Chapter 36

Sorry

When I came out of the building, I close my eyes and took a deep breath. I will try to feel everything's okay at gawing positive vibes pa rin ang lahat. I shouldn't take all those emotionally but instead had to realize everything hasn't meant for me and it is okay. Nang imulat ko ang mga mata ko ay tinahak ko na rin ang daan papunta sa school bus. I'm really walking into the moon sa sobrang bagal. When I reach the school busses, my ride wasn't there. Muli akong napahugot ng malalim na hininga and a thought came out in my head.

Not everyone are willing to stay for a longer time, they just know, they had to go without you, having knowledge about it.

Kinuha ko naman ang phone, I was about to dial my parents number but I don't want them to see me like this. Binalik ko ang phone sa bulsa ko at dinala naman ako ng mga paa ko papunta sa open field. Maybe because something has been attracting me to be there, hindi ko lang alam kung bakit o kung ano man iyon. I just think, I needed to be there.

Pagkapasok ko sa open field, it is quiet, the smell of grass and mud are present pero nakuha ko pang huminga ng malalim at kung ano-ano naman ang biglang pumasok sa isipin ko. I haven't been here most of the times pero kapag napapadpad ako dito, there's a moment na hindi ko talaga makakalimutan.

On the first time I step a foot in this field, I met Korgian. That's the time I knew, may bago na akong crush but on the latter moments, ngayon malalaman kong nagugustuhan niya rin ako but why would he try to evade his feelings on me? Wala namang masama doon diba? I don't have any diseases na dapat niyang katakutan. I just still wonder how he reacted.

Tumuloy ako sa bleachers, from the fourth row naupo ako, just like where I sat from watching the previous game of the team. I could still remember the night. I was supposed to cheer for Korg but ended up cheering Alec. Hindi ko rin naman minamasa iyong nangyari cause of what I did, nakapoints kaagad sila. I was his motivation but never mine.

"Alex?!" mabilis akong napalingon sa boses ng tumawag sa pangalan. Nataranta pa ako dahil akala ko mag-isa lang ako dito sa field but then someone was also here, and when I look at the direction where its coming from I saw him. "What are you doing here? And alone?" he asked.

He immediately jumped into the bleachers, kinabahan naman ako bigla sa ginawa niya at nabato na lang din sa kinauupuan ko hanggang sa makarating siya sa pwesto ko. He stood infront of me, I couldn't help but to notice how this man turns into something I couldn't distinguish from before.

"I didn't know you're here..." iyon na lamang ang nasabi ko sa kanya.

Napangisi naman ito at tumabi sa akin at nilapag niya sa sahig ang dala niyang duffel bag, "May kinuha lang akong gamit sa locker ko bago umuwi. And you, anong ginagawa mo dito?" kunot-noo nitong tanong sa akin.

Tiningnan ko siya at napakibit-balikat na lang din ako, "hindi ko rin alam." Ngiwi ko pa sa kanya, "gusto ko lang siguro mapag-isa hehe."

He chuckles, "there would be reason to that, do you mind sharing it?"

Nilayo ko ang tingin sa kanya at napailing na lang din, "hindi na 'no, saka hindi mo naman kailangan alamin pa 'yon."

"No, no. I would like to hear kahit ano pa iyon, I'll listen."

"Hindi talaga Alec, ayos lang talaga... hindi naman big deal iyong maalis ka sa drama club at malamang gusto ka rin ni Korg. No, hindi talaga big deal." Aniko pero mabilis ko ding na-realize ang sinabi ko. Ngiti na lang din naman ang binigay ko sa kanya, tumatakas sa pagiging awkward but I think he heard all those words mula sa akin.

"Wait, wait, could you repeat all those?" aniya, does he acting he didn't heard those kasi kung hindi, hinding-hindi ko talaga uulitin iyon para sa kanya. "You were out off of the drama club and what about Korg?"

"You don't have to repeat it," aniko. "but if you insist to know... pero 'wag na talaga."

"Ano ba talaga, Alex? I won't judge you anyway, hindi lang ako sanay na makita kang mag-isa and into this hour, halos wala nang tao sa school and you are here alone in the bleachers. It wasn't a big deal for you but I, I can't see that."

Isang malalim na buntong hininga naman ang pinakawalan ko. "I just wanted this day to spread good vibes but I don't think it is what's happening..."

"You know what, this would help..." Alec said, may kinuha naman siya sa duffel bag niya at inabot niya sa akin ang isang can. "Don't worry this doesn't contain alcohol, I drive my way home, so alcohol is off limits." He explained.

Kinuha ko rin naman ang softdrink na binigay niya sa akin at binuksan ko iyon, pinanood ko muna siyang inumin ang kanya and he gulped like a kid. Natatawa na lang din ako sa kanya lalo na nang dumighay pa ito pagkatapos. He excuse his bad manner at napailing na lang din naman ako sa kanya. I also do the same, uminom ako from the can and let out a burp. Hindi namin mapigilan ang pagtawa namin, I couldn't believe that I would get a chance na magkaroon ng ganitong moment kay Alec. Sobrang gaan... and it's like, walang nangyari sa mga pinag-usapan namin before.

"Thank you for this, Alec..." ngiti ko pa sa kanya.

"No worries, atleast you got some refreshments for yourself at kahit papaano, napatawa kita."

"That's unexpected though," I remarked. But everything now sets to be awkward. Natahimik na lang din ako.

"So, Alex," he started, breaking the silence. "what happened at the drama club? I was looking forward seeing you there."

I sighed, "'wag ka nang umasa dahil hindi na mangyayari iyon." I hesitated to talk about it dahil kilala niya ang taong babanggitin ko pero siguro wala rin naman masamang dating iyon sa kanya. Mas kilala naman si Mia and he knows her attitude very well. "They kick me out of the drama—" magsasalita na sana kaagad siya but I stopped him and let me continue my explanation, he just chuckles doing. Cute, but hindi ako marupok. "It is because of Mia—"

"What?!" he bursted out nang marinig ang pangalan no'ng babaeng 'yon. Maybe, that was the last name he wanted to hear. Nabigla rin siguro siya. "H-How in the world was it because of that crazy girl?"

Bumagsak naman ang balikat ko, ayoko mang alalahanin ang nangyari kanina but to accept those things, kailangan ko rin naman mag-move on. "I don't know what's the reason of Mia on putting me on that situation, she just told our club adviser that if I'm leaving the club she will."

He smirked, "then your club adviser choose that girl over you?" I nodded on him. "Pathetic decision."

"They say Mia had more of potential than me, that's why our adviser chooses her talent than me—but her reason was also reasonable as she doesn't see me performed." I faked a smile, "and I think it is okay to let go of it, kung doon sila sasaya." Aniko at muling uminom sa softdrink ko.

"I couldn't believe it," Alec said. "Kung noon pa man, ganyan na talaga makipagsalamuha si Lathomia. She has a dirty personality and if someone doesn't obey her rules, she would find a way to kick out that person out of her life. And I think she did that on you."

"And I think it is because of Korg." I said.

Napakunot-noo naman siya sa sinabi ko, "how does he become the prime reason of this?"

"Gell told me some of it."

"Oh, this is where we lead to, Korg is in shape of liking you?"

I couldn't help to think it is good to hear those words but on the other side of reality, Korg never wanted that to happen. Tumango ako ng bahagya sa kanya, "Gell, his sister, told me that Korg run to Mia the night of teams victory party because Korg thinks it is a mistake for liking me—"

"Wait—wait, so Korg think liking you is a mistake?"

I nodded, "that's what I just said, diba..." I giggles. "Pero hindi pa iyon, Korg runs to Mia, but he doenst want to go back on the feeling in love with her ex. Sobrang gulo ni Korg ngayon. And then Gell told me I can talk to Korg... hindi ko naman alam kung anong sasabihin sa kanya, baka naman kasi iwasan niya lang din ako."

I notice his deep sighed, "Korg is a complicated person."

"He must've been gone into a complicated situation that he became one."

"But you know what I'm thinking," Alec stated. "You don't have to push yourself to the person thinks liking you is a wrong thing. Sa tingin mo noong nakita kita, mali na kausapin ka? Mali na magustuhan ka? I was vocal in my feelings on you Alex and yet I don't think it is mistake even if you don't appreciate it..."

Mabilis akong napatingin sa kanya. I was out of words. Hindi ko alam kung paano sasagutin iyong sinabi niya. Looking at his face, I couldn't see any pain but the smile he's showing. Ako ang nasasaktan sa sinabi niya. Parang napaka-walang kwenta ko namang tao dahil sa sinabi niya.

"Oh, sorry Alex, but you are a good person and you don't need to give anything back. Masaya na ako na nakikita kitang masaya. It is my happiness even if your happiness is the person who makes you broken."

Aray, Alec. Hindi ako handa sa mga sinasabi niya, it is just coming out of nowhere. Saan niya naman kaya napulot ang mga iyon?

"But you know what, liking you has never done any bad decisions on me. I actually got my courage and confidence to show it. Somehow, Korg would the same and see how beautiful you are."

"Sorry... Alec..." was all I can say.

He looked at me with furrowed brows, "you don't have to be sorry..." he chuckles.

"No, please, hear me out." He nodded, willing to listen, as if he had no choice. He drink up on his softdrink and I gulped, composing myself not to track with my emotions. "First, sorry 'cause you don't have to hear all those dramas. It wasn't your life to fix and mend. And sorry cause I couldn't do the same way you do for me."

Mabilis naman akong inakbayan nito. Nagulat ako sa ginawa niya pero unti-unti naman akong naging comfortable sa kanya, "that's okay, Alex. You shouldn't hold onto those dramas and with all me situation... let just stay friends okay, if that's okay with you?" I hastily nodded to give him response, "good to know that... and don't be sorry about me okay? Hindi na big deal sa akin iyon. It was hurt on the first time but we all get into that phase and I think, moving on is the best way... right?"

"Thank you... if you weren't here. I don't know what should I do."

"Oh, ano palang balak mo sa club mo? May sasalihan ka bang bago?" aniya at inalis ang pagkaka-akbay sa akin, napakibit balikat din naman ako sa kanya.

"I'll think of it... siguro doon, mas welcome ako." Buntunghininga ko pa. "But I should go now..." aniko at tumayo ako sa kinauupuan ko pero natigilan din naman ako nang maalala kong wala akong masasakyan pauwi. His forehead creased on my grin and he laughed afterwards, "can you give me ride back home?"

"Sure, that's not a problem. Ngayon na ba?"

Tumango muli ako sa kanya, "yes pero kung may pupuntahan ka pa, it is okay.

He shook his head, "no, wala na naman akong pupuntahan. I was already on the way to parking lot ng makita kita doon... and I'm glad it happened, diba?"

"It is... and I think you're a good adviser."

"Broken people aren't a good adviser though," he joke but I think that was really meant for me to realize I did broke him. "But anyway, we should go before the sun sets."

Before going down the bleachers, he asked for my bag and I gladly give it to him. Inalalayan pa niya ako bumaba ng hagdan kahit kaya ko naman at saka hindi ako naka-heels kaya hinding-hindi ako matitisod but he insists. He also said that's what gentleman do and whispered, chivalry isn't dead. Just like people who weren't afraid to tell their feelings in front of the person they admire. And Korg wasn't one of it, o wala lang talaga akong idea kung sino nga ba talaga siya.

When we reach the parking lot, he opened the door for me. Pumasok naman ako sa loob ng sasakyan niya at sumunod naman siya kaagad at naupo sa drivers seat. The smell of his car is so good, nakakaantok ang atmosphere.

On the road, tahimik lang din naman kami. Hindi ako nagsasalita, nakatingin lang ako sa bintana sa gilid ko habang nakatuon naman ang atensyon ni Alec sa daan. It doesn't took long when we reach the house,, mabuti na lang ay hindi pa gaanong kadiliman. I already saw my parents hurrying their way out of the door and just like what I expected from their reactions, kunot-noo at kakaibang ngiti ang namutawi sa kanila.

But before leaving his car, he caught my arm and stopped sudden to look at him, "thank you, Alex..." Nagtaka ako sa sinabi niya, dapat nga ako pa ang magsabi noon sa kanya dahil nakinig siya sa mga drama ng buhay ko at isinabay niya pa ako pag-uwi pero bakas ang sinseridad sa boses niya. "Thank you for being good to me..."

I smiled, "thank you also for everything..."

"No problem, see you tomorrow?"

I nodded, "see you, tomorrow."

Agad-agad din naman akong bumaba ng kanyang sasakyan at isinara iyon. Tumabi muna ako sa sidewalk at kumaway na sa kanya saka ito umalis palayo. Nang hinarap ko naman ang parents ko, they saw my smile at alam nilang masaya ko sa gano'ng paraan.

"Is that the new ginger?" Mom asked.

I shook my head, chuckling. "He was never a ginger, Mom."

"Then who was that?" Dad asked.

"A friend, dad." I answered, "a very good friend... anyway, see you at the dinner. Mag-aayos lang po ako." After hugging and kissing the both of them, I hurriedly run to my room and jumped into my bed without changing my clothes.

Napatitig na lamang ako sa kisame at napaisip na lamang...

Was I a horrible person? That Alec think I didn't appreciate him and Korg think, liking me is a mistake. Maybe I still am.