I have clearly lost the inspiration to write this story anymore. But it didn't seem fair that I didn't update the last chapter I wrote here while it was up on India Forums. I'm remedying that here.

So here goes...

The pale sunlight filtered through the sheer curtains, swaying in a lazy dance with the cool breeze. Raavi scrunched up her nose in distaste as the cold light hit her face - the air around her too cool for comfort. She shifted in her sleep, snuggling closer to the source of warmth beside her, and sighed in contentment when an arm wrapped around her waist. All of a sudden, cognizance hit and her eyes shot open in surprise.

He was still deep in slumber, his downy hair ruffled and a look of pure serenity on his face. His breath even, shallow, soft. He lay on his stomach, face down on her pillow and when she tried to move, his arm tightened around her. The faint scent of orange blossoms and cinnamon he always left in her sheets was more potent, more pronounced as she snuggled in his arms. Eyes took in the surroundings this time, recording every single details she had failed to perceive so far.

Every time he was gone before she could wake up. Something about not wanting to get caught but she knew, somehow, that it was more than that. She knew they had crossed so many lines of propriety and yet they had always refrained from crossing that particular threshold of intimacy. It was better this way, she always thought, every time she woke up in that cold bed, all alone. But she could never explain the hollow feeling it left in her heart - that missing piece of the puzzle she couldn't find.

This morning, however, that sick empty feeling was distinctly missing and Raavi knew it had everything to do with the man sleeping beside her. She couldn't help but admire him as he slept unaware. Tracing a path down the planes of his features, she drank his presence in. Those soft crevices. Those long lashes fanning across his cheeks. That tiny crater on his nose. Those slightly chapped, pillowy lips, the ones that sends a spark of longing rushing through her spine every time they move against her own. Raavi sighed contently - she could get used to this, waking up in his arms, everyday, for the rest of her life.

Her eyes widened suddenly, at the dangerous path her thoughts were taking and she sat up abruptly, heart hammering in fear. No! She had been way too careful to slip now. She worked way too hard to let those carefully constructed walls crumble after one morning of waking up in his arms. It wasn't supposed to be like this. It was meant to be a one time thing; a favor. It wasn't supposed to turn into this insane craving for the other's proximity. Wanting, needing, begging to be close to each other; hugging, touching, kissing - always ending up in a tangle of limbs, sighs and desires. It wasn't supposed to send her heart racing every time she saw that breathtaking smile on his lips. Or breaking, when she woke up to cold sheets and fading fragrance in her bed. It wasn't supposed to send her into a jealous rage every time she saw someone else look at him the "wrong" way. No, it was just supposed to be physical.

Raavi shut her eyes, holding the sheets close to her chest and laid her forehead on her bent knees. How much longer could she use revenge as an excuse?

Bloody hell, was she falling for him. Again. And even worse this time.

Raavi sighed as she rested her chin on the knees as her thoughts drifted back five years. The year she finally let go of the last string; the thought that Dev was her Prince Charming. That he was the man that she was destined to be with.

The year when all delusions shattered till only the jagged fragments of truth remained embedded in her heart.

*****

As usual, she sauntered into Pandya Niwas as if she owned it. The three cots were still occupied and Raavi rolled her eyes. It was only a matter of time. And sure enough, before she could finish counting till 30, Dhara was splashing a huge bucket of freezing water over the sleeping bundles and they jumped up screaming. Raavi giggled before walking up to Dhara.

"Hayyyeeeee! Dhara di! Aise nazaare dekhne toh main roz ticket khareedne ko bhi taiyyar hoon!"

"Ae Maami ki behen ki beti! Baat karti hai!! Apna nashta khareedne tak ki aukaad nahi hai. Roz aa jati hai yaha thoosne. Tu na abhi bahar phenkta hoon," Shiva yelled before lunging at her and Raavi squealed, jumping to hide behind Dhara.

"Heyy Somnath! Bas karo tum dono! Kya roz roz kutte billiyon ki tarah ladte rehte ho! Ab ek aur aawaz ki toh saare parathe na, main Krish ko khila dungi!" Dhara threatened and they stopped in their tracks, pouting in disappointment. Dhara shook her head smiling, "Chal ja ab naha ke aa. Main nashta taiyyar karti hoon." She said before walking away.

Raavi eyed Shiva nervously. Would he fight with her now that Dhara di was gone? He was glaring at her in irritation but otherwise didn't speak a word. Raavi sighed in relief before running after Dhara.

Raavi was chopping the veggies for the famous aloo-gobi ki sabji when her hand slipped and the knife sliced through her finger. She screamed in pain - the blood oozing out of the wound was making her nauseous. She winced as she gingerly cradled her finger when another pair of hands joined hers and a whiff of orange blossoms and cinnamon hit her hard. She watched in surprise as Shiva inspected her finger with a softness she had never experienced before from him. He lead her to the sink, the cold water hitting her raw wound caused her to wince, and Shiva gently blew on her finger. She watched transfixed as he cleaned the cut, slathered it in ointment and bandaged in with a surgical precision.

When he was done with his task, he looked up at her face, "Phoolkumari hai tu? Agar nahi hota toh kyun yeh harkatein karti hai? Lag gayi naa chot??" He reprimanded her gently as he lead her to the swing. "Yahi baithi reh," he said before walking out of the house, presumably to the store, leaving a bewildered Raavi behind.

-----

Several weeks later, Raavi sat on the same swing, watching Shiva playfully kick Krish off the cot. His loud peals of laughter rang like the chiming church bells and Raavi couldn't help the smile that broke out on her face. How did she never notice how different Shiva looked when he laughed? So carefree, so beautiful. It's a crime to keep that smile hidden away behind his mask of perpetual anger.

Their eyes met across the courtyard and his smile slid off his face, a frown replacing it just as quickly and Raavi felt a pang in her heart. Would there ever be a time when Shiva looks at her and see more than his maami ki behen ki beti? Would she ever be more than simply his #1 dushman?

Raavi couldn't help but sigh. Who was she kidding? Shiva would always hate her, she thought as she distractedly took a bite out of the plate of pakodas Dhara has placed on the table, not realising they were the chilli filled ones Shiva loved so much. Her eyes widened as her mouth started burning and she gasped for air in between bouts of violent coughs. In an instant, she felt someone thumping her back and the cold steel of the tumbler on her lips. She downed the entire thing in one go before she could finally notice who the hand holding the glass belonged to. Shiva's concerned eyes were trained on her, watching her like a hawk as her coughs subsided.

Before she could formulate a word of thanks, he walked away. Raavi watched utterly confused, unable to make neither head nor tail of his hot & cold behaviour. He would glare at her all day, never missing an opportunity to annoy her, dissuade every move she made on Dev, declare irrevocable hatred for her at every chance. And yet, every time she was distressed, every time she found herself in trouble, every time her steps faltered, Shiva would magically appear, chasing away her demons as if he were some knight in shining armour. Or rather, a non-knight in a not-so-shining vest and shirt. He would tend to her needs tenderly, take care of her as if she were made of glass. But the very next moment, he'd leave. Or declare his heartfelt hatred for her. Would things ever change between them? She didn't know.

Before she could ponder further, he walked back into the courtyard. Raavi could only watch as Shiva unwrapped a bar of chocolate and snapped off a piece. He placed it against her lips and she involuntarily let her lips part, relishing the silken sweetness as it soothed her burning tongue. She smiled. She would never understand the enigma that was a certain Shiva Pandya. But boy, is she gonna try!

-----

She wanted to tell him. 4 years she spent trying to battle with her changing feelings. Confusion, frustration, denial and finally acceptance. Then came fear. Of her feelings. Of his anger. What if he refused to listen? What if he refused to believe her? What if he believed got mad at her?

It was too hard. She needed to tell him. She didn't want to be just his Maami ki behen ki beti anymore. She needed to know if he'd ever feel the same way for her. She mustered all her courage before walking into Pandya Store. She waved to Kaka before stepping onto the loading dock, watching as Shiva unloaded the last of the crates.

She was just about to approach him when she saw their classmate Ruchi walk over to him and handed him a bottle of water. Raavi stopped in her tracks, her heart hammering as she took in the sight before her. She could tell it wasn't like the usual interaction Shiva had with those tittering girls who came by to ogle at him. This was different, she knew.

Shiva smiled at Ruchi before accepting the bottle from her. She said something and he threw his head back in laughter before drawing her closer. Raavi shut her eyes; she could feel her heart shatter the moment she saw them hugging. Tears streamed down, burning a trail of acid down her cheeks and Raavi didn't bother wiping them off. Why did it matter anymore? She ran back home as fast as her legs would carry.

But the next time she saw them together - when she saw that beatific smile in his face - Raavi realized she'd gladly have her heart broken a million times over, if meant she'd be able to savour that unbridled happiness in his eyes.

"For you, my love, anything." she thought, as she forced her battered heart to steel with resolve. If nothing else, he'll be happy and that's all that mattered.

*****

She had moved on since then. Her relationship with Shiva remained the same while she watched him build a relationship with Ruchi. It never stopped hurting, but eventually the sharp pain faded away, turning into a dull ache till it became a part of her. Even when they broke up a year and a half later, all she did was be there for him as a friend. Never did she imagined that someday she'd be in this situation, sharing a bed with him.

"Mere baare mein soch rahi hai?"

Raavi jumped up, coming back to the present, startled at the suddenness of his voice. She turned to look at him propped up on his elbow, one hand supporting his head. He smirked at her lazily, before tugging her arm, sending her tumbling over him.

"Itna zor degi toh tera yeh mattar jaisa dimag pakk kar phatt jayega," he whispered into her ears, as his fingers trailed along her neck. Raavi shuddered, before his words registered in her brain and her nose flared in indignation.

"Shiva, tu na bohot bada kamina hai! Tu na baat mat - " Raavi was quickly stopped in mid sentence when Shiva leaned in to steal a kiss. She felt a tingle run down her spine and slowly her shoulders relaxed. She leaned into the kiss, adding just a little more pressure, savoring the feeling of his lips on hers. He kissed her lightly, then did it again, and she felt her eyes fluttering closed as one of his hands settled on her own, warm and reassuring.

He withdrew just a little to reposition his head and Raavi groaned in protest before latching onto his lips again. She copied his movements, tilting her own chin to allow him more access to her mouth. Just as she began want more, he withdrew, to plant a soft kiss on her forehead. When he tried to move away, Raavi immediately grabbed his arm. He chuckled gently, and the feeling sent shivers down her back.

"Tu aise chipkali ki tarah chipkegi toh main ghar kaise jaunga? Tu kya chahti hai? Maami yaha aaye aur hume aise dekhke seedhe upar chali jaye?" Shiva snickered at her pout, before leaning in to peck at her lips. "As tempting as that thought is, I know agar woh Maami ludak gayi toh tu kitni upset ho jayegi. Aur tu pareshaan toh main pareshaan. Toh for the sake of her sanity and mine, mujhe abhi yaha se 1-2 ka 4 ho lena chahye. Samjhi meri Dobi?" He murmured against her lips, (Raavi's heart skipped a beat at 'meri') before tearing himself away from her and getting out of bed.

As she watched him escape out her window, Raavi felt a rush of fear freezing her heart and sending her mind spiralling into a frenzy. It was hard enough to see him leave her room. What was she going to do when someday all this ends and he leaves her too? Now she knew what it was like to hold him and kiss him with true passion, to be with him and be happier than she thought was possible - what was she going to do when it was finished?

........... to be continued (hopefully)