out.

Lizzie pulls over to a safe place on the freeway and parks the car. Looking over me with the same light brown sugary eyes, stings my chest more.

"It hurts because you miss her Jaylan, it's grieving her."

"But I don't deserve this." I fist the door panel and she thumbs our hands.

"I know it's unfair Jaylan and I know there is nothing I can say to fix what you are feeling," she consoles, swiping the tears running down my face.

"Lizzie, just you doing this is enough for me."

She softly whimpers and kisses the side of my face, kissing away a tear.

Lizzie revealing herself like this tells me that only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.

🏀🏀🏀🏀

We stayed on the expressway for twenty minutes, 'till I pulled myself together'. You just don't realize how much you need to cry until you just do it. I thought crying in Pennsylvania and at the grave site was enough but there was more.

As much as I would like to hold in the pain and numb with it with meaningless things, like working out, getting tattoos, or before I met Lizzie sex, but nothing will cure my grief unless I allow myself to feel what hurts me.

I sigh wearily as my eyes scan my former living room. In less time than I thought, it is flipped upside down into a Pinterest Board by the Pinterest Sponsor herself. Under a balloon arch she made over my sofa, with UMD's black, white, yellow, and red colors, she's draped a few black tablecloths like a backdrop.

I lean back on the sofa as silence fills the living room, observing Lizzie bending down with her ass in my face while adjusting the phone stand she borrowed from Alexis. Lizzie said it would be perfect because of the lighting and the quality. I'm legitimately saying one whole sentence but I can't thank the Little Bubble Gum Flavor expert enough.

Lizzie bends up and looks over at me caught in the act. Smiling, I rub my jaw because she furrows her eyebrows at me for looking at her ass but here's the thing... A, it's mine and B, it's mine.

"Are you ready, butt starer?" Lizzie tries to sound snootily.

I look down, smiling, and look back up at her. I pat my seat next to me and she shakes her head no. "Jaylan, this is your day."

"Exactly, come sit down next to me." I pat the seat next to me again.

She shyly shakes her head no and points at my phone, knowing we are about to go live in a few minutes with the NBA, the school, and local news station.

"Jaylan, you have to do it by yourself," she softly squeaks, covering her head over her mouth.

"But you are important to me, and I want you to sit down next to me," I toss back.

With her head tucked down, she comes over and sits right down next to me.  She covers her mouth and I pull them down softly "There is not one person I wouldn't want this to happen to me right now but you.

A blush spreads across her face as I scoop her up in my arms and lean down to kiss her head. "But that's only if you want to."

Her head tips back as she looks up at me. "Do you have an extra basketball shirt?"

I smirk because the shirt is going to look so big on her.

"Go quick, top drawer on the left."

Lizzie springs up and rushes up stairs, only for me to hear a loud bang. I chuckle, rising up a bit. "Lizzie you good?"

"I'm fine, just missed the last stair!"

I shake my head and glance over to see her phone light up with her dad's name again. He has been calling her since the drive back here. I know since the ferris wheel that Lizzie's heart for her father is unconditional after what she told about saving his life on death's door.  I know my overthinker doesn't like to talk about her emotions and I just have to figure out a way to help her through it.

"How's this?" Lizzie beams, drawing my attention at my red practice shirt that's four times bigger than her.

"Perfect."

She skips down the stairs, hops on the sofa, and scoots closer to me. "I'm proud of you, Jaylan," Lizzie says with sparkles in her eyes.

Warmth spread across my chest again but with a lighter feeling than it was earlier. "Thank you."

"Good Afternoon, Jaylan," Todd, our college representative, begins.

Lizzie clamps my hands and I take a deep breath.

I can do this.

"Good afternoon, Jaylan," Mark, an NBA draft representative, greets me with a big smile, flicking his eyes back and forth between Lizzie and I.

"Welcome, Todd and Mark." Coach T beams in a big square on the screen, making me chuckle big and relieving some of the pressure off my heart.

"Good afternoon," I softly say as my voice strains and Lizzie pats my hand gently.

"Well, Jaylan," Todd starts, leaning forwards in his seat. "First, we just wanted to say how proud we are of you and all the accomplishments you have achieved through your high school and college career. I know a lot of people have been waiting for this moment, especially you and your family."

The work family pinches my heart and weighs down my shoulders, so I focus my eyes on how Lizzie's shyly beaming through the computer screen. The sight lightens my heart, making it skip a bit from how excited she is for me.

"It was an honor to hear about your leadership and even just the compliments from your teammates and coach on who you are," Todd continues with a smile. "It's rare to see such a selfless, true team player on and off the court."

"Thank you," I rasp out.

"Jaylan, we can't stress enough how proud we are at the University of Maryland. We are excited about what the future has in store for you." Coach T's eyes well up, making my stomach clench.

Fuck, don't do that, Coach.

"Well... Without any further suspense lingering." Todd shifts his attention back to me "Jaylan, do you declare to be in the NBA Draft this year?"

As if I am committing to a marriage, Lizzie softly rubs my hand in encouragement. The moment I have waited for is finally here and I can barely hear my own voice over the loud pounding in my ears.

"Yes. I, Jaylan Parker, declare myself to be in the NBA draft this year."

🏀🏀🏀🏀

Sipping on my Dos Equis, my lips pull up into a smile from watching my personal chef hula her hips to the sound of some Spanish song.

The strong spices from whatever she's cooking invade my nose, making my mouth water between the rotation of Lizzie's hips and dinner. She swirls her hips again in a circle, stirring the searing pan with the wooden spoon she has fallen in love with since the first time she cooked in the kitchen.

Taking another sip, I walk behind her as her hips wind in a circle motion close to the cobra similar to the night at the club.

"Yo voy, voy, voy, Porque fue la que siempre quise, y yo voy, voy, voy!" Lizzie sings, paying me no mind as she continues to shake some pepper into the browning of the steak... Oops, I'm sorry, Carne Asada.

Uncle Steve's shirt is going to feed real snug after finishing Lizzie's dinner. If the Kazoo Player couldn't be any sweeter, she invited Uncle Steve and Aunt Lisa over for dinner to celebrate the big day. Of course they said yes, especially Uncle Steve, who's always willing to get a free meal.

He's in for one, I swear Lizzie made enough for my entire team.

Playfully pressing my lips, I meet them on Lizzie's neck, right on her nearly gone hickey. I gotta freshen that up.

"Jaylan, you're going to burn yourself!" she scolds and continues to sing the song. 

I put the cover over the pot and pull her waist to dance with me.

Her skin grows hot as I push my pelvis into her ass, moving in sync with the song. Warm friction rubs between us, turning up my body temperature too. I softly grip her waist and she whirls her ass playfully. I palm her ass as she surprisingly bends down and giggles out loud, almost making me choke on my beer at how fast my cobra jumps, almost biting her. I place my beer down on the counter because I almost drop it.

Shit, I gotta be careful.

"Did you cut the limes?" Lizzie turns around with an arch brow.

Sheepishly grinning, she furrows her brows at me. I pull her waist again and look down at her. "Who you going to boss around when I'm gone for a month?"

"Jessica." She shrugs like it is nothing, I tickle her sides and she curls up into my chest.

"Are you going to miss me?" I poke out my lip and she does her doe eyes at me.

"Jaylannn, one day at a time."

"I just want to hear you say it," I tease, still poking my lip at her and she giggles.

"Don't be a big baby," she claps back at me.

I withdraw from the spank bank, slapping my palm right on her right cheek with a contact that's way too satisfying. She jolts initially, then giggles. "¡Ay! That hurts Jaylan '' She grunts and furrows her brows at me.

"I think it's time to talk about the spa-"

The doorbell rings and Lizzie shares a naughty smile and skips to the door. It's time to talk about the spank bank soon. Aunt Lisa's famous squeal comes from the door and I smirk, shaking my head because I don't even get that greeting anymore. I walk out to see Lizzie hugging Aunt Lisa and Uncle Steve, who is licking his lips at the smell from the kitchen.

He's actually not wearing - shit, he is.

Uncle Steve peels off his coat, showing Lizzie his old basketball shirt.

"Thank you so much for inviting us, Lizzie." Aunt Lisa pulls back and finally notices me. "Oh... Hi, Jaylan."

I chuckle as she playfully dismisses me in my house. Jordy comes downstairs and immediately runs to Uncle Steve, giving him a big bear hug.

"Boy, if you don't get off me." Uncle Steve pats his back roughly.

The front door swings open again to my surprise Marcus, Hollis, and their big headed women come in.

"It smellsss so good in here, must be Lizzie, " Hollis says, rubbing his stomach.

"Lizzie, do you need help?" Alexis says, going into the kitchen with a big box of something in her hands and a duffel bag over her shoulder.

Lizzie's food portion sizes are starting to make more sense, did she invite everyone? "Damn, is everyone coming to eat here?"

"Yep, since you decided to crash our festivities on Sunday," Maxine chimes in and I palm my face. "Don't worry, we're not here for you, just the tacos."

"Maxine!" Aunt Lisa calls, Maxine sheepishly grins, and the girls walk right into the kitchen. Lizzie stops in her tracks as she watches me grab up Malachi who's about to have a meltdown for me not giving back his switch.

"Did you miss me?" I frown only for Malachi to have him furrow his brows, oddly enough like Lizzie.  I could feel the heat on my arms, turning and finding Lizzie's eyes admiring Malachi and I's bond.

She averts her eyes down to at her bare feet and goes right into the kitchen being caught. 

Malachi reaches for his Switch and I chuckle as we walk into the dinning where Lizzie's once flipped my house again looking like something out of Pinterest. She transferred the balloons and backdrop against the wall but what really twinges my heart is where she placed a photo frame of my mom and I and some photos of Uncle Steve and I during basketball on a display table. I'm wondering where she got it from.

Jordy points at our photo of all of us at our first championship we won in ninth grade. The cheeses on all our faces were so big but behind it was true heartache because we lost our friend Austin to gun violence in our neighborhood. We played so hard that day and I will never forget how Jordy laid on the gym floor at the end, sobbing because he lost somebody else to gun violence.

"Ooooh!" Marcus' voice booms behind me, clapping his hands and sitting right down.

"Who said y'all was invited to this though?" I tease, shifting my attention around Jordy, Marcus and Hollis munching down on some chips and guacamole.

"You not the only one who got drafted, right Lizzie" Marcus gloats, and Lizzie giggles echo in our kitchen. "Right!"

I suck my teeth playfully and slant my eyes at him.

"Jaylan, stop," Aunt Lisa says from the kitchen, coming out with a bowl of steak that Lizzie called her mom for the recipe.

They talked for a while until some guy said hello to her and Lizzie ended the call. She was quiet for a while and even asked me to stir the beans as she went to the bathroom. Once again, my little Chef came out with brown sugary eyes, red at the corners, which twinges my heart that something is going on at home. I would really love to get to the bottom of it if I can, if she will allow me.

My attention shifts as Lizzie comes out with the biggest smile at Marcus, who waves to her. I press my lips and sit right down with Malachi, shaking in my ears trying to beat this level on Mario.

"So, are you not going to help?" Uncle Steve teases, sneaking a tortilla chip Lizzie got from her job, the little thief, but it's the thought that counts to make this dinner night a success for her.

"She's got it." I laugh, licking my lips, watching Lizzie squat down to get a pan out the bottom shelf but Aunt Lisa blocks my view and looks right at me, wagging her finger.

Damn, now Lizzie's got Aunt Lisa on my ass.

Everyone laughs at me as I shake my head but if I think about and reflect on the day this, is what I need.

My family. No matter how much I would rather this moment just my mom being here, I feel like her presence is heavy here tonight.

"Jaylan, get in here if you want to play a game later!" Lizzie threatens with a high squeak.

"Coming!"

I pass Malachi to Aunt Lisa like he's a hot potato.

Edited and spiced up by still_just_me

Losing qa parent is the hardest thing a child has to ever go through no matter how old you are.

And for anyone who has experienced that I see you, I hear you and I'm with you <3 If you need some encouragement please, please, please DM on Instagram or here on Wattpad! NovemberRule.