"We were two good people
who ruined each other"
Avi

°°°

"You look like you have seen a ghost" John mused as he stood outside of my hotel room.

I hadn't seen anything hinting towards him being in the same town as us, but here he was, standing before me. Moments before I had stood with a small smile on my face as I had thought that Allen had skipped the rest of his obligations and rushed over to me.

"What are you doing here, John?" I questioned as I had been ripped down from cloud nine once again.

"Arent you going to invite me in?" He frowned and seemed taken aback due to my monotone voice.

I didn't intend for it to sound like it had because the truth was I would always have love for John and care about him, but I was tired of the back and forth. It felt like because we had been on a rollercoaster for six years everyone, including him, was just waiting for the inevitable reunion.

It was frustrating to me because Allen was around all our colleagues on the road and probably heard all the gossip alluding to it, which was out of my control. So yes, despite still caring about John, I was annoyed at the situation our rollercoaster had left me in.

"After what happened the last time..." I sighed as there was no lone wolf to jump to my rescue this time if things got heated and AJ wouldn't be back for a couple of hours, not that I wanted him to be anywhere near John anyway.

"So, you would rather potential strangers eavesdropping on our conversation?" He glanced over his shoulder, even though I couldn't see past him as his large figure blocked the doorway.

"No, because there won't be one. I said what I needed to, and now it's up to you to choose to accept my decision." I wasn't sure how many more ways I could tell him that we were done and that I no longer was in love with him. I could understand the rest of the world believing we would reunite because they didn't know that I had fallen for someone else, but he did.

"You have been ignoring all my calls and then choose to put out a statement without even speaking to me about it. Packed your things and left without so much as a warning, I just walked into the house, and every trace of you was gone." The hurt in his voice was clear and I admit I had probably been selfish in how abrupt I had been about things, but to me it wasn't an impulsive decision when I had been waiting for months to close the chapter on the life that we had so I could officially start the new one.

I reluctantly walked back into the room because he was right, I didn't want anyone hearing the details of our breakup, and the hurt in his voice affected me. If you had told me that the man entering the room at this very moment would be someone I was choosing to give up when I had spent years begging him for the things he had given me I wouldn't have believed it.

I felt my chest tightening out of guilt for blindsiding him as I briefly glanced into his eyes after he closed the door behind him. I had no choice but to do things the way I had, risking him being there when Baron would insist on coming along and dealing with a brawl on top of a very emotional experience was not what I needed. The fact that I had to defend my emotions to Allen on that day was hard enough.

"I knew you would just try to stop me and make it harder than it already was for me. I know you may think I am heartless for how everything has happened, but you had your moments to be selfish after I was honest with you, and I had to choose mine to take care of myself." I shrugged, and he immediately rolled his eyes.

"So it's a tit for tat thing now? You have always been competitive, but I don't think this is the right situation to..."

I narrowed my eyes as he tried to make me seem childish, "That's not what it was, I am just trying to get you to see it from my perspective because I honestly don't think you have thought about how difficult it has been for me to conclude this life we shared."

"If it was that hard, why did you do it? Why choose a moment of weakness over what we have built for years and dismiss what we have worked towards?"
The words were similar to what Allen had thrown my way when he realized how emotional I was, but goodbyes were emotional and hard whether you wanted things to end or not.

I shook my head as I created some distance between us, "We? John, you're throwing the blame game on me when I have worked so hard to be all that you needed and wanted. I..."

"I know you sacrificed a lot for me, but just because we view things differently doesn't mean I didn't do the same for you. I opened up my life to you, allowed you into my world when you knew how hard it was for me to even open myself up after my divorce" The words I had heard so many times before when we would be put into the awkward conversation of me wanting more for us than a lavish lifestyle.

"Its not the same! Opening your world up is part of being in a fucking relationship, John. Shoving all my wants and needs down as far as it can go isn't..."

"I never asked you to..."

I couldn't really blame him for my choices to remain silent until it felt like it was too much or just choosing not to say anything at all. My silence contributed to it all as well but I never wanted to make things harder than he already viewed it for us. "I know, John, I know. But do you know hard to love you made me feel?"

"Love was never the issue." He simply stated and all the emotions I had tried to close the door on came pouring out as I felt my eyes fill with the tears I had done my best to avoid in his presence. Maybe that's why I chose to be cold, because I didn't want him to see the vulnerable part of me he had denied so many times by shutting down my hopes and dreams for us.

"Love is an action and yes you said it and showed it but for me I needed to know that you saw forever and yes we are different so I needed a ring for that." I shrugged as I folded my arms and hoped the tears wouldn't spill.

"Which I..."

I sighed as I turned away from him, took off my snapback and wiped my tears before they could fall, "But when you beg for so long for something, when you eventually get it you ask yourself if its worth all the parts of yourself you lost on the way to getting it."

He scoffed, "Is that what you asked yourself when I went down on my knees or were you playing eenie minee mo between Allen and I?"

"You know for the intelligent man that I know you are, the way you choose to argue with me sure sounds dumb. You have been with me for six years, you know me and you know my heart so do you really think I would do any of this if I wasn't sure? We have been in this cycle for years and like a moth drawn to a fucking flame I always came back to you. And the sad honest truth is that sometimes I wasn't even sure why when it felt like I was betraying myself to do so and I hate saying that or even admitting it to you. But it feels like I am suffocating with all these things I have chosen not to say because I care so much more about you than I do me, but today is the day that stops. You say hurtful things so easily when you are mad and I take them because I believe I deserve them because I was unfaithful to you but I refuse to allow myself to be disrespected. I made a choice, John and I didn't lead you on and you forced the issue, ambushed me into a storyline, then an engagement and even tried to turn Allen against me. My moment of weakness was that, correct but the feelings that followed were pure while yours were filled with vengeance and anger."

He ran a hand through his hair that had grown out abit in frustration, "So I am just supposed to sit back and be fucking happy go lucky John Cena when you slept with a guy we had in our tour bus, went to dinner with and I considered a fucking friend?"

"You are allowed to be pissed at me, John. But you're not just pissed, you are trying to get me back while also trying to ruin my future."

"Nicole, you are one of the most indecisive people I know." He muttered yet again.

"The whole world knows I am and that's because I never trusted myself enough to stand firmly behind a decision but this time I am. I wish you would stop trying to bend things to your will because you believe that its all a lie or a game. Its not and yes maybe doing all of it without giving you a heads up was petty on my part but I was mad at you because you made Allen believe that..."

He cut me off as he moved towards me, "I only told him the truth that you claim to love so much. Can you honestly tell me if you hadnt believed I was cheating you would still be with him? Even consider being with someone else?"

I had those thoughts haunting me since the day I found out that I had misinterpreted the text...

I took a deep breath that I hoped he didn't notice but I needed to calm myself because the back and forth shouting didn't work the last time and it wouldn't be working now. Its not how I wanted us to part ways after all the special moments shared together, our relationship and love we shared deserved so much better than what we were making it.

"I don't know John but I think that I needed to doubt you for once instead of constantly doubting myself and my decisions and most importantly my worth. I have always put you on this pedestal and morphed into the trophy wife many people treated me as. All of my accomplishments since we have been together have been reduced and its not your fault but it tore me down inside and I ignored it. I needed the door to my heart to be opened to other possibilities so that I knew that you weren't the end all and be all. You are a great guy, John and all of this that has happened doesn't make me feel differently about that but I have been in your orbit for so long that I don't think that I could see just how incompatible we were when you take away the wrestling aspect. I don't want to be sitting alone in a huge house waiting for you to come home for the rest of my life and wonder if I guilted you into a marriage."

He slowly nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed and lifted my cap I had thrown on it minutes before. "I know a lot of our time together was hard on you and sadly its what made me love you more. All the sacrifices you made for me and how you stood by me, but I know that you deserve more and although I have told you that countless times I never wanted you to believe it because I knew the day you did was the day you wouldn't love me anymore."

I sat down beside him and took his large hand in mine, "I will always love you, John. After everything we have been through I don't think I could ever not love you but our lives just don't align and sometimes the love and the bond isn't strong enough for a lifetime together."

"I'm sorry for everything, Nicole." I hated how defeated his voice sounded but I also knew it meant that he finally believed me and maybe I finally believed myself as well.

I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder as I stared at us in the mirror as we held hands for what would probably be the last time.
"I'm sorry too, John."

♡♡♡

THANKS SO MUCH FOR ALL THE FEEDBACK ON THE LAST CHAPTER💜

I am so happy so many of you are still around and interested.
This one is the first I have fully written the last two days so I hope it doesn't feel out of place from the rest of the story.

Hope you enjoy! I really really want to work towards completing this story soon 🙈🤞 I just need to figure out the ending I want for them lol