I'm going to sound like an attention whore during this whole thing. Do I care anymore? Not really.

I'm just going to put it out here blatantly.

I want to die. I just want to die, there is nothing more to it.

I said something about self harm and here we are, so I'm sorry Alli, who probably won't read this, for causing you trouble. Im sorrg for you and your suicidal thoughts. I'm sorry Pippa for saying anything to you.

I'm sorry I'm suicidal.

I'm sorry for making my parents so frustrated and I'm sorry I couldn't take my life and fix your problems sooner.

I'm sorry to anyone who cares about me. I shouldn't make you worry and I shouldn't be writing this right now.

I'm sorry for crying and being a baby. I'm sorry for being a human and causing so much trouble to other people.

I'm sorry to Nev. I'm sorry for being so much of an asshole to you, and I'm sorry for pestering you and making you deal with all my shit. I know I'm annoying.

I know I'm annoying and that's one of the reasons I should just not wake up in the morning. It's one of the reasons why I should just go grab a bottle of fucking pills and force them all down my throat. It's one of the reasons I should gabe a belt from my closet and hang myself. It's one of the reasons I should shove my blade so far down into my wrist I just bleed out.

It's one of the reasons I should just leave you all alone and disappear.

Maybe I shouldn't kill myself and just  disappear from everyone's lives, leave everyone alone. Forever.

Maybe I should just fucking move in with my life instead of being so fucking caught up on every little fucking thing.

Maybe I shouldn't have joined a discord server that brought me to so many amazing people who I know I'd disappoint if I died.

But none of the "maybe"s and "I'm sorry"s  are going to help anything.

So in the end, when and if I don't wake up in the morning, or if I shove a blade into my wrist, chug a bottle if pills, or hang myself, I wouldn't want anyone to blame themself.

I wouldn't want anyone to say they didn't help me, because everyone did in their own ways.

Emily, Ava, Pippa, Maddie, Alli, Nev, Leilany. Everyone. Everyone who follows me on any platform. Any one I know and hang out with or anyone I don't hang out with anymore. Everyone I talk to.

I would help them all. I would give them love. I would try to do anything in all my power to keep them from hurting themself.

Because I love them all in their own ways.

No, I don't need help. And no, I will not hurt myself again any time soon. I will try to take the time to get better and understand there is more in life than what I get caught up over.

And I know, with no doubt, I will get better eventually. Even if it doesn't seem like it now.

I know some people will say I'm an attention whore or I'm just lying and aren't actually suicidal. It's just going to happen.

I just have to say I'm sorry one last time before I end this.

So I'm sorry, everyone. I'm sorry for wanting to kill myself right now, but I will get better. I'm sorry for wanting to chug a bottle of pills and recreate the Gwen incident. I'm sorry for writing this dumb rant and I'm sorry for apologizing excessively. That was very counter-productive.

I'm sorry. I will learn. And I will grow with every scar I have, I will learn from my mistakes.

Don't follow in my footsteps. Don't self harm. It does no good. Though it might seem like it helps in the moment, it will come back 10 fold and harm you even more later.

Seek help. Get a therapist.

That's it, I'm sorry for writing this, guys.