Chapter Twenty

Felt so close but you were far away

Left me without anything to say

“Luke, why the fuck are you in my house… and why are you only wearing boxers?” I let out a groan of annoyance as I entered my home for the first time that day. The clock on the wall read just after nine, but that still didn’t explain the semi-naked boy on my couch.

“Mum locked me out, apparently curfew is midnight again.”

“And you crashed at my house because?”

“You left your door open, Louis was probably fucking Calum last night and Liam isn’t talking to me.”

“Why isn’t Liam talking to you? Put some pants on.”

“Okay, okay… Promise you won’t be mad?” Luke got up from the couch, grabbing his pants that were sitting on the floor as he did so. He pulled them on, hoping a little as he tried to get them over his butt. I walked into the kitchen to get us both a cup of coffee. Luke followed me there, sitting on the counter as I grabbed two cups.

“Why would I be mad?”

“Cause…” Luke refused to look me in the eye, swinging his legs a little as he sat.

“Cause why?”

“Imighthavesleptwithhimaftertheparty….”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Please don’t make me say it again…”

“I didn’t hear you! Stop being a pain in my ass Lucas.”

“You’re the one being a pain!”

“I am not! You’re the one who slept in my house uninvited, so come out with it or I’ll kick your ass outside."

“Liam and I had sex.” I stopped pouring the drink into the cup, turning around to look at Luke. Luke was still refusing to look at me, and honestly I didn’t know if I even heard him right.

“Sex?”

“Yes… Sex.”

“I thought Liam was straight.”

“Didn’t stop him from sticking his dick up my ass.”

“Ew. Ew. Ew. This is my cousin you’re talking about!”

“Sorry…”

“You should be! How in your right mind did you think it would be okay to sleep with Liam? I thought you killed Timmy!” I pulled at my hair, honestly I didn’t know why I was freaking out as badly as I was… I just couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that Liam might be gay…

And the fucker didn’t tell me.

“Who the fuck is Timmy?”

“Liam’s new turtle, but that’s beside the point! You slept with my cousin…. My cousin!”

“I’m just as shocked as you are, so stop yelling at me for it…”

“I thought you liked Mikey!”

“Whoa whoa…. Whoever said I liked Michael?” Luke raised his hands, his expression one of pure confusion.

“I did.”

“I don’t like Michael.”

“Your puppy love eyes say otherwise.”

“What puppy love eyes? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh for christ's sake Luke, that’s all the two of you do. You sit there and stare at each other when they other isn’t looking. Michael likes you too, so stop denying it.”

“I’m not denying anything! I’m just speaking the goddamn truth!”

“It’s not the truth and you know it!”

“What do you want from me?!”

“Say you like Michael!” I smirked, looking at him with eyebrows raised. A smirk of his own formed on Luke’s face, and for a moment I was scared… What was that son of a bitch planning now?

“Fine! But only if you finally admit there’s something between you and Niall.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“What does Niall and I have to do with Michael and you?”

“So you admit there’s a Niall and you…”

“I never said that.”

“You did."

“I didn’t.”

“Oh, but you did.”

“Why are you such a pain in my ass?”

“Because someone has to be. Why won’t you just say it? I mean, it’s been a while since you’ve actually genuinely liked someone…”

“Because if I say it that means it’s true… and I don’t want it to be true.”

“Why not though? You guys compliment each other. You’re the slut and he’s the slut dresser, it’s a match made in heaven if you ask me.”

“I didn’t ask you.”

“Stop being so bitter, accept it.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Why?” I sighed, shaking my head as he just continued to watch me. I turned away for a moment, returning to the abandoned coffee cups.

“Because, knowing me… I’m going to fuck it all up. I don’t want that… I won’t. I won’t let him slip away from me because I am a failure at love or life… So, if I stay in this constant state of denial… I don’t have to worry about it. I don’t have to worry about breaking his heart… along with my own. It’s easier this way…” But in all honesty I was only lying to myself…

“So you’re going to basically destroy your own chance at happiness? Just because you’re scared? This isn’t the Harry I know.”

“I don’t even know who I am anymore Luke… He’s caused me to question so much about myself, and it’s driving me absolutely crazy. Sometimes I don’t know if I should scream or cry… I don’t know anything anymore really… Only that he’s the reason for all this change.”

“Maybe that’s not such a bad thing though… That you’re changing I mean.”

“I never said it was bad, just… I don’t like it.”

“Understandable… Hey Harry, I need to tell you something.” I turned around to look at Luke, who now had a goofy grin upon his face.

“What is it?”

“I like Michael.”

“Hey Luke… I gotta tell you something too…”

“Tell away my friend.”

“I like Niall.”

“I know you do, you can see it by that goddamn grin on your face right now. I get that you’re scared of breaking his heart, but I think that you’re more scared of him breaking yours… Just know that you’re the only one who gives him the power to do so.”

I just smiled.

He didn’t get it.

I had already given Niall the power to break my heart…

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