Ilang araw ko ng pinag-iisipan ang nangyari kay Liz.

When I woke up the next morning, ang unang pumasok sa isip ko was our conversation.

Hindi ako agad bumangon sa higaan.

Sa halip ay nakatitig lang ako sa kisame at pinaprocess ang usapan namin.

Sa labas ng bahay ay naririnig ko ang huni ng mga ibon.

Maliwanag na din ang sikat ng araw kahit hindi wala pang alas-sais ng umaga.

Dahil sa malapit lang ang office sa bahay ni Tito Eddie, hindi ako nagmamadaling pumasok bukod pa sa wala na akong kailangang intindihin dahil sa si Ate Norma na ang naghahanda ng almusal ko.

Naisip ko na aside from what she told me about what happened to her and Renee, wala na akong ibang alam tungkol sa ex niya.

Pero dahil sa hindi na ako pagod, mas malinaw na ang takbo ng isip ko.

I was telling the truth when I told Liz na more than being jealous, mas nagulat ako at siya ang pinuntahan ni Renee to ask for help.

Pagkatapos nga naman ng nangyari sa kanilang dalawa, parang ang kapal naman ng mukha ni Renee na siya pa ang lapitan.

Malamang desperado nga siya pero sapat na dahilan ba iyon para bulabugin niya ulit si Liz?

I saw how hurt she was with the cheating.

Kahit ilang taong na ang lumipas, hindi pa din niya maitago ang sakit dahil nagrereflect ito sa mata niya.

I could only imagine her reaction to the sudden reappearance of her ex.

Nagalit kaya siya sa naging decision ni Tita Magda?

Pero may ibang buhay ng involve at iyon na lang din ang inisip ko.

Kawawa naman si Robbie dahil sa hindi naman nito alam ang nangyayari sa nanay niya.

Alam kong stressed si Liz at ayokong dagdagan pa by being jealous.

I'm not going to deny na medyo nakakapraning ang thought na magkasama sila ni Renee sa isang bubong.

God! We just started dating and yet, major challenge agad ang hinaharap namin.

For some reason, naisip ko iyong mga times na first day of school at merong teacher who would give a quiz.

Most of us are obviously not ready dahil sino ba naman ang nag-aaral during summer vacation?

Well, certainly not me.

Those incident leave me feeling helpless kasi hindi ako handa.

Not to mention, I was part of the honor roll kaya very conscious ako sa grades.

This situation may not come close to all the surprise exams na pinagdaanan ko during my days in school pero that's what I feel.

Hindi ko kilala si Renee.

I have no idea how she looks like.

Hindi ko din alam ang ugali niya.

I could judge her based on what Liz told me, which was pretty horrible.

Alam ko naman na walang perfect sa mundo at nangyayari ang ganoong bagay sa isang relationship pero naman.

Bilang respeto sa isang tao na matagal mo ng kasama at umaasa na makakasama ka till death, how hard is it to break up with that person kesa lokohin mo?

May dahilan si Renee pero if it was me and Liz, I would have the decency to talk to her gaano man kasakit or kahirap na makipagbreak sa kanya.

I was never the type to cheat on someone else dahil sabi ko nga, may karma.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang magiging balik sa akin ng mga actions ko.

Just to be clear, I'm not perfect.

Pero growing up, my parents always told us to be kind to people.

Minsan, you have to hurt them to save them more pain and in a way, that's also kindness.

Tough love, ika nga.

Bakit patatagalin ba ang isang relasyon kung instead of making the other person feel loved or happy eh nakakasakit na tayo ng damdamin?

I know it's easier said than done pero that's how I lived my life.

So far, it's been working perfectly.

Kahit wala naman talaga akong balak na umuwi on a Friday, gagawin ko kasi I want to see Liz and of course, I want to meet Renee.

It's not that she's my enemy pero she's a potential threat.

Her desperation could lead her to do things at ayokong magulat na lang ako na they're back together.

I am taking a chance by being with Liz.

Kahit ako, nagulat sa mga kinilos ko dahil I'm not one to just jump on the chance to be with someone.

She was the first person I've been with na wala naman talagang ligawan na nangyari.

On the contrary, I was the one who made the move at hindi ko maipaliwanag kung bakit.

Basta ginawa ko na lang.

It was my heart guiding my actions and somehow, it felt right.

***

I tried to concentrate on my work pero my mind couldn't wait for Friday.

I made a list of the things I need to bring and to buy.

Siyempre, I shouldn't forget the buko pie na request ni Tita.

Dadagdagan ko na dahil sa meron silang bisita.

Kahit hindi ko pa nakikilala si Renee, it won't hurt to be nice.

I was on my desk writing my list ng pumasok ang guwardiya at may dala-dalang bouquet ng red roses.

"Mam, delivery po para sa inyo." Nakangiti ang guard ng inabot sa akin ang bulaklak.

Napatingin ang assistant ko at hindi nito mapigil ang ngiti.

Nagpasalamat ako sa guard at agad na kinuha ang card na nakasiksik sa card holder.

"S, the first time I saw you in the lobby, I knew you were special. I was just too afraid to let you know. Now, nothing's holding me back so I'll say it on paper for a start.

I.......never mind ;)

L"

Natawa ako dahil sa she was sending me a coded message. Nahalata kaya niya the times na I wanted to tell her I love her, I always held back?

Parang ang aga pa kasi for those words.

Pero here she was, decoding and being observant about the things I wanted to tell her.

Imbes na tawagin ang assistant ko, ako mismo ang pumunta sa maliit na kitchen sa office para ilagay ang mga rosas sa vase.

Dahil wala akong makita, sa tumbler ko na lang nilagay dahil iyon lang ang available.

I have to say, I was the one who was surprised.

We have to be discreet about our relationship pero here she is, sending me flowers.

Pagbalik ko sa desk ko, I sent her a quick message to thank her.

Mabilis ang reply niya.

"You're welcome. Hopefully, you're not allergic to flowers."

Nagtype ako agad.

"No, I'm not. I think I'm more allergic to people."

Smiley face ang reply ni Liz with the words "I'm counting down the days till Friday. Can't wait to see you,"

"Same here. Wait. Why are you texting? Aren't you supposed to be working?" kantiyaw ko.

"You're more important than what I'm doing," sagot ni Liz.

Napailing na lang ako.

Malapit na ang month end at alam kung busy siya so I texted her na I will call her during her lunch break.

"You're leaving me so soon? "

She's being adorable at kung kasama ko siya, I could kiss her.

"Yes. Now get back to work. Lazy ;)"

"Okay boss," yan ang reply niya.

Boss.

I am her boss and that fact make our relationship more complicated.

Siguro ito ang reason na why I'm here in Laguna.

I could easily compromised our lives and our work kung magkasama kami.

As it is, ang daming gossip sa work.

When I was dating Ryan, para kaming celebrity kapag nakikita nila kaming magkasama sa cafeteria or kung saan man.

There was one time when someone said that we were the perfect couple.

Their comments were voluntary at hindi ko naman sila mapipigil pero minsan, they can be very intrusive lalo na iyong mga staff na medyo may edad na.

They would ask about engagement and weddings.

Kapag nakikita ko sila, I try to avoid them by taking the stairs when I can kasi I don't want them to be asking me questions.

For sure, once they learned of my relationship with Liz, it would be a big deal.

Although Tito Eddie is not against hiring people from the LGBTQ community, dahil hindi naman siya ang in-charge sa hiring, the majority they hire were straight.

Or I could be wrong.

Liz was one of the few who embraced her identity.

Now, I'm dating her.

This is going to be messy if our relationship comes out.

We could both get fired.

For sure merong overzealous staff  who would mention the morality clause.

I read the fine print of my contract and it was there in tiny black letters.

Kahit maliit iyon, alam kong mabigat ang implications ng clause na iyon.

A few days into being with Liz and I'm already confronted with a lot of things.

When I was dating men, I never had to worry about these things dahil that's how the world operates.

Now that I'm with a woman, it's bullshit na people should be meddling with our relationship.

The thought only makes me want to protect what we have even more.

Buhay pa din namin ito at wala kaming sinasaktan or ginagawang masama.

Love is complicated as it is.

I just want to be happy with her dahil iyon naman talaga ang dapat.

Natigil ang pagrereflect ko ng tinawag ako ng aking assistant.

"Mr. Perez is no line one, Mam."

I picked up the call and concentrated on what Tito Eddie was telling me.

"I'm getting married, Shirley." Bungad sa akin ni Tito.

Hindi ako makapaniwala dahil sa kilala din siya sa pagiging prankster.

I learned my lesson while growing up dahil when it comes to him, I'm very gullible.

"Tito, is this some kind of a joke?" tanong ko.

"No, of course not."

"To whom?" excited na tanong ko.

"You've met Monica, right?"

"Yes,"

"So when's the wedding?"

"In two months?"

"Two months?" nagulat na tanong ko.

"You heard it right. Hindi na ako bumabata and neither si Monica so why prolong it?"

"Congratulations, Tito. Saan po ang wedding?"

"Sa California," mabilis na sagot niya.

"California?"

"Shirley, do you have to keep repeating what I say?" natawa siya sa kabilang linya.

"Well, I was surprised that's all."

"Her family is there as well and since nandoon din naman ang family ko, doon na namin gagawin. Plus, there's divorce." Tumawa siya pero ako hindi.

"I'm just kidding, Shirley. Masyado kang seryoso eh."

"Kasi naman, Tito, di ka pa kinakasal, divorce na agad ang sinasabi mo eh."

"Well, mabuti na this early eh napag-uusapan iyan dahil it's a part of being married. Monica is the one for me and I hope she feels the same way about it pero I'm not a teenager anymore who looks at life through rose-colored glasses."

"Ang sabihin niyo, you're always pragmatic."

"So far, it's been working perfectly for me. By the way, the reason I'm calling is because you and your family are expected to be there. One week lang naman so you can take time off work. Hindi ka pa naman nagpa-file ng vacation leave mo and even if you did, I could always find a way to make you go. I talked to your parents bago kita tinawagan and you can bring whoever you want to bring,"

Whoever I want to bring. Paulit-ulit sa tenga ko ang mga salitang iyon.

"Just make sure you're there, okay? Ayokong mawala kayo ng family mo and you don't have to worry about expenses dahil ako ang bahala sa lahat."

"Okay, Tito."

"Alright. I have to go kasi the future Mrs. Perez is dragging me to look at rings," Tumawa ulit si tito and I could tell that he's happy kahit pa may hint of reluctance sa tono ng boses niya.

He was calling long distance dahil nakita ko na iba ang area code sa call display.

Kahit hindi aminin ni Tito, when I saw him with Monica, I knew he was smitten.

California wedding in two months.

Napatingin ako sa desktop calendar.

The wedding will be in July which means summer sa US.

Naalala ko ang sinabi ni tito na I can bring whoever I want.

Isang tao lang naman talaga ang gusto kong isama.

Love is complicated as it is.

Papayag kaya si Liz na sumama sa akin?

***

Habang nagmamaneho pabalik sa Manila, nirerehearse ko ang sasabihin ko kay Liz.

I wanted her to go and I'm excited pero paano siya makakaalis?

Her mom needs her.

Ayoko siyang mag-alala the whole time na nasa US kami in case pumayag siya.

There's also the question of work.

Damn it!

Ganito pa talaga kacomplicated ang mga bagay-bagay when you're dating a lesbian?

Or am I just overthinking things?

By the time marating ko ang bahay namin, I was stressed out.

Nang sinalubong ako ni Mommy sa driveway, lalo akong na-overwhelmed.

Kung merong tao na dapat makaalam about what's going on between me and Liz, sila Mommy at Daddy iyon.

Pagkatapos akong yakapin ni Mommy, nahalata ko na meron siyang gustong sabihin.

"Darating ang Ate Joan mo next Saturday" balita niya.

"What?" hindi ako makapaniwala.

"Tumawag siya kanina at sa tono ng boses eh mukhang may good news ang ate mo,"

"By good news, you mean, she's getting married?"

"Hindi ko alam pero importante daw kaya umuwi siya dito,"

"So hindi niya sinabi na good news? You just assumed na whatever she has to say is good?"

Binuksan ko ang trunk para kunin ang mga pasalubong.

"Bakit ang dami mong dalang buko pie?" nagtatakang tanong ni Mommy.

"Pasalubong ko po iyan para sa......" natigilan ako dahil sa hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko.

"Para kanino kamo?" Pumasok na kami ni mommy sa sala kung saan nanonood si daddy ng action movie.

Pinatay niya ang TV ng pumasok kami.

"Para po sa kaibigan ko," iyon ang naisip kong isagot.

"Sinong kaibigan? Kilala ba namin kung sino?" usisa ni mommy.

"Hindi niyo po siya kilala pero you will,"

Tumuloy kami sa kusina para ilapag ang mga plastic bag na may lamang buko pie at mga gulay at prutas na binili ko.

"I won't stay long, My," sabi ko sa kanya.

"Kadarating mo lang, aalis ka na agad."

"May pupuntahan pa po kasi ako,"

Nilabas ni daddy ang isang kahon ng buko pie.

"Elena, hayaan mo na iyang anak mo. Hindi na iyan bata at alam niya na kung ano ang ginagawa niya,"

Tiningnan siya ni Mommy.

"Pero kadarating lang niya, Carlos. Ni hindi pa nga kami nakakapag-usap tungkol sa pagdating ni Joan, aalis na agad."

"My, babalik naman po ako eh. We can talk about it later or tomorrow," nagkibit balikat ako.

"Sino ba iyan anak at mukhang VIP?" alam ko kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng ngiti ni Mommy.

"Liezl po ang pangalan niya," sagot ko.

"Liezl? Akala ko naman lalake,"

Napabuntong hininga na lang ako.

"Hay naku, My. I really have to go kasi naghihintay siya sa akin."

Mabilis ko silang hinalikan sa pisngi.

"Don't wait up kasi po late na ako uuwi or I will text you na lang para hindi kayo magworry,"

"Hindi ka ba man lang kakain, Shirley Antoinette?"

Natigilan ako dahil sa tinawag ako ni mommy sa full name ko.

"Busog pa po ako, My. Alis na po ako."

Napailing na lang ang aking ina sa ginawa ko.

***

Late na ng marating ko ang address na tinext sa akin ni Liezl.

Grabe ang traffic and it was one thing I didn't miss ngayong nasa Laguna na ako.

Bago ako bumaba sa kotse, tinext ko siya to let her know na nasa tapat na ako ng bahay nila.

Luma na ang mga bahay sa neighborhood niya sa Sampaloc at may apat na lalakeng nakatambay sa labas at nag-iinuman.

Bumukas ang bakal na gate at si Liezl ang nagbukas ng pinto.

Siya din ang nagbukas ng pinto ng kotse at pagbaba ko, binati siya ng mga nag-iinuman.

"Syota mo, Liezl?" tanong ng isa ng mapula na ang mukha sa kalasingan.

Ngiti lang ang sinagot niya.

"Maganda," di pa tumigil ang lalake.

"Turuan mo ngang manligaw itong mga kasama namin para makakuha naman ng pansimbahan," nagtawanan silang lahat.

"Sige po, Mang Andoy. Papasok na kami," nagpaalam si Liezl.

"Sabihin mo kay beauty na huwag mag-alala sa kotse niya. Akong bahala sa may masamang tangka,"

Nagpasalamat si Liezl at pumasok na kami sa bahay nila.

Pagkasara niya ng gate, iaabot ko sana ang mga dala kong plastic bag pero bigla niya akong niyakap.

"I'm so glad you're here," bulong niya.

Dahil sa meron akong bitbit, hindi ko magawang yumakap sa kanya.

"I would like to hug you back pero mabigat itong dala ko,"

Binitawan ako ni Liz at kinuha ang mga pasalubong.

Bago niya binuksan ang pinto, nagsalita ulit si Liz.

"Are you ready for this, S?"

Tumango ako.

"It's better to know who I'm dealing with," sagot ko.