Bold = Archer

Normal = Nora

Italics + Bold = Dustin (Archer's best friend and co-worker)

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"Hello?"

"Nora? It's Archer."

"Oh, hey Archer."

"So...how are you feeling?"

"Good, thanks. How about you?"

"Yeah, I'm feeling awesome! Great! Thanks for asking."

"Oh...yeah no problem."

"..."

"..."

"Okay we need to stop this."

"W-what do you mean?"

"You need to start talking about why you've avoided me this past week and a half."

"Pshh I haven't been avoiding you..."

"Oh yes you have! I called you everyday and each time I just get that stupid lady talking in my ear saying 'your call has been disconnected. To leave a voicemail, please dial 1. To-'"

"Okay, I get it!"

"Good. Because even though I only met you 2 weeks ago, I actually care."

"...Aww you like me!"

"What? No I don't!"

"Yes you do! It's okay, you're still my husband. I care about you too."

"I don't like you! The only reason I care is because you're the only entertainment I have at work ever since Dustin made me switch jobs with him. And I guess you're funny sometimes...and you sound nice...and you don't make me wanna smack you with a butter sock..."

"So you do like me."

"I never said that. And when did this conversation move from talking about you to talking about this?"

"You want me to tell you about myself?"

"No, I want you to tell me why you've been ignoring me and why you said what you said last time we talked."

"I...I don't really want to talk about that right now."

"Hey...It's okay. Actually, you know what? I do wanna know more about my new best friend."

"So I've upgraded to 'best friend' now?"

"Yeah. I stripped Dustin of that role in my life when he told my mom I broke her favorite mug last week. But never mind, tell me about yourself."

"Well, I'm seventeen. But you already know that."

"That I do."

"My birthday's in 3 months, on September 29. I live on my own...well except for Honeybubbletea. I have boring brown hair, dull green eyes, and I'm roughly 5'3. That's about it."

"So...you're a shortie."

"I am not short!"

"Yes you are, shortie. Well compared to me, you are."

"Oh yeah? Well how tall are you Mr. Macho Man?"

"6'1."

"..."

"What, Honeybubbletea caught your tongue?"

"...I'm still not short."

"Whatever you say, shortie."

"Hey, you wanna know one more thing about me?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"I like you too."

-Line has been disconnected-

"Dude, do I need to call someone? Why is your fucking jaw on the floor?"

"..."

"Marissa! Fix your son, I think there's something wrong with him."

"Shut up, Dustin."