"Avery, pwede ba tayong mag-usap?"

Nilingon ko si Lulu nang bigla itong lumitaw sa kusina habang abala ako sa pagluluto ng hapunan namin. I nodded to the kitchen table, urging her to sit down. She's been quiet lately, and I hasn't seen Kael in a while. I'm sure something's going on.

"Ayos ka lang ba?"

She avoided the question, and smiled at me instead. "After I graduate, I'll go to America. I want to see Raya."

I nodded, encouraging her. "Talaga? Uwian mo kami ng snow galing sa America, ah?"

She chuckled, clasping her hands together. "Pagkatapos nun... baka doon na muna ako mag-stay. May maliit na apartment kami sa New York. Mommy insists that I get my first job there."

Natigilan ako sa paggagayat ng gulay at napatingin sa kaniya. She lowered her head to avoid my gaze.

"I'm really sorry, Avery..."

"Why are you sorry?" Iniwan ko ang ginagawa ko at naupo sa tabi niya. "Alam mo ba kung anong ginawa mo para sa akin nitong nagdaang taon? Kung hindi dahil sa'yo, baka hindi na ako gumraduate ng college, Lulu. Seryoso ako..."

Ihinilig niya ang ulo sa balikat ko at pagod na bumuntong-hininga. "Will you be okay here... alone?"

Tumango kaagad ako. "Wala naman akong balak na manatili dito sa Maynila, sa totoo lang. Baka umuwi ako ng La Union at dun nalang maghanap ng trabaho. Tumatanda na rin si Tita..."

She touched my hand gently and nodded. "That's good. I wouldn't have to worry about leaving you behind, then."

"You were the best roommate ever, Lulu." I whispered, hugging her close to me.

"You were the best roommate, too..." she chuckled weakly.

Kung ano man ang problema niya, hindi ko na nagawang itanong sa kaibigan. I just knew Kael and Lulu were over when I saw her setting up a fire that night in our yard and burning their pictures together. Nagsimula na din siyang mag-pack ng mga gamit niya at inasikaso ang mga papeles patungo sa America.

The apartment suddenly looked empty without her. Tuwing umuuwi ako sa umaga pagkatapos ng shift, nage-expect pa rin ako na nasa kusina si Lulu at nagluluto ng agahan namin. On top of everything that's wrong in my life, Lulu's absence made me feel like I'm spiraling down.

"Ang ganda naman pala ng apartment mo dito, Avery," komento ni Tita pagkarating niya dito. Chuchay happily jumped on her as soon as we entered the gate. "Walang-wala sa boarding house ko," she joked.

Napanguso lang ako. Lulu left most of her appliances and furniture anyway. Hindi niya naman daw madadala sa Amerika at wala rin siyang interes na ibenta ang mga ito. She said I could do whatever I want once I move out of here.

"Ikaw? Kumusta ka?" Binalingan ni Tita si Chuchay at nilambing ito. "Na-miss kita, ah?"

"Pwede ka pong matulog sa dating kwarto ni Lulu, nalinisan ko na po yun."

Dahil narito si Tita ay hindi na ako gaanong mag-aalala kung sino ang magbabantay kay Chuchay. Tinapos ko agad ang part ko sa thesis at tumulak pa-Baguio para sa Ring Hop Ceremony ni Enrique.

I'm sure he's frustrated... that I couldn't go. Rinig na rinig ko iyon sa boses. Di bale nang hindi ako ang magsusuot ng singsing. I'll just watch him and say sorry. Babawi nalang ako sa graduation.

When I got inside their function hall, the ceremony had already started. Dahil wala naman akong formal invitation ay nakatayo lang ako sa labas habang hinahanap si Enrique. I saw him marching towards the huge ring where he will receive his ring with his mother... except that it's not her.

Nakangiti ang babae nang tanggapin ang case box ng bull ring. She's wearing a silk green dress with a long slit, looking radiant. Maputi, slim, at matangkad. Everything I'm not. She smiled sweetly at Enrique as she slipped the ring on his left hand.

"Shit," napamura ako at kaagad na umalis. Nanunubig ang mga mata ko kaya muntik pa akong madapa. As soon as I was out, I went to the terminal to catch the first bus bound to Manila.

Habang nasa biyahe ay biglang nag-ring ang cellphone ko. I took a deep breath before answering his call.

"Hello?"

"Avery..."

"Hi." I greeted in a fake, cheerful tone. "Kumusta?"

He was silent for a bit, then he sighed. "It was okay."

"Pumunta ang Mama mo, diba?"

I waited anxiously for his answer.

"Oo..."

My shoulders dropped in disappointment. I swallowed the lump in my throat. Napalitan ng galit ang lungkot na nararamdaman ko.

"Since when did you start lying to me, Enrique?"

"Anong ibig mong sabihin?"

"You invited me to the Ring Hop Ceremony but I couldn't come because of my fucking thesis. Hindi ko rin ginusto yun. Ang sabi mo, si Tita Judy ang magsusuot ng singsing sa'yo! Eh sino yung babae kanina, ha?!"

"You... came?"

A tear fell from my eye. I swiped it harshly and rant on.

"I came because I was so fucking guilty! Alam ko kung gaano ka-importante sa iyo ang bull ring! Apat na taon mo 'yang pinaghirapan, eh! Tapos makikita lang kita na ngingiti-ngiti kasama ang ibang babae! Putangina naman, Enrique..."

He went silent on the other line. All I could hear is his harsh breathing.

"Ayaw pumunta ni Mama sa Ring Hop Ceremony dahil narito si Papa... at ang pamilya niya."

Natigilan ako.

"Do you know how painful this is, Avery? I want you to be the one to slip the ring on me because I'm dedicating all my hard work and perseverance to you... when you said no, I tried reaching out to my mother. She refused to go. Two of the most important women in my life couldn't go..."

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa cellphone sabay ang pagbuhos ng mga luha ko.

"It's shameful for me to have to rent a drag just to have someone at the Ring Hop Ceremony! It should've been you, Avery..."

"Fuck..." I cried even harder when I heard the pain in his voice.

"I lied because I have no dignity left in me... hindi ko naman alam na pupunta ka pala."

"I know," hikbi ko. "I'm sorry..."

Enrique went silent. After a few seconds, I realized that he had hung up on me.

"Kumusta ang Ring Hop? Nag-enjoy ka ba?" Masayang bati sa akin ni Tita pagkauwi ko ng apartment.

I made sure to fix my face so that she wouldn't know I was crying. I gave her a small smile and excused myself to my room. Yesterday, I rendered my last night at work. The environment is getting toxic and ever since our team leader was replaced, all I could feel is anxiety each time I get ready to go to work.

Iniisip ko din na ayos lang... graduate naman na ako. Makakapaghanap ako ng trabaho na align sa kurso ko kapag nagkataon. Alam kong hindi magiging malaki ang sahod kumpara sa pagc-call center pero ayos lang din. At least makakatulog na ako nang maayos. Tapos na ang mga bayarin. Tapos na ang thesis namin. Tapos na ako sa college.

"I'm proud of you, Avery... and I'm sure your parents and your brother are proud of you, too. Huwag mong kalimutang bumisita sa kanila pagkatapos ng graduation mo, ah?" Tita whispered to me that night.

I nodded and hugged her. She's the reason why I had to keep myself strong throughout these years. Because I know that no matter how much I mess up, she'll still welcome me with a warm hug. Kahit na anong mangyari, may babalikan pa rin ako...

"Oo nga pala, Avery. Napag-uusapan na namin ni Ron na magpakasal..."

And whenever she's happy, I'm also happy for her, too.

Ngumiti ako nang malawak sa balita niya. "Talaga? Kailan daw?"

Tita sighed. "Gusto niyang ikasal sa simbahan, eh. Hindi ko alam kung gusto ko rin. Alam mo naman, diba? Minsan na akong nag-martsa patungo sa altar. Kahit kasalan sa bayan, ayos na sa 'kin, eh! Tsaka, hindi na bagay sa edad ko ang magsuot ng wedding gown!"

I placed a hand on my hip and raised a brow at her. "Tita, nakikita mo ba ang sarili mo? Mukha kang hindi korenta! For sure, babagay sa'yo kahit anong wedding gown ang mapili mo!"

She shook her head and laughed. "Sinasabi mo lang yan kasi pamangkin kita, eh."

"Seryoso ako! Kanino ba ako magmamana? Duh!" I rolled my eyes jokingly and we ended up laughing.

Tita is going to have a new family now... and as much as the thought saddens me, my happiness for her overflows and buries all of my doubts.

Nagka-ayos din kami ni Enrique nang gabing iyon. He called and said sorry for hanging up on me. Humingi din ako ng tawad sa inakto ko. It was painful to see their pictures together but I couldn't do anything because it was the academy that uploaded it on social media. Ang sabi ko sa sarili ko, babawi nalang ako sa graduation niya...

I wore a pink off-shoulder dress and paired it with white sandals. Hindi naman siguro masyadong malamig ngayon sa Baguio. Inilugay ko lang ang buhok ko at nag-apply ng kaunting make-up.

The PMA Class of Aramsidlak 2013 Graduation Rite is as gallant as it could get. The President of the Philippines, the Secretary of Department of National Defense, and of course, the Chief Commandant of PMA attended the said event.

Nakita ko kaagad si Tita Judy na nakaupo sa bleachers, kasama ang iba pang mga magulang at kamag-anak ng mga graduates.

"Magandang umaga po," bati ko sa kaniya.

Her smile faded when she saw me. She nodded to the empty seat next to her.

"Dito ka."

Nagpatianod naman ako at naupo. The MC started speaking as the graduation rites commenced. 277 first-class cadets started marching into the Borromeo Field under the heat of the sun, wearing their gala uniform and shako headdress. But in the crowd of the cadets neatly lining up, I immediately spotted Enrique.

My heart thundered inside of my chest. This reminded me of the first time I saw him near our school gate, back in his ROTC uniform. But now, he's wearing a gala uniform and a full-fledged Second Lieutenant.

Guilt flooded me. I was so engrossed in my own problems that I couldn't even remember the last time I asked how he is. Hindi ko inalis ang mga mata sa kaniya habang nagma-martsa sila at tinawag isa-isa ang mga pangalan para kunin ang diploma nila.

And when his name was called, I couldn't be more proud of him. The President gave him the Presidential Saber... which means he is the class valedictorian of PMA Class of Aramsidlak!

I even saw Tita Judy shedding tears of joy at the sight of his son marching towards the stage, his face in a neutral expression.

CDT 1CL Enrique Jacob Cabrera
San Juan, La Union

News reporters were busy livestreaming the event as the cadets saluted the president and the officers, accepting their diploma and going back to their formation.

When the last cadet's name was called, the crowd burst into cheers. They often refer to that cadet as the goat. I have no idea what it means, but I joined the crowd as they cheered on him.

"We shall now hear the valedictory address of Cadet First Class Enrique Jacob Cabrera, cadet for Armed Forces of the Philippines..."

Everyone clapped as Enrique marched to the stage. He took off his shako and made a curt bow before going behind the microphone.

"To our Commander-in-Chief, His Excellency President Henry Lakandula, Sir, senior leaders of the government, team PMA, other distinguished guests, members of Aramsidlak class of 2013 and their loved ones, good morning..."

His eyes scanned the crowd briefly. Saglit na nagtama ang tingin naming dalawa. I flashed him a small smile as he continued his speech.

"What does it mean to serve your country?" He started, speaking in an authoritative voice that I often hear when he was commanding his cadets back in his ROTC days. "Is it dying in a war? Saving civilians in the middle of chaos? Serving our country with an unwavering sense of duty and patriotism? The answer lies in the journey before us. Our time at the academy has not been without its trials. We have endured physical rigors, mental challenges, and emotional tests that have pushed us beyond our limits. All to come out as the soldier that we are right now..."

My hands were clammy as I listened to his voice. I could see other cadets blinking back their tears, probably reminiscing their hardships throughout these years.

"I am deeply indebted to our instructors and mentors who have imparted invaluable knowledge, instilled discipline, and fostered our sense of duty. To our families and loved ones, your unwavering support has been our pillar of strength..."

He paused and stared at his speech. Nag-angat muli siya ng tingin.

"And to my girlfriend, Avery Felicia Perez, who had been with me since day one. Thank you for your encouragement, for your kind words, and for your support. The same girl who had been with me during my reception rites and now... my graduation rites. I'll marry you someday, but first, I am married to my country, the Republic of the Philippines.."

The officers chuckled, not expecting him to say something like that. The cadets took it as a cue to bring their guard downs and started cheering.

"Thank you, and may we all fulfill our duty with honor and distinction. Mabuhay ang Philippine Military Academy! Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!"

He threw his shako into the air and his cadets burst into tears while following what he's done. Enrique bowed to the officers before going back to the formation.

Ako naman, nagpipigil ng luha habang nakatingin sa kaniya. After all these fights, after all these misunderstandings, after doubting if this relationship is even gonna work... he still made me feel involved in his life and his achievements. Tuluyan na akong napaluha habang si Tita Judy naman ay kanina pa nagpupunas gamit ang sariling panyo.

When all the recognition and speeches were said and done, family members were finally allowed to rush over to the cadets standing in the Borromeo Field.

I wasted no time and ran into his arms as soon as I saw him. Mahigpit na yakap ang sumalubong sa akin. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata at ibinaon ang ulo sa dibdib niya.

"I'm so proud of you..." I whispered.

He smiled and kissed the top of my head. Nang maghiwalay kami ay si Tita Judy naman ang niyakap niya. The three of us were a mess, trying to blink back unshed tears on this emotional day.

Enrique asked his classmate to take a picture of us. I stared at him while his classmate was still busy fumbling with his broken phone. The gala uniform suited him. A pair of crisp, white slacks and a navy-blue service blouse with his insignia as a second lieutenant pinned to his chest. He looked distinguished and authoritative, as he's always been. Hinubad niya ang shako at isinuot ito sa akin. I smiled at him.

"Tabi kayo, Sir," wika ng classmate nito habang nakataas ang phone.

Enrique pulled me to his side. I smiled at the camera as the shutter went off. Pati si Tita Judy at nagpa-picture din kasama ang anak. Despite her initial protest, all three of us took a picture together.

Enrique turned to me again, pulling something out of his pocket.

"May ibibigay ako..." he reached for my hand and slipped a mini PMA ring. Nagulat ako nang makita ito.

It's a miniature PMA ring symbolizing the academy's prestigious traditions and values. Despite its small size, it captured the essence of an actual PMA bull ring. It has their logo with its symbolic elements such as eagle, sword, and a shield. Gawa ito sa ginto at may engravings din ng core values nila.

"What's this for?" I whispered, staring at the ring on my finger.

"Hold unto this until I give you an actual wedding ring," he whispered back.

Napangiti ako sa kaniya. His mother raised a brow at us, curious as to what we were whispering about. I paid her no attention, as this is the moment that we're sharing together in the midst of the joyous crowd of cadets and their families. I wanted to kiss him, but I was too shy to do it in public so I just gave him a hug again.

Pagkatapos ng graduation rites nila, bumalik ang mga cadets sa barracks. I heard the yearlings will throw the newly-graduates into the water as part of their dunking tradition. Enrique promised to go to Manila as soon as they were all sent off.

"Ang gara nito, Avery!" Ani Ivo habang sinusuri ang PMA ring na ibinigay sa akin ni Enrique. "Pwede ba 'tong i-prenda?"

"Tingin nga!" Inagaw naman ni Karlo ang singsing at nakakunot ang noong nakatingin dito.

"Hindi, baliw!" I rolled my eyes at him.

I had a chance to meet them again before my graduation and we ended up drinking at the beach.

Karlo smirked and slipped the ring on his finger. Ipinakita niya 'to sa akin.

"Gusto ko rin ng ganito! Wala na bang extra si Enrique?"

Tinawanan ko lang ang kaibigan. Celeste and Yari shook their heads in annoyance. This is also Lulu's last day before flying to America.

"Nad-depress ako... graduating season nga pala ngayon," Yari sighed next to me.

I pulled her into a hug. I know how much she was hurt when something happened in her family and she was forced to move back to La Union. Ngayon ay second-year student pa siya sa bagong kurso.

"Madali nalang yan, beh!" Untag naman ni Celeste. "Hindi naman karera ang college, eh."

"Oo nga, Yar. Things happen for a reason, you know?" Si Lulu na kanina pa tahimik at nakikinig lang sa amin.

Kinuha ko na kina Karlo ang singsing dahil baka maiwala pa nila ito sa sobrang kalikutan. Mukhang natatamaan na din si Yari dahil ang bilis na nitong magsalita at puro rant na tungkol sa pamilya nila ang lumalabas sa bibig niya. Si Ivo ay nakahiga sa buhangin, namumula ang mukha at tumatawa na parang baliw.

"Miss na miss ko na siya..." aniya.

Celeste threw some chips on him. "Inom mo lang yan, 'pre!"

"Di naman ako umiinom..."

"Oo, pero mukha ka nang lasing!"

Ivo ignored Celeste and faced sideways. Napailing nalang ako at isiniksik ang singsing sa bulsa ng suot kong shorts. Tumayo naman sina Karlo at Celeste para magpaalam na bibili pa daw ng alak.

"Bili din kayo ng pulutan, kinain na ni Lulu lahat, eh!"

"Hoy, hindi ah!" Tinulak pa ni Lulu si Yari kaya nag-asaran naman ang dalawa.

"Aren't you glad that you're finally graduating?" Lulu asked after a moment.

Tumango ako. "Para akong nasa impyerno sa huling taon ko sa college. I'm never doing this again!" Desidido kong wika.

"Sabi mo noon gusto mong magka-master's degree at PhD!" Yari teased.

Inirapan ko ang kaibigan. "Tanga pa ako nun, wala pa akong alam sa mundo..." I shook my head. I barely survived college. I was so arrogant to think that I could do all of that.

"Well, at least you survived... that's what matters the most."

I thought we were done fighting. We had a great time during his graduation. Pero nung tumawag ang lalaki at sinabing hindi ito makakapunta sa graduation ko dahil delayed ang Donning of Ranks nila, hindi ko na maitago ang disappointment ko.

"This feels like revenge..." I laughed humorlessly.

"Avery..." he pleaded.

"But I have to understand, right? Mauuna palagi ang serbisyo mo kesa sa akin."

"I'll spend my whole one-month vacation with you."

Pagod na akong makipag-away sa kaniya kaya hindi nalang ako umimik. I tried to blink back my tears during my graduation. My friends went and tried to cheer me up. Even if I got a Special Academic Award, I wasn't happy. I was longing for him.

Nang matapos ang graduation ay nilibre pa kami ni Tita sa labas bago sila tuluyang umuwi ng La Union. Hindi naman ako pwedeng umuwi dahil naka-extend ang lease contract ko. Isa pa, nag-enroll din ako sa review center para sa darating na board exams.

Enrique showed up at my door the next day. He hugged me tightly and asked for forgiveness again for missing my graduation.

"Babawi ako sa'yo..." ang palagi niyang sinasabi sa akin.

Naniwala naman ako. Even if it hurts, I put on a happy face and tried to find the old spark in our relationship.

"Hindi ka ba uuwi ng La Union?" Tanong ko sa kaniya habang nag-aalmusal kaming dalawa.

Enrique shook his head. "Naiintindihan naman ni Mama, isang buwan lang ang bakasyon ko..."

I bit my lower lip, staring at my plate.

"Anong plano natin ngayon?"

Sinilip ni Enrique ang mukha ko nang makitang malungkot na naman ang ekspresyon ko.

"Bakit ka nalulungkot? Hindi nga ako aalis, eh."

"Ngayon. Pero pagkatapos ng isang buwan..." I trailed off.

He chuckled. "Let's not think about it, then. For now, let's just make the most of our time together. Come on, Avery. I'm only here for a month..."

I slowly nodded, getting his point.

"You're right."

"We'll celebrate all the anniversaries, birthdays, and special events that I missed." He said, scooting closer and giving me a kiss on the cheeks. "You better not be busy, Avery..."

I chuckled. "What are we going to do?"

"It's on me. Just focus on your reviews. You don't need to think about anything else. All you need to do is show up..."

I nodded. Pangako mo yan, ah.