Khino🌗

—~Kol POV~—

He's laying down silently, tracing invisible patterns on my thigh, his gaze is in a whole different world. They're still red and puffy from all the crying. I bet he's not talking because his voice is sore from all the apologizing. The linen bandages on his arms and thighs feel soft whenever they brush against my skin.

Shino's probably sleepy by now, I'm sure it takes a lot out of a person.

We lay together on the floor of his room. The carpet just beneath us. Shino's head rests near my knees and I use my forearm as a pillow, my other hand ruffling his hair.

We found ourselves in this position after two hours and a half of me begging Shino to calm down after attempting again.

God this marks the fifth time..

—~+~—

Everything seemed fine.

We were having a sleepover at his dorm since neither of us had anything better to do. It was fun. We made a pillow fort, made and watched TikTok's, had a heart to heart, even nearly burnt down the block trying to make s'mores.

When did it change?

I stepped outside for a quick smoke, Shino ridicules me when I do it inside, I can't imagine what he'd do if I woke him up with the smell.

I took a long drag, then watched a dark cloud of smoke float into the night sky. The feeling unfazed me, been doing it a while I guess. I finally decided to go back inside, feeling the cold breeze a little too much.

As I walked back in I heard muffled crying and mumbles. At first I was in a daze, still a bit loopy from the cigarette, but then I recognized the unique accent the mumbles seemed to have.

I walked slowly, slower than I should have looking back, following the sounds. I made my way to the bathroom where I saw Shino.

Box cutter in hand and bleach on the counter.

—~+~—

Lots of crying, shushing, and even some throwing up.

I forced him to.

He had convinced me not to dial 911, his plea resonating with my own reservations about involving authorities. But worry gnawed at me as I watched him, fearing that every breath he took might be his last. I glance at him periodically. He just seems tired.

In more ways than one apparently.

Eventually I stop feeling the tip of his finger moving across my leg and I glance down again. He's passed out, snoring slightly.

We haven't said a word to each other since he stopped crying. Whether from fear of being awkward, more emotions bubbling over, or just plain stubbornness, neither of us could even maintain eye contact for longer than a few seconds.

I sat up gently, pulling Shino up as well. I put him on the bed a few feet away then finally let my own tears flow.

I wanted to keep it calm and collected in front of Shino, but inside I've been a wreck.

Why would he do this? Did something happen? Was is something I did? Have I been blind to how much he's been hurting for so long?

I longed to know what brought this on, but clearly that was a conversation for another day.

But I'm glad for one thing. He didn't give up. Not today.