Chapter Twenty-Six

I've broken too many hearts

And I don't have any clue where to go

 I walked to the place that was once so very familiar, but now was just a faded memory. Not much had really changed since the last time I'd been here, not that I cared.

I wasn't one for caring anymore. 

The autumn leaves crunched beneath my feet, the cold air hitting against my face as I finally stopped. The sky was already grey, no sign of the blue that was normally there. 

The stone in front of me hadn't changed.

Nor do I think it ever will.

His name was still dark, the dates of his birth and his death sticking out against the white marble. I ran my finger across it before kneeling down.

"Hi dad..." I whispered, biting my lip as I felt the sudden need to let out a scream come over me. 

"I guess it's been a while since I've been here... I don't really know if I'm sorry about that or not. I miss you, a lot really... but I just haven't had the heart to come see you." I ran a hand through my hair, letting out a soft sigh as I looked up.

"I met someone, and to be honest I thought he was the one. I know I'm too young to be saying that... Only being 20 and all, but that doesn't mean I don't what love is. Sometimes... Sometimes I wonder if you even knew what love was. You used to say it all the time, remember that? You'd say 'I love you Hazzy' and... and I would say 'I love you too'. You used to tell me you'd bring me the world... You used to say a lot of things really. You'd also promise me that everything was going to be okay." A few tears escaped my eyes, and honestly I was trying to keep it all in.

"Everything isn't okay dad, I don't think it's ever going to be okay. You left me... You left me alone with a woman I barely even knew. You left me without letting me know... Why didn't you tell me? Why was it so hard for you to tell me that you were dying? I want to hate you for it, god I really do. You left me..." I closed my eyes, repeating in my head that I had to calm down.

I had to stay calm.

"Why does everyone leave? Mum... Mum told me about how you fucked up, but I've never really understood what she meant. I mean... If anything, she fucked up. She left us... and you were all I knew. Then she came back, just for a few weeks... then you left, but you weren't coming back. I knew you weren't. I remember getting pulled out of school that day, Mum was waiting in the office... She drove me to the hospital, didn't say a single word to me.... She walked me to the door to your room, and I remember walking in to just see you looking lifeless in that bed..." I paused for a moment, opening my eyes again. I could feel the cold rain against my face...

"You weren't dead, at least not yet anyways... You smiled at me and told me to come over... I remember how cold your hands were. It was then you told me about the cancer, you told me about how you kept it from me since I was 12 years old... You kept it from me for four years... You told me about all the memories we shared, you told me about the ones we we're supposed to share... Why did you leave me? I... I never knew what it was like to be alone until you left... and now that's all I know. I hate being alone dad, but every chance I get at being with someone I fuck up. Mum told me about the fuck ups, so I guess father like son?" There was the sound of someone walking up the path, but I didn't look away from my father's tombstone.

"I realized I was in love with him a little too late, and I'm so mad at myself right now. I pushed him away, I fucked up just like Mum said I would. When... When mum left you, how did you act like it didn't mean anything? How did you know it was going to be okay? Because right now, I feel like my heart has been torn out of my chest... I feel like he took it and threw it on the ground, just to dance on top of it. Maybe I should just be like you... Pretend that everything is okay when it clearly isn't." Someone put their hand on my shoulder, and I looked up with teary eyes to see Liam looking at me with a sad smile. 

"You know he only did what he did to protect you." Liam's voice was soft, kind of like the wind hitting us both. 

"I get that, but at the same time... It was selfish. He left me to live with a woman I didn't even know. He left me alone." 

"You aren't alone, you've got me... You've got Lou and Luke. You've got all of us, so don't say you're alone."

"You don't think I'll change, I know you don't. You sit there and look at me with fear as if I'm nothing more than a slut. I am a human Liam, I know... I know that I can change, and I have changed. I changed because of fucking Niall Horan, and what do I have to show for it? Absolutely nothing. I'm alone Liam."

"Only because you let yourself be." 

"Maybe it's because I want to be."

"Nobody wants to be alone." 

"Or is it that everyone just craves for it? Cause if you think about it, in the end... everyone dies alone." Liam didn't say anything after that.

And together we just there, getting soaked by the cold rain...

But I didn't care.

I was done caring. 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sigh.

Shiver is rated R again.

It says PG-13 on the outside thingy, but when you look at the chapters it says R.

I'm gonna cut a bitch.

Anyways, this kind of shows you a little more on Harry.

Niall POV coming soon....

Not the next chapter though haha.

Um.

I'm being boring today aren't I?

Dedication: 

MelissaMatos

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