Hello, readers, voters, commenters, and friends. (None of those are mutually exclusive.)

I really would say so much, but I have a feeling that only the essentials are necessary, and you guys only want to hear the essentials, as the entirety of this book has tried to play an essential part of your... reading life? Yes. Reading life. (JK this entire thing is rambling)

I really tried, through my writing, to channel the emotions of the two boys into this book/fanfiction/whichever you prefer. It simply... to say to least, broke my heart. Writing this (I know I haven't shown it), murdered me. It killed me to *ahem* murder... them. (It blew a reasonable hole in my conscience, to be honest.) I had to deal with those deprecating, slightly excruciating thoughts that Sherlock held, and the reactions to those feelings that John had to assume were reasonable. I mean, John. I felt worse for John, out of all of this, I mean, yeah, Sherlock had it so much worse at the end, BUT I WAS FUCKING FRUSTRATED. COULDN'T HE STOP BEING A SELFISH BASTARD AND PICK UP THE PHONE?

I legit had an argument with myself about their fate. In the beginning, I was thinking, traditional Eleanor & Park ending - but then, the almighty opportunity presented itself...

Why not just... kill him?

It was logical. And it seemed only fitting to execute Sherlock in the way this all began - via drugs. Killing off Sherlock gave me sadness, but also a weird sense of closure, because I liked to imagine how devastated Siger must have been after he lost everything, including his son, and you realize that was all he truly deserved, that slimy son of a bitch. But SHERLOCK didn't deserve that. Mycroft didn't deserve that. And John definitely didn't deserve that.

John, in all of this, was hurt the most, because he didn't have a quick escape. He didn't have a way to get out; he was faced with Pickard's obsession over him, and Harry's alcoholism, and Emma's abuse, and Sherlock's drug addiction... And he couldn't hide ANYWHERE. He was STUCK. Maybe he was a sexy greaser who could fuck any girl he wanted, by the end. Maybe he was a muscled jock who built his reputation from the ground up. Maybe he was just fucking AWESOME. But he couldn't escape from his home life, because of Sherlock, and he couldn't escape from Sherlock... because of Sherlock.

If you asked me the three people who had it the worst in this book, it would be:

1. John

2. Sherlock

3. Siger

SIGER HAD IT REALLY BAD MMKay?

REALLY FUCKINg BAd

HE DESERVED IT ALL THO

HE DESERVED ALL OF IT

I MEAN THINK

He falls in love with this GORGEOUS WOMAN who helps him get sober again

THEN HER BROTHER DIES AT WAR, she drifts away...

He RELAPSES

TAKES HIS ANGER OUT ON HIS SON(S)

SHERLOCK BECOMES A RAGING HEROIN ADDICT, FOR WHICH HE PAYS A SUBSTANTIAL AMOUNT OF MONEY TO WATCH HIS SON DETERIORATE INTO A JUNKIE

HIS WIFE DIES, UNAWARE OF HIS CRIPPLING ALCOHOLISM AFTER SHE GETS ANGRY AT HIM FOR CALLING HIS YOUNGEST SON A PAINTED WHORE

HIS SON JUST FALLS OFF THE FUCKING WAGON, STARTING A HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH A BOY HE LETS INTO HIS HOUSE - CONSTANTLY

MYCROFT DRIFTS AWAY

SHERLOCK RUNS AWAY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

HE'S LIKE "I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP OH JESUS THE ONLY PERSON LEFT IN MY LIFE IS GONE"

SHERLOCK COMES BACK

AND THEN PROCEEDS

TO DIE

JESUS

SIGER

SIT DOWN

HAVE A DRINK

AGAIN

But the real thing I loved about writing this shit was the fact that Pickard was a fucking PSYCHOPATH. He premeditated IT ALL. HE ACTED LIKE A DRUNK TO TRICK JOHN INTO BELIEVING HE WAS AFTER EMMA, THEN NICE TO MAKE HIM THINK HE WAS AFTER HARRY, ALL THE WHILE!

TRYING TO GET JOHN!

HE IS SNEAKY! HE IS SO SMART! AND SNEAKY! AND EW!

Literally, though, the real life man playing his role in this is actually my teacher, Vince Pickle. Yes. That is his name. Oh. My. God. He has the hazel eyes, the DISGUSTINGLY small rat face, the nice body, THE STILL DISGUSTINGLY SMALL RAT FACE OH MY GOD, and a voice like he's been preying after small children for the last decade. (But he has a nice body (wat)) He is an EMBODIMENT OF PICKARD. Pickard Trout. PICKARD'S LAST NAME IS TROUT.

John Trout. HA. HAHAAag.

(I really love how all of you thought the perverted notes were from Anderson, by the way. It is assumed he is vile. God. Brilliant.)

But this book, up until about, mm, chapter 19 (pills at dinnertime) was pretty PG-13, had almost no graphic drug usage, and was basically about John and Sherlock getting together. And writing the innocent parts, the beautiful parts, the parts that made Sherlock want to pull John closer rather than push him away... God. Marvelous. Absolutely, absurdly marvelous.

I loved it. The scene where they hold hands (ch 14; breathless) was was my favorite part to write. (Or rather, to copy XD) It was so perfect. PERFECT. Every time I proofread it I end up dying of adorable, because it's so FUCKING obvious that they are soulmates. It makes me angry, how obvious it is. Their chemistry is gehg. On the show. #ipromiseimnotanarcissist

The SEx toO I LOVed tHOse scenes as well BC they weren't even MEANT TO BE SMUT. IT WAS MEANT TO BE INTIMACY, and I hoped I captured that adequately.

And their first kiss... Sherlock with his eyes closed, beyond shocked, his body pressed against an RV like it's the only thing keeping his knees from buckling, lips parted, the lights from the porch outlining his figure...

And John's like "lolzz Sherlawk I kessd u get over urself u theatrical basterd"

Sherlock is like "wat tha fuq u just do"

"idk sherl mayb I kessd u"

"shut up jawn im aware I wuz juhst mayken shur"

The way Sherlock wants to be discreet while John simply wants to tell everyone he knows that he is in love with the most beautiful boy on the planet... I loved that too. How John didn't bother to protect their reputations, and how Sherlock was trying to keep them safe at the same time...

Their relationship wasn't all ridiculous angst. And honestly, I'm convinced that Sherlock may have loved John well before even John loved him. Their efforts to make it work in the beginning were adorable and cute and AWH. cx The way Rainbow/I spun this book around music and art and reading was really essential to their meeting and their actions and interactions, and I SIMPLY LOVED JOHN'S/MY MUSIC TASTE LIKE OMG I HAVE AMAZING MUSIC TASTE PRAISE MEE.

THE WAY THEY SHARED THE COMICS IN THE BEGINNING, how Sherlock didn't even trust him, like, at all, until John gave him Watchmen, and the music and the portable CD player. IT WAS ALL SO CRUCIAL AND SO PERFECT AND AMAZING TO ACTUALLY BE PUTTING DOWN GUUHG.

I'm sorry to put you all through so much emotionAL HARROWING PAIN, but it really helped to put emotions from my real life into a fictional universe that still affected people in some way. I like affecting people. I like making people feel, as John does. I am no John Watson, in no way am I brave or especially full of heart but I hope my personal experience of writing this and having you read it has truly affected you guys in somehow. It's affected me.

Wow. A whopping 70k reads, 5k comments, 1k votes. By the time I post this, it'll be undoubtedly more. And... wow. Ecstatic.

When I first started this (*gestures to my encompassing profile*), advised by my dear friend @radlou and actually PUSHED TO DO THINGS by my friends @HereGoes_Nothing and @Pond_Of_Daleks, I was originally under the alias @allaboutauburn and I had a picture of a cow on a farm as a propic.

I posted, as a thirteen year old, a "writing sampler", not having any experience in actually POSTING my works. It got 21 reads before I deleted it. It was ew. I was shocked. I was like people ACTUALLY READ THIS?!

I dabbled a bit in one-shots, and soon gained 250 reads via tumblr adverts (sh (don't tell anyone I told you)) and I thought I was so cool. I was like. Yeah. Fuck you all. 250 reads. Like. 2 votes. Yeah. Hell yeah. I made you cry. You bet I made you fucking cry. HA.

Then it actually began to pick up. I got 1k reads and, like, 20 comments. Yeah. 2 kewl 4 skewl. And then I posted the MAGICAL DRUGGED SERIES, WHICH IS MAGICAL AND SAD AND BASICALLY SADNESS EVERYWHERE AND PEOPLE LOVED IT AND CRIED AT IT AND I WAS LIKE I HAVE 80 FOLLOWERS AND I AM FINALLY WATTPAD FAMOUS BC 80 FOLLOWERS AND 4K READS IS WATTPAD FAMOUS, YA FEEL?

And @Sherlockian5ever posted really nice messages and boosted my coverage and we are now besties.

AND I MET ESTHER. @Closet_Sociopath. AND I WAS LIKE HER SECOND FOLLOWER LOLOLZZZ HAHAH.

AND THUS, AFTER POSTING ALL THAT SHIT, I BEGAN THIS EXPEDITION.

*HUFF* HARD FUCKING WORK. I WROTE TWELVE CHAPS, AND SOMEONE ACCUSED ME OF COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT AND I LOST A THOUSAND READS. THIS WAS THE END OF THE WORLD FOR ME. I SORT OF EXPLODED.

So I restarted, after getting frustrated with wattpad, I posted an angry rant, and then I began to begin, if that makes any sense...

I began to begin one of the best and awe inspiring experiences ever. I got to meet you.

And you.

And you, and you.

And I love you. God, I love you. I love you more than I love my parents. I hate my parents. Whatever.

That was the point of this entire thing.

I could not mean this more. I could not find a way to say this more simply, to put this down better, to emote an emotion more sincere than this.

I love you all so much, and I wouldn't be me - I wouldn't feel like me if it wasn't for writing, if it wasn't for you.

I loved your threats to my health, as so eloquently put by @hendybendyboo: IF YOU DO SOMETHING TO THEM I WILL HANG YOU UP BY YOUR GUTS or something to that effect.

I loved the "Kill Ana Club." (I am an active member. Ask @geronim_oh.)

I loved your crying, as @perfectlyparadox also emoted: FUCKIAMCRYINGSOHARDRIGHTNOWFUCK

I loved your censorship of swear words so as to not be reported.

I loved your angsty "Hey, John," singing. *sob* h-hey... J-j-john...

I loved your AAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHS that constantly littered the comments at the kiss scene.

I loved your crying. And your laughter. And your anger. And your annoyance. And your emotions. I am getting way too deep. (@rudebutnotginger: deeper than a prostitute's hoo-ha)

In short... I love you guys.

Come here. Have a hug. I need one. Because I'm crying. Oh, look. The queen is crying. Bring me my queenly handkerchief. God knows it won't help, but at least my hysterical crying will be DIGNIFIED.

*sniffs*

Now, my thanks.

To all my silent readers. I love you. I said this. Shit. I wish you were louder, sometimes! cx

To my editor, who only edited the prologue and first chapter, to tell me it was confusing and impersonal, then proceeded to not read the rest: @HereGoes_Nothing (ly bae)

@Izzy_Watson, who may or may not be my favorite catfish (haha (jokes (haheh)))

@rudebutnotginger @TheCumberToMyBatch @geronim_oh @perfectlyparadox @Mr_Moriarty @hendybendyboo @LickTheDetective @Loki_At_221B @autumnandstuff @Secretlvy WHO JUST ABOUT MADE ME LAUGH UNTIL MY SIDES FUCKING SPLIT OH MY GOD PRICE-EH-LESS and also SUCH AVID COMMENTERS OMG THE ZEST IN WHICH THE COMMENTED WAS REMARKABLE AND A SPECIAL SPECIAL THANKS TO MR MORIARTY WHO MADE ME WANT TO STRANGLE HER WITH HER TFIOS REFERENCES JESUS

To countless other commenters that enriched the book's experience.

To my... uh... dad... who is anti-gay rights. Ly dad. And yes, dad. John is gay.

To Rainbow Rowell, and BBC Sherlock. You make this possible. Rainbow, I am so... so... SO SORRY, if you ever read this. So sorry. So so sorry. I'm sorry.

To my music library (Patrick Watson, never would have made it without you).

Uhm, I'd also like to thank my besties, several of which have been aforementioned: @Loki_At_221B @Izzy_Watson @Pond_Of_Daleks (who often insisted that I slow down my updates) @HereGoes_Nothing (who didn't even read this hA she's missing out) @sherlockwithanafro @Sherlockian5ever @I-Am-Johnlocked @LickTheDetective and some more. Because I'm besties with all of you.

And me.

I thank myself.

For writing this.

HA.

You thought I couldn't put myself in here somehow?

You were wrong.

I also thank Sherlock and John, for being awesome. For getting me through the day. (Seriously the promise of season 4 is tHE ONLY THING KEEPING ME ALIVE RN)  Johnlock OTP 5ever.

And I thank you, again.

Because you, each and every one of you, all the people, even the people that read the prologue and thought, "nah," even the people who didn't read this AN because AN's are gross, and especially the people who didn't get past the rough patches, in this book and in real life...

Because you guys, all of you, are the stars. And that's the best way I can think to explain it.

By the way, our story isn't finished. This is not, in fact, our last correspondence.

Hit the follow button to see what I'm writing next. I dunno. UPDATE: CHECK OUT MY NEW JOHNLOCK FANFIC KLEPTOMANIAC HEHEHEEHHEHE STEALING THINGSSS

MAI-B.

It's one.

I have school tomorrow.

Gee.

(This is my way of saying pls dont leave meh)

Kk

Bai, betchez

Stay fablulush.

-fin-

Does anyone wonder what the last three words were

I sure do