Faith's POV

This'll be good... I think.

I walk into my room, next to Buffy's and I pace a bit.

I wonder if I should change, make myself look nice for the whole reassurance dinner thing with the gang. It sounds like it'll be an intimate sort of affair for a get together. No big rave parties in the Summers' residence I guess. Just me, Joyce, Buffy and the gang... it's like we're a family and crap, it's weird. I mean the guys are cool and stuff. They've been wicked great through everything, but family?

Ain't they supposed to be blood? I never met any of my own blood, beyond my dead beat absentee dad and my drunken whore of a mother. I've got no clue how to act in a family. So why does it feel like this dinner thing is such a big deal? In all the time Buffy was gone we never got together like this. There wasn't even a wake after the funeral or nothing.

Now we're getting together for dinner and it scares the hell out of me. I'm all sweaty and itchy in all the wrong places and I'm scared. Since when does something as simple as dinner scare the crap out of me? Since I fell in love with B, that's when... Course I don't think my being scared has anything to do with B in this sitch. It's the other people that are scaring me.

Giles, Joyce, Willow, Xander and everyone. They're the ones who are scaring me in this one. B and I may be on the outs but we've been on the outs before and I have to believe that I'll find a way to get back with her, no matter what it takes. Even if I have to... god I don't even wanna think about it. It's too horrible even for me. I thought I was past this kinda thing. But I guess there are some things you never get over. Sometimes your reasons for them just shift. I will if I have to though. It could be the only way. I should definitely change before dinner on account of my sweatiness, something nice maybe.

I head to the dresser.

Willow's POV

This'll be good, I think.

I pick up my hairbrush and start brushing my hair for dinner tonight.

We can spend time with Buffy, let her know we're here for her, even if we don't say it straight out. And we ARE here for her. We're her friends and we love her and we wanna help her in her time of need. This must be so hard for her, being back after where she was. I bet she must be pretty angry with me cause of how it's my fault.

I was the one who brought her back. I kept insisting that everything was gonna be okay, that we were doing the right thing. And now Buffy's paying for it. Tara was right, I should've considered the options more carefully. I should've done more to help Faith in some other way. But I didn't, and now Buffy has to live with... god what was I thinking?

I wasn't thinking, that's the problem. I didn't even consider that she might be in a better place. All I knew was that Faith was my friend and so was Buffy, nothing else mattered. Tara and Xander and even Anya tried to get me to reconsider but I wouldn't hear it. I was ready to jump into any plan without thinking as long as it helps someone and that was so wrong. I know that now.

I put the brush down and look myself in the mirror.

I should've known that then.

Tara walks in from the hallway.

"Tara?"

She doesn't say anything.

"Tara?"

"I... I c-can't..."

I walk over to Tara and she's real distant. She steps back when I try to touch her.

"You can't? Can't what Tara?"

"I c-can't go to this dinner."

What?

"What do you mean honey?"

"I can't pre-pretend that everything's ok-okay when it's, not."

"Of course it's not Tara, but this might make things a little better."

"I don't... I don't know that I can. I don't know that I can, look at Buffy without seeing what I did to her. The pain I've caused her."

She caused her?

"Tara what's happening to Buffy isn't your fault."

"Yes, it is."

"No it's not Tara I... it's my fault. I'm the one who brought her back. I'm the one who kept insisting that it was the right thing to do even though I think I always knew deep down that it might not be. You can't blame yourself for my mistake. If you need to blame someone for what's happening now, blame me."

She looks at me with painful fear in her eyes and it sends a chill through me.

She does blame me. She blames me for what's happening. Well why shouldn't she? It's my fault.

"Tara..."

"I... I can't... I can't go to t-this dinner and act-t like everything is okay."

She's not talking about Buffy anymore.

"I just, I can't."

She turns away and walks out.

"Tara please I... don't..."

She doesn't stop.

Oh god I, what have I done? Not only have I made Buffy and Faith's life a living hell but, I just might've destroyed my own relationship in the process. What have I done?

Buffy's POV

Why are we doing this? We're having dinner. Like I don't know what that's about. We're having a big important dinner with all my friends and family so we can talk. So we can talk, probably about the 'horrible' things I said to Faith and why I said them. God, do I not need this.

I don't wanna talk about my feelings. I don't care that I hurt Faith's feelings either. She needs to deal with what she did to me, like I'm trying to. I don't wanna have a nice civilized dinner on the pretense that everything's fine just so they can ambush me with a bunch of question I don't care about or even wanna answer. It happened... I was dead and now I'm alive. I'll just have to learn to live with it, no matter how much I don't want to.

Mom comes in, rushing around to get ready for the dinner party.

"You know it wouldn't kill you to help out."

I roll my eyes at her and stand up from the breakfast bar chair.

"It might be better if it did."

She puts a pile of plates down angrily.

"I didn't mean it like that."

I pick up the plates and head to the dining room to help set the table.

"I know you didn't. That doesn't make my feelings on the subject any less true."

Mom follows me in with a bunch of cutlery.

"Buffy, Faith told me what happened. She told me what you told her and I want you to know I'm sorry."

Ain't that nice?

I start putting plates at each chair.

"Thanks, I feel all better. You've really put things in perspective and I've grown as a person. Can we stop talking about it now?"

She sets down a knife and fork on either side of the plates I put down.

"That's not why I'm sorry. I'm not sorry because I feel it's my fault and I want to feel better about myself. I'm not sorry because I know how you feel because I don't. I'm not even sorry because I wanna help you, because I'm not the one who will. I'm sorry because I love you and no one should have to go through what you're going through."

"Well it seems no one took that into account BEFORE they did this to me."

"Buffy..."

I stop helping.

"And just out of curiosity who is it you think is gonna help me with my little problem?"

She stops.

"You know who can help you Buffy."

"Oh, of course... it's Faith. Why? Because she loves me?"

"Yes."

"Right yeah, she loved me so much she had Willow bring me back to this hell place so she can love me more. Hmm, maybe I should give them both fruit baskets."

"No Buffy, she loved you so much she wanted to kill herself."

What? Kill her...

"That's right, she wanted to be with you so badly she was ready to slash her wrists and bleed to death to make it happen. Faith never asked us to bring you back, she would never do that. We brought you back because we couldn't see any other way to keep Faith from ending her life."

"So... it was more her fault than I thought."

"What? Buffy no that's..."

"She pushed my friends into doing something dangerous and royally stupid just cause she couldn't live without me."

"Buffy I know you're angry and in pain but finding reasons to blame Faith won't help anything."

I go back to setting the table. I put the rest of the plates in their place.

"Why because she's the one whose gonna help me?"

"Yes..."

Mom finishes putting out the utensils.

"Faith knows about the kind of pain you're dealing with."

"Really? Because she seems pretty okay to me..."

"She's masking her pain because she wants to help you. How the two of you feel shouldn't drive you apart, it should... Faith..."

What? Oh, she's here and she looks... kinda nice, I guess. She's wearing a pair of corduroy pants and a nice shirt. Probably thinks it'll help her win me back. Bitch.

"You look nice."

Faith looks at me trying to gauge my reaction to what she's wearing.

"Yeah, I figured with the whole gang coming by for dinner and all I might wanna look nice."

What a lame excuse.

"Well you do. Doesn't she honey?"

Whatever.

"I figured I should come down here and see if you wanted any help setting up for dinner."

"Of course. We could always use an extra pair of hands."

Oh great, it's bad enough I gotta spend a whole big meal with her. Now Mom wants me to spend the hour before dinner with her too? Not gonna happen.

"Tel ya what, she can take my spot and I'll go... do something else."

"Like what honey?"

I start out of the dining room to go upstairs.

"I don't know maybe I'll go..."

I catch a big whiff of perfume as I pass Faith.

"Take a shower, like Faith did."

"Oh, well okay. Thanks for the help."

I make my way up the stairs.

"Yeah sure whatever."

God do I not need this crap.