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CHAPTER SEVENTY-TWO
new history
season six, episode nine.

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Billie was alone in the tunnels, pacing from side to side, ripping off pieces of dead skin from her lips with her teeth. She was unable to satiate her growing anxiety, which had stemmed from a message she'd received early that morning from none other than Izzie Stevens.

She'd forgotten she'd ever even given her number to Izzie and after everything that had been happening—ahem, Izzie leaving—Billie did not know how to feel or even what to expect. After missing out on all her IL-2 treatments, some part inside her had been sure for a long time that Izzie was dead.

But now, she was coming into the tunnels through the back door... carrying a man on a wheeling chair.

"Billie! Hey, thanks for meeting me here," the blonde said.

Billie immediately stopped and turned to her, her mouth wide open in shock. Izzie was exactly the same as she was when she left, except her hair was slightly longer over her shoulders. The brunette didn't know what to say.

"Izzie, what the hell," was all that came out of her mouth. "Where the hell have you been? You know how worried Alex has been? You know how worried everyone has been?"

Izzie stopped the wheeling chair in front of her.

"I'm fine. I've been in Chehalis with my mom," she explained.

"This is not Chehalis. Where the hell are we?" the man on the wheeling chair asked absentmindedly.

"We're in Seattle, Dr. Singer. This is Dr. Black," Izzie explained, but Billie was still in shock. "This is Dr. Singer. He was my high school science teacher. A brilliant man. He really fought for me. He's the reason I became a surgeon."

"I appreciate your taking the time to see us, Dr. Black," Dr. Singer said calmly. "But I promised Isobel's Algebra II teacher that I'd have her back in time for her fifth period."

Billie shook her head. "I'm confused."

"So is he," Izzie said. "The nursing home diagnosed him with Alzheimer's, but he's been falling a lot lately, right? He could have a bleed."

"He's wearing pajamas and an overcoat! What did you do? Sneak him out in the middle of the night?"

"No!"

"Early this morning," the man said.

"You kidnapped him?"

"Can you please just... can you sneak him in to see Derek? Put him on the schedule, please?"

"Nope. You're not my mess." Billie raised her hands by her sides, ridding herself of the problem.

However, Izzie yelled after her when she attempted at walking away. "Billie! Please."

"No. Izzie?" Billie cut her off and shook her head, turning back towards her. "I don't care. I don't owe you any favors. The fact that I'm here or that you came back after months doesn't just erase everything that happened between us. Plus, you have no idea what you've made Alex go through. Have you talked to him yet? You haven't, have you? 'Cause you're still the same selfish bitch you were months ago. People like you don't change and you're arrogant enough to have the audacity to even think I'm gonna wanna help you. Why did you even call me? You know I don't like you."

"Okay, I know, okay? I haven't talked to Alex and I know you don't like me, but you're..." Izzie sighed. "You don't like me, so you won't be excited to see me, so you won't be asking me to stay."

"You're right, I won't. But why wouldn't you wanna stay?"

"Because I don't." She just shook her head. "I need to leave him to you and I'll be back later, okay? I'll be back."

Izzie began walking away, but Billie raised her hands by her sides.

"Izzie! What the hell? You're not just leaving! You cannot leave him here. I already told you, I am not gonna clean up your mess."

"I'm not going in there." Izzie turned.

"Well, you need to let Alex know you're okay and fix things!"

"I am not going in there!"

"Why are you so damn selfish!"

"I said I'm not!"

"Oh, yes, you're going in," Dr. Singer interrupted. "So he got you pregnant, so what?"

Billie's stomach felt to her feet. "You're pregnant?"

"No, he thinks I'm fifteen years old." Izzie rolled her eyes.

"You're gonna go right into that school and show those cheerleaders that you have nothing to be ashamed of," the man continued. "Those little bitches are poisonous."

Billie and Izzie remained silent looking at each other. Then, the former shook her head.

"I can't believe you, Izzie, I can't. You're still the same immature, stupid girl you were before you left," she said. "You left Alex. Alex, Izzie, your husband. You have no idea how worried he's been about you and now he's got two hundred thousand dollar bills to pay because of you. He's going through a hard time because of you. It's all your fault, as usual. The last thing I've ever wanted is for Alex to suffer and he's been doing nothing but suffer all of this months because of you. Don't you get it?"

Izzie just shook her head.

"I'm sorry," she just said. "I know you love Alex. I've known it for a long time. And he loves you. Just... I can't. Please. I can't."

☆

"Where the hell have you been? You missed your IL-2 appointments!" Cristina exclaimed after Billie guided her and Meredith to the clinic, where Derek was checking Dr. Singer with Izzie.

"Izzie!" Meredith exclaimed.

"You told Meredith and Cristina I was here? Who else did you tell?" Izzie murmured to Billie.

The brunette just glared at her. Then, Charles Percy appeared behind them.

"Well, well, well. Look who's back," he said.

"This guy? You told the guy that got me fired?"

"I didn't tell him, I don't even know him." Billie frowned.

"Dr. Percy is on my service today," Derek explained.

"And I didn't get you fired, you did that all by yourself," Charles said, passing by behind Izzie. The blonde glared at him.

"Dr. Percy, Dr. Singer needs a full dementia work-up. Dr. Stevens will give you the details," Derek told his resident before leaving.

"Hm," Cristina hummed. "I wish Dr. Stevens would give me the details, but... I'm just the person who saved her life."

"Okay." Izzie rolled her eyes.

"You know that if you miss another IL-2 treatment—"

"I got my treatment at Seattle Pres. I may not be a doctor here anymore, but I'm not a complete idiot."

Suddenly, over Izzie's shoulder, Billie caught sight of Alex walking into the clinic.

"Iz," Meredith, who'd seen him too, warned.

Izzie turned around and met eyes with his husband. However, unlike what Billie expected to happen, Alex just turned around and left.

☆

Billie found Alex in the x-ray viewing room. She stood in front of him and took a deep breath.

"She has been staying with her mother in Chehalis. I don't know how long she's staying, if she's staying. She has been keeping up with her IL-2, that much I do know," she said. There was a moment of silence. Alex didn't look at her. "That's all I know."

She knew she wouldn't get an answer, so she turned on her heel and left the room.

☆

Billie was heading to the cafeteria for some lunch later that day when she ran into Jackson. Suddenly, when she noticed the angry look on his face, memories came barging in and she remembered how she'd stood him up the night prior.

"Oh, my God," she said, closing her eyes in regret once they were standing in front of each other. "I am so sorry."

"Yeah?" Jackson mumbled, irked.

"I am, really. I'm so sorry," she said. "So much has been going and— and I was heading over to meet you last night, but something came up and I just totally forgot. And then Izzie appeared this morning and—"

"What came up?" Jackson cut her off.

Billie frowned. "What?"

"What came up last night that was so important that made you stop in your way to meeting me and completely forget all about our date and the reservations I made and the dinner I planned just for us?" he asked. "Was it maybe named Alex?"

Billie closed her eyes and shook her head when she suddenly realized. "No, it's not like that, Jackson."

"Look, Billie, I like you. Okay? I really like you and I would like for us to try something," he said. "But if you're still hung up on your ex, then maybe we should just—"

"It's not like that, okay? It's complicated."

"Then uncomplicate it."

Billie sighed frustratedly. She was really trying to move on. It hadn't worked out with Jo, it hadn't worked out with Mark, it hadn't worked out with anyone other than Alex, but maybe Jackson... if Billie was going to want anyone other than Alex, then maybe Jackson could be it.

"Alex and I, it's... it's hard to explain," she began. "I don't— we're not— there's nothing going on between us, okay? Nothing at all has happened between us for little over a year. You can be sure of that. It's complicated and it's been complicated for years because we've shared so much together that we're just... we're somehow too attached. We've been on and off for a long time, having each other and not having each other and wanting each other and waiting for each other. But no matter how hard we try, things never work out for us. He married Izzie. We didn't wait for each other so we lost our chance, and we tried to revive it, but there is nothing left to revive. It just doesn't work. And I think with you... I think it would be so much easier. It would be so much like something I actually want, something that can actually work. Something real. I want to try with you, Jackson, I really do. I will always care for Alex, but I have feelings for you. I like you a lot and I don't want to mess it up with you. And I'm so sorry for what happened yesterday, I am. But I would like to try again, if you'll let me."

Billie didn't know how much of all that was true, she just knew she had to say it.

Jackson wanted to stay mad, but he couldn't when she was looking at him that way.

"Fine." He finally huffed. "You get one more chance. But I'm not gonna chase behind you while you pine for your ex-boyfriend, you hear me? I won't do it."

"That's enough for me." Billie smiled timidly. "So... dinner today?"

"At your place. You cook. That's your way of apologizing." Jackson drew a small smile.

Billie laughed. "Then that's a deal."

☆

"So, how do you like your present?" Meredith asked Cristina once they, together with Billie and Alex, sat at a cafeteria table for lunch.

Billie looked up from her salad with a frown. "What present?"

"Hunt brought in a new cardio attending from Baghdad for her," Meredith explained with a mischievous smile.

"Hot," Billie said. "So, Cristina? What's she like?"

"Who, Private Benjamin over there?" she grumbled back, looking over at the attendings' table, where a new blonde woman who Billie didn't recognize sat. "Owen said she would surprise me. Well, guess what? Surprise! She doesn't know how to do surgery."

"Well, she can't be that bad," Billie suggested.

"Leave her alone, it's her first day," Alex mumbled.

"Why are you guys defending her? She went to state school." Cristina grimaced.

"So did I," he said.

"She's skinny and blond," she continued.

"So is Mer," he said.

"She thinks she knows everything!"

"So does Billie!"

Cristina seemed to have ran out of options. "Well, she's annoying."

"So are you," Alex finished.

There was a moment of silence.

"Where is your wife, by the way?" Cristina asked.

Billie's eyes widened and she was quick to change the topic. "I— What did you say to Owen?"

"Oh, that she's gotta go!" she said. "I mean, he knows how important this is to me. I need someone who's gonna take me to the next level and he brings me some desert-sort of Barbie who hasn't seen the inside of an OR in, like, ten years? I mean, if this is what he thinks of my talent, then I gotta break up with him."

"Don't you think you're maybe being a little too hard on them and you should give her at least a week before you decide to hate her?" Billie asked.

"No!" Cristina exclaimed. Alex laughed and she glared at him. "Have you even talked to Izzie yet? I mean, has anyone talked to her?"

"You know what? No one's allowed to talk about Izzie while I eat," he said angrily.

There was silence. Billie clicked her tongue.

"She's right though, Alex. You should talk to her," she said.

"Well, I won't!" he yelled, then stood up and stormed away.

The three girls shared looks.

"He's gonna explode." Billie huffed to herself, going back to her food. "And who's gonna be there to help him? Me. It's always gotta be me."

Meredith and Cristina looked at her, concerned.

"It's my first day back," the blonde said. "I just wanted to have a nice, normal lunch together."

"Oh, yeah, well, take a look around," Cristina pointed out. "Nothing's normal."

☆

Billie and Jackson were now outside the hospital, sat together on one of the benches, breathing in fresh air. None of them had had eventful days medically speaking, as there hadn't been any interesting surgeries, so they were taking advantage of their free time to spend some time together. However, Jackson could tell Billie had something on her mind.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Nothing."

"There's something bothering you, I can tell."

"It's nothing, it's just..." Billie hesitated to tell him, but she'd promised herself that she'd be completely honest with Jackson from now on. "You know, the whole... Alex and Izzie thing."

Immediately, she looked over at him, waiting for his reaction. She bit her lip.

"I swear it's not—"

"No, I know. I'm dealing with it," he claimed, earning a timid laugh from Billie. "What about it?"

"Well, you know... he won't talk to me. To anyone, for that matter. And I'm just worried he'll break down or something. I know Izzie being here... I mean, she just left him. Out of nowhere, with no explanation. His wife. I— I just can't imagine what he must be going through and I am... dead worried about him."

Again, Billie quickly took a look in his direction to check out his reaction, fearing he'd get mad. However, he simply shrugged.

"It's okay to be worried, Bil, I get it. He's your best friend... sort of," he said. "When people shut down, there's not much you can do about it but wait. He's the only one who knows what he feels and he's the only one that can do something about it. There's nothing you can do but be there in case he needs you."

"He wouldn't ever tell me if he needed me," she mumbled to herself.

Jackson opened his mouth to say something, but there wasn't much he could do to help her. Instead, he placed her hand on her thigh, gave her a firm squeeze and stood up.

"C'mon." He reached out his hand. "Let's get back inside. See if we can get in on any interesting cases before the day's over, yeah?"

Billie dedicated him a thankful smile. "Sure."

☆

The second part of the day was as uneventful as the first one. Billie avoided any place where she thought she might find Izzie, except she couldn't avoid the topic of her, as it seemed to be pretty much what everybody talked about. However, she now knew, thanks to Meredith, where Izzie was, so Billie made it her job to find Alex.

When she saw him, he was by one of the monitors, his eyes absent as per usual. Billie took a second to admire him before she actually approached him—she'd always done that. Except, lately, he always looked... sad.

"Hey, Alex," she called, waltzing towards him. "The guy Izzie brought in has NPH and Derek's operating on him now. Meredith told me she snuck Izzie into the gallery so she could watch. You know, in case you feel like talking to her... any time soon..."

Both of them stayed quiet. Alex wasn't looking at her.

"Okay?" Billie then asked.

"Just explain her to me, okay?" he suddenly said. "Because I don't get it. I don't get her."

"And I do? Alex, I'm the last person you wanna be asking this to." She frowned.

"Well, she called you."

"She called me because she knows I hate her and she knows I won't be asking for an explanation, that's why she called me. And she's right, I don't care to know what she's been up to like you do, that's on me," she explained. "But none of us get it. She's all... brand new and shiny after everything she's been through, walking into the place like we owe her anything."

Alex just shook his head, so Billie took a step forward and sighed deeply.

"Alex, you're her husband," she said. "You're the one who has to figure it out. I can't solve everything. I lost you trying to solve everything. So if you want an explanation, you gotta go talk to her."

Then, she left. And that was that.