Monica blinked her eyes. Her latte and panini swirled in her stomach. Her heart sank so far down that her eyes watered. She gripped the sides of the laptop screen with her fingers and squeezed. She did the same to the small table. A patron sitting a few feet away gave her a sharp look as the man on stage lingered with his final note into the microphone.

Her eyes darted from the screen to the patron and then softened. She faked a smile. She closed the laptop. She left a ten dollar bill on the table and gathered her belongings.

"Leaving so soon?" Santiago approached her with concern in his voice as she made her way to the side exit.

"I left money on the table. I have to go."

"The panini was on me. Lemme get you your change, girl."

Santiago spoke to the roasted coffee-scented air as he spun to watch her leave, though. A gust of wind chilled his arms as the door passively shut behind her.

***

Monica set Astrid's laptop on the coffee table in the living room of her apartment. She changed into the most comfortable pajamas she owned: stretchy, soft leggings and a roomy, heather gray R.E.M. band tee.

Beer was not a beverage she gravitated towards, but she swiped one of Owen's brown ales from the fridge and drank it while she sat on the couch staring at the laptop. When she had gotten back to the apartment, her first instinct was to call him. What was she supposed to say?

Even if Owen became strangely perfect and understanding, excusing her act of theft and confusion,  and wanted to help in her situation, he couldn't read the damn file to her. He was performing that very minute. There was no one to help her. Perhaps Pearl, who was the least judgmental and most open-minded person she knew would read it for her, but she wasn't around either. All of her people were in the same spot, and she was away from them.

She felt new chills stream through her. She shuddered. She would have to do this all by herself. She shook her head and thought, what's so new about that?

The beer bottle clanked in the trash bin when she threw it in. She circled the coffee table like a hawk eyeing its prey. She was waiting for the right moment.

There wasn't a right moment, though. She breathed in and breathed out. The small amount of alcohol from the beer warmed her insides a bit. She breathed in and out a tad easier than before and sat on the carpet in front of the coffee table. She woke the laptop up by lifting the screen. The searing light from it stung her eyes. She lowered the brightness to the lowest setting.

She found the folder. There it was.

Monica.

She wished it hadn't been there anymore. That she had just imagined it or that it would have somehow just disappeared. 

She stared at it for a long while not doing anything. She stared at it for so long her vision blurred in and out. She swallowed and right-clicked on it. She selected Properties and looked at the date and time the file was created: Thursday, February 8, 2018, 7:44:58 PM. Just a few weeks after Monica had started her part-time job at the daycare.

Date and time when it was last modified: Sunday, July 15, 2018, 5:57:36 AM.

Date and time when it was last accessed: Sunday, August 25, 2018, 1:12:20 AM. The weekend before Astrid died.

That was all Monica could bare to look at then. She shut the laptop down and put the television on. She turned the volume up. She needed some noise, some voices of others she didn't even know to drown out the sounds of her crying. 

Crying about a girl she didn't even know.