I fall on my knees. I immediately wipe my tears as I heard someone walking on my way. It fucking hurts like hell. I don't know what to do.

I felt a thing slid off from my jeans. As I see kuya Ice, holding the card that he took from me.

"Game over." he said coldly.

"Y-Yeah.. Game.. Over.." halos bulong na sabi ko.

He helped me to stand up. I have no bone to lean to myself.

Days passed. Para akong patay na nabubuhay para sa kapakanan ng magulang ko. I don't go out. Naka higa lang sa kama ko. Tulala. Whenever I remember that scene, I felt like my heart are shattering.

There are times na halos wala na akong pake. One time, I almost fall from the third floor of my school building for dozing off. If it isn't because of Jonas, baka naka burol na ako. I even tried to commit suicide but when I'm about to do it, Kuya Ice stopped me. And keep it from our family.

Days passed again. And it turned weeks. Halos mag kulong ako. At dahil ayoko sa lugar na may tao, I decided to go to my unit. I jailed myself there with self pity. Paano na ako? Yung mahal ko, may mahal nang iba.

I'm devoted to him.

I hardly sleep at night. I can't eat. I feel like the foods are all bland. My family doesn't know what I'm facing. Bukod kay Kuya Ice. And of course, Jonas. Na di ako tinigilan.

"En.. Ri.. Co.." bulong ko. Kusang tumulo ang mga luha ko.

By just saying his name, nasasaktan na ako. I want to move on, pero di kaya ng puso ko. My world revolves to him. I knew him from I don't long since when. Kaya ang alisin sya sa buhay ko, yon ang di ko alam.

I pick my phone when it ring.

[Android? Asan ka, di kana pumapasok. Nasasayang ang bayad ko para turuan mo ako.]   Jonas

I did not talk. I don't feel like.

He sigh. [Better come here. I have plans. Di'ba gusto mo mag hiwalay yung kuya at yung bitch na yon? May naisip na ako. Ano, pag usapan na natin?]

But just hearing it, nasaktan agad ako. I end the call and throw my phone. I can't do that. He chose her already.

Game over for me. That George win.

I had better plan for my future. At lahat yon kasama si-- sya. Lahat yon, sya ang karamay ko. Now, how am I going to start new? Kung sa lahat ng bagay, sya ang dahilan ko?

Now I know.. It fucks when you plan your future with someone. Just fucking hell.

One night, I don't know. I end up going to club and get wasted. Drinking. Smoking. Not just ordinary smoke but weeds and cocaine. Dance with random guys and do makeout with them. Its not that I'm conservative. I just want new.

I'm currently dirty dancing with this guy. He's tall. Has chinky eyes and sexy. All in all, fully pack. I grind my ass on his semi-hard crotch. I smirk when he groan and nibble the sensitive part of my neck.

That's the time when someone grab my hair. Pull me to the ground and ride on my stomach. I'm too dizzy to fight back. They've been shouting. I just let the girl do what she wants to me. Kick me. Slap me. Scratch me. But it didn't pain me.. Emotionally, my pain is stronger than what she's doing.

Natigil lang iyon ng may bouncer na pumigil. Pareho kaming nilabas sa club. Sumakay agad ako sa kotse ko at saka bumalik sa unit ko. Pag dating duon I head to my room. I smile when I saw my baby powders.

I took the syringe and the lighter from the drawer on my side and lighten the candle. I melted the powder and use the syringe to inject it to me. Hindi pa ako nakuntento. Sininghot ko pa ang ibang nasa plastic at pumikit.

The greatest feeling I've ever had. I continued doing it. This the only thing I could do to forget him.. At least in a short span of time. I feel like I'm flying. No, I'm free. That's what I'm feeling. I smile.. Then turn to laughter.. Then to humorless laugh.. And then sob..

"I fucking hate you Enrico.. I fucking hate that I love you.." bulong ko.