Trigger Warning

Broken.

That's the only word that could possibly describe how his words left you.

Seems like just yesterday, you were a part of me

You picked up the last few remaining tissues, how could you of been so stupid? You tossed them aimlessly towards the trash can as you looked into the the bathroom mirror. You were met with red rimmed eyes, dark circles had gathered beneath them. Your (hair color) locks flew every which way, you had exactly 20 minutes before you had to meet Sherlock.

I use to stand so tall, I use to be so strong

You opened your makeup tray gently, painting over the dark circles. You were not going to allow him to see the hell he put you through, you were not showing him any weakness. Not anymore.

Your arms around me tight
Everything felt so right

He'd told you he was sorry.

He told you he needed to talk.

He told you he needed you.

You didn't want to go, but you were not going to allow him any sort of satisfaction of knowing he hurt you. He'd left you to pick up he pieces of your heart, and you were not going to allow him to break what you'd managed to put back together.

Unbreakable like nothin could go wrong

Sherlock Holmes was not going to ruin you.

You brushed out your hair, disgusted at you what you saw in the mirror.

You knew you'd never be good enough for the detective, you couldn't blame him for not wanting you. That night was burned into your mind, replaying over and over.

***

You shook your head, breaking yourself from your daze. Maybe you'd misheard.

Now I can't breathe

"What?" It escaped as a soft broken whisper.

"I can't be in a relationship right now Y/N. I do love you, but I just can't." Sherlock adjusted his gloves as the two of you stood outside 221b, acting as if he just told you to take out the trash.

You just stared at him, waves of various emotions rushed over you. Anger, sadness, it all crashed down on you and you felt your heart shatter.

No I can't sleep

"I-I..." You couldn't form the words. You just stared at him, he was messing with you right? Seeing how the human heart responds to such a statement, that had to be it.

Sherlock made no move to confirm your theory. You felt tears prick your eyes, but you desperately tried to hold them back. Crying was weakness in front of Sherlock Holmes.

His eyes were cold and guarded.

Instead of crying, screaming at him, you nodded.

"You're right. Maybe we shouldn't Be in a relationship right now-"

"See y/n I knew you would understand." Sherlock looked momentarily relieved but it faded when you pressed a finger to his lips.

"You didn't let me finish, Mister Holmes." You said bitterly, stepping down the stairs, causing Sherlock to back down the remaining two as you prodded his chest with your finger. "I should not be in a relationship with someone who is willing to give up five goddamn years of love." You felt the tears run free. "You faked you're death Sherlock, I still stayed with you. I helped you recover from your drug addiction." You felt your voice raise towards a scream. Sherlock's eyes widened slightly, people on the street began to stare but you didn't care.

"I've been patient. I've sat through every dinner, watching couples fawn over each other, sharing kisses and flirty remarks while you sit there like you're stone cold. I watch Mary and John cuddle when they're over, and you sit up straight, and if I try to do as much as hold your hand you flinch away like I'm diseased. Maybe you're right Sherlock, maybe I shouldn't be in a relationship."

Sherlock opened his mouth to respond, but you could see he had no idea to respond.

"I love you Sherlock. I put my heart on the line, I allowed you to know things I've never told a soul." You looked at him with a strong disgust. "Apparently you don't share any of that." You turned away from him, wiping away tears as you walked away, never wanting to so much as hear the name Sherlock Holmes again.

I'm barely hanging on

You shook your head, looking away from the mirror. A permanent guilt had wormed its way into your heart, you'd never forget the pained expression that took place on his face. You sighed, adjusting your long sleeved top in the mirror. You'd decided on a black shirt, jeans and combat boots. The rough fabric of the sweater burned against the newly found scars on your arms. You looked up and faked a smile, it looked bright and genuine.

Perfect.

Here I am once again

You stepped out of the bathroom, walking past the living room where Greg was sitting, his newspaper in hand. He looked up at you, your older brother stood. His brown gaze was filled with sympathy, and anger. He'd been so angry at Sherlock when you'd left 221b, seeking refuge in Greg's arms. He'd held you while you bawled your eyes out, allowing you to stay at his place while you grieved.

I'm torn into pieces

"You ready?" He offered a sad smile, you nodded.

"(Your Name), you don't have to do this." He placed a hand on your arm gently, you looked down at it before back at him. You faked a smile, "I'll be fine Greg. Stop worrying."

"I'm still driving you."

"Greg I'm a grown woman, I can hail a taxi and-"

"I'm driving you." Your brother didn't budge, you sighed. "Fine."

He looked slightly pleased with himself, "Come on."

Greg had been avoiding Sherlock at crime scenes, the growing anger in him made his rage unpredictable.

Now, you, his genius sister, was going to the same crime scene as the sociopath who broke your heart.

You didn't want to ride with Greg for the awkward silence that would take place, or the fact that he would rant about the detective.

You followed your brother out the door, bracing yourself to face him.

Can't deny it can't pretend
Just thought you were the one

Soon you both arrived at the crime scene, Greg stepped out and opened your door, you rolled your eyes at him as you stepped out. "I can do it myself."

"I don't care." Greg shrugged and you followed behind him, ducking under the yellow tape. So far the sociopath was no where in sight. You tugged your sleeves down, crossing your arms as you followed Greg. He began to talk to other officers, you wandered around a bit, before finally laying eyes on the body. You approached it, finding John already bent down next to it. His eyes widened as he saw you, your heart ached as you realized how much you'd missed the army Doctor.

"John." You said warmly, he instantly stood, opening up his arms as engulfed you in a bear hug.

"It's been too long." You both pulled away, "how's Mary?" You asked, trying to make your tone warm and friendly, not allowing any of what you truly felt to seep into your voice.

"Pregnant as ever, but fine." John smiled, you felt the corner of your lip twitch up slightly, the closest thing to a smile you'd had all week.

Broken up deep inside

That's when you saw him.

standing a few feet away, examining bloody footprints on the ground.

You felt your breath hitch in your throat, you told yourself that if you just ignored him you'd be fine.

You kneeled down beside the body, touching the wrists and examining the bruised marks around them. John walked away and whispered something in Sherlock's ear, he turned and you looked at you.

You didn't need to look up, you felt his gaze burning into you. You bit your lip, "just focus on the blood." You whispered to yourself.

You heard footsteps approach you, one quick glance confirmed your worst fear.

He was going to talk to you.

You forced yourself not to look at him, "She was strangled." His deep baritone echoed in your ear as he crouched down beside you.

But you don't get to see the tears I've cried
Behind these Hazel Eyes

"No shit Sherlock." You remarked coldly.

"The murder weapon was a rope."

"I know."

"The murderer had her tied up before he-"

"I know." You said bitterly, looking over at him.

Paper thin skin hung off his bones, he looked as if he hadn't eaten in weeks. Dark circles were under his eyes, his eyes glittered with pain and sadness.

It broke your heart.

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in

"I'm sorry." He said after a moment of silence, you felt your eyes widen.

He was apologizing?

You didn't respond, instead you turned back to the body. You didn't need to, you'd already gathered your information, but you couldn't make yourself look at the detective beside you.

"I still love you." He said love, it sounded as if he was learning a new word. It sounded wrong coming from his mouth.

"I did love you Sherlock. I honestly did." You said bitterly.

You made me feel alright for once in my life

"Did?" The detective echoed, a whole new emotion rolled in his eyes.

"did." You retorted. On the inside you were screaming about how you still loved him, but you couldn't.

Now all that's left of me is what I pretend to be

"(Your Name) there were cases and Moriarty and I couldn't force to be in a relationship where I was busy an-" he fumbled for words and you didn't retain any of them.

"I don't care." You hissed, turning towards him. Officers began to look at the both of you.

"All I did was love you! And what did you do? You threw me away like yesterday's trash! Can't be in a relationship? Sherlock I was willing to sit every night and wait for you to come home." You stood, holding back angry tears.

So together but so broken up inside

"Sherlock I was willing to give you everything!"  You realized you were making a scene, but you didn't care. You heard Greg approaching you from behind.

Swallowed me and spit me out

"I didn't care that you were busy! I was Just a Stupid girl who fell in love with a sociopath who could never love her back!"

For hating you I blame myself

"I was willing to put my life in danger if it meant being with you!" You stomped your foot angrily, officers backed away from the both of you as your arms moved along with your tantrum. Sherlock looked a bit scared at your outburst.

Seeing you it kills me now
No I don't cry on the outside anymore

You held back the tears and Sherlock grabbed your wrist, pulling up your sleeve slightly, exposing your ruby red stripes arms. Sherlock looked horrified slightly, you could feel his heart break right then and there.

"Don't touch me!" You growled, pulling away, Greg grabbed your arm, pulling you behind him. Sherlock stepped towards you but Greg's gaze made him think otherwise. "Sherlock focus on the case, Donovan is now in charge, I'm taking (Your Name) home." Greg stepped closer, "If you ever come near my sister again I will personally make you sure you're in a grave with no return." And with that he turned away, wrapping his arm around you and pulling you away from the crowd as you felt tears stream down your face.

You don't get to see the tears I've cried

Little did you know you were leaving behind a broken Sherlock, never to see him again.

Behind these Hazel Eyes.

A/N

Hey guys, sorry if the next couple Oneshots are sad but I'm not in the mood for any fluff. Sorry to discontinue the reader inserted Oneshots but life got in the way and my list got deleted.

As many of you know I've been dumped (I'm getting over it) and a relative that is close to me just passed away. For those of you who've told me this is simply a call for attention, it's not, it's me grieving and giving you guys a good reason for why I've been inactive. Thanksor understanding.

~ myfirstnameisagent