^^^Listen While Reading^^^

I freaking love this song omg.

~~~

"So . . ." Leah says. I'm sitting at her kitchen counter, working on my study guide for math. My calculator is next to me, and I'm about halfway done with the first page. This is almost the most productive I've been in math all year.

Leah, on the other hand, is also sitting at the counter, with her chin in her hands and elbows on the counter. I'm sure there's plenty of studying she can get done, but she chooses to sit there and stare at me.

"Yes?" I say, not looking up from my work.

"How have you been lately?"

I punch a few numbers into my calculator, then scribble the answer down on the paper. "You literally never ask me that."

Leah scoffs. "Of course I do."

"Yeah? Name one time."

"Doesn't matter," she huffs. "I don't have to. It's always the same answer."

I still don't look at her, which I know drives her insane. "Then why ask?"

I can sense her eye-roll. "You're infuriating. I'm just saying you seem different, and I want to know why." She lowers her voice ominously. "Is there anything I should know about?"

I only have three more problems left until I finish the first page. "Hm? Nope."

"Casey, if you don't stop being an asshole--"

I put my hands up. "Okay, okay, geez."

"Are you going to answer the question?"

"Can you be more specific?"

"What happened at the party?"

"What party?" I tease. But then I surrender because she looks like she's about to kill me. "We just kissed, that's it. "

Leah raises her eyebrows, unamused. "Do you want to die?"

"She told me she liked me, and then we kissed. Are you happy?"

"Okay, cool."

"That's it?" I ask, cocking a brow. "No squealing or jumping for joy?

She looks at me blankly for a moment before smiling widely. "Oh my gosh, I'm so proud of you! Congratulations!"

I stare at her, realization washing over me as everything starts to fit into place. "You little shit. You said something to her, didn't you?" Leah looks away sheepishly. I gasp. "You did!"

Leah still doesn't say anything.

I shake my head. "I knew it. I knew it wasn't all her. What did you tell her?!"

"Nothing!" she exclaims. "Well, not that much anyway. I didn't tell her you liked her, or anything. I said you don't like to open up to people. And if she wants to know what you're thinking, she has to force it out of you somehow."

I'm still glaring at her.

"Okay, maybe I also told her she would have to make the first move if she wanted anything to happen."

"Leah!"

"Hey, she likes you."

"That's not the point!"

"Okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have meddled with your love life."

I scoff, turning back to my work. Realizing that I've finished the first page, I pick up the packet and turn the page.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. "Hey, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have crossed those lines."

Ignoring her, I begin the first question.

"Please don't be mad at me, Casey. I swear I only did it because I was sure she liked you. But it won't happen again, I promise."

I let out an annoyed sigh. I can never stay angry at anyone for long. "Fine. I'm not mad."

"Okay."

I pick up my phone, covering the screen with my left hand.

Leah rolls her eyes. "Relax, I'm not going to look. You're free to text your lover without judgment."

Ignoring her again, I click on Hazel's contact. I rapidly type out a message and hit send, chewing on my thumb as I anxiously await her reply.

"Aw."

I glare at Leah, a soft smirk on her face. "Shut up."

"I can't believe it." Leah says. "My little teeny-weeny Casey is actually getting somewhere with her love life."

Throwing her a judgemental glance, I raise a brow. "I'm literally taller than you."

"Not by much. And I was the taller one a couple years ago."

"That's just because you're old. And now you're short and old." I retort.

My phone buzzes and I quickly grab it.

Hazel: omg good job! You might even catch up to me. I'm not done yet.

"So . . ." Leah trails off.

"So?"

"So, what's next?"

I look at Leah, frowning in confusion. "What do you mean, 'what's next'?"

She raises a brow. "Are you going to do anything about it?"

I look at my pencil, and rest it on the counter. "I . . . haven't thought about it yet."

Leah pushes her tongue into her cheek. "Not to intrude in your private life, but I think you should, and soon. Or else we'll have to go through this whole thing again."

~~~

Finals are stressful, but this year, they're much less stressful than last year. I think we all know why.

We went over the study guide over the phone that weekend, and I'm going to pretend my heart didn't squeeze when I noticed her cheeks were constantly pink, and how many times she smiled. I wonder if it was because of me. I doubt it, though. I didn't do anything any differently than I normally do. She doesn't know how often she makes me blush. 

But I'm also scared. I'm not sure what I'm getting myself into, and I'm definitely not ready for heartbreak. 

Monday and Tuesday are mostly teachers reviewing the study guide answers and last-minute teaching. Hazel and I are . . . a little awkward. I expected this, and it's partly why I've never felt the urge to pursue a crush. Even though things were tense, I liked how exciting it was to be around Hazel. And for once, it didn't seem as scary as it usually is when I talk to people I find attractive.

But if I had ever known what was happening in her head before, I sure as hell don't know now. 

This might sound greedy, but we haven't said much more than a few meaningless words since the time she attacked me with that kiss at her house. 

I mean, it wouldn't hurt to try it again. It's not like I spend a few minutes each day just thinking about it. But my heart can't help but replay the way her lips felt on mine, and how effortlessly stunning she looked even while I was practically underneath her. Gosh, she's so . . . so--

A voice interrupts my wandering thoughts. "Casey?"

I blink. "Yeah?"

"Are you going to answer the question?"

Crap, not again. A couple of heads turn in my direction, waiting for me to embarrass myself. But I'm not that dumb. We're going over our study guides, and I glance at Jacob, the guy in front of me's paper, to see what question we're on. 

"Yeah, sorry. I got twenty-four," I say smoothly.

Mr. Cromey glances at the answer key he's holding. "That's correct."

She's not even here today. I don't know why; she never misses school.

Lunch is a bit slow, but that's only because everyone is focused on studying for finals. Alex hasn't said a word about the Evan incident, but I know I probably shouldn't bring it up in front of everyone. Brandon is just as thoughtful as always, but something feels different. He looks happier and more animated.

Carson's different, too. But I'm not sure whether it's good or bad. He grew, and he looks, well, older and more mature.

I guess I'm the only one who stayed the same.

"So Carson, how's Sophie?" I ask. He had been pushing his food around with his fork, and now his face brightens as he looks up. 

"Good. I'm having dinner at her house this Friday."

Brandon perks up as well. "Really? That's great!"

Carson grins. "Yeah. I just hope her parents like me."

"I'm sure they will," I say. "As long as you don't try to woo them with your infamous pickup lines."

Brandon points at me with his fork. "Listen to her."

Carson rolls his eyes, but he's smiling. "Yeah, whatever."

~~~

As soon as school ends, I hurry to the locker room to retrieve the sneakers I had left a week earlier.

"Oh. Hey," a monotone voice says as I push open the locker room door. Turning my head slowly, I gasp.

"Hazel? What are you doing here?" 

She tells me she was just about to head home, then answers my question about why she was absent in first period. She slept in, apparently, but her answer implies that something changed. I look at her suspiciously.

"Are you o--"

"I'm fine," she butts in. "I was just staying over at Evan's house."

"Evan's? But why?"

She shrugs. "I just felt lonely. And I know his parents, so he just let me stay over."

"Oh," I say. I don't know how to respond to that. It kind of hurts that Evan was still her first choice.

Hazel glances at me as if waiting for me to say something else, so I do. 

"You could have asked me."

"Yeah, but I don't want to bother you with all my problems," she answers. "Evan's the one who offered, so I accepted it."

I frown, looking away.

"Casey, I . . . think we need to talk," she says after a beat of silence.

Oh no. No no no. This is what I was afraid of. She's going to tell me how she realized she doesn't like me very much and attempt to let me down gently.

It's okay. I've somewhat prepared myself for this.

"About what?" I ask.

She takes a deep breath. Here we go. "I just feel you don't like me as much as I thought you did," she says.

Wait, what? "Of course I like you."

She doesn't seem convinced. "It's okay, you don't have to pretend. I just think we should--"

I'm shaking my head, and I look at her in disbelief. "Hazel, why do you think I don't like you?"

She looks at me before answering. "I don't know, it just feels forced. And you've never really . . . explicitly said anything that proves to me otherwise."

"Um . . . I don't know what you want me to say. I told you I like you."

"That's not enough. Anyone can say that."

I just stare at her. "I'm sorry, I'm not good at this."

She sighs. Not an annoyed sigh, but a defeated one. "It's fine. Good luck with your finals."

Then she leaves.

Okay, I was not expecting that. At least she didn't say she didn't like me, but this feels even worse. Now it's my fault, and I don't even know what I did wrong.

I should talk to Leah.

~~~

"Leah, I have a quick question."

"Yeah?" she says. We're at the mall, waiting for Leah's mother and brother to get out of the Hollister.

"Hazel's mad at me, I think."

Leah raises her brows. "You think? What'd you do this time?"

"Literally nothing," I say. We lean against the glass railing, observing the underweight mall Santa and his elves as they attempt to get the attention of little kids passing by. I explain Hazel's accusation that I'm 'pretending' to like her.

Leah stays quiet, and I glance at her.

"Don't hate me for this, Casey," she starts, and I raise my brows. "But I think she wants you to ask her out."

I suck in a breath. "Leah . . ."

"No, but I get it. Like, you guys finally confessed—well, she did—and now what, you just leave her hanging?"

My gaze returns to the Santa on a diet below us. "I know, but . . ." I sigh. "I'm just not made to date. I should focus on a career, you know? I'm not made for love."

I can feel Leah's stare without even looking at her. "Casey that's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard you say, and that's saying a lot."

"Leah . . ." I trail off, then stop, muttering a, "Never mind. You've said worse."

She rolls her eyes. "Casey, if I didn't love you, I'd probably sock you in the face right now." I maintain my stoic expression, and she continues. "You're making excuses, Case. If you like her enough, fucking do what your heart is telling you to do."

I look at her. "Okay."

A/N:

I feel like a little kid. Christmas is in three freaking days.

Voting is a great way to spread holiday cheer. :)

Love you guys so muchchch.

<3