It was quiet aboard the Guardians' ship, The Benatar. Most of the crew was seemingly asleep, or at the very least, just not talking. Anja was okay with that. She was trying to do her best to relax a bit. Or at least try to, anyway. There was only so much relaxing one could do when they knew they were quite likely about to encounter a being such as Thanos. She rested with the back of her head against the cold metal of the wall, eyes closed as she attempted to get a power nap in. She was stressed, and it was all too apparent to at least Loki and Bruce. She knew Bruce was lying down in the other room, trying his best to not Hulk out from his own stress. Loki had been speaking to the others about the trip, so she was alone for the moment.

    Only for a second though. She felt someone sit down next to her. Anja opened her eyes slightly, just enough to see it was Loki. She smiled and leaned against him as he wrapped one of his arms around her.

    "We're well on our way to Knowhere," he stated. "We still have a bit before we land so you're wise to get some rest."

    "Seemed like it was a good idea," she replied. "Knowing what we may be walking into, I thought I should get some rest. Last time I went into a hellacious battle, dumb me had stayed up partying in Vegas with Spencer and Layla. Not a good idea to fight Ultron on like zero sleep, hungover." Anja sighed. "Not to mention everything else I dealt with when that was over."

    Loki didn't say anything for a few moments. "I'd like to talk to you about that. If that's okay. I know whatever happened is a sensitive subject, so I understand if you don't want to talk about it."

    Anja thought she knew what he was asking about, but decided to play dumb for a second. "What do you mean?"

    "What happened with Barton," Loki answered quietly.

    Anja had almost forgotten that she hadn't exactly told Loki about Clint. It had been brought up, but never by him or at an appropriate time to talk about it. Admittedly she felt a bit guilty about not telling him sooner. It was the single detail she had always excluded from their talks about her powers, the Avengers, and the like. She hated talking about the whole experience. Honestly, it made her feel terrible about herself, even though there was no real way she could have known.

    She sighed, shoulders sinking slightly. "Well, you deserve to know. Do you want the short and sweet version, or the long and depressing version?"

    "All of it would be nice, love," Loki said.

    Anja nodded, debating where the best place to begin for a moment. The very beginning, she supposed.

    "I told you about how Layla and I were placed in the same foster family. Everything was okay. They were planning on adopting us. Turns out it was a lengthy process and the state wasn't helping matters," Anja said. "One night when we were staying with Spencer next door, our house had a carbon monoxide leak. We returned home only to find them dead. After some pleading with the authorities, Spencer's parents ended up taking us in, given Layla's parents' incarceration, and my mother being dead and my sperm donor nowhere to be found."

    Loki was quiet for a moment before he said, "I'm sorry to hear that."

    Anja smiled weakly. "Thanks. If the people I love could stop dying that would be great," she said. "After they took us in, things were normal for a while. Layla and I finished school, and went off to college on scholarships."

    Loki nodded, signaling her to continue. She knew this was a lengthy explanation, but all of it was key in the story with Clint. He needed to know what led her to his arms in the first place. Even if it hurt.

    "Well... soon after I got there, after an incident with my powers, I found out S.H.I.E.L.D. put me on a watchlist for people with dangerous abilities. Actually, all of us girls had been put on the list. I had been interning under Tony for Stark Industries at the time. He had some specialized work that I could use towards my degree. After the incident, Tony got me connected with some folk at S.H.I.E.L.D. and I started to work for them instead. It gave me a way to practice with my abilities and put people in minimal danger," Anja explained. "It was then that I met Natasha and Clint."

    She fiddled nervously with the ring Tony gave her as she glanced at Loki. He watched her with careful eyes, waiting for her to continue.

    "I went on a lot of missions with the two of them, and we all were really close. It didn't take long before Clint and I were together. We did everything together. We went on trips, missions, just... everything. I loved him. More than I had loved anyone else," Anja said quietly. "I was seeing him at the time of the New York invasion. Nick Fury had sent me on a mission right after Clint had been compromised. To keep me safe. I wanted to come in and help, but Fury wouldn't let me. He knew I'd do something reckless; it's one of my flaws, I'm afraid. Anyway, you know about how all of that went, so I won't bore you with those details."

    "That I do," Loki replied, sighing.

    "Things were good for a while after that. I thought everything was going great. But I was wrong. I was young, naive. Our age difference alone should've been a big enough redflag for me, but it wasn't. I mean... there's like a twenty-one year difference between us." Anja paused, realizing that the point with the age was dumb for her to bring up now. She was dating a thousand year old god, after all. "I mean... not that there isn't an astronomically huge gap between us."

    Loki smiled sincerely. "A fair point," he replied. "But we aren't talking about us." He said no more, so Anja took that as her cue to continue.

    "Right. After we fought Ultron, Tony told me something he shouldn't have had to. While I went to Las Vegas with Spencer and Layla before the fight with the giant toaster, the rest of the team went to a safe house. It was a farm... owned by Clint. It turns out, he had a family. A wife, two kids, and one on the way. That kinda brought an end to everything real quick shortly before the Civil War," she explained in hushed tones, looking down at the floor. "He still wanted to be together, wanted to have a family, but I was not about to be a homewrecker, or at least not anymore than I already had been. I wasted three and a half years of my life, for what?"

    She looked up just as a strange expression crossed Loki's face. "Ah, so you must've been the girl he mentioned he was seeing when he was under mind control," he pieced together. "He told me of his family as well. I never thought knowing any of this would help my endeavors so I disregarded it. Had I known... had I known that girl was you... I would've eviscerated him then and there."

    Anja said nothing to this, trying to prevent herself from crying, despite the fact that she really liked the idea of Loki putting Clint in his place. Telling him what happened, and hearing that even he had been aware of at least part of the situation while she wasn't, made old feelings of hurt rush to the surface. She no longer loved Clint, not like she used to, but that didn't make the betrayal hurt any less. It was a horrible feeling, learning that your life was built on lies. That you were the other woman. That you were the one who was being left. She took a shaky breath, letting the tears flow from her eyes, unchecked.

    "Laura must be one hell of a woman," she said between her quiet sobs. "Because I surely wasn't good enough." Anja took a hand and wiped her cheek before continuing. "I don't hate her. I can't hate her. I doubt she even knows there ever was an affair. Working for S.H.I.E.L.D. is the perfect cover for one, really. You're popped around the world at a moment's notice, for weeks at a time. It explained why he was able to take me to Ireland, go camping with me and the girls, spend all this time with me... and his family was none the wiser." She shook her head, wiping the other side of her face with her hand. "I was an idiot for believing him."

    Loki brought his free hand up to her chin, gently making her look up at him. Even after just a few seconds, Anja felt a bit better. That wasn't her life anymore. She no longer had to deal with Clint and his lies. Things were different now. The man staring back at her was hers now, and he wasn't Clint.

    But Anja had to admit, she was baffled that the God of Lies and Mischief could somehow be less of a liar than a mere mortal human.

    "Do not think lowly of yourself because of his carelessness, min kjære. You are the strongest, most intelligent, most beautiful woman I have ever known; any man should consider himself lucky to have you. I know I certainly do," he assured calmly. "This is solely his fault, and you have no reason to feel ashamed. He will regret lying to you."

    "I'm sure to some extent he may already feel that way. I had no problem fighting him during the Civil War nonsense. He took Steve's side; I took Tony's. What a mess that was," Anja replied, shrugging lightly. "Hope his dumbass is enjoying retirement. Lying sack of shi-"

    "Gamora!" Peter Quill's voice interrupted her insult from the other room. "Do you know if these grenades are the 'blow off your junk' kind or the gas kind? 'Cause I was thinking I might hang a couple on my belt right here, but I don't want to-"

    "I need to ask a favor," Gamora cut him off.

    Anja and Loki exchanged a glance. This could be interesting. Anja felt momentarily bad for eavesdropping, but at the same time, she felt as if whatever Gamora was about to ask of Quill could very well affect all of them. It would be fair for them to know whatever it was too. Plus, she honestly couldn't help but be nosy. Too many things had been done behind her back in the past, and she didn't want their new acquaintances to be backstabbers too. Not to mention just knowing for gossip purposes.

    "Yeah, sure." Even Quill sounded on edge about it.

    "One way or another, the path that we're on leads to Thanos," Gamora stated.

    Boy was that the truth, even though Anja didn't want to think about it in the slightest. No matter what, they were eventually going to be face to face with him. Whether it was on Knowhere, Earth, or somewhere in between made no difference.

    "Which is what the grenades are for," Quill answered gleefully. He got quiet for a moment before adding more seriously, "I'm sorry. What's the favor?"

    "If things go wrong... If Thanos gets me... I want you to promise me... you'll kill me."

    Anja's eyes went wide involuntarily. That took a dark turn very quickly. It was serious enough to warrant killing her? She looked over to Loki, and whispered, "Holy shit."

    Even Quill was confused by what Gamora had asked of him, and took a few moments to reply. "What?"

    "I know something he doesn't," Gamora answered quietly. "If he finds out... the entire Universe could be at risk."

    That wasn't good. Anja felt a sudden knot in her stomach. She was already dreading their arrival on Knowhere, but now they were with someone who had invaluable knowledge Thanos needed? Oh yeah. They were so going to die now.

    "What do you know?" Quill asked.

    Anja could barely hear Gamora's reply. "If I tell you, you'd know, too."

    "If it's so important, shouldn't I?" Quill asked, his voice showing how hurt he truly was.

    His voice pained her, and Anja was in complete agreement with him. If this was something that important, shouldn't they all be aware of it? Seemed kind of horrible to not let the rest of the crew know she knew something that could get them all killed. Maybe this was why Anja wasn't the leader.

    "Only if you wanna die."

    "Why does somebody always have to die in this scenario?" Quill questioned, making yet another good point.

    "Just... trust me. And possibly, kill me," Gamora said back.

    "I mean, I'd like to. I really would..."

    "Swear to me. Swear to me on your mother."

    Anja shook her head, putting a hand to her mouth. This was a serious conversation she wished she hadn't heard. Anja didn't know the story behind Quill's mother, not in its entirety- just that she was dead. Swearing on one's mother was serious business. This was just all around a bad situation, and it was only getting worse. Anja hated that she was a part of all of this. Her thoughts quieted down just in time for her to hear Quill's one word response to Gamora's request.

    "Okay."

    A silence came from the other room, allowing Anja and Loki to exchange glances again. He stood slowly, clasping her hand tightly in his as he pulled her to her feet too. Anja took a deep breath, trying to sort out all her thoughts- both about what she had just heard and the whole Barton fiasco.

    "I promise I won't kill you," Loki joked quietly.

    Somehow, Anja didn't think he was entirely joking, but she appreciated that he was trying to distract her ever-worrying mind. "I'm going to hold you to that."

    Loki just smiled as he led her into the main cabin area of the ship, where Quill and Gamora were looking incredulously at Drax, who stood on the opposite side of the room, hand reaching into a bag of food. Seems as if they had missed something in the silence.

    "Dude. How long have you been standing there?" Quill questioned, the annoyance more than apparent in his voice.

    "An hour," Drax responded nonchalantly.

    "An hour? Are you serious?" Quill asked.

    Anja cringed at the thought. If he had been watching Quill and Gamora for an hour, that meant he likely was watching her and Loki as well, given the ship's layout. They were only on the other side of a wall from them, and the main cabin could see into both areas without any hindrance. She guessed privacy was not a thing on The Benatar and she suddenly felt really bad for Quill and Gamora. Not even factoring sex into the equation, sometimes you need alone time with your significant other, without your friends listening in. She felt guilty enough that she and Loki overheard their conversation, at least they hadn't watched it.

    "I've mastered the ability of standing so incredibly still... that I become invisible to the eye... watch," Drax continued. He stood there, motionless for several seconds before lifting the hand that was in the food bag very slowly to his mouth.

    "You're eating a zarg-nut," Quill pointed out.

    "But my movement... was so slow... that it's imperceptible," Drax reasoned.

    "Mmm, no," Anja answered, breaking her silence. "Think again."

    Quill and Gamora shook their heads in agreement, neither seemingly upset that she and Loki were both standing there too. Maybe because they hadn't seen whatever intimate moment Drax had.

    "I'm sure I'm invisible," Drax asserted.

    "No. You are very visible," Loki assured.

    Before Drax could reply again, Mantis came in from another room, and excitedly said, "Hi, Drax!"

    "Damn it," Drax replied. He knew he was beat and shook his head as he left the room in a rush, leaving the other five occupants looking rather confused.

    Quill shook his head. "Guy's a lunatic, I swear."

    "That's one word for it," Anja agreed. As much as she wanted to know whatever it was Gamora knew, Anja decided to not pester her about it. Instead, she went with, "Are you guys good?"

    Gamora and Quill looked at each other, and then back at her and Loki. "Yeah," Gamora responded. "I think so."

    "Good," Anja said, but her brain said otherwise.

    How good could anything be when we're heading into most certain death?

*****

Hi everyone! Long time no see. I hope the first month-ish of the new year has been treating you all well. It's been a rough month here between work and home life. Currently in the middle of a sleep regression with the 16 month old, and I'm not quite sure how I'm functioning. We ruled out an ear infection today, and we suspect her canine teeth coming in has something to do with it, but we'll see. All I know is that I am super tired.

Anyway, I've had this chapter sitting in my drafts for about a week now. I sat down to post it and then had to get up to do something and never finished formatting it. Finally got around to it today, so here we are!

I'm still a few chapters ahead of what I'm posting, so at least I'm not super far behind there. I think I have... 4 chapters done now, and I'm almost through the 5th one. I'm finding the chapter I'm working on now incredibly difficult to write. I think mostly because it was the scene I envisioned first when I started writing this story. It's that whole getting the scene to transfer from your brain to paper dilemma.

I'm going to try to be better about updating (both in this story and the others I've been neglecting) but we'll see what happens. I have a trip here in about two months. The husband bought us tickets to a convention in Boston, and I'm just super happy I get to see Tom Hiddleston again. <3

Hope you all enjoyed the chapter, and I hope all is well with you! Thanks again, as always, for your patience with me.

~arty_writes