Faith's POV

Where the hell is she? It's been over an hour and I haven't felt so much as a twinge. She can't have gotten far from the exactly 30 seconds I was delayed in going after her. But I can't seem to figure out where she went. It won't end tonight if I can't find her. This has to end no matter what it takes, even if I have to... wait, is that what I think it is?

It's her, I can feel it. I just can't figure out... she's going back. I know that crypt, this cemetery. She went back to where it all started, to where this problem all began.

I break into a run toward B's grave site.

This is perfect, in a twisted sorta way, it'll end in the same place it began.

The feeling I get when she's near gets stronger and I look around. She's standing about 20 feet away, staring down at her grave. I walk over and stand next to B.

How do I even start a conversation like this? Knowing how it'll end.

"This is where it happened, isn't it?"

Maybe I should just let her do the talking.

"I know."

She throws her head back and lets out a deep sigh, never looking at me.

"You know... what do you think you know?"

Okay, maybe I'll be the one talking.

"This is where it all went wrong."

I look down at the gravestone, covered in dried blood.

"Your life, that's what you meant right? This is where your life went wrong. Kind of ironic if you think about it, your grave being the place where your life went wrong."

"So you know, so what? Doesn't mean a thing."

Okay she's not gonna do this. We're not gonna keep having this conversation where she blames me over and over.

"Maybe not to you, but it does to me."

"Does it? Well then it's a good thing I don't care what you think."

"I guess so. Course this isn't just about you."

She finally looks at me.

"Really?"

"Yes really. I'm part of this too."

She turns her whole body to face mine.

"And how do you figure that?"

"Because you blame me for what happened, and that means I have to make it right."

"Oh yeah? Cause I thought I made it pretty clear I didn't want you involved at all."

"Too bad, because you don't get a choice in the matter. I'm part of this whether you like it or not."

"Why?"

"Because I love you."

She rolls her eyes at me and starts to leave.

"Not this again. I thought we settled this."

I grab her and turn her around.

"No, Buffy you need to hear this. I love you B. I love you so much it hurts inside when I'm around you, and it hurts worse when you're not. You make me wanna be a better person... for the most part anyway, and that's why I can't just let what we have go..."

"I don't see you getting a choice."

Okay screw this. Let's just skip to the big finish.

"All right fine. You wanna blame me? Go ahead."

"Didn't I already do that?"

I shove her back toward her former grave.

"Yeah but this time we're gonna have it out."

She looks at me confused.

"Come on B, hit me."

"What?"

"You wanna hate me? Do it... hit me."

"I'm not gonna hit you Faith."

I shove her again and she barely manages to avoid falling over her own headstone.

"Why the hell not? It's my fault isn't it? I'm the reason you don't want to be here. So just shut up and hit me."

She has to think about it for a second before answering.

"No."

"You know you want to, just do it. If you don't hit me you know I'm gonna hit you."

I walk up to her and she doesn't back off. I get this tingly feeling at being this close to her.

"No, you won't."

"Why not? I've done it before."

"Things were different then."

"Yeah and they're different now too. If we're not gonna talk away your pain, and you don't seem to wanna screw away your pain. Then I'll just have to give you a whole lotta outer pain to shut you up about your inner pain. Sound like a plan? Good, so come on..."

I step back to goad her into it.

"Hit me..."

"No."

"All right."

I slug her in the jaw.

"Come on."

"No."

I punch her in the face a little harder.

"Stop Faith..."

"Make me."

I go to punch her again but she blocks it with her forearm.

"Fine."

She punches me between the eyes but I shake it off quick.

She's not even trying.

"Again... hit me again."

"Screw you Faith."

"You didn't wanna do that remember?"

She hits me again and I smile at her.

"I thought you said you were angry with me?"

I let her punch me in the jaw one last time.

"I am."

I block her next punch and hit her twice as hard as she's hit me so far.

"Then show it... hit me."

She hits me a little harder this time but still nowhere near her strongest.

Maybe she's not as angry with me as she thinks. Doesn't change what I gotta do.

"I said hit me not cuddle me B."

She puts her full force into this one.

Ow! Here we go.

"There's my girl."

I hit her back just as hard and she stumbles.

"Come on B, let out all that anger will ya?"

She throws a right and left, both connecting.

"Put it all on me baby."

She follows up with a 3 punch combo but I dodge the third one and fight back with a one two punch combo of my own.

"What do you think this is gonna solve?"

She hits me with a body shot.

"Dunno, maybe nothing. But at least it'll be over, one way or another."

She hits me in the face and again in the stomach, making me grab my stomach and lean forward a bit. I look up at her as she puts her hands together above her head for a double fisted hit but I throw my arms up and block it.

I kick her in the stomach to put some distance between us but the force of the kick pushes her into the gravestone and she falls over it on to her back. She grabs her back as she tries to get up but has to settle for sitting up because of the pain.

"So what are you gonna do? Tell me you love me again?"

"No..."

I pull out the knife from my belt and jump the headstone, landing on top of her.

"I'm gonna kill you."

I bring the knife down and she grabs my wrist to stop me.

"What are you... what are you doing?"

"I thought that was obvious."

I put more weight behind the blade.

"Why?"

"Don't make me do the speech again B."

"You're not gonna do this."

"Did you forget who I am? I'm a murderer B. It's what I am. It's what I always will be. Killing people is what I do, you'll just be one more to the list."

She gets desperate, panic in her eyes as she tries to fend me off but every time she does I put more power behind it to stop her.

"Faith, please..."

The blade starts to get real close as the pain in B's back starts to take its toll.

I have to do this, it's the only way.

"This is what you wanted B, isn't it? I'd do anything for you B, and you said the only way I could make this better is to kill you..."

I press the blade against her throat.

"So that's what I have to do."

"Faith, please... don't."

I feel a tear roll down my cheek.

"Why not? This is what you wanted, isn't it?"

"No, it's not..."

"Why?"

"Because I wasn't happy."

What?

I ease up the pressure on her throat.

"You said..."

"I know what I said... I lied..."

"Why? Why would you lie about something like that?"

"Because... because I was, I was safe and warm but I wasn't happy. I couldn't be."

I drive the knife into the dirt next to her head and roll off her.

"Why would you say something like that?"

"I don't know, I... I guess, coming back from the dead messes with your head."

Where was she then?

"So where were you? Hell? Like Angel was?"

"No... it was heaven. At least, I think it was. I don't know much about religion or theology but... where I was, it's what I imagine heaven would be like."

"Except you don't have to imagine... so if you were in heaven then, why weren't you happy?"

She takes a long deep breath and I look at her.

"Something was missing."

She looks in my eyes.

"You, were missing."

Me?

"I was there a long time, not that time had any meaning. But it felt like forever because I could never let go of whatever it was that was missing."

Whatever it was?

"But you said..."

She looks down at the headstone of her grave.

"I didn't really realize what was missing until I was back, what it was that was keeping me from being happy."

"It was me."

"I saw the look on your face that first night. That's when I knew. Ever since then, I've been trying to figure out how to separate myself from that feeling. The thing that made me so unhappy when I should've been at peace. But no matter what I did, no matter how much I tried to keep out how I felt, you kept coming back. I couldn't stop myself from feeling what I feel for you. I can't seem to actually do it."

It really was my fault.

"I'm sorry."

She sits there silently for a few seconds.

"No Faith, you were right. What happened to me wasn't your fault, it was mine."

"It was nobody's fault B, least of all yours. Willow was the one who did the spell, and she did it for me. You had no control over that."

"That's not what I meant."

"It's not?"

"Not being able to let go. Not being able to be happy without you. That's my fault. I've been trying to blame you, but I can't do that anymore than I can get you out of my system."

I get this sinking feeling in me.

"I see... so that's what it all comes down to, does it? Your feelings for me, kept you from being happy."

She doesn't say anything.

"Well maybe you were right then. About the whole me moving out thing. Maybe I should just go, leave town so we can learn to live without each other."

"Faith..."

"I mean, it uh, it could be good for both of us."

"Faith..."

"Cause you know, what we have obviously isn't doing you any good. Our lives are pretty dangerous and if you go back there and... I wouldn't want that. And me? I'm not exactly a fan of what losing you did to me so... well hey, you know..."

"Faith?"

"Yeah?"

She rolls on top of me and before I know it her lips are on mine, her tongue pushing itself inside my mouth.

God I... it's been forever since I felt her touch me this way. It's been forever since I've felt anyone this way. Wait what am I doing?

Her hand slides down my body until it rests against my hip.

Why is she...? After everything she just...

I push her back, even though every inch of me is screaming not to.

"B, what are you doing?"

She licks her lips.

"Kissing you?"

"I get that. What I don't get is why."

Her hand drops between my thighs and I can't help but moan at her touch.

"To feel?"

She rubs her fingers against me.

"I wanna feel something good, something real."

She kisses me again and I have to stop her.

"You said you'd do anything for me."

She leans her whole body against mine and I can't help but want her right here, right now. She sucks on my bottom lip.

"B I..."

She moves down to my neck. She whispers in my ear as her hand pushes its way up under my shirt.

"Help me now..."

"B..."

She kisses me deep and I just know I can't turn her down, but not here.

"I want to B. I really do, but not here."

She seems to roll her eyes as she pulls back off me. I sit up as she stands and offers her hand to help. I take it and she pulls me up so fast and so close that her leg slips between my thighs. I gasp at the contact. All of the sudden she pulls away and starts walking.

"Let's go."

I blink and then follow after her.