Erin
Three months. I felt like I was walking on eggshells whenever we were alone together, which thankfully wasn't too often. It was a friendly comradery that we had fallen into since the day at the diner. Small chit chat, leaning over the side of the desk to ask about my work, gentle reminders about lunch or taking breaks, offering a cup of tea when he was going himself, it wasn't much but it was enough to get some looks from other staff members.

Peggy was blunt and asked point blank if we were dating. I said no, of course not and got the strangest look from her. After that, I seemed to notice that our eyes would meet sometimes when we weren't talking to each other. Sometimes when he chatted with someone in eyesight, or when he was walking down an aisle to his office. I couldn't help it I guess. I liked to look. I hadn't realised others had noticed me looking. That was embarrassing.

When I got the call to come down to HR, I briefly wondered if someone had said something. Then I thought, why would they though? I hadn't done anything untoward, and neither had he. We talked, nothing more, and politely. I guess a jealous person could cause trouble if they wanted. By the time I got down there I was sweating more than the situation probably warranted. John waved me into his office right away, so I followed.

"Congratulations, Erin." He held out a hand to me and I shook it warily.

"Uh, sorry to sound stupid but why's that?" I said nervously.

"I am happy to announce that your hard work has paid off. Your numbers over the time you've been here have been outstanding. We have had numerous clients give positive feedback on your work with them. Mr. Thompson is retiring next month, and the committee would like to offer you his position." John was beaming and I had to sit down. My mouth opened and closed a couple times like a dying fish before I got any sound out.

"What? Are you serious? A sales Manager? Me? Really?" I spluttered. We both laughed as he nodded.

"I will go over the contract for the position with you now if you'd like. You can sign it whenever you are ready in the next week. It will be a pay raise, and quite a bit more responsibility than you've had. Based on our previous encounter, I truly believe you are up for it." He sat down and handed me a package of papers. Sure enough, my name was on them. I gasped a little at the money line and my eyes flew up in surprise.

"Is this real? I'm sorry, just wow. I feel like I'm on a tickled cloud. Of course, I am so flattered that they thought of me. Can I sign now? This is just, wow. I can't even believe this. I'll need some training you know, for some of these duties." My eyes flew over the words. It was more work, but a lot of it I already knew from my daily work. I was up for the challenge. I wanted this, without even knowing I wanted this.

"Don't you need a day or two to think it over?" John hesitated. I was nearly done reading through the entire thing and he seemed impressed at the questions I asked him about a couple details.

"No, not really. I mean, I love working here. If you are going to give me a more exciting job I am not going to say no." I laughed and got up. He shrugged and gave me his pen, showing me where to put my signature on each set of documents. We shook hands with a big smile.

"Well, congratulations again. I will be setting up your training for Monday, so you'll have to finish the week in your previous job. I suggest you make notes for the person taking over your position to help them with those particular accounts. Don't bother to clear out any personal items since you will just be moving into an office in the same area. Am I forgetting anything?" He gave me my copy of the contract and filed the others on his desk before looking up expectantly.

"No, I think that's everything. Thanks John. I am really looking forward to this." I left with an irrepressible grin on my face. Papers in hand, I went back upstairs to my desk. I sat and stared at them for a couple minutes. I was still in shock a little bit. My boss, no, oh my god, my colleague Damien came over with a big grin on his face. I looked at him suspiciously.

"How's it going?" He said in a very fake nonchalant voice. I shook a finger accusingly at him.

"Did you know about this?" He looked away looking very guilty. I gasped. "You did! You weasel. How on earth did you keep this from me? I thought we were friends!"

"We are! I swear we are. I couldn't tell you. I was sworn to secrecy. Scouts honour. John wanted to present you the offer himself. Nothing I could do, but hey, we can go celebrate tonight? I know you want to go back to the diner..." We were both grinning at each other and I caved.

"Fine, I wanted to get that Pasta Primavera anyways." I said as though I was long suffering.

"Oh, brave girl. That's a lot of carbs." He was mocking me slightly, in a friendly way. I just threw a pen at him.

"Shut up, I'm celebrating." I stuck my tongue out at him and we both laughed. He drummed a bit on the side before moving back to his office.

"Alright, no slacking until then." He said mock seriously before ducking back into the room. I turned back to my computer with a sigh, oblivious to the looks from the others. My spirit was soaring. I finished my work with a bounce still in my step. I already had a page of notes to slip into my drawer. My purse was grabbed even as Damien came out of his office and turned off his light. I smiled and followed him towards the elevators, surprised when he turned to the stairs and opened the door.

"After you." He said chivalrously. I raised an eyebrow and went down the stairs.

"Don't you usually take the elevator?" I asked as he followed me. He huffed.

"Yes, but you don't. I work out at a gym close to my home, so I don't usually care." I held the door for him at the main floor and we both scanned out before heading to the parking lot. A cab was waiting out front and I was going to go around it when he pulled me back.

"What? You want to cab it?" I was confused.

"Yeah, that way we can have a couple beers if you want. Or whatever you drink. It's on me." He held the door open for me and I shrugged and slid into the seat. I was going to slide but he shut the door and went around. Nice. I told the cabby to take us to Sam's Diner. Off we went in the clean little car, low Hits music in the background. Sam's was packed and I was worried when we were dropped off. Damien led the way and was seated to a table marked reserved with a cardboard sign made with a sharpie.

"You reserved a table here?" I said in surprise. He laughed.

"Well, normally they don't do that here. I asked the owner specially though and he made an exception. I even pre-ordered your dinner. All you have to decide is what you want to drink." I aww-ed and laughed when he blushed. I ordered a Ricard's Red and he said he wanted the same. A pint was soon delivered to each of us and I took a long sip of the cold brew. I love the sharp taste of a good beer after a long day. Besides, if I was giving in to carbs today I might as well go all the way.

"How long have you known?" He looked at me in confusion a second before it dawned on him what I was asking.

"Only for a couple of days. The paperwork was done on Friday and John told me then. Lucky for me I had the weekend without running into you or I would have spilled the beans. I knew the second you came back that he had told you. Good thing too, or I probably would have told you myself." Our food was delivered and the smell was so amazing my mouth was watering like crazy. I made some very inappropriate sounds as I took my first bites.

"Oh my god. I should have done this ages ago." I looked up to see Damien staring at my mouth from across the table. I swallowed hard and took a sip of my beer to cover up any nervousness I was feeling. He seemed to jog out of it after a minute. I was getting lightheaded from how fast I was drinking my beer. At least that's what I thought was causing it. It was hard to focus on my food, as good as it was, just knowing that he was watching me.

I didn't notice when the second pints were delivered until I was about half way through the second. I ordered dessert, which I hardly ever do at a restaurant. It was a warm apple crumble tart, drizzled with hot butterscotch and a scoop of ice cream on the side. It was like heaven, and still did nothing to settle the bubbly feeling I was now experiencing in my chest. He had a huge chocolate brownie, which I might have to order the next time I felt the urge to gain ten pounds.

"Do you want to do this again, maybe this weekend?" He says to me between bites. My eyes flew to his face. He was nervous, but caught and kept my gaze. This was it. This was what I was afraid of. Now I had almost two beers in me and way too much sugar. I wanted to say yes so badly but...

"I don't think I should." I said, wincing. He frowned but considered a moment.

"Why? I mean, as of next Monday I won't be your boss anymore. We're friends already, which is great. What's stopping you?" He stated with confidence. I understood where he was coming from and there was only one thing left to get out of the way.

"Well, I just don't know if I'm the woman for you. I mean, there's stuff you might not be comfortable with when it comes to me. God, I can't do this in a diner. I'm sorry. I will explain, just not here. Please?" I hedged before giving up. I couldn't do it in a packed diner. There was no way. Too many people could overhear, and if he freaked out then I really would cry. I remembered last time and cringed inwardly.

"Of course. Do you want to go for a walk in the park the next street over?" He was getting up since we were both done our food and drink. I nodded and insisted on leaving the tip for the waitress despite his protests. My stomach now felt heavy with food and a tightness began across my chest. The alcohol wasn't helping, it just made me feel more sensitive. If he freaked out, I might too. He was so sweet though, taking my arm and walking next to me towards the park. I never wanted that moment to end.

But it had to, didn't it? It would have come up eventually if we became really good friends too. This is why it was so hard just living, being me. This moment, not knowing what would come of it, not knowing if I was about to lose a friend or gain a friend just because I was different. I sat on a bench a little inside the park and he stopped to watch me with a concerned look on his face. I fiddled with the fabric of my skirt, trying to find the words.

"Ok so, I really like you and I don't want you to freak out. I know it's not really obvious so..." I halted, suddenly unsure of what to say next. I had done this a thousand times before so why was it so hard now? Just tell him, my mind screamed at me but my tongue was tied. I swallowed thickly feeling nauseous from all the food and drink combined with nerves.

"What? Are you sick? Because it's fine, whatever it is I can deal with..." I think he said it because I was looking distinctly green, but I shook my head. "Are you a virgin? Because that is fine too. I am perfectly fine with waiting for..."

"No! Oh god. I have a dick! Shit, shit, shit." I covered my face with my hands because I couldn't bear to see what his reaction would be. That was the most horrible way I could have said it and I was mortified. I mean really? You couldn't have told him gently? You had to blurt it out like that? Moron! I was such an idiot! I was going to get my face punched in. I knew it. It was really, really quiet. I flinched when he sat down next to me on the bench. He let out a long breath.

"So, your breasts are...?" He hesitated but seemed to need confirmation.

"Ah, real. I take hormones. I just don't... I mean I haven't..." I squeaked out. I tried really hard not to cry. I peeked a look over at him, he seemed deep in thought. Like when contemplating a difficult case at work. His chin was down, leaned back, arms folded and chewing on his lip. He looked so hot like that. The turn of my thoughts steadied me a bit, or distracted me, whatever. He wasn't yelling or swinging, so that was a good sign?

"I guess I should have known it was too good to be true." I flinched when he mumbled that and he looked up apologetically. "No, not like that. Don't think I meant you."

"What? You mean you weren't going to use the 'it's not you, it's me' excuse now?" I ground out between my clenched teeth.

"No, I'm not. Give me a chance to get my thoughts together okay? I have been dating unsuccessfully since high school so I have a few of my own issues to deal with too." He was a little upset, but I sat and waited. It was more than others had given me in the past, but it was what I would have wanted. So I stayed, and watched him get up to pace.

"Well?" I prompted him after sitting for a few minutes. If I was going to go home and cry, I wanted to do it soon.

"I dated a lot of girls in high school and university. Not that I'm bragging, I didn't really feel anything with them and it just got frustrating. I thought I was maybe gay, so I tried dating a couple guys, but it didn't work out either. I've been attracted mostly to men, but it didn't feel right. When I met you, I just... I felt something. I want to see where this goes. I mean, I had already accepted that I might be alone for the rest of my life and then you show up. I thought I was gay, but you are very much a woman. I am really confused right now, but I really like you. So, please?"

I was confused. He was gay and confused because he was attracted to me? He wasn't attracted to women but attracted to me as a woman? One thing I did get out of it, he wasn't completely put out because I was transgender. He was just confused. Did I want a confusing relationship though? I shrugged inwardly, didn't really look like I could have anything but with the way my body was. He had begged really cutely at the end of that little speech too.

"Please what? You want to date me? You want me to let you think? I don't know what you're asking me. Last time I told someone I got a black eye and forced out of my job. I need a little help here." I leveled with him. He looked pissed when I mentioned getting hit. That made me feel a little better, I admit.

"Will you go out with me on Saturday? You can decide if you want to keep dating after that. Is that fair?" I was looking at my hands. It wasn't exactly how I wanted this conversation to go, but the end result seemed more positive than I was expecting. I did want to date him, who wouldn't? He was sexy and nice, which was probably why he was so popular. He wasn't my boss as of Friday, so that reason was moot.

"Okay. Yes. I will go out with you on Saturday." He grabbed my hands and pulled me into a hug. I felt awkward but he kissed my forehead and said thank you before letting go. We went out to the street before he waved down a cab and climbed in. I gave my address and we went in silence, glancing at each other every so often. At my stop, he held my hand in place to get my attention. He slipped his hand into my hair and gave me a gentle kiss.

I got out in a daze. Not sure how I made it into my apartment, but I was standing in the entry just feeling the place his lips had been. It burned. I needed to snap out of whatever this was. These weird feelings he gave me; I was afraid it would all destroy me. I needed to focus on my new job. I wanted to go back outside and crawl back into the cab to follow him home. Without any options, I slapped myself. I gasped at the pain but was happy I could finally move again.

I showered. I got into pajamas. I stared into space. I thought too much. I fell asleep.