"I don't want you
to tell me
you love me...
I need to feel it."
Bianca Moreno

△△△

WRESTLEMANIA

I stared down at the long ramp that lit up while I stood by myself after having facetimed with Brie to show her how insane the whole setup looked.

It was weird walking around the building and taking it all in without her by my side, but I still appreciated it immensely because it could possibly be my last one. I knew that I could be taking a hiatus from wrestling for awhile just to give my body a break but that was something I wasn’t sharing with anyone yet because I was still debating it all.

I had given so much of myself to this business and I had found love way more than once on my journey. Maybe the reason it was coming to an end slowly but surely was because I had finally found the right one in Allen.

I knew I tended to fall easily but I also knew it wasn’t a kind of love I had before. In my past relationships I had seen a future where there was none and I had been in love but not fully to where I could see the faults.
Loving someone blindly wasn’t love and it took me a long time to realize and accept that just because I admired someone, along with the rest of the world, didn’t mean I had to stay with him. I could respect John for who he was and still choose to not be with him any longer and by the end of tonight that decision would be final.

“No more Braced Bella” Allen’s voice was heard before his hand grazed mine while I didn’t look at him until he was standing in front of me. The stadium was huge and I had hiked up to the stands so even if someone spotted us they couldn’t see much.

My thoughts briefly went to the very first night when I had been locked out of my hotel room over a year ago and he had shown me kindness. “Definitely not. How did you find me up here?”

“It’s hard not to spot the woman you love” He smiled, and I felt myself blush just because of how he easily said it. “I knew you were facetiming, so I got up the other side and walked over here once you were done. Everything okay?”

I nodded to take away the concern on his face and I was sure he was wondering whether I had second thoughts especially since we hadn’t spoken much the past week. “In this moment everything is perfect, I am taking in a moment I never thought I would have again and it feels amazing. I am nervous though because I know I won’t exactly be sticking to what was rehearsed”

“Why not?”  He questioned as his eyes took in the beautiful view of the stadium in all its glory.

“He wants me to be safe and not reckless but I want to prove to the world that I don’t just have a Wrestlemania match because of a relationship. I will be wrestling at Wrestlemania because I put in the work for all of these years and I deserved a spot either way. I want to knock them off their seats” I knew I sounded like a dreamer as I spoke but he didn’t mind it as I caught his adoring smile in the corner of my eye.

“Would you shoot me if I told you that I wanted you to be safe as well, darling?” He playfully narrowed his blue eyes at me.

“No.” I briefly kissed his lips before sitting down and he sat beside me. “I will be safe and do what I intend to do. This night is so special and not for the reasons everyone else believes but because it’s the closing of one chapter and the start of a new one”

“Yeah I might be a free agent again after this” He mused.

I narrowed my eyes before I ran my fingers through his freshly blown hair, “John can pull strings yes but he can’t make them let go of the phenomenal one. You are too good to let go” 

“I really hope so” He smirked before sighing, “I am looking forward to the end, Nicole. Watching you two last night at the Hall of Fame killed me and I know the match will too. I have been trying not to show it, but this entire fucking storyline has messed with me.”

I nodded as it wasn’t just us attending events together and sharing the ring but the way WWE portrayed it as if we were just some couple out of a fairytale book. It had to be uncomfortable for him to see that and I wished I could tell them to just stop promoting it, but it was Nena and I was supposed to be happy about it. “I know it does, I can tell by the way you look at me when I am with him and it hurts me too. I hate pretending, I have always prided myself for my honesty and now I am the biggest liar there is. I just want to stop all of it, but I know that won’t be possible even after tonight”

He frowned but then I was sure he realized what I meant, “You can be honest with everyone after tonight and know that if the world decides to turn its back on you, I will be here. Well me and Tommy cause I doubt he is going anywhere”

I knew that they would be here for me no matter what because they had proven it but that was because they saw everything and went through it with me. To the rest of the world it would just be a shock and I doubt they would understand my decisions and also I didn’t want them to see Allen in a different light.

“I don’t know, but what I do know is that after tonight I'm done with John. Then it’s you and me.” I whispered into his lips and he kissed me.

“Are you sure?” He leaned back to stare into my eyes and I appreciated the fact that even though it was hard for him seeing me on screen with John he didn’t push me too hard for an answer. I had promised him that once the storyline was over I would be able to let go of John.

“Yes, I want you. I love you” I smiled brightly as I saw the glint of hope for our future fill his eyes due to my words.

He smiled, “I love you too.”

●●●

I tried my best to remain professional throughout the match but with my family in the audience and John’s mom coming to surprise him I had been thrown off.

I saw the genuine happiness on his face for her and I was happy for him but I didn’t know what to do. I had told him that once the storyline was over we were done but apart of me knew that for the rest of tonight I would still have to keep up appearances.

John raised my hand as we claimed victory over The Miz and Maryse and in another world I would have been over the moon sharing this moment with him but this was the end of us.

It would probably be our last appearance side by side, happiness radiating off both of us…

I watched as he requested a mic and I assumed he would be thanking the crowd and maybe even his mom. I knew she didn’t really attend shows so it meant a lot to him and even though I was no longer in love with him I did love him and it made me happy that he got to wrestle in front of her.

I listened as he vaguely spoke about my surgery and I simply nodded as I wasn’t sure where he was going with it. 

My eyes widened as I watched him drop to one knee in front of me and saw the sincere look in his eyes when all I felt was the walls closing in.

He had been denying the concept of marriage to me for the last six years and now when I was meant to be starting a new life he was doing this...

I heard the crowd roar as they waited for an answer and I felt the saddening emotions fill me because it wasn’t what I wanted. Maybe before Allen but this wasn’t it, this was wrong and the man I wanted was waiting for me.

I didn’t know what to do and I knew I needed to do something, my brain was fried as I briefly glanced over the crowd before slowly nodding. I watched as he placed the ring onto my finger and I felt him kiss me but all I knew was that once we went to the back I would be taking it off.

I did what I had to do for the man I loved for so many years, he didn’t deserve to be embarrassed in front of all these people and his mom especially.

I was overwhelmed by people congratulating me backstage, the pictures and videos being taken when all I wanted to do was find AJ and explain to him. I wiped away my tears that reflected pure joy to the world but to me was a mixture of sadness and confusion.

“I need some air” I voiced and quickly made my way towards the tour bus while John was barricaded by our colleagues.

I saw Allen in the distance as he walked towards his car and immediately made my way towards him. “Allen!”

His eyes were on me briefly as he glanced back but he continued on without saying a word. “Allen, please!”

“You told me you were fucking done, Nicole. Now you are engaged to him! Fucking engaged!” He screamed as he reached his car and turned to me while I immediately took the ring off.

“I am not. I just couldn’t say no in front of everyone and…”

“If you can’t even say no to a proposal when you claim to be in love with me then how you are going to tell the world that he isn’t the man that you want any longer?” He glared before opening his booth and loading his luggage.

I knew he would be upset and he had every right to be but I just wanted him to try and see things my way, “I will. I told you after tonight that…”

“The only thing that has happened after tonight is me seeing where I truly stand. You know, I used to love people that would do anything for this business, pour it all in but not like this. I fucking admired you for your work ethic but ever since you returned I saw them suck the life out of you because of that man and his ways and now he just hands you a ring and everyone loves him. Was that your plan? Tell him that you have other options so he can finally give you what you want” He spat and my eyes widened as the rage filled his eyes and I had never seen him so angry or had him speak to me like that.

I shook my head, “You know that’s not what this was. I know that I hurt you but don’t say things just to hurt me when you know that it’s not true”

“Is it not? Cause all I saw out there tonight was you making it very clear to the world that you belong to John Cena” He slammed the booth shut and I was running out of time to make him listen to me.

“I don’t fucking care about the world, all I care about is me and you, that’s what means the world to me.” I croaked.

“How is what you did okay, Nicole? I have stood by patiently waiting but I am sure it was stupid of me to think that you would ever leave John Cena for me. I hope you have a fucking nice life in your big mansion with your fancy cars and big fucking closets cause that’s what he believes is the way to your heart right?” He shook his head as he opened his door and slammed it shut. “I cant just listen to you say you love me when you do everything that says you don’t.”

“Allen please just…” He started the car and drove off before I could finish, and I felt the tears fall as I watched him drive away.

I was about to hug myself when I felt a jacket being gently put over me and frowned but the tattooed arms already let me know who it was. “I messed up…”

“No, you didn’t. You were fucking forced into a corner” He spoke and immediately wrapped his arms around me while I squeezed my eyes shut hoping when I opened them it would all just be a nightmare.