Chapter Thirty-Four

I wish I could've made you stay

And I'm the only one to blame

Waking up with a hangover is never something I enjoyed, especially when I had this dreadful feeling I did something stupid.

Or maybe it was the fact that Liam was standing above my bed with a glare.

"Morning sunshine... The earth says hello?" I tried, giving a sheepish smile as he continued to glare at me.

"You stupid fuck." His voice was as cold as his stare, and I tried not to flinch at it's harshness.

"Now, that's a little harsh..."

"Do you have any idea what you've done?!"

"Uh... No?" I sat up a little, groaning a little as my head began to pound.

"You fucked up! I get that you were fucking drunk off your ass Harry, but you don't try to fucking rape the guy you're in love with. Where's your common sense? Oh that's right, you don't have any!" Liam looked like he was about to hit me, and honestly I was scared that he was going to. Liam was never a violent person, that was me...

But right now I felt like the tables were about to turn.

"Wh-What?"

"Stop playing stupid."

"I'm not playing anything!"

"You don't even remember? Fuck Harry, you're screwed." Liam's face softened a little, but I still knew I was in deep shit.

"What did I do? Liam... You're scaring me." I whispered, suddenly not feeling so great as dread came over me.

"You got drunk last night... Like really drunk. I don't know how many you had... but when I got here the floor was littered with bottles. You... You told me about what happened then promptly passed out on the floor."

"What happened?"

"Niall... Niall came over last night cause... Cause I asked him to talk some sense into you and well... You basically forced yourself upon him." My heart dropped, the sudden urge to vomit coming over me as I stared at Liam was shocked eyes.

"I... I didn't."

"You stopped yourself somehow... But you still tried to basically rape him. He was scared shitless when I ran into him... and Harry I don't think you can fix this one."

"Fuck." I breathed out, running a hand through the mess of hair. I was finding it somewhat difficult to believe, but then again it wouldn't be the first time.

"Yeah..."

"I... Fuck." I couldn't think of anything else to say. For the first time in my life, I had nothing to say. Not even a witty comment.

Which in all honesty, now was not an appropriate time.

But then again, I've never been appropriate.

"Harry..." Liam went to put a hand on my shoulder, but I flinched away. I shook my head as I stood up, stumbling a little as my head began to spin.

"I... I have to apologize. I... I can't let him see me as some kind of monster. I'm not a monster Liam..."

"I don't think that's the best thing to be doing Harry..."

"I.. I have to."

"Harry, you have to understand that you probably aren't who he wants to see right now."

"I don't care. He has to know that's not me... He has to understand." I finally got myself under control, pushing past Liam as I went for the door. I paid no attention to Liam's shouts behind me as I walked out my front door and to his house in a matter of a minute or so.

I did hesitate at the door.

I almost didn't knock.

But sometimes we have to do what's right.

"Alex?" To say I was shocked to see my ex standing in Niall's doorway was an understatement.

"What the fuck are you doing here? Haven't you done enough?"

"I.. I came to apologize. He has to know that I didn't mean to." I went to push past Alex, only to have him shove me a little. He shut the door behind him as he stared me down on the doorstep, and if I was honest it had been quite some time since I'd been this close to him.

"You're not allowed anywhere near him."

"You can't control who he sees Alex."

"You're a fucking asshole. Do you have any idea what you've done? You've scared him, and probably broken his heart." Alex hissed, his brown eyes narrowed at me.

"I know what I've done. I fucking know, and I need to let him know I didn't mean it."

"You're not seeing him. This is a new low Harry, even for you. You... God Harry, I can't even describe on what level you've fucked up this time."

"Oh, so now you're going to remind me of all my fuck ups?"

"Will it make you realize you're no good for him if I do?" Alex crossed his arms, looking at me with what was probably pure hate. I guess I deserved that...

"I already know I'm not... Just like you were no good for me."

"Oh for christ sake Harry, don't pin everything on me again. Niall told me what you said about me before I told him the truth. You've been lying to everyone, so don't say I was never good for you. I treated you like how you were supposed to be treated. I loved you, and I was stupid enough to believe you loved me too." Alex looked away from me for a moment, before once again looking at me. I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat, the guilt of everything I've done to not only Niall but Alex too starting to get to me.

"I love him... Alex, I love Niall and you're making it so he thinks I'm some sort of monster. Please don't be the one who allows me to make the same mistakes..." I begged, my hands shaking as he just stood there.

"You don't know what love is Harry. I won't let you hurt him like you hurt me. I think it's best if you leave, don't come back if you know what's good for you." He went back inside, slamming the door in my face.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered, before doing what he said. I left with my eyes faced towards the ground.

I was such a fuck up.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I don't have this annoying authors note today. 

That's probably next chapter after I get about twenty comments about how Alex is a dick haha. 

Dedication: 

DunLewk

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Connie xx