Assalamualaikum!!!

         CHAPTER 20 -  A MOURNFUL SAUDADE...

"Hell is empty and all the devil is here."
                       - William Shakespeare

MINAL'S POV :

  
Fatty came over to help me in changing my outfit.

She was helping me when my mind went on flashback.

When I was getting dressed and I couldn't help myself to zip up my dress and he helped me just when fatty came. It was so embarrassing for both of us.

A laugh escaped my mouth.

Then I realised that it's not same anymore.

Fatty told about mom and dad arrival time.

"Bhai told me you've not eaten anything yet. I'll get us both breakfast here. Till then don't move. Okay?" She said with a smile on her face.

I nodded smiling.

She was about to leave when I called her.

"Fatty are you okay? You don't have to do this. I'll manage myself."

"Am fine Bhabi. I've to move on right. I can't be like this forever." She faked a smile and left the room.

I took a deep breath and I got up. It ached but my mamma has always taught me to handle such situation and Don't be a burden on anyone. So like always I managed to walk all the way to washroom.

I can't eat without brushing my teeth. So I brushed my teeth and washed my face.

I came out of the washroom and soaked my face with his towel. His shampoo smell was still in the towel.

I put his towel back in place and managed to walk towards the dressing table. I sat and took my hair brush. I brushed my hair.

I remember the first day after our wedding how scared I got when he walked shirtless towards me. My hair brush slipped from my hand. He kept his phone in charge and he walked away.

I don't know why am going all flashback like its the end. It's not. He won't let that happen. He won't let me go.

Someone shooked my shoulder. I gasped loudly.

"Relax Bhabi. Are you okay? You look lost."

"Yeah am fine." I gave her a fake smile.

"I've got ourselves break fast. Come let's eat."

"Okay."

She asked me if I need help but I said I'll manage.

"Okay."

Fatty's phone made a notification sound. She checked and texted back.

"Bhabi. Where do you keep the first aid kit?"

"In that drawer. Why?"

"Bhai asked me to give you the pain killer after breakfast."

"Ah okay."

He still cares about me. I smiled.

SHEHRYAAR'S POV :

"Look who's here Mr. Shehryaar." He smirked. I clenched my teeth.

His friends looked confuse.

"A pitiful brother and a useless husband." He said smirking and laughed.

My anger roused and crossed every limits and I want beat the heck out of him. But I want him to join his business soon so that I can beat him in my way.

I controlled myself.

"And you are bastard who couldn't defend himself and fight for himself. And a scared moron who ran away after doing things." I said gritting my teeth and looking directly in his eyes.

His smile change into anger.

"Look man. It was all a dare. So he did what we asked h..." One of his friend  started defending him. He stopped his friend. When I heard the word dare I lost my mind. My muscles tensed. I clenched my teeth.

"Don't scare him my friend, he is very pitiful brother and helpless husband."
He smirked.

I glared at him.

"Aww...look he's getting angry. But he can't do anything now. You se..." Before he completed his sentence. My temper shooted.

I punched him hard on his jaw.

He screamed in pain. Crowd gathered around us.

I moved forward to him, I looked in his eyes. His eyes looked terrified.

"Get well soon. Then I'll show you what I can do. See you soon." I whispered to him gritting my teeth.

He was bleeding already.

I chuckled at his helplessness. He was injured enough to fight back.

I left the place showing the middle finger to his friends. They were looking scared.

FATTY'S POV :

"Don't worry Bhai." I hunged up.

Bhabi was sleeping peacefully. I was laying beside her. When my phone ranged loudly.

I quickly reached my phone, (Ray calling) and put my phone on silent.

This crazy guy has no patience. I told him not to call me before 6.

I checked on Bhabi. I switched off the lights. And slowly closed the door behind.

I went my room and called him back.

"What the hell is your problem? I told you not to call me before 6, right?"

"Okay, sorry. I just want to check on you."

I took a deep breath.

"Am fine. Am totally fine. Stop checking on me every now and then."

"Okayyy. Then get ready I'll come and pick you up at 7."

"What? Wait. Am not going anywhere."

"Why not Yaar. Look it's been a while since we went together. Let's.."

"No Ray. You don't get it. Bhabi is alone at home and she is not well. Bhai asked me to accompany her till mom and dad arrives."

"Yaaaarrr. Where is your Bhai? Why isn't he with Bhabi?"

"He is busy in his work place. Probably won't come back tonight."

"That piece of shit is important for him more than Bhabi."

"And you don't have that piece of shit today? Today is Monday right. You have plenty of work today like always. Then how come you are free tonight?" I asked him.

"Umm yeah. I know. But I thought to cheer you up. Am not like your brother, I care about people."

"Yeah right." I chuckled.

"Okay then. Better luck next time. I'll go now. I've got lots of work today. Bye. See you soon."

"Bye." We hunged up. I smiled thinking about the time when Aideen and I would ask him to come home on Monday then he'd never come. He'll make so many excuses then he'll arrive when we are about to leave his house. Now he have time. That's unbelievable.

                   * 2 Days later *

MINAL'S POV :

"It's been a while since you both visited. When are you planning to make a visit?" Mamma asked me.

Visit? He don't even sit with me. He won't mind if I stayed at my mamma's place. But I don't want to. I want to stay here...even though our relationship is on and off situation. I need to be here.

"Minal? Are you listening?"

"Umm..yeah mamma. We'll visit you soon. But shehryaar is very busy nowadays. Also since fatty's engagement broke, everyone is still worried for her. I can't make it. Not atleast in this week."

"I see. Okay then. Take care. I'll talk to you later. Say my greetings to your in-laws."

"Inshallah. You too take care of yourself. Khuda hafiz." We hung up.

I ran downstairs and saw mom and dad sitting on the coach. And fatty was still having her breakfast. Maybe she didn't like the breakfast.

I walked up to her. She looked lost.

I called out her name. She turned to me. Her eyes was red, like she is lack of sleep.

I sat beside her.

"Fatty? Your eyes. They have got red. Are you sleeping well nowadays?" I asked her. She didn't reply but her eyes did. A tear rolled down her cheek.

"Yeah. Pretty well." She looked down at her plate while she replied.

I felt a void in my heart as if she's hurt because of me. It is because of me.

"You didn't like the breakfast, right?. That's okay. I'll make your favourite. Then you can eat. You leave this. I'll be back in...umm..10 minutes?"

"Bhabhi. No need yaar. I don't have appetite. Leave it."

"Oh come on. I know you'll love it. Now you just wait. Okay."
I ran towards the kitchen. I asked the maid to help me. I asked her to chop the onion and unfreeze the mince pie.

I made the batter of pancake. Then I made the stuffings.

After 10 minutes, it's done.

I kept those pancakes in the tray. And i walked out of the kitchen. I saw no one's in the dining table.

May be she went to her room.

I kept the cheesy pancakes in the oven to melt the cheese.
Then I kept the mayonnaise and ketchup in the tray.  Fork and knife and an empty plate. I took out pancakes and kept in the tray and I took upstairs to her room.

I opened the door with my leg and walked in to see her crying hugging her legs.

It hurts seeing her like this.

I kept the tray on the side table. I poured water in the glass. I went towards her and sat beside her. I tapped her shoulder and she looked up. I offered her water. She drank it and kept aside.

"Fatty. You should stop crying over that jerk. He's not worth it."

"Am not crying over him bhabhi. Am crying over myself. Over my stupidity."

"You've done no wrong. Don't curse yourself."

She cried again.

"Fatty stop crying. Just get over him. Curse that bastard. Don't curse yourself."

"You've no idea bhabhi. It's all because of me."

No fatty. It's not because of you. It's because of me. I wish I could tell you this.

"Okay. Leave it. Just forget everything. You..." She cut me off and screamed, "It's not that easy! It's not that easy to forget everything. I've ruined my whole life."

I flinched over her sudden change in behaviour.

Tears rolling down my cheeks. I just couldn't stop myself.

It's all because of me. I made her life miserable.

She was crying the hell out of her. I just can't see her like this.

I just ran out of her room.

What have I done? Why is this all happening to me?

I ran into my room and locked myself.

I ran towards the washroom and splashed some water on my face to get hold of myself.

I made a quick ablution and came out. I started praying namaz. I don't know what else to do. 

After praying and all the crying. I went downstairs.

I went inside the kitchen. I told mom that I'll make lunch and dinner today.

By the maid's help, I finished by 2:00.

It's almost time. He will be here in half an hour.

I walked to mom's room. I knocked.

Dad replied, "Come in, Minal. You don't have to knock everytime."

I walked in. I saw mom praying namaz already.

"Dad, You are here? You didn't went to office today? Are you okay?"

"Just not feeling well." He said forcing a smile.

"He's having constant headaches. And also he's not sleeping well. And today he didn't even had his breakfast." Mom said .

"Dad?! You should have told me already. I'll make you something really delicious then you can't resist yourself." I said smiling.

He smiled. "I heard you're making lunch and dinner today."

"You heard it right. Lunch's ready. But it's not your favourite. Today's lunch is shehryaar's favourite. But I'll make sure dinner menu will be yours." I said. He laughed and tapped my head.

"Okay then. Let's go and have my daughter's husband's favourite Lunch." He smiled at me. 

Mom walked upto me and kissed my forehead. She smiled at me.

"I'll just freshen up myself and join you." I said and walked upstairs. I washed my face and cleaned myself in the mirror

I remember mamma telling me once, " A person's cooking is not only judged by it's taste and appearance but also by the person's appearance and how well they serve."

I went downstairs. I saw fatty with mom and dad.

I looked at the main door. He should be here by now.

"Come Minal." Mom asked me to join them. I nodded and sat beside her.

"Shehry called. He said he won't be here for lunch today. He's busy but I asked him to come by 9 today." Mom said.
My heart sank.

I made his favourite. But he won't be eating it. I gulped.

I forced a smile.

"Did he asked you to make it and didn't show up?" Dad asked angrily.

I shook my head.

"If he did that then he..." I cut him off and said, "No dad. He didn't ask for it. I thought it's been so long since we had lunch today together. So...but that's okay dad. I should have asked him."

"He missed it. It's delicious Minal. Too good. He'll regret it." Dad said to make me feel better.

I gave him a forced smile. I lost my appetite.

After lunch, Mom and dad went to their room. Before them fatty already left.

I collected all the plates and maid joined me. I helped her carry them to the kitchen. I saw the breakfast I made for fatty was empty.

"Who brought this downstairs?" I asked the maid.

"Didi(fatty) kept the tray in the kitchen." She said.

I smiled. I walked out of the kitchen and went upstairs to my room.

I prayed Namaz - e - Zohar. After the prayer, I took my phone and sat on the bed.

I checked his last seen. His last seen was yesterday 3:00 pm.

I sighed. I was checking my messages in WhatsApp and Instagram.

When the door knocked.
I waited for the person to enter, it was fatty.

I smiled when I saw her. She didn't smiled.
She walked upto me and sat infront of me.

"You want something?" I asked her. She shook her head. I pressed my lips together.

"Am here to apologise."

"You don't have to."

"Just... lemme finish. I've gathered all my strength to do this." She looked at my eyes and said. I nodded.

She took a deep breath.

"Am sorry for being rude and yelling at you. And thanks for the breakfast."

I smiled at her. She didn't look at me. She was talking while looking down.

"Actually, I heard you while praying dua this morning."

A sudden fear appeared in my heart. My heart started beating fast. I hope she didn't hear everything.

"Am sorry for eavesdropping but I came to apologise right away but when I heard you. I felt more guilty." She looked up at me.

I was getting more scared by every passing second. I hope she didn't heard everything.

"Bhabhi. It's not your fault. It's not Bhai's or my mom or dad's fault either. And... it's not my fault either. It's all his fault." I saw hatred in her eyes for him.

"He showed up infront us. It's not like that you forced bhai to accept his help or bhai accepted his proposal for me. It's all about fate. I think Allah wanted to test me and I failed. But I'll not accept my failure. I'll seek lessons from this and I'll pass in his test every time."

A tear rolled down her cheek. So did mine but I was happy to hear decide that she'll move on.

"I'll forget everything and will move on. Thanks to Rayad for opening my eyes. I'll become a better muslim, a better daughter and a better woman." She smiled.  I smiled back. I hugged her and she hugged me back. We stayed like that for a minute.

"Am happy you made a wise decision. Your family will be pride of you." I told her. She smiled.

"Bhabhi." She called out my name.

"Hmm?" I asked her.

"Is everything okay with you and Bhai?" She asked and my smile fade away.

"I don't have all day to think about this shit." Suddenly his harsh words rang in my ear. Everytime I think of it, I can't stop myself.

I faked a smile and nodded to her.

"Bhabhi. You can tell me." She asked getting all concerned for me.

How can I just tell her that his brother called me shit. Am nothing to him but a piece of shit.

A tears rolled down my cheek.

"Bhabhi. You can talk me."

She's already going through so much, I can't.

"Nothing happened. You think I'll let him go if he does something to me. I'll make him apologise to me." I told her smiling.

"Then why are you crying?"

"I Miss him. He's very busy nowadays and don't have time for me. That's why." I lied.

"You sure?"

"You really wanna know the details?" I gave her a naughty smile.

"Bhabhi! I know I didn't asked the details. You've become so like your husband." She laughed.

"I just double checked." She said. I smiled.

"If you don't mind can I sleep with you here? Bhai is not coming before dinner."

"Ofcourse."

"But wake me up when you go make the dinner. We'll make it together." She said.

"Okay. Do you want me to raise the temperature of A/C?" I asked her.

"Yeah. Am not used to sleep at this low temperature. I don't know how you guys sleep." She said making herself to the bed.

"Ah! Actually shehryaar is like you. But am not used to it. So..."

"Hah! Seriously?"

"Yeah." I stuck my tongue between my teeth.

"Oh my god! He's a changed man after he got married... I mean in a good way. You know before, he will never sacrifice all this things. He was so mean. But that's good. Atleast he knows how to sacrifice." She said as she closed her eyes.

He did for me?. I gulped.

                  * Before Dinner *

"Pulao is ready bhabi." Fatty said.

"Okay." I said while making the dessert.

"Bhabhi. I'll ask the maid to go and arrange the dinning table."

"Yeah sure."

I was making dessert when the bell rang. Maybe it's him.

I washed my hands to open the door.

I ran towards the main door and I opened the door. It was him.

He looked total mess. His hair was mess, his tie loosened, his white shirt was dirty and his hand was wrapped by white cloth.

I quickly took his hand in mine and checked.

"What happened? Are you hurt somewhere else too?" I asked getting worried for him. He shook his head.

He kept his hand in his plant's pocket when he heard mom's voice.

"Who came Minal?" Mom asked. He walked inside.

"Hey mom." He greeted mom.

"What happened? You look so dull." Mom asked worriedly.

"Yeah. Just work and stuff." He said.

"That's why I told you to not to work overtime. And you didn't even came to have lunch. What did you had in lunch?" Mom asked.

He got struck. "Um.. I had... burger. Yeah burger." He said as if he is making up.

"And I heard you didn't had breakfast this morning? What's wrong with you?" Mom asked him getting angry.

"Mom. Please yaar. Stop asking questions. Am already tired. I'll go and get fresh." He said and climbed upstairs.

I walked upto mom who was sitting there all worried.

"Mom. Stop worrying about him. He's not a 8 year old. He is grown up now." Fatty said and sat beside her.

"I know fatim. But look at him. He's not himself." Mom said.

Dad came and sat beside fatty.

"It's nothing new. He's always been like this. Forget him. Let's have dinner." Dad said coolly and he grabbed fatty's hand and walked upto dinning table.

"What kind of father are you?" Mom followed him.

What happened to his hand? Why is he hiding from everyone?

I too walked upto dinning table and sat. Everybody started eating.

I remembered that I didn't kept the dessert in the fridge. I quickly went and kept inside.

I came back from the kitchen and saw him coming downstairs. He changed himself into his track and white shirt.He looked at me. Then looked away.

I walked upto the dining table and sat. He came and sat beside me.

He forget that he was hiding his wound from everyone and he started to rolled up his sleeve.

Mom was shocked so was dad and fatty.

"What happened to your hand?" Dad asked. His expression was so obvious that I know he must be mentally face palming himself.

"Umm...I got hurt at work. Am okay. It's nothing." He said carelessly.

"Shehry. You should take care of yourself beta. You should be very careful." Mom said.

"Mom. Bhai is fine. Look at bhabhi." She laughed. I frowned.

Everybody looked at me.

"What about me?" I asked frowning.

"Looks like you're going to cry." She said and laughed and so did dad.

I remained silent. I just can't take off my eyes from his hand.

He rolled up only one sleeve. But he couldn't rolled up the other one.

I was about to help him when he asked fatty to help him.

"You wish." She declined.

"May I?" I asked him.

"Yes, you may. That's what he wants. He used me." Fatty said making a face. Shehryaar rolled his eyes. I rolled up his other sleeve.

I served him. How can he eat? He hurt his right hand?

I quickly handed him the folk. He took it but it's hurting him while holding the spoon. I looked at him. He ignored my gaze. He tried to eat.

"Minal. I don't think he'll be able to eat himself. You feed him." Mom said. I widened my eyes. So did he.

"Mom. That's okay. I can eat." He said.

"Am not talking to you." Mom said angrily.

Mom looked at me. I nodded.

How can I feed him? Even if I had to...why infront of so many people?

I gave her a forced smile. My heart beats going uneven.

We both got uncomfortable.

I started feeding him with my hands. He didn't even look at me.

I saw dad and fatty looking at us like we're entertaining them and they're totally enjoying it.

"Dad. You know what I think?"

"What?"

"I think he didn't hurt his hand. It's all drama. He's doing this to get free favors from bhabhi." She said. Dad agreed laughing.

"Shehry. Who told you about my tricks?" Dad asked smirking.

"Dad. Am not playing tricks. I'm actually hurt." Shehryaar got angry.

Dad and fatty remained silent.

After dinner, we all head up to our respective rooms.

I took the dessert for shehryaar as he went upstairs before the dessert was served.

He was searching something in the wardrobe. As soon as he saw me, he closed the wardrobe and headed to washroom.

I sighed and kept the bowl in the side table. 

I switched on the A/C. I took out my night suite and kept on the bed and I was waiting for him to come outside.

He came outside and threw the towel on the bed.

He took his pillow and put on the coach and laid.

He just keeps ignoring me. He treats me like I don't even exist for him.

I can't just ignore the fact that he doesn't care about me anymore. I took my suitcase and kept on the bed. I opened the wardrobe and started filling with my clothes.

I can't take it anymore. His eyes always blaming me. I can't bear it.

He suddenly got up.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Am going to mamma's place." I said as tear rolled down my cheek.

"Oh." That was all he said after hearing what I said.

I looked up at him. He sat on the bed looking down. I stopped packing. I walked upto him. He looked at me.

"I hope you are happy now. You can sleep in your bed peacefully and you can come home anytime you want and you won't be able to see my face." I bursted.

"Umm...For how many days you will stay there?" He asked looking down again.

I clenched my teeth as my tears kept coming out.

"I don't know. Maybe I won't even come back." I said and started packing again. He suddenly got up and stared at me.

"Can't stop smiling, right?" I asked sarcastically. Inside, I want him to stop me but I can't ask for myself.

I zipped my suitcase. I took my handbag and put my phone and charger in my bag. I left my home slippers on my side of bed.

I dragged my suitcase and carried my handbag and was about to walk outside the room when he called out my name.

I turned to him thinking that he might stop me from going home but no.

"Do you want me to drop you home?" He asked and took his keys.

"No thanks. I know how to drive." I said and took another car's key.

I dashed out of the room. I saw fatty coming to us. But she stopped seeing me carrying a suitcase.

I wiped my tears and passed her a smile and carried the suitcase downstairs.

I walked upto the main door. I wore my slippers and before I opened the door I turned to see only fatty staring at me. I turned back and exited from the main door.

Hey!

How you doin'? ;)

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Allah Hafiz!

- Mrs. Shehryaar -