Content Warning:

*Toxic Parental Trauma

*Mild Violence 

I see red.

All I see is red.

Why the fuck is he here?

How dare he.

Why the fuck is he here with them?

When I invited Wes and Valerie, it was specifically so we could reconnect. At least, I wanted to give them a chance that Mom couldn't get through in the beginning. When I had time to think about them after I dropped Lizzie back off the day I told her about Mom, I took a small adventure for myself just looking at DC over the hill. It was a spot for me when I just wanted to escape or think.

It was probably the hardest phone call I had to make but I knew if I didn't make it I didn't want to live in the what if scenario

Taking a deep breath, the cool air filled my car as I watched the phone dial on the screen of my car. My heart is pounding out of my chest and I shut my eyes.

"Hello?" Valerie's frail voice answers.

I squeeze my eyes but my mouth opens. "Uh... Valerie... It's Jaylan."

A soft gasp fills the car and I squeeze the side door handle for comfort. "Jaylan... wow... Well, hello! Oh my, how are you" she stammers.

"I'm okay... Umm, I just wanted to say." I clear my throat. "Thank you for the card."

Warmth grows in my chest, knowing if Lizzie was in the car she would have pat my shoulder for being so brave. A few sniffles echo through my car, making my heart tug at all the missed opportunities I may have had with them.

Remembering their absence from my life, I wonder if maybe it was for the better so I learn to grow like a moment like this.

Silence takes over the phone call and Valerie clears her throat. "Of course, I... I mean, we really wanted to show our support and I know we haven't really been there for you" she says softly. "And.. I'm sorry." Valerie's voice trembles. "I'm sorry, Jaylan."

Forgiveness is precious and it comes with a price.

"I forgive you." The words felt like a weight lifted off my chest, knowing whatever lies behind me makes another success and growth in my journey.

"I want...Wes and I want to make this right, Jaylannn..."

The conversation between us felt sacred and it makes me wonder how PJ ended up coming with them today. The last time I saw PJ was before I left for March Madness and I was surrounded by my brothers and Coach T. I thought it would be the last of him but clearly he still has this mentality he has a rite to be in my life after all the bullshit he caused me.

The anger rushing through my veins flows into my fist because this mother fucker is protected by Wes and Valerie Parker.

"Jaylan," Aunt Lisa calms me softly.

Unexpectedly, a soft hand clasps mine, melting my burning one and cooling me off. The action alone sizzles down the anger boiling over in me, reminding me I have people around me - for me instead of this mother fucker.

"I'm alright... I'm alright," I assure quietly.

I hope I'm not hurting Lizzie, as tight as I'm squeezing her hand instead of punching PJ right in his face.

The last time I saw him was before I left for March Madness, bringing bullshit about shaving points and wanting a hold over me. One thing I've learned since then is that I don't have to keep giving toxic people chances so they can hang leverage over my head, over and over again.

I learned my lesson.

I am growing from my lesson.

I have conquered the lesson.

And I will look at PJ without fear or dread any longer because he no longer has a hold on me.

Valerie is put together as usual, with her short sleeved, red dress and gold accented jewelry complimenting her warm brown skin. Of course, Wes is dressed in his normal polo and dress slacks.

Another exchange of looks passes between all of us as Valerie smiles, holding her purse in front of her.

Relaxing my jaw, Valerie smiles at me softly. "I'm sorry we are late, Jaylan." She clears her throat.

"It's okay, I didn't think you guys were coming." I glare at PJ, whose hands are in his pockets and eyes on Lizzie. I wrap my hand around her waist and his eyes avert away, scoping the crowd.

Lizzie's body trembles. I rub her back because I don't ever want her to feel uncomfortable around my family, despite how fucked up it is.

"Well, we just wanted to stop by and show our support because we are so proud, Honey." Valerie's bracelets jingle as she reaches out to touch my balling fist.

"Thank you." I flex out my hand as my watch falls down on my wrist. Lizzie comforts me, her hand going up and down on my bicep. The soft caress lightens the weight sitting on my chest.

"We really appreciate you coming," Aunt Lisa says.

Wes smiles and surveys me with pride for the first time since I was younger. Before now, he dreaded the sight of me because PJ turned down his future because of me.

Although he never took responsibility for me.

"You have grown up so well." Wes plasters a smile. "Thank you for carrying the family name."

Uncle Steve mumbles something and I hear Aunt Lisa softly scold him. If I had the choice to change my name, I would, right to Robinson. It's my rightful last name, yet my last name has a story to tell and the weight of it comes with healing.

All I can do is breathe a chuckle. "Yeah." I shift my eyes and look down at Lizzie, who is observing PJ on his phone. Her tiny hands squeeze mine.

Looking at Wes now is like looking at me in the future, still tall just with grey hair and no wrinkles. He looks healthy for a seventy-seventy-year-old.

Silence takes over and of course PJ ain't saying shit.

"Well, it's good to see you all. How about you all get a plate and we can all sit down and eat?" Aunt Lisa kindly interjects, breaking the heavy tenison.

Lizzie bumps into me as my hands tremble and I look down, meeting her doe-eyed gaze. This is definitely a test for me to show how much bigger I am than PJ.

Just when the party was going good, being around my friends, my girl, and family, I thought this day couldn't have gotten any better. I haven't had a moment like this since before I left for college. This time right now was supposed to be a good one, not one that could go sideways at any time.

This shit is so fucking embarassing and PJ knows it because he always like to play these mental fucking games. He doesn't want to be here, he's still only paying attention to his phone. If Wes and Valerie only left it at a card, he wouldn't even step foot into Uncle Steve's house like this.

PJ and I look at each other. I instantly look away and notice the brightest light in the room, who is smiling and taking a little bit of green beans on her plate. As we make it down the end of the buffet line, we sit at the table as chatter and music filter in as noise.

My heart is racing every step as we find our seats but I stay focused on the little cotton candy storm marker whose smile is radiating the room.

"Are you okay?" Lizzie says softly to me.

Looking over at PJ in line, eating the food from the hands who have taken care of me since I was a baby, with no care in the world.

"With you here, I'm okay," I assure.

"I'm sorry, Jaylan," she whispers, her doe eyes searching mine.

"It's good, party's over in an hour anyway. Let's enjoy the rest of it, right?"

She nods and leans forward, pressing her forehead against mine. I know Lizzie has stress going on at home too. Honestly, I'm ready to ditch the party and just get out of the presence of PJ. Especially the shit that may go down, which I hope it doesn't. What we need is a good, big pizza and some laughs right now.

Leaning into her ear, I whisper, "I love you."

"I love you too." She sinks her teeth in her lower lip.

My heart warms up thinking that next month I hope to talk to her Dad and family about next steps. I want them to come here and celebrate graduation with us together as a family. Being in this little world right now, despite PJ being here, reminds me of a glimpse of what our reception would feel like. Us with everyone we care about around us, socializing and having a good time while we are engulfed in each other.

"Eat. It will help your tummy." Lizzie pushes my loaded plate but my stomach is just tight to even touch anything.

Shaking my head no, Lizzie gives me a look, making me crack a faint smile.

"Look at me, see?" She points to at least seven green beans piled on her plate.

With a smile, I watch her take a tiny bite and chew. "I'm proud of you."

She is something.

Holding out my phone, I record Lizzie eating her small portion of green beans. Malachi takes bigger bites. "Is it good?" I tease.

Lizzie side eyes me with her lips press and bites the long green bean in the most sexual way, making my throat dry up. "La comida de conejo sabe tan bien (Rabbit food tastes so good)." She moans with a teasing smile then giggles.

I shiver at her thick accent taking me back to the morning she called me Papi....

Yeah, I need to hear that tonight.

"Don't tease me." Pressing stop, I arch my brow.

A peak streak spreads across Lizzie's face as she takes a bite into the shrimp on the skewer.

Lizzie licks her lips and leans in with a smile. "It's fun."

Leaning in closely to her, I tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. "Careful, we haven't completed that chart."

Lizzie giggles as if I'm joking and I point my finger at her with an arching brow. I lick my finger that has some barbeque sauce on the tip, making her eyes slightly darken. She darts her eyes, stirring her fork in the pasta salad, and I softly laugh.

"Ay yo, why is PJ here?" My childhood friend, Big Mike, sits at the table.

I shrug and shake my head. "Your guess is as good as mine."

"I'm surprised Uncle Steve hasn't thrown him out Fresh Prince-style," Jahday, my other childhood friend, scoots into a seat.

If anything, my friends back in the day said that Uncle Steve and PJ have bad blood and it will never change.

"You know Aunt Lisa and Uncle Steve like to remain civil." I take a bite of my potato salad as my eyes shift at Wes and Valerie. Off to themselves, they look out of place in the midst of the crowd as they hold their plates, trying to find a table. Lizzie softly touches my arm.

"Do you want them to sit near us?" she whispers.

My heart tugs. Even though I don't want PJ near me at all, I don't have a choice. I did do a lot of thinking about Wes and Valerie being part of my life and how important that could be in the future, especially since I do carry Wes' last name, not PJ's.

I don't mean to sound bitter but PJ doesn't deserve an ounce of credit for the success we're celebrating today. If anything, I am here despite him sabotaging my life. But I wouldn't mind getting to know Wes and Valerie and that side of the family, since PJ had stripped that opportunity away when I was a child.

Mom wanted for me to know the Parker name and the legacy they have, so I can be actually proud of it and give it to Lizzie and our future ki-.

Man, I've got to get that idea out of my head right now, especially the fact neither me nor Lizzie has that on our radar.

I fucking blame Jordy because he was showing me the Halloween prank where Jimmy Kimble has parents tell their kids they ate all their candy.. Originally, it was a prank I wanted to do with Lizzie, knowing she probably prohibit sex for a month. However, my mind started to gear towards 'what if?' all last night.

Making eye contact with Valerie, I wave my hand over to them. Lizzie leans her head on my shoulder at the action. Picking around my food as everyone begins to sit at the table, I still can't eat. Uncle Steve automatically sits next to me on my left. Aunt Lisa sits across from me, with Nathan by her and Jeremiah. Wes and Valerie sit right across from me as PJ sits right down across from Lizzie.

"So Jaylan, do you get to go to the White House to meet the president?" Wes scoops up some potato salad to begin a conversation.

Clearing my throat, I swallow some half-and-half. Uncle Steve put the right amount of lemonade this time so it's not too tart. He can go overboard with the lemonade. "Uh yeah, I actually go next Wednesday."

"Glad it's not with Orange Man anymore." Jeremiah chuckles, taking a bite of his mac and cheese, closes his eyes, and hums.

"Yeah, tell me about it." I chuckle.

Last year, Kansas State won and let's just say they skipped on that White House visit. Instead, they had a governor visit and parade inside.

"I bet you are going to be busy with interviews here. Better get used to it for the NBA." Wes points his fork and smiles.

"I can't believe that's around the corner," I admit.

To even think that the draft is around the corner is exciting but scary because it's the moment where my life is going to change, for the better. Everything I can help Uncle Steve and Aunt Lisa with is so close... And Lizzie and our future and our kid- ...home.

Damn it, Jordy.

"Believe it, you played a heck of game last Monday," Wes says proudly.

My heart thumps at the fact he watched the game where I played my soul out on the court.

"Yeah, he did good," PJ adds his two cents.

Internally rolling my eyes, I pick around a piece of cantaloupe. Lizzie nudges me to eat so I take a bite.

"It was a tough game." I swallow hard and the sugar eases a bite of my nerves in my body.

No wonder Lizzie likes sugar.

"Wait 'till you play against Steph Curry," Big Mike breaks in, bringing some humor.

"Right, gotta work on them ankles." Jeremiah chuckles.

Cracking a smile, a burst of joy radiates in my aching chest. Everyone laughs around the table, including PJ, which quiets my laughter. As much I want this scenario to be different, PJ is legally successful, and we have the best father and son relationship, that's not our reality. He doesn't deserve to laugh right now to take any shred of joy from this day.

The sun begins to set, casting a glow of sun rays on the table, almost like Mom is sitting right here in this moment.

I wish she was here to back me up.

"If his head isn't big now, it's definitely going to get bigger," Uncle Steve jokes. I chuckle while everyone laughs, with a cracked smile from PJ.

"Lets just hope he can make those three pointers without getting blocked" Jeremiah likes to remind.

With more laughter, my eyes can't help but catch a glimpse of PJ trying to partake in my joy, making my lips turn down. Silence falls over us and Wes clears his throat, locking eyes with the green bean spy next to me.

"And who is this young lady?" Wes smiles at Lizzie, who has chipmunk cheeks as she's eating potato salad.

A smile pulls on my lips as I watch her throat muscles push down the potato salad and a soft laughter escapes from my lips. Valerie observes Lizzie with a warm smile as Lizzie cheeks spread a soft pink. Bumping her shoulder softly, "Oh, sorry. Uhh, this is my girlfriend, Elizabeth. Elizabeth, this is Wes and Valerie," I say, making the awkward silence come around again.

"Oh it's very nice to meet you" Valerie coos looking at the both of us. Lizzie tucks in closer to me.

Lizzie swallows softly and stretches out her hand, making me smile at how confident she is. "Nice to meet you." She beams.

Wes lets out a faint smile and holds Lizzie's hand. "It's nice to meet you too, Sweetheart."

Looking down for a second, I thought about how and why right now they want to build something when they could have done that from the beginning. It just feels foolish to me if that is even an option. As a person trying to improve his mental health, I don't need anything they have to offer. Seeing the support flowing in early today is a bitter reminder of the kind of people I want to surround myself with.

Like Squeaker.

Wes looks down at his plate. As much as I would like to introduce them as my grandparents, after being away and nonexistent for pretty much all of my life, I can't. Maybe someday we will get there, but that shit takes time and doesn't happen overnight.

PJ chuckles softly and puts his hand on the table. "You really are not going to say grandparents."

Silence takes over again at the table as other people begin to leave, waving goodbye as the sun begins to set. Waving, I'm glad people are leaving because whatever comes out of PJ's mouth next is going to make either Uncle Steve, Me, Nathan, or Lizzie blow up.

Clenching my jaw, Lizzie's hand rubs on my shaking knee. "I mean, they are just Wes and Valerie." I shrug.

"Right, it's fine." Wes clears his throat, looking down at his plate with slump shoulders.

"We really don't need to cause a scene here" I clip as Lizzie clasps onto my wrist.

Aunt Lisa clears her throat as Uncle Steve lets out a sigh. Of course, PJ has to make this opportunity bitter because he can't seem to enjoy happiness whatsoever. "No one's causing a scene," he adds, fueling my fire.

"I'm Paul, Jaylan's father." He extends his hand out to Lizzie.

She looks at his hand and twists her lip. Politely, she shakes his hand "Elizabeth." She shrinks her hand back and puts it into her lap. I don't ever want her to feel uncomfortable, especially with this asshole.

I didn't want to introduce Lizzie to him because he doesn't deserve it.

"Anyone want dessert? I'll go get some," Aunt Lisa interjects as she gets up from the table, quickly walking away with slumping shoulders. I notice some of her friends hovering around her, whispering,This is their home. I don't want them to feel uncomfortable."

My chest tightens when I look around the table. Lizzie is picking at her food while Wes and Valerie with soft eyes at both PJ and I. Every other single pair of eyes, from the small number of friends and relatives still here, focuses elsewhere.

"Jaylan, thank you for letting us come here tonight," Wes speaks again.

"Of course, Wes. I really appreciate you and Valerie stopping by." I look directly at them and not at PJ.

Aunt Lisa comes back to serve some strawberry shortcakes on a plate and sits back down, noticing PJ shoulders tense up and my nostrils flaring.

"Have some respect, Jaylan. They are your grandparents," PJ scolds and I chuckle softly, as if he really wants to do this right now. For the same person who turned his back on his parents to live the life on the streets, he has no business offering an opinion.

Before I open my mouth, Aunt Lisa gives me a look. Uncle Steve sighs deeply and puts down his fork. "Look, we invited Wes and Valerie to just enjoy Jaylan's day. He is going to have bigger ones in the future. If he wants to say Wes and Valerie, let it be. It's not a big deal," he snaps.

Aunt Lisa nods as she gets up and cleans up plates off the table. Lizzie takes my plate and walks with Aunt Lisa as they talk quietly.

As more people say goodbye and hand me cards, I can tell some of them were disappointed with their slanted glances at PJ for showing up but mouthing 'take care.'

"We agree, it's fine PJ,'' Valerie ends to avoid a volcanic eruption.

Uncle Steve never gets angry, only at small things like me not taking out the trash or forgetting to put the chicken in the sink to defrost. Uncle Steve white knuckles his fork as he stabs into his barbecue chicken grumbling under his breath.

Aunt Lisa touches his shoulder. "We are just so glad you were able to come."

"We are too," Wes assures and shifts his firm gaze to PJ.

"It's just respect," PJ tries to get in the last word.

Inwardly rolling my eyes, I look over at Lizzie. Her throat muscles move down and I softly rub her knees to comfort her. I know she doesn't like hostile environments and the last thing I want to do is trigger anything that will upset her. I just need to bite my tongue.

"PJ, let it go." Valerie touches her son's shoulder but he rolls it off.

He puts his fist down on the table, making it rattle and causing Lizzie to leap. Flashes of red reappear in my vision. "No, you know what? Let's go. I knew this was a bad idea, he could care less if we are here anyway, he has what he wants" PJ snaps glaring at Uncle Steve and Aunt Lisa then directly at Nathan.

"And what's that?" Uncle Steve cuts in.

"This cookie cutter bullshit. You can't just cut me out of your life like this, Jaylan. You need to face the facts. I will always be a part of you." PJ insults as he throws his hands around. "I'm trying to make this right, damn it." His voice strains.

"Shut up" I clip.

Anger is rushing throughout my body and my chest tightens even more. The tension pulls so tight, I swear I'm going to tear a muscle.Every bit of anger I have of PJ is about to lash out, through my fist to his face.

"This is what you do Jaylan, you push people away," he snaps. "Always ungrateful."

"That's enough," Uncle Steve warns.

PJ's eyes narrow at my clenched teeth. "Stop being so fucking sensitive, Jay."

Squeezing my eyes trapping the tears shut, all I can see is PJ and I in the car leaving the hospital after leaving mom's lifeless body there. The stinging in the back of my throat makes me clear it and PJ wore the same look

"It's just going be you and I for now on. She didn't love us anyway."

"That's not true!" I rasp out, fisting the door panel.

"It's true or she would have never killed herself and left us in this mess."

"She didn't kill herself" I yell, tears tickling down my cheeks.

"Jaylan, quit crying like a little bitch. I'm trying to man you up here," he barks out.

"Leave me alone," the words vibrate out of my mouth.

"Jaylan, quiet being so fucking sensitive. Man the fuck up."

"I'm not being sensitive," I snap.

"Always a sensitive little bitch." PJ's muttered words bring me back to the present.

"HEY! That isn't necessary." Uncle Steve raises his voice.

PJ leans back, smirking. The sight of his lips curling up makes my jaw ache from how tight I'm clenching my teeth. "Truth hurts sometimes."

His words cause my fist to hit the table, rattling it like an earthquake. "Don't call me that. If you are going to call me names you can go."

"Or what, Jaylan?" he challenges.

Red spreads across my vision again and Uncle Steve shakes his head. For someone who is trying to make amends, PJ sure is gaslighting this whole fucking situation. A father who gaslights their child is a coward and I'm done with his shit.

"We are not doing this, I think it's time for you to go." Uncle Steve suggests.

PJ breathes a dry chuckle. "I knew this was a joke, coming here."

"If it was a joke then why come here." My voice shakes from me trying to remain calm.

"Because, Jaylan, " he clips. "Believe it or not I care."

CARE?

All I want to do is flip this table with all my might and pin him pin to the fucking floor.

Care?

I rub the tight muscles in my jaw. In the corner of my eye, Lizzie's eyes are completely soft at me. I don't want her seeing this right now and my heart is breaking into pieces. She has to see this shit unfold.

"You don't even know the meaning," I grumble.

PJ sneers, eyes darkening. "You never gave me a chance to get involved."

Aunt Lisa and Valerie gasp softly with a soft whimper from Lizzie, making the anger come to boil in my veins. The table shakes as Big Mike tries to stop me but I shoot up like a rocket fueled by anger. "NOW YOU WANT TO GET INVOLVED?" I point at him as the crowd quiets down.

"I'm trying to make peace with you, Jaylan. Didn't you read my card? Get my messages?" he says sharply.

I threw that damn card away and deleted his toxic words so quickly, because they were all lies. "For the same bullshit, right?" I grit my teeth. "The same lies, empty promises until you take what you want and give nothing?"

PJ clenches his jaw as his eyes gloss over, something he is good at when he knows he is wrong. He is a great performer. "I don't need this bullshit. I'm outta here."

Now that my mouth is moving, it's not holding back, "Good, you don't deserve to be here. The people around this table are the ones who fought for me. All you did was ruin me... You don't deserve shit or recognition for anything other than a performance of a terrible piece of shit father you were to me!"

The words came out like bullets right into his chest, like the ones he put on my car. I hope it kills him.

"Jaylan," Nathan reaches over.

"Jay," Uncle Steve says firmly.

My chest tightens as PJ mirrors my glaring at him. My skin hats up as I shake.

"That's how you feel, after everything I've done for you?" PJ's angry voice freezes my skin.

"Leave," I force out, balling up my fists.

"I think it's best to talk about this another ti-" Valerie gets cut off as PJ flings his red plastic cup across the table.

"I'm out."

My eyes stretch wide at the blunt disrespect to his elderly parents. Even though I don't know Wes and Valerie personally I do know they care for PJ with all their heart despite his shortcomings and of me.

"Paul." Valerie whimpers softly.

He roughly gets up from the table heading towards the house. Following behind him with redvision, I hear multiple people calling out my name completely forgetting every last ounce of growth out the window. "Jaylan!" Uncle Steve's voice trails behind me.

PJ jerks open the sliding glass patio door and enters the kitchen. I slam it behind me. Hearing pans rattle from the dishes, I notice Lizzie and Aunt Lisa washing by the sink.

"Who the hell do you think you are, coming here and talking to me like that!?" I yell.

"Jay?" Aunt Lisa calmly calls out.

The house rattles with our loud thuds of footsteps in the hallway. PJ continues to walk with a balled fist down the hall until I grip his shoulder, turning him around. "Don't fucking walk away from me!"

With a glance in his brown eyes, rage bursts forth. "Get your fucking hands off me are you out your mind!" He shoves me into the wall, my shoulders hitting with a thud.

"You don't just show up here and cause a scene and ruin my life all the time, I'm not a child anymore!"

Pj flares his nostrils and takes a good look at me as if I'm the gum on his shoe. "Still act like one."

I lick my lips and step forward pointing my finger in his face. "You have no right to be here after the shit you pulled, I told you I'm done with you."

PJ knocks my hand down and out his face and the lightness of my hand rises up to swing but stops when Uncle Steve's Voice booms "HEY"

I haven't heard Uncle Steve raise his voice since the time he found marijuana when a shoebox avalanche fell on him in my closet because he wanted to wear my new Nike Airs for work.

"Don't put your fucking hands on me!" PJ shoves his hands into my chest, making me knock down a frame on the wall.

With a crash, the glass breaks, shattering on the ground. Ironically, it's a photo of Mom, PJ, and I at my baseball game in fifth grade.

"HEY!" Uncle Steve's voice raises.

I shove PJ in his chest harder. Two big arms wrap around my chest, holding me back. "He isn't worth it," Nathan's words break through my red vision.

Uncle Steve grabs PJ up by his shirt collar, taking me back to when I was sixteen and found the marijuana PJ gave me to sell and did the exact same motion to PJ when he came for visitation. "YOU CAN'T JUST COME IN MY HOUSE AND DISRESPECT ME. THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU ARE ABLE TO BE HERE, YOU UNDERSTAND!?"

Uncle Steve's big brother protectiveness comes out after the years of pain my sperm donor caused my mom.

PJ jerks his body away. "Don't fucking touch me!" His eyes wander around at everyone behind me, whoever besides Nathan has me in a lock. "Is this what you really want, Jaylan?"

All I want is to feel the happiness I felt earlier today before it came crashing down and all I want is it back. I don't want him in my life anymore and I mean what I said the day in the parking lot back at school.

Silence takes over as PJ's chest rises and falls. Lifting up a balled fist, he slams it against the wall. "Fuck you!"

"What do you want from him, PJ? You want him to run to you after all the shit you put him through? That's not how things work." Uncle Steve shakes his head and looks back at me with a tender look, which pains my chest. He turns around to PJ.

"Where were you when he needed new shoes, or a place to stay... Or let's not forget, who took him on field trips, who helped him ride a bike, take out the trash, respect women... not you!" Uncle Steve balls his fists.

PJ clenches his jaw and looks at me with dark eyes. "I taught Jaylan to be a real man, to be hust-"

"But that's not what I taught you, Paul,'' a frail voice cuts in from behind.

We all turn to look at Wes, who comes into the middle. PJ clenches his jaw at Wes, who shakes his head. "This is all my fault and I want to make this right. I told you I wanted to make this right, why did you have to disobey what I said?"

The floor was now between PJ and Wes. The rage in me simmers slowly. "Let's not put on a show for everybody." PJ steps back.

"Paul, we told you this is not what we want," Valerie chimes in.

PJ backs up into the door, still holding on to the door knob. "Then what is it, his money he is about to get? He's definitely not giving you both two cents."

"ENOUGH!" Wes' voice booms as the end of his cane hits the wooden floor.

PJ laughs bitterly, shaking his head at them.

He never sees love, even if it's right in his face with the amount of support Wes and Valerie have poured onto PJ, even Mom. He makes it truly hard for someone to love him.

He made himself unloveable.

"Nobody is putting on a show, this is Jaylan's life. You haven't grown up since high school and that's pathetic. Today was supposed to be about Jaylan, can't you see that? Why can't you be proud of him?" Uncle Steve defends.

PJ looks around at everyone again and back at me, dark eyes staring into my soul. "I don't need this." He twists the knob.

"Go ahead, leave like you always do," I rasp out. "But this time don't' come back."

Nathan's grip loosens off me and I wiggle my arm to get back some feeling. "If you keep pushing me away this will never get resolved." PJ clips.

"I'm done resolving it. The amount of chances I gave you over the years, the manipulation for you to love and appreciate me... I'm done," the words dry up my mouth.

"Oh, so you are done with me now that you are successful? Selling drugs to keep your townhouse, your car..." PJ laughs, looking over my shoulder at Lizzie. "Probably buying her shit... Just like me to your mother. Everyone loves life until it's not beneficial anymore."

His revelation isn't news to Uncle Steve, Aunt Lisa or Lizzie; they knew my dark past and the webs of darkness he has created.

"Breaking down Jaylan isn't going to make you look better because look who got him into it" Nathan clears his throat.

PJ's eyes narrows at Nathan and he steps away from the door back to the center as we all stand. Nathan steps in front of me as they become eye to eye with each other. PJ may be a bit taller than Nathan but Nathan looks about to deck his nose. "You stay out of family business," PJ spits.

"Jaylan, Steve and Lisa are my family and it is my business," Nathan defends. "This is about Jaylan today and his success overcoming his shortcomings. And if you can't celebrate that, then you don't need to be here."

PJ breathes a dark chuckle, making my heartbeat thud in my body. A lump floats up to my throat when I see PJ raise his fist a bit. "I'll go when he tells me to go."

With no hesitation, I grit out, "Go."

PJ steps back and looks at everyone again. "Is this what you want Jaylan? Because if I walk out this door, you will not hear from me again."

Normally when PJ makes empty threats, I know he will be back with some sort of proposition to get me back into his web of darkness. This time, with a firm voice, I know he isn't lying.

"Go," I rasp again, a tiny hand clasping onto my shaking hands. Looking down, I see Lizzie doe eyes so watery it made my heart fall out my chest.

"Just like that huh," PJ says with one last eyebrow raised in warning.

My chin lifts. "I said GO."

"Mom, Dad, this is what you want?" PJ voice cracks for the first time.

Wes and Valerie's eyes soften but Valerie looks down and away as she holds on to Wes' hand.

"Jay?" I hear Aunt Lisa softly say.

PJ nods and looks at everyone and one last glance at me. "Fine."

The door slam rattles the house, taking me back to when Mom kicked him out, holding her ground in wanting to better herself. Squeezing my eyes shut, I think back to standing right in this room.

PJ rubs his hands down his face and narrows his eyes at the both of us. "Eve, you have all the time in the world to think about what you want to do. You really think going to nursing school and being a full time mother is a smart idea?"

"I have to think about Jaylan, PJ... our future," Mom softly squeaks out, holding me close.

"Eve, we could've had our future at UMD! We could have but you decided to have... this." He points at me.

Her hands clench tighter around me. "Stop talking like that in front of him."

"He doesn't understand what I'm fucking saying, Eve. Get a grip."

"PJ, I told you I wanted to continue school. And I told you could go back, you don't have to... You don't have to sell drugs. Wes and Valerie said they would pay for school. Think about our future." She pleads as she holds on to me.

PJ slants his eyes at the both of us "Our future? You mean you and Jaylan or me and you?"

"Are you serious Paul! He is your son. Of course he is our future."

"It didn't have to be this way if you listened to me the first time."

"Paul, you knew that wasn't an option! I was too far along."

"No you weren't! You went behind my back and went for a doctor appointment, listening to the heartbeat like I told you not to."

Mom shifts her body away as she holds me tight. "I don't need this, Paul. I've made my decision. I'm finishing nursing school, with or without you."

"Evelyn if you make this decision I will never step foot in here again." His voice booms, rattling Mom's chest.

I feel her heartbeat race but her warm skin makes me feel like everything is going to be okay. "If that's what you want, fine. We don't need you."

"We." He laughs, as I hear the doorknob twist.

"Yes. We," she says confidently.

"Then we are done. You are not going to make it."

"I will, just watch me."

"Whatever." He slams the door behind him.

The door sound startles me, causing me to cry and making mom hold me tight to her chest. "Jaylan, we are going to make it and one day your dad is going to see."

Lizzie's hand softly rubs my arm, breaking me out of my train of thoughts. I look down at her as she gives me a soft smile. It turns down to a frown when tears escape from my eyes.

All I ever wanted was PJ to love me. All my mom wanted was PJ to love and accept me. Yet instead all I got was callous and hollow love which should make me cold hearted and it did.

I wanted this day to be about me and yet of course at the end of the day shit like this will always be apart of me.

"Jay," Wes says softly stepping toward me.

Fuck PJ.

I've thought about this moment often, wondering what I would feel like to finally cut off PJ. While I've also shared similar thoughts from previous exchanges, the rush of anger I've stored for sixteen years finally comes to surface. Heat boils under my skin, my heart pounds in my ears, and a silent resolve snaps through the anger clouding my vision.

I'm done.

I'm so fucking done.

I'm done with PJ for good this time and there is no ounce of regret left in me. The same anger from me clinging onto the door panel eleven years ago, leaving the hospital, PJ's toxic 'fatherly advice,' all of it burns my chest.

Tension builds between my shoulders, tightening my biceps. Clenching my teeth, strain tugs down my forearm, shortening the tendons in my wrist. The skin across my knuckles pulls tighter.

All my rage goes right into Aunt Lisa's wall. 

Edited by the lovely still_just_me.  Please be sure to check out her WP!

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We don't have to accept toxicity in our life no matter how hard it is to walk away.  A peace of mind is more important than blood.

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Eight more chapters left <3