+23: What About - Janet Jackson

Reuqest from @MordredJones

-

When he was growing up, Sherlock's house was often filled with his many aunts and uncles. Many of them had drug or alcohol problems - Sherlock would watch as their lives crumbled around them as they slipped deeper and deeper into an addiction that was sending them rapidly downhill.

Despite that, Sherlock's parents always taught him and Mycroft one very important thing. They always, always said that love was the most powerful drug that existed. That one day they might find themselves in a relationship and everyone around them would be telling them what a jerk their partner is but they wouldn't see it because they loved that person. They said love could destroy them much easier than any of the drugs and poison they saw their aunts and uncles putting into their systems.

Sherlock had laughed, as had Mycroft.

Sherlock got his first boyfriend when he was nineteen and in his first year of university. They were together a long time and Sherlock had fallen so in love with the boy that, at the start, he could never imagine being with another. Victor was kind and gentle and loving - and he was always and constantly proud to have Sherlock by his side. It was perfect and whee they grew apart and the once bright powerful love had dulled slightly, they parted ways happy and knowing they'd had one another. Sherlock couldn't have asked for a better man to be his first everything.

His parents words still seemed laughable.

Sherlock's second relationship.. was worse. He fell in love with a client. He was lovely at first and always gave Sherlock lots of kisses and would be adorably protective of him... Then it stopped being adorable. He got paranoid Sherlock was cheating on him and it turned out that he was cheating. Sherlock stopped talking to him after one night when he got hit for 'flirting' with Lestrade (as if!).

After that, Sherlock was reluctant to enter new relationships, his parents words ringing in his ears. Then he met a cheerful, little younger man called George and he had a short, but wonderful fling. Again, he thought he could ignore his parents words but Mycroft pointed out that Sherlock hadn't loved George. He'd had a fling and it was great and they got on really well, but it wasn't love.

Turns out, his parents were very right about love.

He could be blind to the evil of his love and it would destroy him.

Sherlock's third love proved that, more so then the second. He was able to leave the second. The third... Well, he loved Jim so much that he couldn't leave, no matter what it seemed.

Sherlock realised from the start that a relationship with James Moriarty was probably the stupidest thing he could ever do. That didn't stop him wanting Jim any less, however. The man was a brilliant match for Sherlock. He was intelligent, cunning and understood what it was like to be so incredibly bored by life.

At first, their relationship was about nothing but sex. Eventually, though, Jim got possessive and made it clear that he wanted Sherlock for himself and so Sherlock was made Jim's boyfriend. Blinded by his feelings, Sherlock mistook the possessiveness for an act of affection and love.

As time went on, their relationship grew. It was an odd relationship. Sherlock would only see Jim when Jim wasn't working and more of their relationship took place over text than in real life. Jim was lovely to him, most of the time. They'd argue a lot, though, about silly things. Jim would sometimes go to hit Sherlock but he'd stop himself.. Most of the time. It wasn't always bad between Jim and Sherlock. A lot of the time they were just like any other couple. Their bad moments were just really bad.

Sherlock could see all the problems they had. His mother was wrong. He wasn't that blind to the issues. But he did love Jim and he wasn't prepared to give him up. He was addicted...

*

 (15:02) Will you marry me?  x

(15:39) No.

(15:40) What? Why? x

(15:46) Sherlock? x

Jim had proposed many times. Sherlock always said no.

He loved Jim so much it hurt, but he wouldn't marry him. He'd feel completely and utterly trapped if he did marry the man.

*

Sherlock lays on the bed with a small smile on his face, his waist covered by the blanket and Jim's arm wrapped around his stomach, holding him close. Jim presses a kiss to Sherlock's neck and Sherlock's eyes flutter closed, focusing on the feeling.

Sherlock loved the nights when Jim came back from working somewhere. Jim was always slow and loving as they spent the night rolling around the bed, kissing and laughing. It always made Sherlock feel amazing and forget about all the horrible things that Jim had done over the course of their relationship.

"Sherlock..." Jim murmurs, still kissing Sherlock's neck. "There's something I need to tell you"

Sherlock rolls further into Jim so he was facing him more and he looks up at his boyfriend with a small smile. "Yes?"

Guilt consumes Jim's face for a brief moment, the it's gone. "When I was away... There was a woman.."

All good feelings were good. Sherlock frowns. This wasn't the first time there had been a woman while Jim was away. "Right.."

"We didn't have sex. Just.. touched a bit"

Sherlock nods and curls closer to Jim, seeking comfort from the person that was hurting him. "Okay"

Jim sighs and kisses Sherlock's head, holding him. "Thank you for forgiving me"

Sherlock always forgave him, because he was an idiot. An idiot in love. He didn't even wish for the strength to leave Jim. No matter how much pain he caused, Sherlock would always love Jim. Jim made him happy, made him smile, made him feel loved.

Still, it really did hurt to know that he wasn't enough. That he wasn't special enough Jim could say no to a pretty woman or man when they came along while he was away. He didn't love Sherlock enough to resist his urges for a few more days.  

"Let's just forget it. Just.. don't do it again" Sherlock mumbles, sounding as pathetic as he felt.

"I promise"

He'd promised last time. Sherlock didn't believe him then either.

*

"You should leave him, Sherlock - and I'd be saying this even if he wasn't a murdering psycho"

Jim was away again. The only good thing about Jim not being here was that it was the only time that John came to visit. He refused to visit if he was going to have to interact with Jim and pretend that he was okay with this relationship, when he really wasn't.

Sherlock sat across from John at the breakfast table, sipping a glass of orange juice. He had a black eye. He'd hoped that he wouldn't have but apparently Jim had hit him hard enough to leave a mark. Sherlock had reminded Jim to be careful and Jim had flipped out, hitting Sherlock in a fit of rage. When he'd calmed down and realised what he did, Jim said sorry and held Sherlock as the man whimpered quietly.

"I know" Sherlock replies, eventually.

"So why don't you? From what I've heard, he's a shit boyfriend"

Sherlock sighs and shrugs. John sighs too, slumping and when the doctor speaks again, he's lost the almost aggressive tone.

"I know you love him, all right, but sometimes you just have to let go of the things you love when they're bad for you" John tries to reason.

"I can't, John. It's not as simple as that. Besides, you're in love with a murderer too. Both of our parents have killed many people and tried to kill our best friends"

"You said Mary purposely shot you somewhere so that you'd live"

Sherlock just hums, realising he's been beaten.

"It's much easier said than done, I get that. But soon, he'll stop apologising when he hits you, he'll stop being sorry for cheating and he'll realise he can treat you like a doormat because you just let him get away with it. So, at least stopping letting him treat you like shit. Hit back, stop talking to him when he cheats. Make him fight to keep you, Sherlock"

Sherlock looks up at John. His voice is quiet and breaks when he speaks. "What if he doesn't fight to keep me?"

"Then it proves that he's lying when he says he loves you. You can find someone better than him, Sherlock."

"Maybe I don't want better"

John sighs. "That's your choice but you deserve to be treated better than this"

*

Brain over heart, brother. -M

Sherlock had been staring at the message from his brother for hours.

The older Holmes brother had been very quiet since Sherlock started his relationship with Jim. Sherlock would never say so aloud but he'd missed the guidance of his brother.

The meaning was clear. He wanted Sherlock to listen to the logical reasoning of his brain, which always telling him that Jim was bad for him, that he should leave him. His heart made him say. His heart which he'd practically wrapped up and handed over to Jim.

He'd give over to his heart's desire so much that Sherlock wasn't sure how he could now ignore it now.

Sherlock remembers his mother's words. About love destroying a person. He's sure she didn't mean all love destroys but this love for Jim was definitely destroying him, there was no other way to see it. Each day, Sherlock grew more depressed, he let Jim get away with more, their relationship was on a downwards trajectory.

Suddenly having confidence, Sherlock stood and marched into the living room to confront Jim.

*

Sherlock whimpered quietly as he sat in the middle of the living room, tears running down his face and a bottle of scotch in his hand. He took a swig from it just as he heard the door downstairs open. He heard Ms Hudson call out his name, announcing she was back from shopping. Sherlock doesn't reply, just continues to drink and sob.

Ten minutes later, his landlady came up and found him. She pauses for half a second and before he realises it, he's been cradled in her arms and hushed like a child would be after a nightmare.

He doesn't resist her hugs and buries his face in her shoulder, vaguely aware that the alcohol bottle was on it's side and the liquid was now soaking into the carpet. Despite being comforted, his sobbing grow louder and he clings to the woman for dear life.

It's never hurt so much to end a relationship.

He felt as though Jim has smashed his heart into a million tiny pieces. Now, he's a pitiful mess. He can't stop the tears but Ms Hudson is patient and rubs his back and just let's him cry it all out.

When John arrives, he finds a swollen eyed Sherlock asleep on Ms Hudson's shoulder.

"Oh, John, dear. Thank Goodness. Would you please pick him up and take him to bed?"

John nods and does as Ms Hudson asked despite all the questions he has. It's a struggle at first but he managed in the end and got Sherlock comfortable in bed/ John removes his shoes and blazer but otherwise leaves the man in his clothing.

When he returns to the living room, Ms Hudson is on her knees, scrubbing at a wet patch that John guessed was from the scotch bottle that stood beside her basket of cleaning agents.

"What happened?"

"He left Jim" Ms Hudson replies, sitting up. "About time too. Although, I hate seeing him so sad. He's never been so bad before."

"He won't be the same for some time" John answers, lowering to his knees and taking the scrubbing brush from her. He begins to clean the spill. "He's broken hearted.. but it was for the best"

Ms Hudson just sighs and nods.

*

Jim doesn't return, he doesn't fight for Sherlock.

Sherlock doesn't meet anyone better, he doesn't fall in love again.

John and Ms Hudson watch out for him, but Sherlock is colder and quieter than ever. He's sad. And there's not much he can do, nor anyone else.

Sherlock's mother and father were right.

Love destroys.