"This is the problem with getting
attached to someone.
When they leave you,
you just feel lost."
Zombieland

▽▽▽

I closed the booth and made my way into the arena but felt someone behind me and immediately turned.

He chuckled realizing he had surprised me or more so had amused himself with the intention of surprising me, "You know I actually miss travelling with you"

"Is that so?" I questioned before adjusting my suitcase in my hand but he swiftly took it and I almost commented on how us travelling together had led to me training him to be a gentleman but I knew that would only result in him leaving my suitcase then and there.

"Yeah. AJ can be a bit grouchy from time to time" He shrugged, I frowned and glanced behind him but saw no AJ in sight but then realized he had no bags with him.

"I came to double check if our car was locked." He explained having caught my eyes.

"And what has me travelling with you have to do with AJ being grouchy?" I questioned hastily, and realized it was more so paranoia than anything else.

While the coffee dates had been made less uncomfortable due to Nattie and Renee gatecrashing I had basically avoided him as much as I could. I had tried not to make it obvious but it was like my entire body went into panic mode whenever I saw the blue eyes not belonging to my man.

He smiled before sighing, "Nothing at all. So what's your segment about tonight? More rubbing in about your relationship?"

"Yeah." I mumbled, I wasn't really uncomfortable with Baron randomly deciding to talk to me. More so confused, as yes he had been forced to carry my bags here and there but that was only due to me threatening to tell his fiance of his non-gentleman ways after being introduced to her or forcing him to while he had been facetiming her.

"Cena is quite the supportive boyfriend" He noted, folding his arms as John was currently conducting other business. I wouldn't be tortured tonight as I only had a backstage segment with Carmella. But the tone of Baron's voice was certainly not intended in a good way.

"I don't need him here, I can handle it just fine." I huffed, slightly relieved we were approaching Female talent but he didn't seem to stop at the door and considering he had my suitcase I was forced to follow.

"More like they gave you the storyline and you didn't want to seem affected by the situation so you took it" He pointed out and I grabbed his arm to stop him from continuously moving.

"What do you want, Baron?" I sighed.

"Aaah I'm bored. I can't find Styles and Ambrose talks too much and well you're here."

I didn't want to be here, I wanted to be in the locker room.

I eyed him before standing against the wall and he turned to fully focus on me, "I guess you're right. I did agree to it so it seemed like I didn't care, or maybe I just wanted to seem professional. I've always agreed to everything so why would I dismiss this one? I signed up for it all when I came back, every high and every low recorded on camera and now its all lingering..."

"The less people know about your personal life the better" He simply said after I absentedmindedly pointed it all out but I guess it was better than John's 'chin up, kiddo'

"Has anyone ever told you, you suck at making people feel better considering you made me think about my decisions?" I raised my eyebrow.

"I know I do. But I'm sure you can find someone around here who is good at that" He sighed dramatically.

"Maybe" I mumbled.

"Look all I meant was just because you put your business out for the world to see before doesn't mean it has to be brought into your work here" he shrugged.

"Well its too late for that huh" I sighed and he shrugged not seeming to want to comment further.

"Happy belated birthday, sister!" Renee briefly hugged me before rushing off to where she had been.

"When was your birthday?" I heard him again.

"Yesterday"

"Oh"

"This is the part where you wish me" I gestured with a slight annoyed look knowing he was simply avoiding it to get to me.

"But it was yesterday and I've been talking to you for like 15 minutes"

I narrowed my eyes and he rolled his, "fine, happy birthday"

"Thank you"

He sighed, "let's drop your bags and I'll buy you some hot chocolate"

"See, now that's how I end up telling Rochelle she should marry you sooner" I pat his shoulder as we turned to head back to the locker room letting me know he had known he was walking right past it.

"Yeah yeah" he grumbled.

●●●

I walked away from the crew after recording a backstage segment with Carmella letting her know that we would be fighting in a no disqualification match at TLC which was a couple of weeks away.

While I had been quite sad believing the WWE wouldn't be giving me a title and although I still believed that, I was impressed with the opportunities they were giving me in my current feud with Carmella. But one could see it as a band-aid for all the things I had to hear about my personal life that indeed hit home at times. But the WWE loved that aspect as the people these days new so much about our personal life that bringing it in added more of a reality aspect to the show.

I took my phone from the locker room and hoped John would be free, he had of course wished me on my birthday but I had yet to see him to be able to celebrate it.

"Hey, did I disturb your workout?" I smiled due to his heavy breathing on the other end of the call.

"Yeah, you okay kiddo?" He cleared his throat.

"Yes, just missed your voice. Will you be home this week? I'm not scheduled for any live events so I'm all yours." I couldn't hide the excitement as it was Thanksgiving weekend. Usually the idea of me not being booked bummed me out but it came in good timing with the holidays.

"I'm sure I'll have Thursday free, I don't think I'll be able to fly down to Arizona though"

I sighed internally as I would have to deal with my disappointed family as I would of course stay with John in Florida to celebrate it. Not that I minded as John was like home to me but I wanted to show my family that he did put in an effort to make family time.

"That's okay, we can just do our own little thing. We haven't seen eachother in awhile so we have some catching up to do." I smiled and he chuckled. "And we..."

"Hey Nikki Nik. Stop talking to lover boy and follow me." Baron said sternly and pulled my arm.

I sighed but followed knowing it was either that or my poor arm would be hurting, "I have to go"

"Who is that?"

"Its Baron" I giggled. "I love you"

"Love you too."

I hung up and was about to tell Baron off for being weird when he opened a door and I saw streamers flying everywhere and heard The New Day member's voices peak up as they sang "happy birthday".

I was used to celebrating backstage with Brie whenever our birthday happened to coincide with a show but considering it was a day late I wasn't expecting it.

"Awww thanks so much guys" I gushed once they stopped and Renee held my cake and set it down.

I blew out my candles as they cheered and smiled hugging the locker room filled with people I had known for years as well as the wolf who hadn't even known about my birthday until a few hours ago.

But I suppose he made up for it, considering I hadn't expected anything from him.

I noticed a figure by the door and realized it was AJ seeming confused by all the commotion and eyed the big birthday banner and crown on my head that had appeared from where I wasn't sure. He smiled , "happy birthday"

"Thanks" I hugged him before moving around and speaking to the others. I knew it was wrong of me as I felt his eyes on me but I couldn't deal with him because being with him meant I had to deal with it.

Deal with me acknowledging what he had done, what I had done.

I heard the goodbyes as people had to catch their rides to head to the next city as I had gone to change out of my ring gear and hang out some more and soon heard the door being closed by Allen.

"So for the past few weeks I guess I have been a bit in denial about how things were when we said we would put things aside. But it really feels like you're pushing me away and while I always let things run their course I just.. We used to be close or heading that way?" He chuckled slightly before running a hand through his brown hair.

I didn't say anything because apart of me wanted to say we hadn't been but I'd be lying. Our coffees had always been more than coffee, I'd be feeling like I had the world on my shoulders. I wouldn't want to bother Nattie or Renee with my fears but he'd force it out of me and even when I hardly spilt he always had something that would work just right and cheer me up. I hadn't realized it then, just seen it as us having some quick talks but I'd always feel more motivated or less defeated.

"Who says we aren't?"

"You avoiding me?"

"I'm not." I raised my voice slightly but sighed. "You shouldn't have kissed me, Allen"

"You kissed me back" he defended seeming offended.

"I know but I'm with John. I love John and it was a mistake. " I stated or more so reminded myself as I stared into his eyes and he moved closer towards me.

"Then don't avoid me I won't do it again. It was a mistake in the moment of I'm not even sure what." He gestured, glancing around the empty locker room.

"Its easy to say that I'm not holding anything against you, I just can't look you in the eye when you're close with John and I kissed you."

"Its okay, I kissed you Nicole" he smiled with a small shrug that was meant to shift all the blame to him. It was something I had been doing, blaming him but in all honesty I couldn't remember who leaned in first, whose lips connected first or who lost complete control. We were both to blame but I was the only one with her world to lose...

"I didn't stop you and I think that's the reason I'm most distant." I admitted staring at my feet, briefly avoiding his eyes.

"It wasn't your fault I kissed you and now its done."

My eyes met his confused by how dismissive he was, I should have been happy that he was. Wanting to simply ignore it like I had wanted but it hurt, hurt that he wasn't affected. Hurt because he could just easily say sorry and take the blame and be okay with us just being buddies.

"Don't you understand? I kissed you back and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I feel sick to my stomach. Because I liked it" I admitted yet again feeling the betrayal as I said the words when my man was miles away. Admitting that his lips weren't the only ones that made me feel something.

He remained quiet for a few seconds only, "But we won't do it again. It was a mistake."

I stared blankly at him feeling a mixture of offense and anger at a man I doubt anyone could get mad at. But I was, hurt and offended while I thought I had felt something it was clear it was an impulsive moment for him and he regretted it. And I hated that I didn't, I hated that I had allowed myself to open to the idea of feeling something for someone other than John.

I cleared my throat and moved back, he was right I knew it was a mistake and it would never happen again and my clouded brain would not read anymore into it and we'd move on.

"A mistake." I nodded.