(y/n) - your name

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"Kill them all."

"Set me free."

"Join the rumbling."

"Kill them all."

"Set me free."

"Join the rumbling."

I stared at the ground, the words ringing in my head as Ymir commanded me. She no longer was a slave, she no longer was a toy. She was awake and she was furious.

I couldn't feel my body or the noise of my surroundings. Everything was turning numb and dark, unknowing of my mumbling of the chant.

"(Y/n)!" I freeze, suddenly feel a spark of feeling in my arm and I look down at the familiar voice calling for me. "Are you ok?" I blink my eyes, realising that the red haze wasn't there and I see Levi staring up at me with worry.

"Levi?" I tilt my head in confusion, trying to push past the constant yelling in my head.

"(Y/n)! What do we do!?" I look up and I see that Shinganshina was empty of the wall titans, them ploughing through the walls away from us.

"(Y/n)! Help us!" I hear Armin scream for me and I hear other people yell out for me. Their cries for help force me back, breaking my trance and I start panicking.

I need to get out!

I need to get out of my Titan!

"What's wrong-"

"-get me out!" I hiss out as I cut Levi off, kneeling as I desperately wanted to rip the skin off my face. It burned and ached and I wanted to scream. "Get it off!" I shrieked, not being able to pull myself back in my actual body that was in my neck. I couldn't feel that part of me anymore and I was panicking.

I can't be turning into this beast!

"(y/n)-"

"Get me out!" I howled out, hyperventilating as my vision glows a dangerous red. My body shook as the lightning streaks crawled up my body, burning into me and melting into my muscle.

I howled in pain, feeling the streaks round my neck like a suffocating collar. "(y/n)! Calm down!" I look at Levi as he yelled in worry. I cry out as steam hissed from every orifice, my body feeling like it was melting into itself.

Make it stop!

MAKE IT STOP!

"(y/n)!" I look up and see Hangi crying out for me, zipping towards me with her ODM gear. "Shit!"

"GET ME OUT!" I scream out, the ground beneath me burning away. Hanji hisses as she lands on my neck, trying to cut me out but it was painful.

"Shit! I can't find your body!" I howled as she cut deeper and Levi looks at me with wide eyes as I dropped to the floor.

"(y/n)! Just hang in there!" Levi tries to calm me down but I cry softly. "SHIT HANJI HURRY UP!"

"I can't find (y/n)!"

"What do you mean you can't find her!?"

"Levi..." I murmur out, slowly closing my eyes as I feel my body go into shock.

"What's wrong with her!?"

"I don't know-"

"-this is bullshit! What's happening to her!?"

"Levi! Calm down!"

"Don't touch me! Just tell me what's going on!"

"I don't know!"

"Does this have something to do with her leaving!?"

"...I don't know..."

"She's in pain every time she transforms and I can't stop it!"

"Levi-"

"-she's hiding something from me Hanji. She's hiding something painful from me and I need to know why. I need to why she thinks she's going to have to leave me-"

"-Levi just shut up. Just... let me talk to her."

"...I need to get out of here."

"Levi wait-" I groan when a door slams shut and I open my eyes to see Hanji look at me with pursed lips. She quickly grabs a glass of water and helps me sit up as I drink from the glass. The silence was eerie and tenseful as Hanji sat on the bed by my feet, frowning and putting the glass away.

She was thinking, wringing her hands together as she usually does when she was deep in her thoughts."Hanji-"

"-what's going on (y/n)? What's happening to you?" Her voice was soft as she stared at me and I look at her, grinding my teeth.

"I can't tell you-"

"-that's bullshit and you know it!" I gasp in surprise as she bursts into tears. "I lost Erwin and I can't lose you too! So please! Just tell me what's happening!" I look down at my shaky arms, the streaks still glowing against my skin as pieces of the muscle steamed away.

"Every time I transform, I'm losing a piece of my human self to my titan." I whisper out and Hanji looks at me with wide eyes.

"What?" she murmurs out, trying to understand what I meant.

"Hanji, I'm losing myself to the founder. I'm going to be stuck as a titan one day." I whimper out at the thought.

"How... How did you know?"

"Reiss. He... He said that I will one day turn into a titan permanently... That my titan form is slowly eating away at my human form. The founder created me as an escape vessel from the coordinate." Hanji holds her head in her hands, cursing herself. "That's why you had trouble finding my body..." I wince, pulling the blanket to see my legs steaming at the skin where it looked like it was being melted away.

"I shouldn't have made you transform so many times! I shouldn't have made do those stupid experiments! We shouldn't have asked you to help us in our battles!"

"Hanji, I needed to help you guys-"

"-no-"

"-Hanji it's my job!" I hiss out. "That was the only reason I was brought here! I have to keep you all safe! That is what the Guardian Titan does and there's nothing you can do to stop it-"

"-No!" Hanji yells out, pacing again. "There has to be something I can do to stop this!"

"Hanji-"

"-there has to be a way!"

"Hanji-"

"-a book! Or a scripture! Something to stop this from happening to you!"

"Hanji!-"

"-maybe Reiss is wrong!? How do you know he wasn't lying to you!?"

"HANJI!" I yell out and she stops, crying into her hands as she blames herself. "This is not your fault-"

"-why... Why did you keep this from us...?"

"I tried to keep my distance from you guys so it would hurt less when I just become not human anymore. I knew there wasn't anything that could help. I can't stop this Hanji. There's no use-"

"-you need to tell Levi-"

"-No!" I quickly grab Hanji, shaking my head as I gripped her shirt. "I can't put him in any more pain than I already am!"

"You're hurting him (y/n)! He deserves to know!"

"I can't!" I beg Hanji and she frowns at me. "I can't! He has been in pain his entire life! He's lost too many people and I can't do that to him anymore! I can't, I just can't! I swore to myself that I would protect him! Protect you and everyone here!"

"(y/n)..." Hanji sits down, holding my shaking hands as I cried.

"I can't hurt him anymore Hanji. It would kill me. I should have never gotten close with Levi, with everyone here. I should've never come here. I should've stayed away-"

"-(y/n)." Hanji shuts me up, wiping away my tears. "I'm going to do everything I can to stop this. I'm not losing you too." Hanji pulls my head to her chest, letting me cry into her shirt.

I've put too many people in pain by being here.

I'm a burden to everyone.

I should never have come.

I should've just stayed in the forests.

I-

"-you are our friend and we love you. We all care about you (y/n) so don't you ever think that your being here was a mistake." I peered over Hanji's shoulder to see Levi by the doorway holding a tray of food. I quickly look away, wiping my tears as he comes closer, setting the tray down. Hanji leaves quietly as Levi sits by my feet but I didn't have the courage to look at him.

I'm a problem to everyone here.

"(y/n)..." Levi mumbles out, my body shaking as he comes closer. "Please-" My hand flinches away from his as he tried to hold my hand. I hold my arms to my chest and the tears spill out again, feeling that I could hurt him or burn him by accident. "(y/n) please." I look up at Levi, his eyes glazed over and I let him hold me. He pulls me to his chest and holds my head to his neck, rocking me back and forth.

I close my eyes and revel in his warmth as Levi held me tight with an arm around my waist and the other gently thrumming through my hair. "I'm sorry..." I murmur out, knowing what the future will hold and I know that I can't stop it.