Faith's POV

Everything's still spinning in my head. It all still feels kinda surreal or something. The things we did to each other. Up until the moment she jumped me in the cemetery I figured we were breaking up, then all of the sudden she was straddling me and asking me to take her home. Then... last night was just... now I don't know what to think.

We're walking out to Giles' and we haven't spoken since we left home.

What the hell is up with us anyway? Are we back together or was that just one last time before we break up? Does she love me or hate me? God I'm even more confused than when she first came back. Maybe I should just use the direct approach. I mean it worked last night... sorta. I should just ask her.

"B?"

"Hmm?"

"Is everything okay?"

She looks around, checking the area for threats.

"Everything looks okay. Why? Are there any invisible people around I don't see?"

"With us I mean. Is everything okay with us?"

"Yeah, why?"

Why?

"Last night? Everything that happened."

"Right..."

She stops and turns to me.

"It's hard for me, being here, being alive. It's a very weird feeling."

She takes my hands in hers.

"But having you here helps, being with you helps."

Is that really how she feels?

"You know you can be honest with me B. If that's not really how you feel. If you hate me, tell me. I won't mind. Actually, I will mind, but I'll understand. No matter what you say, or how you feel, I'll still love you."

"Faith what we have, it isn't love. At least, it doesn't feel like any kind of love I've ever heard of, or ever felt. I'm not even sure it is love. There isn't really a word for the kind of feelings we have for each other, I know that now. You were willing to kill me to keep us from self-destructing. I can't tell you how that makes me feel about you, because.... I honestly don't know. I know that I meant what I said last night. I can't hate you for something that's my fault. Beyond that?"

She pulls her hand up against the back of my neck, pulling us closer together.

"All I can tell you for sure right now is that I'm attracted to you, physically speaking, and that... things will never be the same between us again. Not after last night."

So I guess I got what I wanted then... I think.

She caresses the back of my neck and the hairs stand on end.

"So what does that mean for us?"

"I don't know. There's too much going on in my head right now to process you and me. Can't we just... be happy to be together? Figure it out later, if we can."

Um...

"I guess, as long as you are."

"As long as I'm what?"

"Happy to be with me. Cause if you think for even a second that you might not be happy with me, I'll go. I'll just leave and never come back."

"Then I'm asking you to stay, at least for a little while. Until all the stuff in my head gets sorted out and I figure out what I'm gonna do with myself."

"Okay... but only because you asked me to."

"Good, thank you..."

She leans forward and kisses me gently.

"Feel better?"

Sorta, I don't know.

"Yeah..."

She pulls my hand up and kiss the knuckles.

"Okay then, can we get back to life?"

"Sure, I guess."

We start walking to Giles' place.

So I guess everything is gonna be okay, sooner or later. She loved me once, and she'll love me again. I just have to wait and hope that maybe, someday soon she'll love me again. Maybe there's something I can do to speed up the process, tip the scales in my favour. Buffy means the world to me. She means more to me than my own life. I can't just sit around and wait to see when she decides to leave me.

I have to do something. I have to give her a reason to stay with me. God knows she doesn't have that many reasons at the moment. Other than our incredible lust for each other and our tendency to enjoy slaying on a regular basis we really don't have that much in common, not really. I'm a murderer, she's not. She's blonde, I'm a brunette. She has family, I don't. I have to do something to show her she has reasons to stay with me, something non-lethal preferably.