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CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
let the angels commit.
season three, episode six.

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TWO WEEKS LATER

Billie sat on the Chief's office, wearing street clothes and clutching her bag tightly. Being back in the hospital was weird, but her two-week hold at the Psych Ward had finalized along with most of her internal struggles, so she was better and aware that it was time to go back to work. She was fine.

The Chief smiled at her, "So, how are you feeling?"

"I'm much better, Chief Webber. Thank you." Billie nodded curtly. "Getting myself checked into the Psych Ward was a very good idea."

"Good, good." He drew out a wider smile, but it soon faded. "Now, as you know, we have to discuss some matters before you're officially back to work."

"You mean the fact that Isobel Stevens is coming back to work too?" Billie deadpanned. "Yeah, I'm aware, and with all due respect, sir, I will not have it."

The man was startled for a second, "Dr. Black, there's-"

"I don't need any explanations, any excuses, or even any apologies. I'm past that." Billie shook her head, maintaining an abnormally calm tone to her voice. She paused. "Chief Webber, if a surgeon did something so bad that caused you to lose the only family you ever knew, how would you feel then? What would you be doing? Would you be offering them a job at the same hospital you work at? Because I sure as hell wouldn't."

"Billie, Dr. Stevens made a mistake."

"Not a mistake, no. It was intentional, as I recall," Billie said. "She cut the LVAD wire because she was oh-so-love-stricken, but that's not love. That's murder."

Webber listened patiently, leaning back on his chair.

"Believe me, sir, I considered suing the hospital for nuisance, professional malpractice and/or negligence. Even suing Isobel for murder, which I would've been more than delighted to do," Billie explained, making the Chief stiffen on his seat. "But I moved on. I didn't sue because I realized dwelling on it wasn't worth it, that no amount of money will ever bring back Denny, but that does not mean, under any circumstances, that I've forgiven. I'm not forgiving anyone, let alone Isobel."

"Listen, Billie," Webber cut her off. "I'm not asking you to forgive her, but you out of everyone should know that only good surgeons are able to put personal matters aside. If you love your job as much as I know you do, you won't let this interfere with your work."

The girl shook her head, "Dr. Webber, I finished high school at fifteen and graduated from NYU three years earlier than what I should have. I am an excellent surgeon. Do you know how many hospitals in this country are waiting to get me into their programs? I could be out of this place and it wouldn't take me more than a week to find somewhere else to work at. You are lucky to have me, you shouldn't be wasting such opportunity because of compassion to someone that deserves nothing but pain."

Outside, on the strip that connected both ends of the hospital, Mark, Derek, Edward, Meredith, Alex and George were gathered up outside, peeking into the Chief's office. They couldn't hear the conversation from there, but they weren't any less curious.

"Did she just call him a crack whore?" Mark, who was horrifyingly terrible at reading lips but was trying nonetheless, asked.

Derek, who had finally managed to temporarily put his and Mark's differences aside in the care for his best friend, rolled his eyes at him, "Billie would never do that."

"I know Billie better than you," Mark jumped protectively, but Derek simply rolled his eyes again.

"She looks angry," George pointed out the obvious.

"She looks furious," Meredith corrected.

Alex shrugged, "I think she's kicking his ass."

"She's doing much better, that's it," Edward interfered. "Therapy really paid off on her. She walked out of the Ward with a smile."

"Really?" Alex asked with a glint behind his eyes. Edward nodded. "That's awesome, that's... that's really good."

"Shush, I'm tryna hear." Mark raised a finger.

"What the hell will you be able to hear being thirty feet away?" Derek grimaced at him.

"Shush!"

Back in Webber's office, Billie was now standing up, adopting a much more reserved position, yet awfully uncanny. The man was getting nervous by the second, acknowledging the fact that it was going to be really hard to convince Billie of working civilly alongside Izzie Stevens.

"That bitch killed my uncle, there's no way in hell I'm gonna spend even a fraction of a second next to her." Billie gestured with her hand, raising her voice slightly.

"Dr. Black, please, sit."

"No."

Webber sighed, "I'm not asking you to become friends with her again. I'm not asking you to forgive her. I'm not even asking you talk to her. I'm just asking you to be able to look past your personal issues when at work."

"Oh, so now we're calling them personal issues." Billie chuckled humorlessly. "I'm afraid what you're asking me to do is too hard."

"Billie, Izzie's an intern. An unexperienced intern. She's never done this before the same way you haven't done this before. Cristina, George, Meredith. None of you have done this before. And she happened to be the first to mess up," Webber said calmly. "But even so, I know she's not going to be the only one who messes up. All of you will make a mistake eventually. Hell, even I have made mistakes. What defines you as a surgeon is how you're able to look past them. And I have no doubt in my mind that you are an intelligent young woman, Billie. You know what to do better than anybody else."

Billie looked away and shook her head. She took a deep breath to steady herself, then turned and walked out of the office, not a single word said.

☆

TWO WEEKS BEFORE

Billie walked into the small space with an air of brutal reservation. She chugged in the vanilla-scented atmosphere and looked around, finding the typical ambient she was hoping for; a desk, a couple of chairs, two couches facing each other, racks filled with untouched books and random decorations that could've served as fidgeting items during the hour-long therapy sessions. It seemed to be the only place in the entire Ward where there were sharp objects.

Sitting on one of the individual couches, a woman scribbled down things on a notebook. Her hair was a bright shade of blonde, slicked back into a low ponytail that left her neck in display. However, despite the black suit and dark stilettos she wore, her ears were decorated with all sorts of golden earrings and piercings, surrounding her entire lobe. Her hands were garnished with multiple rings as well, finishing off into sharp black nails that were at least half an inch longer than what was normal. One of her legs was crossed on top of the other and she didn't seem to notice Billie's presence at first, but when the girl closed the door behind her, she looked up and smiled.

"Billie Black, right? I was told you'd be coming." She squinted her eyes slightly, pointing one perfectly manicured finger at her. The brunette nodded awkwardly with a tight-lipped smile. "Please, sit. It's nice to finally meet you."

Billie did as told but didn't say a word. She walked up to the couch on the opposite end as the woman and sat down cross-legged, sinking into her hoodie bashfully.

It was her first official day on the Ward and she was already a mess. She didn't have the aid of makeup to help her cover up the evident dark rings under her eyes or even a good hairbrush to tame her messy hair, because all of this things were written in the list of things a patient could use to kill themselves. Her lips were chapped at the lack of chapstick and she had already made it a rule to always wear her pajamas, which consisted simply of grey sweatpants and a black oversized hoodie. Today, her hair was tied up into a pathetic excuse for a bun and she was wearing big socks beneath the hospital slippers, not even caring about her appearance.

"My name is Eloisa Mayfield. You can call me Eloisa, Dr. Mayfield or simply May, whatever you'd like." She smiled kindly. "I'm gonna be your psychologist, if that's okay with you."

Billie nodded and licked her lips to rid the dryness of them, but as usual, it was useless, ultimately making her skin dry off even more. She bit the inside of her cheek.

"So, Billie, tell me a little about you," May said.

Billie gestured with her head, "It's all in the chart."

"I know, but I wanna hear it from you." The woman shrugged. "So, tell me. I wanna hear all about you."

Billie looked away bashfully, "I'm not all that interesting, you know?"

"Well, you did get checked into the Ward, so there must be something you have hidden deep down somewhere. Maybe even not so deep down."

Billie breathed in deeply at the controversial words and looked down at her left ring finger, which was encompassed by a particular red thread. She twisted it around and thought about what to answer, not looking up.

May smiled softly, "I'm not gonna force you to talk if you don't want to, Billie. I'm here to help you, I'm here to listen to you. We can even just sit here in silence, if that's what you need."

"This is stupid." Billie scoffed and shook her head, then stood up. "I don't need a shrink, Dr. Mayfield. But thank you for your time."

May nodded her head and watched her go.

☆

Billie walked into an elevator that was only occupied by Meredith and George. They stared at her in shock, having heard about the fact that she had voluntarily checked herself into a two-week hold at the Psych Ward. Both George and Meredith debated what to say, but Billie beat them to it.

"Hey." She gave them a tight-lipped smile, ignoring their evident shock as she walked into the elevator and leant against the back wall. "Close your mouth, George. You look like a goldfish."

At the words, he immediately picked his dropped jaw and closed his mouth. Meredith smiled, surprised at the sight of her friend.

"You're back," she said.

"From the, uh..." George swallowed.

"Psych Ward? Yeah, you guys don't have to be all weird about it. Being in a Psych Ward doesn't mean you're crazy." Billie crossed her arms over chest, amused at the awkwardness in the atmosphere. They nodded their heads.

"So, uh... how are you feeling?" Meredith shrugged.

"Much better actually. Going crazy in the OR really paid off." Billie nodded her head, but at the silence that came as a respond, she deadpanned. "That was a joke."

Meredith and George immediately let out obviously fake laughter, stridently loud. Billie looked at them with a frown and a small, awkward smile on her face. They stayed silent for a second before the brunette spoke again.

"I like the hair," George said awkwardly in reference to Billie's new haircut, which was really just her raven hair chopped up to her shoulder.

"Yeah," Meredith echoed.

"Thanks." Billie smiled, then paused. "I'm still Billie, you know? And I'm sort of waiting for you two to tell me all about what I missed these past two weeks."

"Okay, I'll be Cristina for you if you'll be Izzie for me," George finally broke, letting out a sigh.

Meredith and Billie glanced at each other before chorusing, "Deal."

George slammed his hand against the 'stop' button of the elevator, so they came to a halt. They all gathered in a small circle.

"Derek had a woman in his trailer last night. She was ugly, very ugly. Except she was tall and beautiful and he was naked," Meredith blurted out.

"McDreamy was doing the McNasty with a McHottie? That McBastard!" George frowned in melodramatic anger. "How was that?"

"That was good." Billie quirked the corners of her lips downwards and nodded her head.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, your turn, B," George chanted, turning towards her.

"I met a guy in the Psych Ward, and before you say anything: no, he wasn't a psychopathic creep with a weird attraction to axes and murderous tendencies. As far as I'm concerned. He was actually really nice, but I've just recently broken up with Alex and I feel like starting to date again will hurt him," Billie spat out in a rush. "Besides, who dates a guy they met at the Psych Ward? That's just fucking weird."

"You met a guy?" Meredith's eyes widened.

"In the psych ward?" George exclaimed.

"Guys, Cristina."

"Right, sorry, uh..." He shook his head. "You know what? Just chill. Screw whoever you want, date whoever you want. Evil Spawn can suck it. Go be a strong, independent surgeon. Kick ass."

"That was alarmingly good," Billie reasoned.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, channeling Izzie. Go," Meredith said.

"Okay, uh... Callie, she won't forgive me. She won't talk to me. She dumped me," George said. "Which is, uh... I don't care about, you know, at all."

"Good, because you deserve better. You do. You are George. I mean, seriously," Meredith acted, but then leant into George eerily. "Seriously."

"Ugh, yeah, Callie is so annoying. She's, like- she doesn't even wash her hands! Don't talk to me about standards, like, seriously." Billie rolled her eyes, then went back to herself. "Good?"

"Was that Izzie optimistic?"

"Yeah, that's very Izzie." George nodded, but then his eyes widened and he huffed out in realization of what they were doing.

"What the hell has happened to us?" Meredith shook her head.

"We are now the people that the people we want to be with avoid." George pressed his hand over his eyes.

"What are we even doing with our lives?" Billie pressed her lips together and shook her head in silent disappointment.

"We have careers to think about!" Meredith exclaimed. "We don't need attention from men with perfect hair."

"You know, we should make a pact. There's no more dating."

"No more Derek, no more Callie, no more Alex, and no more psychopathic axe-obsessed creeps with murderous tendencies."

"Just a hundred percent focus on our work."

"They're dead to us."

"They are freaking corpses to us!"

They all nodded their heads eagerly and did a triple fist-bump, internally feeling sorry for themselves.

☆

A day after their extremely short first session, May looked up from her notes that afternoon only to find none other than Billie Black standing under the doorsill. A small smile slowly creeped up her red-painted lips.

"You're back," she said.

"I didn't have much of a choice. The aides are strict with the schedule, low-key pain in my ass." Billie rolled her eyes, not displaying any sort of emotion other than the usual annoyance of having to spend two weeks in the Psych Ward.

"They're just trying to help you, dear." May shook her head understandingly. "People who come in here are usually very broken, they feel... alone and sad. Like they can't quite grasp themselves or their lives."

Billie scoffed and waltzed over to the love couch in front of May, plopping down on it with her legs spread in front of her. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked away condescendingly.

"So what you're saying is that I'm broken? I can't quite grasp myself?" she mocked, but despite her attempt at hurting May, she was a psychologist at the top of her field and knew better, so she knew the anger was simply a common response to emotional grief. "Because I think that's bullshit."

May pressed her lips together, not ridding the small smile, "You can think whatever you want, Billie. You wanna think you're broken? That's okay. You're the only one who knows how you're feeling."

"And you have no right to be meddling upon my business, so just stick your nose someplace else." Billie clenched her jaw, knowing her comment was hurtful, but caring none regardless.

"I won't meddle if you don't want me to, Billie. It's not my job to push you into anything. The only thing I wanna do is give you the tools so that you can fix yourself on your own."

"I don't want any tools, I am not broken, I just want my uncle back!" Billie yelled, efficiently shutting May up with the sudden reveal.

The woman raised her chin a little with her lips parted, knowing the confession traveled a lot of miles inwardly. Her job now was to discover how to help it heal.

"Your uncle." May nodded. Billie shook her head. "What happened to your uncle?"

The girl shook her head again, eyes filled with tears but none of them slipping down her cheeks. Her arms were still crossed over her chest and she was looking away, not daring to stare into the psychologist's eyes. Her jaw was clenched tightly.

"I'm not crazy," she said with remorse. "I'm not crazy."

"Nobody said you were, Billie."

The girl turned and settled her bloodshot eyes on the woman's face.

☆

"Hey, Derek." Billie ran up to the neurosurgeon on the strip.

He turned at the mention of his name and his eyes lightened up when he caught sight of his favorite person approaching him. He let out a laugh and spread out his arms, prompting Billie to jump into them. Derek spun her around and then put her back down.

"You're back!" he exclaimed with a wholehearted smile.

"I am back!" Billie repeated, glad he wasn't reacting weirdly like her friends had.

"God, I missed you. Hospital's been a little empty this past two weeks without you."

"Oh, yeah, everybody missed me. Still gotta go check on a few people before I'm off to cut someone open." She did a dramatic hair flip, earning a laugh from Derek.

"Hair looks awesome," he stated, earning a smile from the intern. "How have you been?"

"So much better. You wouldn't believe how much fun the Psych Ward is." Billie laughed. "You?"

"Ugh, my sister Nancy's in town." Derek rolled his eyes, but just as he intended to keep talking, somebody bumped into Billie's back.

She stumbled forward slightly and turned only to meet eyes with none other than Isobel Stevens. Behind her, Meredith eyed her awkwardly.

"Oh, I'm sorry-" Izzie apologized amusedly before she noticed who it was that she had bumped into. "Oh, God, I am so sorry."

"Oh, you," Billie said condescendingly with a disgusted grimace. "What are you doing here?"

"I work here-"

"No, what are you doing on my face?" she asked with a harsh voice. "Leave."

"Dr. Stevens, welcome... back." Derek frowned, noticing the hostile atmosphere.

"Hey, Dr. Shepherd," Izzie greeted awkwardly.

"Meredith?"

"Sorry, it's not like I can leave. I gotta stay by my boss' side." Izzie laughed briefly, but when she noticed Billie's deathly glare and her arms crossed over her chest, she cleared her throat and immediately stopped talking.

Just then, a tall woman with a slim figure and fancy clothes approached them, "Okay, the trailer sucks, but in the light of day, the land's nice. Seattle is pretty in the daylight. Plus, you have your thing for ferries, so..."

"Ferryboats," Billie, Meredith and Derek chorused, making Nancy and Izzie eye them weirdly.

"Right, whatever."

"Let me guess, you're Nancy," Billie smiled falsely, reaching out her hand for the woman to shake. "Billie Black, Derek's best friend."

"Nice to meet you, I've heard a lot about you," she greeted, stretching the intern's hand.

Billie arched an eyebrow in Derek's direction, who simply rolled her eyes in annoyance and then turned to the two blondes, "Dr. Stevens, Meredith. This is my sister, Nancy."

"Oh, hi."

Meredith looked at him in disbelief, "Sister?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, you're one of Derek's sister." Meredith laughed awkwardly, clearly nervous at the situation.

"Well, I knew you didn't think I was the wife, seeing as you already ran her off." Nancy laughed, making everybody look at her with wide eyes and amused smirks except for Derek and Meredith, who both seemed to have been put in a compromising situation.

"Nancy is visiting from Connecticut. She's on her way home now. Straight back home," Derek said harshly, clearly as a hint towards his sister.

"Well, it was nice to meet you." Meredith smiled too widely, so widely that her face was starting to turn red.

Nancy nodded her head, "Okay."

"Yeah, I'm gonna go now, I think I'm getting paged." Billie held back her laughter. "See ya!"

☆

"You think you could ever forgive Izzie for what she did?" May asked, sitting with one leg crossed over the other. She held her notebook tightly between her perfectly manicured fingers.

Billie snorted humorlessly, "Izzie doesn't deserve my forgiveness."

"You're right, maybe she doesn't." May shrugged. "But, after all, we receive things we don't deserve all the time, don't we now?"

The brunette looked into the psychologist's eyes with contempt before she looked away, arms wrapped around herself and knees brought up to her chest. She twisted around the red thread ring on her finger absentmindedly.

"No fucking way." Billie shook her head.

"Okay, then." May nodded. "Do you think you could ever look past it? Not offer any forgiveness, just... accept it?"

Billie wiped a single tear from the swell of her eye with the back of her thumb and smiled, "I've lived my entire life based on acceptance. I've never been allowed to be mad about anything, I've just been rushed straight up to the point where I'm supposed to look past everything. For once, I don't want to accept. I want to be mad about this. I want to be able to scream and bitch about this without anybody slamming me against the floor and beating me up till I can't breathe. Just... let me be mad about this, please. I need this."

May nodded. That's the only thing she seemed to do.

☆

That morning, as Billie stood by the nurses' station signing off discharge papers for one of her short-term patients, Alex approached her. He was about to say something to catch her attention and get some time alone with her, but just then, Mark walked up to them with his phone on his hear.

"Karev, you free?" he said, oblivious to Billie's presence until he was close enough. When his eyes landed on her, he smiled widely. "Oh, my God."

"Oh, my God, indeed- woah!" Billie said, but Mark wrapped his arms around her waist and hoisted her up, then spun her around. The girl laughed.

"How's my favorite psychopathic intern doing?" he asked, still holding her up and looking deeply into her eyes with a smile. "New haircut, I see."

"Not psychopathic anymore, in case you were wondering." She smiled back. "And yes, new haircut. Thought it was time for something new; you know, fresh start."

Alex, who was standing next to them, placed his hands on his hips and rolled his eyes, trying to hide his jealousy but failing miserably. He cleared his throat to catch their attention.

"Excuse me?" he said.

"Shut up, Karev, we're having a moment." Mark glared at him, causing Billie to laugh. He put her back down on the floor.

"Don't be so mean." He smacked his shoulder.

"Yeah, whatever. You're on my service today."

"Since when?"

"Since now. I want you next to me all day." He grinned cheekily. Billie laughed again as Mark handed Alex his phone. "You, take this. I'm on hold with the DMV. Some mix-up about switching my license and registration to Seattle. Take care of that for me?"

Mark patted his shoulder and then tossed a heavy arm around Billie's shoulder, causing her balance to flail. They proceeded to walk off together, Billie snickering into her hand about Alex's look of disappointment.

"You're such an ass," she said.

"Yeah, well, he deserves that for hurting you." He shrugged.

Billie smiled.

☆

"This Alex... who is he to you?" May asked, scribbling down a few words on her notebook. "Ex-lover? Boyfriend?"

Billie pressed her lips and thought for a second, taking a deep breath, "I don't know what he is. I used to believe he could be the love of my life, but now I'm not so sure."

"Do you still think about him?"

She laughed, "All the time."

May nodded, "And how long ago did you say you two broke up?"

"About a month or two. I don't know. It was right after my uncle died." Billie shrugged inwardly.

"How do you feel about that?"

"What we had was complicated," Billie reasoned. "I mean, he's tried to talk to me a bunch of times these past weeks but I just... I can't do it. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the last thing I remember saying to him was that I would work on myself and then come back to him. It's just... I don't think I can do that, really."

"You're not answering my question," May scolded.

Billie looked up, no emotion in her eyes, "I don't think about how I'm feeling when I hurt someone. I think about how they're feeling. That's what matters, not me."

"So you feel like you've hurt him?"

"Of course I've hurt him." She laughed humorlessly, but sore at the thought of hurting Alex. "I mean, how could I not? We were together, then I got into a car crash and completely blew him off. I know for a fact I've hurt him, but I also know he knows I'm unpredictable."

"Why do you think you're unpredictable?" May scribbled down on her notebook.

"Because all my life I've been told I was loved, but then tossed over to the gutter like I was nothing. With my father, with my brother, with my boyfriend. It happens. I've never known if the love I received was real or just staged." Billie shrugged. "Alex is a good person, he's not like them, but... I can't remember the last time I was loved correctly, so it's all just driven by impulse and fear, I guess."

"You seem to have it all figured out, haven't you?" May arched an inquisitorial eyebrow. "You keep using the word 'loved'. Did you love him?"

Billie laughed and waved her off, "Oh, no. It was just a saying. We didn't really date for that long."

"So, no?" May shook her head, trying to grasp understanding.

"Well, I mean, it's a little more complicated than that."

She shrugged, "I don't see how it's complicated."

"Okay, now you're just getting on my nerves." Billie laughed nervously, as if caught in a lie. "Alex and I didn't love each other. It was just attraction and some days, I come to think it might've been only physical. So no, May, we did not love each other, despite your apparent need to figure everything out."

May raised her palms by her sides to show her innocence, "Just asking."

☆

That day, during lunchtime, Billie followed her friends into a patient's room, where they apparently lunched now. George was sat on the bedside table next to Meredith as they played cards. Alex, on the other hand, was propped on top of the divan, Billie sat close by on one of the couches and, next to her, Cristina studied eagerly for one of Burke's surgeries.

As Billie stabbed a piece of lettuce and took it to her mouth all while she read a book, Izzie walked into the room, holding her food tray, "I've been waiting for you guys for half an hour in the cafeteria. Since when do we eat in a patient room?"

Billie laughed.

"Izzie, meet Really Old Guy. We found him a couple of days ago," George said, gesturing towards the elderly man on the bed, who was clearly sedated. "He sleeps all the time."

"It's quiet in here. Nobody bothers us," Cristina added.

Izzie sighed and walked up to the empty chair next to Billie, but the girl looked at her deadpan with her eyebrows raised. She glanced her up and down.

"Uh, what the hell are you doing?" she asked.

"Turns out I'm not doing anything. I'm literally not allowed to do anything." Izzie sat down next to her and opened her salad container, making Billie stop her chew on the lettuce and frown at her. "I knew coming back was going to be an adjustment-"

"Uh, no, what the hell are you doing?" Billie repeated angrily, holding the book she was reading with one hand. Izzie glanced over at her and her eyes widened.

"I'm so sorry."

"Thank you."

She stood up immediately and walked further away from Billie, sitting as far as it was humanly possible. Billie smiled satisfied and went back to reading her book.

"Anyways, like I was saying-" Izzie started off.

"What are you doing?" Cristina grimaced.

"Why does everybody keep asking that?"

"If you wanna socialize or talk about your day or get in a quick therapy session, you know, go do it over there," Cristina said harshly.

Izzie laughed disbelievingly, "Seriously?"

"Goodbye, Izzie."

"Okay, fine." The blonde shook her head and sat even further away.

Billie took her carton of apple juice to her mouth and sipped with a smile, "Bad day, Iz?"

Izzie would've glared at her if she wasn't so damn scared of her.

"So, O'Malley, your chick with the two uteruses." Alex changed the topic before anybody could say anything else, but George defended.

"You're on scut! Glorified plastics scut. You are in no position to mock me or my uteruses."

"Any cervical changes on the ultrasound?" Alex asked carelessly, ignoring George's previous words.

"Why do you care?"

"I don't."

"I'm so glad to be back. Yay!" Izzie chanted, then glanced over at Meredith, the intern she was shadowing for the day. "Not complaining about you. You and I are fine, boss."

"Okay, Izzie, the small talk?" Billie slammed her book against her knee and looked at her with a fake smile. "Nobody asked."

Just as they were about to keep talking, the man on the bed made a weird sound and turned, to which everybody shut up immediately. He tossed and finally fell back asleep, making everybody go back to their respective tasks.

"This is weird." Izzie frowned.

"I called Callie a pig," George whispered.

Alex laughed out loud, "To her face?"

"What happened to the whole 'she's a corpse' thing?" Meredith asked.

"I just can't get over how much everything around here has changed," Izzie reasoned existentially, but her comment went by unnoticed by her friends.

"How many times?" Billie looked up at George.

"Just one time," he said truthfully, yet shrinking into his seat.

The brunette glanced over at Meredith and they nodded to each other, "We get one too then."

"Deal," George agreed, making Izzie's smile fade due to the fact that her best friend wasn't paying attention to her.

Meredith put down her ruffle of cards, "Gin."

"Wha...?"

The blonde grabbed her coffee and her lab coat and walked out of the room, leaving George speechless and alone to face his defeat. Billie laughed at him playfully, but Izzie talked again, unfortunately.

"What was with that? With Meredith and Billie?" she asked to George quietly.

"We have a thing."

Izzie frowned, "Hey, you have a thing with Meredith and Billie and I don't know about it? I live with you, I see you everyday."

"Yeah, well, that's what happens when you deliberately kill a patient and then play the victim, you know?" Billie smiled. "You just kinda miss out on some things."

"Woah, hey, you're the one who just got out of the booby hatch." George laughed, making Billie roll her eyes playfully, but Izzie looked at her in shock.

"You were in the psych ward?"

"Yup. You should know though, since you're the one who put me there." Billie smiled falsely once again, grabbing her lab coat and leaving the room.

☆

"What's your relationship like with this Mark then?" May asked on their third session, point in time in which Billie was already getting used to spilling out her emotions in her psychologist's office.

"Well, uh... I met him while I was still in New York, studying in college. He was already specialized in plastics by then so he kind of showed me everything I know about it for the following years and then... well, we just kinda stuck together." Billie nodded her head. "He's a good friend."

"Has he ever been more than a friend to you?"

The girl laughed, "Oh, God, no. I could never see Mark that way, he's, like... the brother I used to have."

"Alright, so just friends." May nodded, scribbling down on her notebook. "So far, I can tell you have a good relationship with everyone. Edward, Mark, Meredith, Cristina, Derek. They're all good to you, right?"

"For the most part, yeah," Billie agreed.

"And how do you feel about that?"

"Well, you know." She laughed. "I'm sort of everybody's friend, so I don't really have any friends. Meredith, Cristina, Derek, Mark, Edward. I'm entitled to all of them, but nobody's entitled to me."

May paused, "Not even to Alex?"

"Well, that's a different story," she said. "But he's just an ex-boyfriend, he's not the love of my life. Why are you giving him so much attention? Him and I are done, it's done."

"I'm giving it so much attention because the way you speak about him doesn't suggest you two are done yet." May shook her head.

☆

"Hey," Alex said later that night once he found Billie in the locker room, already fully changed into her street clothes and ready to go home.

The girl shut her locker closed only to meet eyes with Alex, who leant against the locker cabinet with his hands on the pockets of his jacket. Billie smiled very briefly at him.

"What's up?" she said, playing it cool despite the fact that his presence had taken her breath away.

"Not much, I, uh..." Alex cleared his throat. "I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go out and get a drink with me."

Billie froze and turned to Alex with her mouth opened, speechless, "What?"

"You know, go up to Joe's, get some beers, talk... like friends." Alex shrugged.

"Okay, uh... I'm out of my element here. Are you trying to ask me out or...?" Billie frowned and shook her head, completely puzzled. "Alex, I told you I needed some time."

"No! No, no. Not ask you out, no. We're past that, I guess. Uh... more like a friendly gathering, you know, 'cause you're out of the Ward," he corrected himself, then sighed. "I'm waiting for you, Bil. I really am. I'm giving you your time and I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you or rushing you or anything, it's just that... well, it's been two months. And I miss you."

Billie pressed her lips together. "I know. I'm sorry."

They fell into an awkward silence for a second.

"So..." Alex said. "Drinks?"

"I'd like that... I think. But I have a meeting with my shrink. You know, Psych Ward crap."

"Oh, yeah, yeah." Alex drew a smile that was and looked to be extremely fake. He was obviously disappointed. "Maybe some other time?"

"Sure." She smiled kindly, although her heart was racing on the inside.

Billie threw her bag on her shoulder and began walking away with Alex's eyes on the back of her head. However, before the girl could even make it to the door, he called out to her, causing her to stop and turn.

"Hey, Bil," he said. "We can be friends, right? For now. While you... work on yourself, and shit. Right?""

Billie breathed in deeply as if about to say something, but she smiled and walked back towards him. "Listen, Alex, I... I'm sorry that things ended the way they did. I'm sorry for quitting us. I'm sorry for avoiding you these past few months. That was really childish, I shouldn't have done it."

Alex listened carefully, hoping to find his chance somewhere along the lines.

"I want to try us again," she confessed. "I do, really. But I'm not ready. Not yet."

At the sudden words, Alex's heart skipped a beat. He didn't say anything, simply nodded his head in lack of verbosity. Billie gave her a lopsided smile briefly before she was sighing.

"But... you wanna hug it out? For now?" she said with her arms stretched out beside her and a small smile on her face.

Alex looked into her eyes fondly before he let out a scoff, taking a step towards her and wrapping his arms around her body to pull her into the embrace. They held the position, curled up against each other, and Alex took the opportunity to nuzzle into the crook of her neck and breathe in the smell he had been dying to feel again. One he'd been unjustifiably deprived from for the past two months: Billie's cherry scent.

The girl pulled away way too quick and a cold current of air ran up the places on Alex's body were Billie's once was. She smiled at him again and then left the locker room, so Alex closed his eyes in utter exhaustion and leant back against the locker cabinet.

"Hey," another voice said; this time, Meredith's.

Alex opened one eye, "Hi."

"Everything okay?" she asked as she opened her locker next to Billie's and tossed her lab coat into it.

"Yeah," he sighed out, then stayed silent for a second. "You know Billie smells like cherries?"

Meredith stopped moving and glanced over in his direction, inwardly noticing the love-stricken look in his eyes, "No, I... I never noticed."

"Oh," he said tiredly.

"She smells like cherries?" Meredith asked, mostly to see Alex's reaction.

The man smiled very briefly, almost unnoticeably, "She does."