Ask most surgeons why they became surgeons and they usually tell you the same thing. It was for the high, the rush, the thrill that comes from cutting someone open and saving their life. For me it was different, maybe it was because I grew up in a house with five sisters. No, definitely because I grew up in a house with five sisters because it was the quiet that drew me to surgery. The operating room is a quiet place. Peaceful. It has to be in order for us to stay alert, anticipate complications. When you stand in the OR, your patient open on the table, all the worlds noise, all the worry that it brings disappears. A calm settles over you, time passing without thought. For that moment, you feel completely at peace.

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○

It had been four days since Victoria was in Seattle. And three days since Spencer was in the coma. She spent those days by his side waiting and living in terror of having to say to his wife and kids that respectively their husband and father was never going to wake up, to have to say to them that she couldn't keep her promise to bring him back to them, healthy and intact. 

"Hey." Derek entered Spencer's hospital room. "I brought you this." He said, handing her a cup of coffee.

"Thanks."

"How are you ?" The neurosurgeon frowned, worry for his sister.

"Tired. Anxious. Worried. And guilty." The brunette confessed.

"Do you want me to change your mind ?"

"No. I need to be by his side- "

"No. You need to change your mind. You're on my service today." He announced, throwing an attending outfit at his sister.

"What- "

"I'm your older brother so you have to do what I tell you. You need to change your mind. You need to work. I have a temporal lobectomy today. We will meet after my reunion. Understood ?"

"Yes, Dictator Shepherd." She replied with a small smile.

°•°•°•°•°•

"You're okay ?" Derek Shepherd asked Cristina Yang as they were walking together to the reunion.

"Yes. Why ? Meredith told you something ?" The resident inquired.

"She said that you were depressed since the merging. Missing a cardio god."

"I'm gonna kill her, soon as her liver is better I'm gonna kill her."

"It's good that she told me that, which is why I took you on my service."

"Huh."

"You need God. Neuro God, right here." He said pointing at him.

"Godly ? Your entire day consists of putting shunts in people."

"Today, I have a temporal lobectomy. And my sister is on it with us."

"Your sister ? Victoria Maloney ? She is the god I need. Is she going to work here ?" Cristina asked her interess revived.

"No, she is with us just for the day."

"You need to convince her to work here." She urged him.

"She is not gonna listen to me. Why don't you try to convince her ?" He suggested.

"Me ?"

"Yes. Show her how great of a surgeon you are, and that she could make you even greater by teaching you."

°•°•°•°•°•

"Doctor Maloney ?" A voice in the brunette back called her. She was walking in the hospital hallway in search of her brother.

"Yes." Victoria replied, turning around to face the person.

"Hum- Hello- I'm- I'm- Sorry- " The woman stuttered.

"Take a deep breath." She said with a smile as the person obeyed. "Now talk."

"I'm Cristina Yang. I'm a fifth year resident and I'm a big fan of your work. It's an honor to meet you. I'm very intressested in cardiology."

"Oh really ? Well nice to meet you, Dr.Yang." The surgeon said shaking her hand.

"Can I take a picture ?"

"Huh, yes of course." Tory replied a little surprised.

"Awesome." Cristina said before taking a photo of the two of us. "Thank you so much. I'm on your brother service today. It's a pleasure and an honor to be able to work with you." She said excited.

"Speaking of my brother, do you know where he is ?"

"Yes, he's in the scan room. I was going that way, come with me."

As they were walking to the scan room, the cardio surgeon could feel Doctor Yang's eyes on her. The Shepherd woman decided to act like she didn't noticed but this felt very strange.

"I paged you." The resident said to Derek as the two women entered in the scan room. The neurosurgeon wasn't alone, a man was standing by his side. "Shunt in bloc 2." Dr.Yang continued. "Screw the shunt." The curly haired woman whispered once she saw the scan of an enormous spinal cord tumor that worked its way all up the spine and has taken over the blood supply. "We operate this right now." She declared.

"Well, that's one of a kind tumor." Victoria stated after taking a better look at it. "She is beautiful."

°•°•°•°•°•

"You paged me ?" Mark Sloan asked while entering the scans room. "Oh, Tory ! You're back !" He said putting a false smile on as soon as he saw his wife. "I didn't know you were back. You should've call me. You're more beautiful than ever."

"Cut the crap, Mark." She told him already annoyed. "I know Derek told you I was back."

"Right." The plastic surgeon avoided the woman's gaze. "Wow, that's a big tumor." He said taking notice of the scans. "You know what it is right ?" Mark asked, after Derek briefed him on the case.

"Huh-huh." The neurosurgeon hummed .

"You are no longer daddy's favorite, so you go looking for a giant tumor to get his love back."

"I didn't decided yet. I'm thinking." He told his best friend.

"Isaac has a cord tumor ?" A woman inquired while walking in. "Hi." She said seeing to the unfamiliar face that was in the room. "You must be Victoria Shepherd. I'm Callie Torres. Mark told me everything about you." She revealed, immediately regretting it. "I mean all the good things, not the bad. Not the bad at all, cause there is no bad, you are perfect. Is attractiveness a rule that all the members of your family have to follow- " Callie rambled.

"Torres ?" Mark called her out.

"Yes ?"

"Shut it."

"Right. So Isaac's tumor ?"

"It's awesome. Look." Yang showed Torres the scans.

"Awesome in a bad way. It's eaten five levels of his spine. Wait, you're not seriously considering trying to take it out ?"

"Of course he is ! He's Shepherd." Cristina replied, tapping the surgeon on the shoulder.

"It's a bad case of telephone, right ?" A blonde woman came in the scans room. "Isaac's got a bone spur or herniated disc not a-" The attending started saying before stopping when she took a look of the scans. "He diagnosed an osteosarcoma case for me a month ago. I thought it was a shadow, but it was a tiny lesion on an X-ray."

"That says more about you than it does about him." Mark casually said before taking a sip of his coffee.

"I'm sorry. Do you even know who Isaac is ?"

"No idea." He shrugged with complete utter disinterrest.

"Oh sorry, I didn't saw you there." The woman said after taking notice of Victoria. "I'm Arizona Robbins." She smiled.

"Victoria Shepherd."

"Oh. You're Mark's wife."

"Ex-wife." The Shepherd woman politely corrected the surgeon.

"Well, we are still married according to the law." Mark said with a smile, that quickly disappeared once he saw the look his wife gave him.

"What's everyone- " Meredith's little sister began to say joining the group. "A spinal tumor ?" She asked looking at the scans. "I read about a case at Mayo where the surgery took 17 hours. The head surgeon had four rotating assistants, one of whom just administered fluids."

"You know what ?" Yang told her. "Don't try to Lexopedia your way on this. This is my tumor."

"What happened to the patient at Mayo ?" Robbins asked.

"He died. That's why it only took 17 hours. Oh, hello." Lexie Grey greeted Victoria. "I didn't see you there. Are you working here now ?" She questionned, nervous. "I mean it would be amazing if you did. I don't see any reasons for it to be a bad thing. I've read all your work Doctor Sloan- I mean Shepherd- I mean Maloney."

The brunette gave her an annoyed look before going back to the scans while Robbins and Torres were awkwardly looking at each other feeling a sudden tension in the room.

"Isaac has an inoperable tumor ?" Asked a ginger man as he entered the room.

"It's Isaac's tumor ?" Meredith's sister inquired, worry in her eyes.

"OK, yeah, boo-hoo. Who says it's inoperable ?" Yang interjected.

"Cristina." Derek called ger as the IRM came on the screen.

"Come on, it's all the way up to T2." Torres argued.

"You need three or four assistants." Lexie told Derek.

"Why aren't you all at your surgeries ?" Richard Weber, the chief of surgery asked his surgeons as he stood on the threshold. "Go, get to your ORs. Don't screw with my schedule on day one." He ordered. Most of them left, leaving only Derek, Cristina and Victoria in the room. The Shepherd man let out a deep sigh. This tumor led to a tough choice to make. "Doctor Maloney, can I have a word with you ?" Weber asked.

"Yes. Of course. " She agreed, intrigued. "Keep me updated, okay ?" The woman said to her brother putting a comforting hand on his right shoulder.

"Yeah."

"So, what did you wanted to talk about ?" Victoria asked after the two left the scans room.

"There is a chief of cardiology position open in this hospital and I would like to offer it to you."

"Doctor Webber- "

"I know you are no longer working at The St John of God Murdoch Hospital." He cut her off.

"How did you know that ? Never mind. This hospital can't afford me, Doctor Weber."

"I think that this hospital can manage to make an effort for a two times Harper Avery's winner and the first of her year at Mayo. I don't need an answer right now, just think about it. Have a nice day." He wished her. 

°•°•°•°•°•

"Hi." Mark greeted his wife as he stood on the doorstep of Spencer's room. "Can come in ?"

"No." Victoria abruptly replied, not even sparing him a look.

"It's okay. I'm just gonna talk to you from there."

"If you could, just not talk to me at all I would really appreciate it."

"Vicky, come on." He told her coming in. "I just want to talk, not to fight."

"Mark-"

"I'm sorry, okay ? I know that I hurt you, and I'm sorry about it." The man apologized.

"Like you know what those words mean." She snorted.

"It's been three years, Vicky. It's time to let go."

"I didn't know, that me being hurt had a limitation in time, Mark."

"I didn't-"

"You didn't just hurt me, Mark." Victoria looked him in the eyes. "You betrayed me, you lied to me and you humiliated me. Those vows that we took five years ago, you just threw them at my face when you did what you did. With Addison nonetheless."

"I know." He lowered his head.

"I want you to put yourself in my shoes for a minute, just a minute. I come home from work and I found my brother in my leaving room pouring himself some whisky. And he tells me that he walked in his house and found you and Addison in bed together." She said her voice quaring. "At first I didn't believe him. I had doubts about your fidelity for months before that, but never would I've ever imagine that you were cheating on me with Addison, my sister in law, your best friend's wife. The one who told me when I talked to her about that you loved me and would never cheat on me. Why did you did it ?" The brunette asked after calming down. "Was it just sex ? Was it because you were jealous of Derek ? What was it Mark ?"

"I was in love with her." He revealed with sadness.

"You were supposed to be in love with me !" Tory shouted with tears in her eyes. "You were married to me ! I needed you, Mark ! I needed my husband !" At this point, the youngest  Shepherd was willing to say everything that was on her heart. "You know, I always thought our marriage was this perfect picture, that you were perfect. Mark Sloan the womanizer. But that was before me, I thought. He changed because of his love for me. The whole time I thought of you as my sweet devoted husband but how wrong was I, you were just my asshole cheating husband. Get out. Mark, get out." She said the last sentence more firmly as he didn't move. "Get out ! I don't want you near me ! Get the fuck out !"

"Mark." Derek intervened appearing in the threshold. "Leave, please."

"I- " He began before stopping, seing the look on Derek's face. "I'm sorry."

"Change the record. I don't fucking care !" The cardiosurgeon shouted.

"You're okay ?" Her brother inquired after stepping in the room.

"I'm fine." She told him wipping her tears. "I'm fine." 

"Tory- "

"Did you decide ?" 

"Yes." He said understanding that his sister didn't want to talk about what had just happened.

"What are you going to do ?"

"Operate. Are you in ?"

"Yes, I'm in."

°•°•°•°•°•

The next morning as Victoria was getting ready to leave her hotel room, she took a look at her wedding ring. After last night it no longer reminded the woman of the happy times that she had lived with Mark. When the brunette saw it, all that it reminded her of was the lies, the tears, and the sorrow. So she took it off, for the first time in five years, deciding to lift the weight of this marriage off her chest. She told herself that she needed to set in motion the divorce procedure. It was time.

"Guys." Derek said as he was standing with his baby sister in front of all the residents. "This is Doctor Victoria Shepherd. She is a neurosurgeon. She's going to assist me on this case. Microsurgery is about precision. The microscope changes perspective radically. Hand-eye coordination can be learned, but right now, I need naturals. Each one of you will get a chance to guide this pen through the hole in the cup, making a mark closest to the president's nose and doesn't hit the side of the cup gets to scrub in. Who wants to go first ?" He asked before all the hands went up. "You." Derek told a guy. "Take you time." He told him as he got to the microscope, as the resident got in position Doctor Yang yawned. The young man started moving and the people in the room were all looking at him with curiosity. But he pointed the pen outside the glass. Cristina mockingly applauded him.

"Do-over ?" The resident asked to Derek.

"No do-overs." The head of neurology replied.

"Way to go." Yang told him with disdain.

"Concentrate, take your time." Derek told the next contestant, a young woman with short hair. She tapped the pen inside of the glass but she touched it. "Next. Just take your time, we've got nothing but time." He said to all the contestant in the room. "No, next." He said to the next one. "Somebody, please." He said after the twenty-fifth contestant failed. "Well off the mark."

"How'd you get into this program ?" Cristina asked as another resident completly missed the glass.

"Mr. Confident." Derek said to a guy who was smiling while walking to the front of the room to do the test. The guy just throw the pen in the hole making Derek groaned. "Next. Disappointed. So disappointed." He said as the majority of the people in the room failed. "Oh, here we go." Derek said to Jackson Avery when he came to the microscope. Victoria's interest was revived. The resident took the pen made his way and tapped on the dollar bill. He tapped near the bottom of the nose of the President. "Nicely done." Derek congratualted him. "What do you think Doctor Shepherd ?"

"Good job, Doctor Avery." Tory told the resident, making him smile.

"Thank you, Doctor Shepherd."

"Somebody improves on that, I'll be out of a job." Derek told them.

"Well, guess you might need to retire then." Doctor Yang replied, approaching the microscope.

"Ok."

"Some people here say that you're the best resident of your year, Doctor Yang. But it's just words, I live for actions. It's you moment. Impress me." Victoria told to the curly haired woman.

Cristina took the pen, very concentrated, but she tapped the top of the glass, shocking everyone in the room.

"Ok." Derek said disappointed. "Doctor Avery, you'll be scrubbing in." The surgeon informed while a very shocked Yang couldn't believe her mistake.

°•°•°•°•°•

"You said Doctor Shepherd." Victoria told her brother as they were walking out of the lab room.

"What ?"

"To introduce me. You said Doctor Shepherd."

"Should I've say Doctor Sloan ?" He joked.

"Ah-ah. You're so funny Derek."

"Isn't Shepherd your surname ?"

"Yes, but you know that at work I use mom's maiden name."

"I never understood that to be honest. What's wrong with the Shepherd name ?"

"Well, there are way too many Doctor Shepherd in that family. I don't want to be just another Shepherd."

"You're not."

"Maloney is mom's maiden name. I am honoring her by using it at work."

"Mom would prefere you to use dad's name. She would want you to honor him." He said before leaving her in the hallway, to go to the nurse station.         
                           
°•°•°•°•°•

"Word on the O.R floor is that you've gone rogue." Mark Sloan told Derek Shepherd.

"I'm doing a surgery I fully believe in." His best friend replied.

"To piss off the chief."

"When did Richard become your BFF ?"

"He's not my BFF. He's the chief."

"For now."

"You going rogue ?" Callie Torres asked with a huge smile. She was accompanied by Arizona Robbins.

"I'm doing a surgery I believe in." He repeated.

"Against the chief's orders." Arizona pointed out. "He'll freak."

"There's a computer schedule saying I'm doing craniotomies all day. He is not gonna find out."

"No. Shh. Don't say any more.'Cause me, the chief, secrets..."

"Hey, I think it is bad-ass." Callie told Derek. "Come on, let's go." She said to her girlfriend.

"Should I be offended ?" Lexie Grey questionned coming up to Mark and Derek. "I've been trying to come up with a good reason why you paged every resident to the skills lab but not me. Me, your sister. Your sister, Derek."

"You're on my service." Mark intervened.

"Little Grey, I didn't page you because I have another job for you." Shepherd informed her. "You gave me the idea, actually. I need somebody in the OR whose gonna remind me to take breaks. Bend my legs, to drink water. I will be your patient, essentially."

"You want me to be your doctor ?" She asked excited.

"If Dr. Sloan's ok with you - giving up his service, of course."

"You love me." Lexie said putting her hand on Mark's arm. "This is a once in a lifetime tumor."

"Go get your rogue on." He replied to his girlfriend.

°•°•°•°•°•

"You're nervous about being in there that long ?" Lexie queried, meeting Jackson Avery at the vending machine. "Me, too." She said not letting him the time to respond.

"What do you have to be nervous about ? Shepherd didn't even let you compete."

"No, that's because he needs me to maintain his care while we're in there. I'm his doctor, basically." The resident proudly informed him.

"Wow. So you fell for that. It sounds sounds more like you're his bitch." Jackson told her with contemptuousness.

"What ? No, I'm- That is- I'm not- You're gonna need to take a break eventually. And you're gonna need to stretch. You're gonna need to pee. And when you do, I'll be there to take over."

"Yeah, I don't take breaks."

"You seriously think you're gonna last all day in there ?"

"I've done it before. But that's because I know to stop taking fluids before a long surgery. Have fun playing nurse. It sounds neat."

°•°•°•°•°•

"I don't know." Cristina Yang said through the phone, walking in the hospital's hallway. "I think lzzie had it right. Get fired, run away, die. I completly humiliated myself in front of Victoria Maloney, the best cardiothoracic surgeon in the world. She is no longer going to take me seriously. I'm screwed. She will never want to teach me anything while she is here. Mer, I'll call you back." She said after taking a look at Lexie through the glass window of a door. "Is that what I think it is ?" Yang inquired walking in the room.

"What ? No." Grey replied hiding what she had in the hands. "No, no." The resident fought off Cristina, who was trying to take it. "No."

"Give me that." The curly haired woman ordered with a sigh as she took the thing that Lexie was hiding from her. "A diaper ?"

"It's for the surgery. Please don't tell anybody about this." The young woman begged.

"Genius.You never have to leave the O.R, you can hydrate all you want."

"You're mocking me. Fine. Whatever. It's not like I was gonna use it."

"Of course you are. This is the definition of hardcore. You're like an astronaut, right now. I'll guard the door."

°•°•°•°•°•

"Anybody opens their mouth and they're fired." Derek said as Lexie Grey, Jackson Avery and Victoria Shepherd were wheeling Isaac to the O.R. "You, too." He said to Isaac.

"Dr. Shepherd." Richard called him, as the surgeons were passing by. "I was just describing our new schedule to some of our board members. This must be Mrs. Taylor." He said putting his glasses on before checking his papers. "She's undergoing a craniotomy."

"It's Mr. Taylor, chief." The neurosurgeon corrected.

"We're still working out a few kinks, clearly." Richard laughed it off with the board members.

"We should go. Keep the trains running on time. Nice meeting you all."

°•°•°•°•°•

"Do you think that I made the right choice ?" Derek asked his sister while the both of them were washing their hands for the operation.

"Isaac wants you to operate him, Derek. It's a risky operation but he knows the risks. So, yes I think that you made the right choice."

"Isaac." Derek told him as the medical personnal was preparing him. "If I get in there and it looks too dangerous to remove, the responsible thing is to close you back up." He informed the patient.

"No, don't close me up. If you get in, if it's too complicated, cut the cord. Paralyze me if you must. I survived a war. Did you know that ? I survived a war where they put bodies into mass graves where there's once a playground. I survived the death of my family, my parents, my brothers and sisters. Then I survived the death of my wife and child when they starved to death in a refugee camp. I survived the loss of my country, of hearing my mother tongue spoken, of knowing what it feels like to have a place to call home. I survived. And I will survive the loss of my legs. If I have to, I'll survive it. But, Derek ?"

"Yes ?"

"There is always a way. When things look like there's no way, there's a way. To do the impossible. To survive the unsurvivable. There's always a way. And you and I have this in common. We're inspired. In the face of the impossible, we're inspired. So if I can offer one piece of advice to the world's foremost neuro-surgeon today, if you become frightened, instead become inspired. Ok, I'm ready now. Put me to sleep."

°•°•°•°•°•

"One hour, 13 minutes on the surgical clock." A nurse declared.

"The dura's opened." Derek declared. "Let's get our first look at the tumor."

"Wow." Lexie Grey exclaimed taken aback. "That's, um wow."

"The vessels are more intricate than the MRI showed. There's no way to get to the tumor out without rupturing one and killing the cord."

"So what do we do ?"

"I think if we start at T-2, I could avoid hitting the feeding vessels, so maybe I should go in lower. OK, there's less vascularity around T7, so that does seem better, no ? It does seem better. And he'd only get function loss below the chest. I run the risk of rupturing the anterior spinal artery there." He thought out loud.

"Probably." Lexie replied not realising that her brother-in-law was talking to himself."

"The tumor tapers off there. Higher is better maybe ? Either way I risk sending him into hemodynamic collapse- "

"He's not talking to us, is he ?" Jackson Avery asked Meredith's sister.

"Not at all." She replied.

" -T2 shows less potential for bleeding, at T3 the vessels increased" Derek continued saying. "If I clip the draining veins without getting the feeders, they'll burst."

This operation was going to be a long and complicated one.

°•°•°•°•°•

"Dr. Shepherd, I really think it's time for you to take a break" Lexie told the attending, looking at the clock. "It's been over eight hours."

"I could go into the tumor, here, but I might cut the artery." Derek mumbled.

"Dr. Shepherd."

"Dude, if you need a break, take one." Jackson snapped at her.

"I don't need one. I'm hardcore." Grey defended herself.

"Are you wearing a diaper ?"

"Shut up." Lexie replied. "At least bend your legs." She said turning her attention back on Derek.

"You can't bring yourself to use it." Avery guessed.

"Shut up !" The neurosurgeon shouted, exploding. "Shut the hell up ! I don't need a break. If you do, take one. Either of you open your mouths again, you're out of the OR."

"Bathroom break !" Lexie Grey exclaimed running out of the OR, almost knocking over Miranda Bailey as she was walking in the room.

"Um, Dr. Shepherd ?" Bailey called out.

"What ?" Derek snapped at her still looking in the microscope.

"I'm sure this is a completely authorized surgery, but I thought you might like to know that the chief is scheduled to do a surgery across the hall in O.R 3 shortly. So if you're planning on doing something, anything, you might want to do it soon." The surgeon informed him.

"Thank you, Dr. Bailey."

°•°•°•°•°•

"This is why you don't go rogue." Mark declared looking through the window of the O.R where Derek Shepherd was operating. "Look at him. He's cracked. I could've told you this was gonna happen."

"Don't be smug." Arizona reprimanded him. "This is one of our people's lives at stake."

"This is so depressing." Callie said after taking a look through the window. "Ten hours staring into a spine, he can't figure out what to do."

"What did you just say ?" The chief asked passing by.

"What ? No, I didn't- Did I ?" Torres denied.

"Robbins ?" He inquired. But as no one was answering him, Richard made his way through the O.R, walking to Derek. "Dr. Shepherd. Dr. Shepherd. Am I to understand that you cancelled your surgeries today to operate on a spinal cord tumor ?" He demanded. "Dr. Shepherd !" Weber exclaimed as the neurosurgeon wasn't replying to him. "The rate of infection for this patient is increasing every second you keep him open, not to mention the thousands of dollars you're wasting standing here doing nothing. So I am demanding that you close this man up. Close him up and relinquish the O.R. Right now, Derek." He firmly ordered.

"Derek." Victoria intervened after a long moment of silence. "We need to close him up. It's useless."

"Ok." He nodded, giving up. "That's it. Let's close him up."

After leaving the O.R, Tory made her way toward Spencer's room. It had now been 5 days since he was in the coma. He was stable, the tumor was gone but he wasn't waking up. She made her way to the now very familiar chair next to his bed and sat there hoping for some kind of miracle. But no miracle came that night.

°•°•°•°•°•

"Tory." Derek Shepherd called his sister, shaking her shoulder.

"What ?" Victoria asked groggily.

"Did you slept here last night ?" The neurosurgeon questionned.

"Yeah." She answered, rubbing her eyes.

"You- Nervermind. I'm operating Isaac today. I'm gonna tell to Richard that I'm gonna cut the cord, but I'm not gonna do it. The mistake I made yesterday was that I wanted a plan. There can be no plan. I just have to pick a point and cut. You are still in ?"

"Of course. I don't really know him. But he deserves someone that really tries to take that tumor, and that person is you Derek." 

°•°•°•°•°•

"Ready to make our first cut." Derek announced.

"I heard you needed more support." Mark Sloan said after walking in the O.R.

"You need people to talk to." Lexie Grey explained to a surprised and confused Derek Shepherd. "Experienced surgeons like Doctor Maloney and Doctor Sloan. You can't say no because I'm in charge, and this is what I'm prescribing."

"Thank you, Dr. Grey." The neurosurgeon replied. "Ok. Let's start. Making the first cut." He made the cut and the monitor started beeping.

"What ? Did you paralyze him ?" Doctor Avery inquired.

"No. One vessel down. Settle in. We have many more to go." I've cleared a path at T-5." Derek told the surgeon after a couple of minutes later.

"MEP losing amplitude." Mark informed the surgeon as the monitor was beeping rapidly. "What just happened ?"

"Vessel burst, might be connected." Victoria suggested.

"If there's not enough blood- " Lexie began.

"I could've paralyzed a patient." Derek completed. "Suction, please. Suction. Careful !" He ordered. "More suction."

"Too much blood." Avery exclaimed.

"We're losing him." Mark stated.

"I should've cut the cord." Derek said while trying to save Isaac. "This is too risky."

"Wait, it's back. Amplitude's up."

"The cord didn't stroke out ?" asked Lexie. "You didn't paralyze him ?"

"Vessel was connected to the tumor." The neurosurgeon answered. "We're Ok." He sighed.

"Nice work, Derek." Sloan congratulated his best friend.

"Thanks."

"Doctor Shepherd ?" Lexie called him seeing him getting away from the operation table and breathing heavily.

"Take off my mask." He asked.

"What ?" She inquired, confused.

"Take off my mask. Take off my mask !" He shouted. As Lexie was too slow to understand Derek's instruction, Victoria made her way toward him and rapidly took his mask off before her brother threw up on the floor, shocking every single person in the O.R. Tory shared a worried gaze with Mark while rubbing Derek's back to comfort him. 

°•°•°•°•°•

"Get in there." Mark told Derek while the neurosurgeon sat on a chair in the scan room. "Take a breath and get back in there. You can do this." He encouraged his best friend.

"You really should drink something." Lexie advised, handing him a bottle of water.

"I'm fine." He dismissed the resident.

"Yeah, right." Victoria scoffed not buying his crap. She took the bottle of water from Lexie. "That's why you threw up in the O.R in the middle of an operation. You're dehydrated and stressed. Drink something." The brunette declared, handing him the water.

"I said I'm fine." He objected.

"Drink the water, Derek. Stop being a child and drink the damn water." The brunette firmly ordered, making her brother take the bottle from her with a defeated look. "You are not alone in this Der, you have me and Mark. We are here for you. Okay ?"

"Okay." He replied before drinking some water.

"Great, so take your ass back in that OR and save that man's life."

°•°•°•°•°•

"Damn it." Derek cursed after a while.

"What is it ?" Callie Torres eagerly asked.

"I can't tell which one of these vessels feeds the cord and which one feeds the tumor. I have to do a blind cut." He confessed.

"Like a trip wire ?"

"I cut the wrong one, the entire cord strokes out." He explained with a sigh. "We'll come back to this later."

"Later ? You could finish the surgery only to cut the wrong one ? This will have been for nothing ?" Callie questinnoned.

"Exactly. Thanks for pointing that out."

°•°•°•°•°•

"How many inches left ?" Arizona Robbins inquired.

"Oh, less than two." Derek informed her. "So if I do my math, we've got four to five more hours."

"Crap." Doctor Avery cursed. "Oh, crap, oh, crap."

"What is it ?" Derek asked him.

"It's my hand. It's cramping. Dammit."

"Don't move. Don't move." He urged him as the monitor beeped rapidly.

"BP's dropping !" Robbins annouced.

"Ok, we're touching the cord." announced Derek. "If we disturb it any more we run- "

"Pulse is down to 52." Arizona cut off the main surgeon on the operation.

"It's getting worse, guys." said Avery.

"Easy, easy, easy." Shepherd told him.

"It's ok." Lexie try to calm Jackson down. "Just stay still. I'm gonna reach in. Hey, close your eyes and breathe. It's just a spasm." She reassured him.

"BP's back up 100 over 68." said Arizona once Lexie reached on to help Jackson Avery.

"Have you had anything to drink today, Doctor Avery ?" Derek inquired.

"What ?" Jackson replied confused.

"Muscle cramps are a sign of dehydration. You went without fluids so Doctor Grey couldn't get her hands on the retractor, isn't that right ?" said Derek understanding the situation.

"Yeah. Sorry. Sorry." Jackson admitted.

"Don't apologize. Just step aside. Doctor Grey, take over." Derek ordered.

°•°•°•°•°•

"A or B ? Doctor Grey ? A or B ?" Derek asked his sister-in-law.

"You're done ? You got it all out ?" Lexie Grey questionned him.

"Except for the blind cut. Just have to pick one and we're good to go. A or B ?"

"You're kidding." Lexie said baffled.

"You're stalling. Dr. Avery ?"

"I don't like to gamble." The resident replied.

"Doctor Sloan ?"

"So you can blame it on me for the rest of your life ? This is all you." Mark scoffed.

"Doctor Shepherd ?"

"Mark is right." Victoria told her brother. "This is your operation Derek, your decisions, your consequences."

"Right. My call. Great. Eeny, meeny, miney, moe, catch a tiger by its toe." He whispered.

"Are you playing Eeny Meeny Miney Moe ?" Lexie exclaimed.

"Yeah." Derek chuckled.

"No." The resident denied in a laugh, not believing him.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." The neurosurgeon confirmed. "It's a bad idea ? We'll see. Ok." He said taking a deep breath, before cutting the vessel. 

°•°•°•°•°•

"Did Isaac woke up ?" Victoria asked her brother as he stepped in Spencer's room.

"Yes." He nodded with a smile. "He was relieved and happy. He said that I was a good man."

"And you are." She confirmed wity a grin. "I am proud of you Derek, and proud to be your sister. You took a risk today. Average surgeons don't take risk like you did. You are not an average surgeon, you are a great one."

"Thank you, Tory. I have to talk to Richard." He said after a moment. "And then we can go."

"Alright. Be nice. And don't fight him, Derek, you saved Isaac, that's the most important thing." She told him before the neurosurgeon left the room.

"Hey." Mark greeted the brunette entering the room five minutes after Derek departure.

"Hey." Victoria replied, choosing to make an effort and be civil toward her husband.

"Today was a big day."

"Yes." She sighed. "All the parts of my body hurts."

"I have a suggestion." He declared after a long moment of silence. "Let's put the past behind us. Let's start fresh. What do you think ?"

"Yeah. You're right."

"And I want to be honest with you from now on. I'm dating a girl."

"Dating ?" She asked intrigued and surprised.

"Yeah, it's serious. We are not just sleeping together." He explained.

"Do I know her ? Please don't tell me, it's Addison." Victoria begged him.

"No, it's not. It's Lexie Grey. Meredith's sister."

"How old is she ?" The woman asked frowning.

"24. Please don't mention it." He added after the stunned look she gave him.

"No, it's- I mean I'm 27 so it is not very much older than me so... Do you love her ?" She questionned him.

"Yes." He nodded.

"I called my lawyer for the divorce papers." The woman informed him.

"Ok. Do you want us to talk about it ?"

"No." She shook her head.

"Goodnight, then." Mark said, understanting that the conversation was over. 

°•°•°•°•°•
                               
"Hi." Jackson Avery greeted Victoria Shepherd when he saw her sitting on a bench next to the hospital's exit.

"Hi." She replied with a small smile.

"Do you know if Isaac has woke up ?"

"Yes, he has. Derek was there with him."

"That was one hell of a surgery."

"It was." She nodded. "You did good in the O.R."

"You mean until, I got a cramp." He told her with a smile.

"Well, we learn from our mistakes don't we ?"

"True. Do you want to get dinner ?" He asked her out of nowhere.

"Excuse me ?" She asked, confused.

"Do you want to get dinner with me ? Right now ?" He elaborated.

"You're a resident in this hospital." Victoria pointed out.

"And you're not working in this hospital. So nothing is wrong. Come on, we both had a long day. Let's have a nice dinner, Doctor Shepherd. You don't have anything to lose." He said with a bright smile.

"Tory." She replied after a moment of reflexion. "You can call me Tory. And I'm picking the restaurant."

"Deal." He said before the both of them made their way toward Jackson's car. 

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●
                 
Ask most surgeons why they became surgeons and they usually tell you the same thing. The high, the rush, the thrill of the cut. For me it was the quiet. Peace isn't a permanent state. It exists in moments. Fleeting. Gone before we even knew it was there. We can experience it at any time, in a stranger's act of kindness, a task that requires complete focus or simply the comfort of an old routine. Everyday we all experience these moments of peace. The trick is to know when they're happening so that we can embrace them, live in them. And finally let them go.