Type: songfic [ Evermore by Dan Stevens ], THIS SONG FUCKED ME UP ITS SO PRETTY STAB ME WITH A SPORK I CAN'T

Pairing: Sherlock x Reader

Warnings: drug use

I Was the one who had it all, I was the master of my fate

His footsteps wore into the floor as his steps quickened, pacing back and forth. His mind was racing and his heart was aching, both becoming unbearable. His fingertips danced along his bruised wrist, yearning to pierce his pale skin and inject what was becoming his only source of life. The only thing keeping him from doing so would be the fact that another dose would indeed guarantee certain death. Even though the concept of death was more than appealing as he trudged towards the window, the aching growing with every step.

I never needed anybody in my life, I learned the truth too late

He pushed the curtains aside to reveal her walking away, rushing from the stairs of 221b and across the street. He yanked them closed, threating to tear them off the rod. He'd spent his entire alone, alone was what protected him. So why was she different? He threw himself on the couch, between her and Mary he couldn't bare to lose yet another person he placed his faith in. The detective rolled onto his side, his long form curling up ever so slightly. His mind began to spin, the high of the drugs seeming to only make her image more vivid. Her (eye color) eyes sparkling like bright gems, her (Hair color) hair cascading down and her lips curved into a smile. Her picture burned into his mind, as it desperately tried to latch onto anything but her with no success.

I'll never shake away the pain, I close my eyes but she's still there

He laid like that for sometime, wallowing in his own misery as time passed. His mind plead and begged for him to silence it with the cut of a needle. He rolled off of the seat, landing on his feet as he moved towards the bedroom where his stash resided under the bed. He paused, hand on the doorknob as he stared at the wood in front of him. With the twist of his wrist he'd be enclosed in a space filled with... well her. He had the choice of being filled with the very essence of the woman he pushed away and retrieving his sweet relief or remain hollow and cold but safe from memories.

I let her steal into my melancholy heart

It's more than I can bare

He sighed, twisting the doorknob open. Everywhere he looked he saw her – she was in the clothes scattered across the floor and the smudged eyeliner on the pillowcase. She was in the bathroom with the makeup piled on the sink and the straightener unplugged. The residue of her perfume was everywhere and invasive. All he could breathe, see, hear was her. He couldn't help the sudden anger that washed over him, it was his fault she left. He clenched his fist but the anger seeped through his fingertips, before he knew it he was led down a path of destruction. He kicked the chest in front of the bed, he slammed the door. He pushed things off dressers.

Now I know she'll never leave me

Even as she runs away

She wanted to help him, in desperate attempts to make him see reason she would use every last breath to reassure him that Mary's death wasn't his fault. She tried to hide the needles and the drugs but he found them, she pulled the syringe and the cigarettes from his hands. But because he was a stubborn arse, because he couldn't see how grateful he should have been he was forced to deal with what remained of her being rather than her. He was left with being able to see nothing but a (eye color)gaze boring into him.

She will still torment me

Calm me, hurt me

The memory of her was bittersweet, her warm touch and smooth voice seemed to be a shield from the opposing world.

But he also remembered the pain she brought.

Memories of tear stained cheeks and blood red eyes were ever so apparent as she left, a shattered syringe in front of the doorframe.

Wasting in my lonely tower, waiting by an open door

Suddenly he was pulled from his thoughts by a small gasp from the doorway, he whirled around to find Mrs. Hudson standing there. A hand over her mouth as she looked around the room before fixing her gaze on his hand. He looked around, bits of glass littered the floor followed by tipped furniture and a torn shirt. Something wet hit his foot and looked to see blood dripping from his hands. In his gripe held a shattered picture of her. Her arms slung around his neck, legs wrapped his waist her face turned upward towards the sky and him looking uncomfortable. "Oh Sherlock." Mrs. Hudson whispered, she hurried forward and took the picture from his hands and began to examine them. "Oh dear come along." She led him into the living space, reaching into a small door and pulling out a first aid kid that (y/n) kept in case he did something stupid, like stitch his hand after he decided he could fit t through a barbed wire fence to examine it for fingerprints. The whole time his eyes were glued to the door.

I'll fool myself she'll walk right in

And be with me, for evermore

"She'll come back." Mrs. Hudson broke the silence as she wiped the blood away from his hands, he felt little physical pain for the emotional ache was much more apparent. "And how do you know that?" He growled. Mrs Hudson placed a bandage along his right hand, only a few cuts now that the crimson had been wiped away. She cleaned her hands on the cloth and looked up at him.

"Because she loves you Sherlock. The kind of love you'll never find again." Mrs. Hudson looked up at him and he stared at her, finding it remarkable she could have such a strong faith. "I'm afraid we're living in the real world Mrs. Hudson. Love is simply a release of hormones."

"Then what was she Sherlock?" The older woman questioned and he looked down at his hands. "An exception."

I rage against the trials of love

I curse the fading of the light

She reached forward and wrapped her arms around him, the action surprising him. He remained still for a moment, frozen in time. Mrs. Hudson gave a sad smile, "You can hug me back sweetheart." After a moment he leaned down and returned the embrace, burying his face in the crook of her neck. "Go get your girl Sherlock." Mrs. Hudson gave him a pat on the shoulder before standing, turning towards the door. "Where are you going?" He questioned, looking up at the woman. She picked up his phone and placed it in his hands, "Why, to make to tea." She walked out the door before budding her head in, "I hope you intend on cleaning up this mess, I'm not your housekeeper." And with that the older woman was off. Sherlock bit his lip, his thumbs hovered over the keys, what could he say? He was the reason she left, his unbearable attitude finally pushed everyone away.

Those she's already flown so far behind my reach, she's never out of sight

He stared at the phone before placing it back on the table, he stood and walked towards the bedroom. Careful to step over the remains of the objects that once were, he shook off his robe and casted a look in the mirror. He was still dressed in his pajamas, quickly shoveling through his drawer. Something began to build a motivation, all he could feel was her. He longed for her, he couldn't let her slip away.

Now I know she'll never leave me even as she fades from view

She will still inspire me

Be apart of me

Sherlock quickly slipped into a nicer set of clothes before rushing out of the bedroom, grabbing his cellphone as his fingers flew over the keys, sending a quick message. He stared at the front door to 221b, pausing. Trembling slightly, he reached forward and twisted the doorknob before looking back at the flat. The question was, did he have the guts to go after a woman he cared deeply for.

A woman he loved.

I'll think of all that might have been

Waiting here forevermore

a/n

Im so done with wattpad rn, I copy and pasted this from a word doc because it takes TWENTY FUCKING MINUTES TO TYPE THREE SENTENCES BEFORE THE APP CRASHES and  none of the lyrics we italicized and the app WOULD NOT STOP FREEZING AND CLOSING so I'm like okay cool I just go online. So I go through safari and I HAVE TO TYPE THE LITERAL EXACT URL TO THIS STORY BECAUSE IT SAYS MYWORKS PAGE DOES NOT EXIST and then I finally get it open and try to select the lyrics AND GOD FORBID I SELECT MORE THAN THREE WORDS because wattpad wasn't having it

It took me 20 minutes to publish an already written oneshot

Smh

Love y'all

Bye bye for now