It's impossible to describe the panic that comes over you when you're a surgeon and your pager goes off in the middle of the night. Your heart starts to race. Your mind freezes. Your fingers go numb. You're invested. There's someone's mom, someone's dad, someone's kid. And now it's on you because that someone's life is in your hands.

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Victoria was woken up by the ringtone of her phone. She checked the alarm. It was 4 am. As a surgeon you know that a call or your pager going off this at this hour is not a good sign. Her heart started to race when she saw that it was the hospital who was calling her. It meant Spencer.

"Hello." The Shepherd woman answered, her voice quavering.

"Hello, Doctor Maloney, it's the Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital. I'm the nurse assigned to check on Mr. Spencer Barns. I called you because I was told to let you know if anything happened."

"Is he- Is he- " Tory stuttered.

"He's awake, Doctor Maloney." The nurse reassured her. "The doctor on duty checked on him and he is perfectly fine."

"Oh thank god " Victoria replied putting a hand on her heart, calming down. "Thank you so much."

"I know you must be eagered to see him but he just fell asleep, so I would advise you to come visit him later in the morning. And I joined his wife also to tell her the good news."

"Thank you. Goodbye."

"Everything's okay ?" Jackson asked half asleep next to Victoria.

"Yeah, just had a good news. Go back to sleep."

°•°•°•°•°•

Victoria woke up three hours later with Jackson by her side. After they got dinner they went back to Jackson's appartment and the brunette spent the night there.

They took their breakfast discussing and joking around before Jackson drove Tory back to her hotel so she could change her clothes then she took a cab to the hospital.

For the first time in those last couple of days Victoria wasn't worried or afraid for her friend. He was awake and alive. In her way on the hospital's elevator she ran into her brother.

"Good morning." He greeted her with a smile as they entered the into the elevator shaft.

"Hi."

"Did you got back to your hotel safely, last night ?"

"Yes."

"How did you went back ?" He asked intrigued.

"Someone drove me."

"Who ?" He questionned.

"Like I said Derek, someone."

"Ok, I see." He said dropping the subject. "I heard about Spencer. You must be relieved."

"Yes." Tory replied with a big smile. "I'm about to meet him right now. How is Meredith since the liver donation ?"

"She's alright but bored. She misses surgery."

"I bet."

"She wants to invite you for dinner tonight. Are you free ?"

"Yeah." She answered as the chief entered in the elevator.

"Doctor Maloney." He nodded, completely ignoring Derek.

"Good morning, Doctor Webber." She smiled.

"Good morning, Richard." Derek greeted the chief of surgery.

Silence fell between the three of them. Richard Weber was stubbornly focusing on the elevator's doors not paying attention to the neurosurgeon. Derek was staring at him waiting for an answer or a even a glance. But the eldest surgeon left the elevator without giving Derek any acknowledgement.

"What's that all about ?" Victoria asked her brother, curious.

"He fired me, last night." He informed his sister.

"What ? What did you do ?"

"I refused to be fired. So now he's not talking to me." Dr. Shepherd explained.

"Was it because of Isaac's surgery ? And by the way since when can you refuse to be fired ?" She rhetorically asked the last part.

"Partly. Why did he wanted to talk to you yesterday ?"

"He wanted to offer me a job at the hospital."

"You should take his job offer." Derek suggested.

"My life is in Australia now. And working at the same hospital as my ex-husband ? No way." She shook her head.

"Your family is here. And I did work at the same hospital as my ex-wife."

"Good for you. As for me I prefer to be far away from the people who hurted me." She told him before getting out of the elevator. "I'm not really a masochist. Have a nice day big brother !"

°•°•°•°•°•

"Hey stranger !" Spencer greeted his friend when he saw her walk in his room.

"Hey sleeping beauty !" Victoria replied giving him a big hug. "How are you feeling ?" She inquired.

"Like I was in a coma." He joked.

"Yeah, don't ever do that again by the way, please."

"No promise."

"Were you able to talk to Lucy ?"

"Yes." He answered, a smile spread his lips at the evocation of wife. "I called her when I woke up this morning. She was crying the all time. I also talked to the kids. I can't wait to get out of the hospital and be back with them. But enough of me. What did I miss in the life of Victoria Shepherd ? Give me an update."

"You didn't miss anything." She told him after taking a seat in the chair on the left side of his bed. "I have the most boring life in the world."

"I don't believe that. Come on."

"Mark is working here." She sighed.

"Seriously ?" He asked surprised.

"And he's dating a 24 years old girl who is Derek's wife sister."

"No way !"

"Yes. And it's serious. At least that's what he told me."

"How do you feel about it ?"

"I'm not gonna lie, it pisses me off. I mean he seems happy, he's in a relationship and here I am, alone. I can't say that I'm unhappy but I also can't say that I'm happy. But whatever, we're going to get a divorce."

"If he was single, would you have tried to save your marriage ?"

"Please, Spencer." Victora said looking at him like he had gone crazy. "It's been three years since I last saw and talked to the man. If I wanted to save whatever that was left of our marriage I would have done it years ago. No, I just can't stop thinking that it is not fair that he gets to be happy when he is... "

"The one that wrecked your marriage." Spencer completed.

"Yes."

"You're going to be fine, Tory. One day you are going to meet the man of your life who will be kind, loving and will treat you like a queen."

"Or I will end up fat and alone with hundred cats. And I will die of unhappiness." She stated.

"That's a possibility."

"Jerk !" She hit his shoulder, acting offended.

"But more seriously." Spencer told her, recovering from his laugh. "Since you were back did you had a real conversation with Mark ? Without shouting ?"

"Not really. Every time that I see the guy I want to punch him in the face." She confessed.

"I think that you should talk to him, Tory, honestly. As your friend I'm telling you that having a conversation with him would be good for you. You need an actual closure."

"I'm getting closure. I'm divorcing the guy."

"But you are still filled with questions and that is keeping you from totally moving on with your life."

°•°•°•°•°•

"Did you bring a girl home last night ?" Charles Percy asked Jackson Avery with a smirk as they eating in the cafeteria.

"What make you say that ?" Jackson asked his best friend stopping himself in the middle of getting his fork in his mouth.

"The panties that I found in the appartment's floor this morning."

"Sorry about that." Jackson apologized, a little bit embarassed.

"No problem. You're allowed to have fun. By the way she also left her phone." He said, not knowing that he was giving to Jackson Victoria's Shepherd phone.

"Thanks." Jackson said putting the object in his right pocket.

"So who's the girl ?"

"No one. You don't know her." Jackson dismissed his friend.

"Come on. Since when are you being shy about it ?"

"I'm not talking about it, so drop it." Jackson said eating his lunch.

"Drop what ?" Reed Adamson asked as she took place next to Charles.

"The girl Jackson brought home last night." The fifth year resident answered.

"Does she works at the hospital ?" Reed inquired curious.

"I'm not telling you guys a thing. So move on." Jackson intervened.

"Do you know if Doctor Maloney is going to work here ?" She questionned the guys dropping the subject.

"Don't know." Charles shrugged.

"Did she told you something Jackson ?"

"Why would she have ?" He replied defensively.

"Didn't you operate with her on that big tumor, yesterday ?"

"Yeah." He confirmed, visibly relaxing. "I didn't talk to her about that."

"Crap." Reed cursed, eating her salad. "Having her working here would have been amazing."

°•°•°•°•°•

Derek and Victoria were leaving Spencer's room to get themselves some coffee. Today was a good day. Spencer vitals were good. The neurosurgeon told him that he could leave the hospital in a week.

"When are you suppose to go back to work ?" Derek asked his sister as she was sipping her coffee.

"Never." She answered casually.

"What do you mean ?" Her brother questionned confused.

"Well, I quit a month ago." Tory informed him.

"You didn't told me that." He said annoyed.

"Well, I'm telling you now." She smiled. "It's not a big deal. I wasn't feeling it anymore."

"Are you searching for another position ?"

"Not really."

"I don't understand." He declared, frustrated.

"There is nothing to understand. I just needed a break from work."

"When people need a break from work they take a day off. They don't quit."

"Well, you know me, I never liked doing what everybody else does."

"If there were a problem of any sort, you would tell me, right ?"

"Of course, Der. I'm fine." She said seeing his worried expression. "I swear."

"Ok." He said relaxing, sensing that his sister was telling the truth. "You should call mom." He added after a minute of silence.

"Did you told her I was here ?"

"I thought she knew." He quickly answered.

"Derek."

"I'm sorry. But she misses you."

"I call her once a month."

"She hasn't seen you in three years."

"She has four other daughters to fill the void."

"Stop being like that." He said using his big brother voice. "And since you don't have obligations back in Australia, you should go visit her. Be a good daughter for once." He said with a teasing smile.
"Do you need something ?" Derek asked looking at someone behind Victoria's back.

"Huh yes." Jackson Avery replied. "I need to ask something to Doctor Maloney."

"Yes ?" She turned around.

"I have to go." Derek told her as his pager was bipping. "See you tonight Tory." He said before leaving the two alone.

"What is it ?"

"You forgot your phone at my place last night." He told the brunette handing her the phone.

"Oh thanks. I actually didn't even noticed that I didn't had it."

"You're welcome. And you also forgot your underwear."

"Crap." She said embarassed. "I'm so sorry."

"I didn't bring it here." He smiled. "For obvious reasons. But you can come to my place and take it back whenever you want. You could come tonight." He suggested tentatively. "My roomate isn't going to be there."

"I can't tonight, my brother invited me for dinner. But I'm definetly free tomorrow. We could grab a drink or something after your shift." She suggested.

"I would like that very much." He grinned.

"Ok so, I guess it's a date."

"It is." Jackson confirmed.

°•°•°•°•°•

Victoria spent the rest of the day with Spencer until the end of the visit hours. Then she waited for Derek's to finish his surgery for them to make their way to the home that he shared with Meredith (plus Meredith's sister and her friend Alex Karev).

She had a lovely time with them, being away from her family for that long made the woman forget how much those little gatherings could be plesant.

After dinner she had asked Derek to give her Mark's adress. Spencer had convinced her. He was right she needed to have a talk with Mark, to have a real closure.

"Vicky ?" Mark asked suprised to see his wife on his doorstep. "What are you doing here ?"

"I wanted to talk. I'm sorry I should have call but it was kind of a last minute decision." She explained.

"No, it's okay. Come in." He said opening the door wider so she could enter. "Do you want something to drink ?"

"Tequila or vodka." Tory answered taking a sit on the couch. "Maybe both." She sighed. "Your appartment is nice." The brunette told him after taking a look around.

"Thanks." He said while handing her a glass of tequila. "So what did you wanted to talk about ?" He sat in the armchair, opposite to her.

"Us." She responded after taking a sip of her drink. "Today a friend told me that I needed closure and that I needed to have a conversation with you, without any shouting. I guess I want an explanation. You said that you loved Addison but something happened, you didn't wake up one day and decided that you loved her. Did you had feelings for her while we were dating ?"

"No of course not." He denied.

"Then when ?"

"It started after you had the-" He cut himself off. "I felt alone. You were always working. You didn't want to talk about it, you were barely talking to me at all."

"And Addison was ?" Victoria snorted.

"Yeah, she was actually."

"So you cheated on me because we weren't talking a lot ?"

"You don't know what it's like to be married to you Victoria." Mark sighed. "You want perfection. You demand it. Not only from yourself but also from the people who surround you. I was never the perfect guy, you know it. During our marriage I felt this pressure to be perfect. You had this idea of what you wanted me to be but the problem was that it wasn't who I was or am. You wanted me to change. I never saw myself having this life and never wanted this life."

"You proposed to me, Mark." She told him astonished. "You asked for my hand in marriage. I didn't force you." She said with vigor.

"I know. Asking your hand in marriage was a mistake." He admitted. Tory's heart missed a beat. "Derek and Addison seemed happy being married and I wanted that. But I didn't realized that I wasn't ready for it."

"Were you in love with me ?"

"I love you. I care for you, Vicky."

"It was not the question, Mark."

"I wasn't in love with you." He finally said avoiding her gaze.

"Good to know. Were you glad when I left ?" She asked after a moment of silence. "Be honest."

"I was relieved." He revealed after a moment of hesitation.

"When I left I hoped that you were going to follow me. But you didn't. You followed Addison instead."

"Vicky-"

"I loved you." Victoria told him looking at him straight in the eyes. "I honestly thought that we had an happy marriage. I'm such an idiot." She said with an humorless laugh.

"You're not." Mark told her taking a seat next to her.

"Yes I am." She started crying. "I didn't saw how unhappy you were." The brunette told him as he was attempting to take her in his arms for comfort.

"Don't touch me !" She shouted, standing up.

"I'm sorry."

"I don't care." She replied before leaving his appartment.

Sometimes you think that everything is fine, that you have the perfect life. But it's only from your point of view. What you see as perfect might be a nightmare for another person. Victoria realized that she didn't gave Mark enough attention. She thought that their feelings were aligned, that their desires where the same, but she was wrong.

The Shepherd woman had been in her own happy bubble during their entire marriage, she thought that Mark was with her in it, but he wasn't and she was alone.

Victoria had been falling from her pedestal for five years now. The surgeon thought that she was controlling the landing but she wasn't. Tonight Tory fell on the cold hard ground and she knew that standing up after this was going to be difficult. But she was prepared, the woman guess it was what they called moving on, keeping on fighting even if we are wounded.